Are you a closet bandster? & Do you regret your decision?

Poodles · October 2, 2005

Two co-workers of mine have had the bypass, and another has recently had the band. They have all been put in a "fish bowl". I work with kids (I am a teacher) and they have negative things to say, and other co-workers have the "she looks like she has gained some weight back" comments too. So I want to be a closet bandster. Trouble is I have been asking a lot of questions to the newly banded person (mistake?), and another co-worker and I went to a seminar last weekend together. The lady I went with swears she will not say a word to anyone, because she does not want anyone to know she went either. (I won't tell.) Now I am thinking of ways to back out of everyone knowing.

My plan is to go to my AIGB appointment that they know about and then make something up about too many pre-op tests, too much money, lousy insurance, etc. and then go to the appointments without people knowing. If I plan right, I can have the surgery on one of the holiday breaks and no one would know. How does that sound? Figure it will work as long as no one I work with reads this.

Sure is sad that people make us feel like we have to lie, or hide. Really feel like I can trust the lady I went to the seminar with, but would hate for one little slip to sell me out to the kids. Then my life would be three shades of hell.

I have lost 45+ lbs on Atkins in the past few years, so figure the high Protein way of eating won't tell them anything, and they have all seen me drink my Atkins shakes. Guess in a way that should tell me how they would react wouldn't it? But they really think surgery is taking the easy way out. And they make comments about others like "she had surgery and she is still big". Don't want to be the topic of their conversations in the locker room you know.

We all have secrets for different reasons. We all have people we think wecan trust. The hard part is knowing for sure.

CCBSTX · October 2, 2005

I decided to tell only my close family and best friend. It's worked out great! That way, people I run in don't ask "how much have you lost or how's your surgery working out?" I am a private person and prefer to keep it that way. My husband, kids, sister and brother in-law, mother-in-law and Mother know.

Yes, I'm glad that I have the band (now 3.5 weeks). I feel better, healthier, and hopeful! Shawn

Macabella · October 3, 2005

What is pb? I'm new and don't know the lingo yet...Thanks

HunnyBun · October 3, 2005

I started out excited about the band and told a few people. I told my mom, my boyfriend, and two of my best friends. Last week I was visiting one of my clients and I told her that I am considering having weight loss surgery. She critisized it and asked me why not just eat right and excercise. This is the same person that said she has been strugling to lose 40 lbs for the past 8 years (since she hed her son). Yet, she isn't understanding of my situation, where I need to lose over a hundred pounds. I felt so upset when she said what she said, and even when I made a point that I had lost weight before and gained it all back, she said 'see, you can do it the NORMAL way'. So yeah, I'm done telling people.

I'm glad I found this thread!

HunnyBun · October 3, 2005

What is pb? I'm new and don't know the lingo yet...Thanks

I am new too but I think it stands for 'productive burp' and that's when you throw up a little bit? Google 'productive burp' and it will give you soem links about it and WLS.

youknowit · October 3, 2005

There's a thread with all the acronyms and abbreviations of the terms. Here's a link to that thread (hoping it works): http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=7959

Maggie -- your response just gives me more assurance that I'm doing the right thing by not telling anyone. When this topic has come up in general conversations among friends and family, even the people who are in seriously medical trouble make snide comments about weightloss surgery. It's too bad really...

Best of luck... hope the links works.

Jladybird · October 3, 2005

I'm getting banded on the 24th and decided to be a closet bandster. The only people to know are my husband and children. I too have gotten the speeches of "How they lost weight through will power and this great diet" or " You've lost weight before you can do it again." That last quote was from my ex-family doctor. Now I have a speech for nosey people. If they ask me how i'm losing the weight (which I hope is a lot) I'm going to say that with a little help from my doctor, I have gotten the strength to lose weight. (I'm going to name my lapband "strength") After all ,the lapband isn't going to lose the weight for me. I'm going to do that, it's just giving me a little extra strength to do it. Hope all is well and much strength to all.

