WannaBeFFK

So, it's been a while since I last posted on Lap-Band talk. I received the e-mail last week about the new book from the creator of this website. I think the book is good...for pre-op purposes only. Most of the books on the market are targeted at novices and not at the of us who have been living with a band and still struggle ever day. I was just hoping this new book would do more to address life multiple years past ones surgery. Sadly, I asked my doctor about this and she said what I am experiencing now four years out is sadly more normal than not. I did really well before the surgery, but ran out of steam too quickly and slipped into some nasty habits. I went through 1 year eating a LOT of ice cream. Last spring I was actually down to 240 (20lbs from my goal). Over the summer, I gained it all back -plus another 10 for sport! This post is more of a need to acknowledge that some of us struggle for years post-op. There are days when I just get so tired of the struggle and just want to give in. Recently, my doctor recommended I do Protein shakes for three days. I learned during this time that I really can go days without feeling hunger, but I just wish I could turn off the thought hunger. At least in my house, I've thrown away all of my food but Protein Shakes, shooters, and calorie controlled meals. However, so much of my social life is built around going out with friends to eat. When I go out, I just find myself selecting really bad choices. I just need encouragement. I get, I eat. I eat, I gain weight. I gain weight, I get more depressed. Grrr....l Wanna Be FFK (former fat kid)

Hey there! Better late than never. I come in here periodically, but clearly looking for moral support myself. I was banded in October 2008 and it has definitely been a rocky journey. Outside of my surgeon's office, I really don't know anyone with a band, and I really don't have a strong social support network, which leads to some pretty dark days and bad eating habits. I'mnkicking things off anew, so hoping to meet some like minded gay guys on here. Jason

I had my band surgery in October 2008 - I was so excited. I was finally going to beat the battle I've had for decades with obesity. Well, It's now May 2011 and I actually weigh more than I did when I had the surgery. Whoopie Me! Now, I've never slipped and I've never eaten to the point where I could cause slippage, instead I've learned how to eat around the band. I just kind of feel broken at this point. My goal in life is to be an FFK "Former Fat Kid," but I'm at a turning point in life right now, so here I am - back again. Jay

