Ixi7311

Hi, I'm new here and only a week post-op. Doing fine on liquid, sticking to the diet and definitely looking forward to pureed foods. Lost only 12lbs so far but okay with the slow weight loss as long as it keeps coming and am looking forward to getting a dog I can actually walk with without getting winded! That being said, despite being an uber-shy person for most of my life, over the last six years, even while growing in size and width and clothes sizes, my confidence blossomed, due to new found independence, relationships, etc. And while I still hate being 'fat', I refused to let anyone's opinion stop me from loving my body. I felt comfortable in relationships because they felt like they not based in shallowness but in real connections. But there's a problem. Ever since I decided to get the surgery(about 6months ago when I first got an appt with my surgeon), my self confidence that I was proud of....died to some degree. I'm happily single now and did mention the surgery on my online dating profile(that is disabled at the moment until I feel comfortable to some degree), but now there's an everpresent nagging feeling in my gut that most of the people out there that will start responding to me, both online and off, wouldn't have ever taken a second out of their lives to do so had I remained at my starting weight. For my entire life, I've had people give me **** for not fitting into the 'skinny' world around us, and I'm terrified of attracting those who, had I remained heavy, would have been the ones making snide remarks about my thighs or size, etc. Gosh, it sounds stupid to complain about attracting more people but I feel like I should be nipping this in the bud before I get super paranoid about this.

Definitely don't hold it against people that are not attracted to larger sizes, as everyone does have preferences, but it is the people who are totally dismissive to them as respectable people that give me pause. Like The_Candidate said, it's like being treated like a second hand citizen when you're fat and the thought that people will treat me more human just because I've lost weight almost makes me physically sick when I think about it. I know it's the way of the world but it makes me feel so undeserving of it that it carries a bit of self-hate with it.