Macabella · October 3, 2005

Thanks so much Maggie and clevergrrly...for filling me in on what pb meant. And the link was great that you sent me clever...I printed it out for myself. Best Wishes to everyone.

happypsychrn · October 3, 2005

Hi ya'll, I have a unique situation in that I am an RN on an inpatient EATING DISORDERS unit! We teach our patients how to accept the body they're born with, how media influences their self image, etc. We also eat with them. I work 12 hour shifts so I am with them for 3 meals and 2 Snacks a day. They don't expect us to eat at snacks but, oh boy, do they ever watch everything we eat at meals! Eating disorder people are extremely obsessed with food, but we know that don't we?

If anyone has any ideas, lies, whatever, that I can use for excuses not to eat I'd appreciate any and all. Obviously I can't tell my secret, even to co-workers. Help!

I'll be banded Oct 25th. Thanks for bringing up this discussion!

sunsett · October 3, 2005

How about a bad tooth ache! Good luck with that happypsychrn!

I wish I had kept it quiet although I have not had any bad feedback. I Don't want my neighbors knowing, but most of my Sunday School class knows and a hand few of others. I'm telling people that I don't want to know that I've had girlie surgery, they never ask for details with that one!

happypsychrn · October 3, 2005

I like the toothache thing! That will definately work for the liquid stage and that's the one I most concerned about. I'm in NC too - near Burlington.

ajack · October 3, 2005

I am NOT a closet bandster! however some times i wish i was! My mother has the biggest mouth! We go to a restaurant and i order small or off the senior menu(waitress didnt ask why) and mom sez tell her WHY you are ordering off that menu. I looked at her in front of the waitress and all and said if she needed to know she would have ask and if i needed her to know i would have told her. Why dont you let me decide who i tell. Boy did that shut her up!! lol

I am torn because like I have a group of friends (15) who i went to high school with and we all get together every 4-6 wks and four of us are fat chicks and the others are skinny. They are constantly talking wl crap and it does get soooo old...

So next week we meet for our weekend trip and only the three other fat chicks know. So i am trying to decide to tell or not to tell......

I tell some complete strangers and if someone brings it up i am supportive. like the other day and old family friend came in and said his wife is talking about gastric bypass and i went and talked to her about Lapband.

Other times i see Very Obese people and i just want to run up and tell them because sooo many people dont even know LB exists.

I am worried that if i tell people and fail i will be embarrassed

but if i do tell people i feel more accountable

But my comment to some of you who say your friends are not supportive.....they are not your friends.

Here is a funny story

the other day a guy (pig) was a customer at our family business....

He called and ask a question about his car in our shop, i muted him to ask a question and he says to his buddy " if she has to get off her ass we could be here a while"

I unmuted the phone and called him on it and told him he was rude and a pig...

Later when he came to get his car he was TOTALLY kissing my butt....

telling me i misunderstood him and he meant something else ...blah blah blah

i told him he was full of crap and that i just had surgery to lose weight but he was still going to be a jerk when i was skinny

i laughed after he left

had to share

angie

Tropicana · October 4, 2005

I come from a very athletic family. My siblings are all college athletes, while I'm the overweight nerd. Even my father, who has never truly exercised a day in his life and eats crap, but has still managed his weight is giving me advice on how to lose by "eat less, exercise more." What most people don't realize is that overweight people are EXPERTS on nutrition. We've tried EVERYTHING.

I've given it honest work. I joined this site and saw ppl losing weight but I decided that cutting myself open should be a method of last resort. So I devoted myself by joining weight watchers and revamping my eating habits and exercise.

I will admit that eating more Fiber and nutritious stuff made me feel so much better. My skin cleared up,I had more energy, I felt better. But I was becoming all too consumed and my weight was not changing. Counting and recounting points in my head, grocery shopping took me hours, weighing out food to make sure I was having 4 oz. of chicken instead of 6. Even exercising became a chore. Was this hour of aerobics worth 6 activity points? I got very very busy (I'm a medical student) and just couldn't keep up with it anymore. I lost 10 lbs after being on the program for 8 weeks (7 pounds were lost week 1, after that it was a stand still). The week I went off, I gained 5 pounds. What's the point?