OK, so I came back on Lap-Band Talk last week and started a simple post called "I Suck at Being a Bander." Thankfully, I'm not the only one who has apparently gone through this crisis of weight loss on here. So, here's my extended Lap-Band Story. In the summer of 2008 I was meeting with my physician and we were talking about my weight issue. OK, I've ALWAYS had a weight issue. I've been on more diets than I've had jobs, significant others, degrees, cars, and pets combined. As such, when a physician generally starts talking to me about my "weight issue," I don't pay too much attention because it sounds like a broken record. Especially, when my physician is an uber-fit former military guy who probably hasn't had an ounce of fat on his body his entire life. However, this time he decided to add something new, "You'll probably not have a heart attack this decade, but you'll definitely have one in the next decade (meaning my 40s)." Well, I really don't want to have a heart attack - I have a health fear of pain and dying. So, we decided to talk about what I should do instead. We talked about my options and weight loss surgery was mentioned. That afternoon I went home and started investigating and came across the Lap-Band surgery, which I really didn't know anything about at all. I found a physician's office about an hour from my house, called, and set up an appointment to go see him on July 3rd. Next thing I knew I was going through the process of getting the requisite permission package ready to send to my insurance company. At first, I told the clinic that I was 6'3", which put me over the necessary BMI. Thankfully, a few days later we actually measured me and I was 6'1" and ultimately qualified (the difference two inches makes). Well, I started scheduling all of my appointments my physician required before the surgery: GI x-ray, endoscopy/GI recommendation, cardiology consult, interview with a therapist, group meetings, and of course losing the requisite 10% necessary for the surgery. As a teacher, I started the process in July and had all of the necessary visits and test conducted by the end of September and sent the paper work through to my insurance. Within a week my insurance agreed to cover the surgery and I was scheduled for an early October surgery. My grandmother flew in from Colorado (I'm in New York) and was with me during my surgery and post surgery, which was on a Wednesday. My parents arrived the following Monday for a vacation. As for the surgery, it went swimmingly. I was a model patient. I was in the OR by 9AM and was up walking around by 11. I basically sat in my hotel room until 4:00 when the surgeon finished the surgeries for the day, which was boring as all get out. I don't know about anyone else, but I cannot sleep in a hospital bed (too long). Combine that uncomfortableness of the bed with the incessant nurses who keep dropping by, I was ready to drive home and climb into bed. By the time I was checked out of the hospital, I was practically clawing at the walls to leave the place. After the surgery, everything went pretty much as planned. Now, I STRONGLY don't recommend having family members visit after Lap-Band surgery. Here I was trying to entertain my family and show them a good time (and my favorite restaurants), all while I couldn't eat anything. Those first two weeks after surgery were just painful because while I wasn't physically hungry I just wanted to chew something. I remember one time actually sneak a small piece of a hard-boiled egg, putting in my mouth, chewing, and then spitting it out. While that is quite disgusting, I just felt the need to taste something besides protein shakes. While I don't mind protein shakes, the taste can only be disguised in so many ways after a while. The fall was filled with ups and downs. Some months I did better and other months I did a lot worse. I quickly came to realize that my surgeon was on the more conservative side when it comes to Lap-Band follow-up. He expected us to basically eat a version of the Atkins Diet as our diet. I'm like - uhh - done Atkins and it didn't work the first time. All of the foods he put on the do-not-east list were the foods that I actually enjoy eating. I quickly realized that his version of eating really was not helped or fixed by the Lap-Band at all. If I had the ability to control my compulsive eating desires before the Lap-Band, I probably wouldn't have needed the Lap-Band in the first place. Instead, I quickly became disgruntled with myself and my eating and by February started getting a little depressed and ready to quit. Thankfully, my Surgeon's office gave me the out I wanted - they cancelled an appointment on me and I just never rescheduled. I spent the next year and a half just kind of doing it on my own. I learned to eat around the band. I at more ice cream during that time period than I had at any other point in my entire life. I basically substituted "real" food with things that crumbled and slid right through the band. Finally, in July 2010 a friend convinced me to go back to the Surgeon's office and get a fill. Thankfully, my slider-food period didn't damage the band. After conducting an x-ray, the band was found to be in place even though I'd gained a considerable amount of weight during my slider-food period (dodged that bullet). I was given a fill and then spent the next few months trying to get back on path. Only to find my life derailed once again during the dead of winter - this time because of snow. Admittedly, having a surgeon's office that is over an hour away makes the trip a chore and not something easy. I wish there was an office closer to me, but there's just not. As such, I hate driving for two hours to spend 15 minutes with a nurse. And while the office has support groups, most of them are at inconvenient times and again I have the two hours of driving that's involved with going. So, where does this leave me? Well, I just turned 35 in March and now that my semester has ended, something's gotta give. I'm not quite sure what that will be, but I just know that I have to do something or all of this pain, suffering, agonizing, and loathing will be for not. I started this blog and created a new Twitter account (WannaBeFFK) and will hopefully start a YouTube series (WannaBeFFK) shortly. I'm hoping that making my struggle open, real, and honest I'll find my own version of support through the cyber community. Oh, and I started with a baby-step today. I rejoined Planet Fitness (a local gym with locations around the country) today online. Admittedly, I joined the gym online - there's something innately non-gymy about that idea. Now, of course, I have to get myself to the gym if it's going to be of any use. Stay Tuned!!!!

Brenda - wow!! Good for you!!! Now I feel bad. lol Jason

Hey Judy: Thanks for the great advice! Jason

<br /><br /><br /> I was actually on Phentermine before the surgery and did pretty well with it. However, once the surgery happened, I was taken off the drug. That's actually a smart one to think back on. J

sebsternooni: Like I said in an earlier post, I don't regret getting the band at all. I just need to learn to treat myself better and use the tool like it's supposed to be used. If I do what I'm supposed to do, it will work (no problems). I just haven't been being a good bander. FFK

Hello ALL!!!! Thanks for such an outpouring of support. As for my personal impressions of the band, I think it's a good tool and I'm still glad that I had the surgery. But I've had to come to the realization that it's just that - a tool. Unfortunately, I'm treating my lap-band like my lawn mower (currently my dogs are getting lost in the forest in my backyard). I know I need to use the tool, but it's like my will-power for the whole process has been zapped. I'm trying to figure out a way to get it back. I've had a few false starts along the way and I've always had an excuse of some kind to let myself off the hook when it fails. Fill-wise, I'm doing fine on that front. To sebsternooni, WOW I can't believe how much a fill costs there!! Here I complain about driving the hour to my doctor's office and paying the $20 copay. The distance from me to my doc's office has always been one of the drawbacks, and with the way gasy prices are soaring....(see I'm great at rationalizing and excuse making). Overall, I know what my problems are. I know how I'm supposed to eat. I know all of the Bander inside tips for eating properly. I'm just having a motivation problem. Maybe I've given up, but I don't think so. I think I've gotten to the point where I'm just tired, and I need a new way to energize myself. Thoughts! WannaBeFFK