ChiakiAngel

Hi!
Growing up I was a pretty healthy kid. I loved running around, loved being outside and doing anything active. When I moved in grade five (I was 11), I was still alright for about a few months, but then I started to steadily gain weight. I stayed home more often, ate a lot of junk food, and just felt unhappy with myself.
Fast forward to high school, I'm 14 years old and nearly 190 pounds. My weight fluctuated for a few years when I would diet to try and lose weight, but I could never keep it up. I'd lose 20 or so pounds but then gain it all back plus more. I couldn't do all the pills every day, or the constantly having to count every little calorie. It wasn't something I could keep up.
I think the fact that I wasn't' comfortable in my body and most of my friends were skinny and would call themselves 'fat' helped contribute to my body issues even more. I learned to use 'fat' humour. They'd call themselves fat and I'd joke that if they were fat that I must be a whale or a blimp. We'd all laugh, but really, I never should have made those comments about myself because it didn't help me gain any confidence at all.
I'd try on super cute clothes and just hate how I looked in them because all I could see would be my fat. I couldn't do anything athletic because my knees hurt, I'd lose my breath, get headaches and all sorts of other issues.
Ten years later, I'm 24 years old, nearly 250 pounds, and I'm just DONE. I've literally scratched my belly when I've broken down crying because I claw at it to attempt to 'tear it off'. Never too harshly, thankfully, but I'm tired of feeling unworthy and pretending I'm fine with myself. I know I'm beautiful on the inside... I just want it to show on the outside.
So I booked the surgery. It's terrifying to go out of country to get it done because I'm not telling anyone else about it, not even my parents, because I dont' want them to even attempt to try to convince me not to do it. I'm sure I'd get comments such as 'do it the normal way' or 'it's too dangerous'. I figure if I get it done and THEN tell them, they can't do anything about it.
So, we'll see how it goes, hm?