I tried cutting my carbs, but I have a job where I am dependent on thinking fast and well on my feet. Eating lots of Protein and reduced carbs isn't good for my brain functioning.

So now I'm back at this. There are so many issues that I really have been reflecting about. What if the surgery goes wrong and I am in a worse position than I am today? I'd rather be overweight than disabled. How will I afford it? How will my family react? How will ppl treat me differently as an under 100 lbs. person?

Honestly, my sister is the only one I feel comfortable telling. My parents are very big on not lying and I know when someone asks them how I am doing or how I lost so much weight, they will reveal things about me that I don't want out there. If not for people's narrow mindedness I would not be concerned. But I got a pretty soft ego and the first person who doesn't know me or know what I've done and makes a comment that I took the easy way out.....that will make me so sad. I really do believe that this surgery IS the easy way out for me. Some (if not most) of you will argue with me on this point. But that is just my own opinion, I hope I do not offend anybody by saying that. I immensely respect those who can lose weight in less invasive, less dangerous methods. I really wish I could be like them.

I don't know. If I ever get the confidence enough to do this, I would not tell a soul other than my sister. Even the people who love you, who would die for you....if they got mad enough at you and blurted it out in the heat of the moment....

Sorry for the long post. Seems as though I'm trying to clear my own head.

MaseAnn · October 4, 2005

I might as well put an ad in the local paper. I told EVERYBODY. I dont mind either. I find if you just get it out, then you wont have to worry about someone you trusted with your secret telling the whole town and having them talk behind your back.

I work in an office of 80 women. We gossip! Its in our blood. So when I decided I made sure I told as many ladies as possible so I wouldnt have the issue of them whispering behind my back. I'd rather them confront me personally with their questions and concerns than have them have their own nasty conversations about me.

I havent gone back to work yet since my surgery, but I got two cards signed by everyone at work and i do mean EVERYONE! It almost made me cry. About every comment suggested something that I was already beautiful but I would be a hottie after a while now.

So for these reasons I am so very glad I told everyone. I think it made them support me more than be negative. But, my case could be 100% different than someone elses. On other issues in my life I am very private because of the hatefulness of people, so I completely understand.

Good luck with your surgery and I wish you a skinny healthy future!

Time to love me · October 4, 2005

I really do believe that this surgery IS the easy way out for me. Some (if not most) of you will argue with me on this point.

Tropicana,

In my first post I was talking about the bon fire I had and the people there were saying how WLS was the easy way out, basically made me feel like a piece of fat lard all night with the constant battering of fat people and WLS. (Did they not notice that there was only one fat person there? ME!)

Anyhow, In my opinion, you have every right to think it's the easy way out or that it is not the easy way. I feel the band does make it easier for someone to lose weight, it's a tool not a miracle. At the same time, it's not the easy way out because you have to do the work to lose the weight. You still have to make better food choices and you still have to eat in smaller portions. This is hard for a lot of people, if it wasn't then we wouldn't have such a struggle to lose weight.

What I'm trying to get at is that it doesn't matter if it is the easy way out or not. You still will be healthier once you lose the weight. So go to weight watchers, do the Atkins, hop on south beach or just get the band. In the end, you lose weight. I just feel that the chances of re-gaining the weight on the lapband are far less than going on the diets I've mentioned. I don't know about anyone else, but I've tried all those diets more than once and lost many pounds but always gained it back and then some. This time, when I lose the weight from the band, I'll keep it off.

So don't be so down on the fact that you feel it's the easy way out. WHO CARES! People can say that it's the easy way to go, but in the end it doesn't matter because you are helping yourself become a better/healthier you.