female only Why would first BF contact me after so many years?

[betrthnever 107]

Why would an old BF, the first one, after 20+ years, contact me? He gave the reason of working late one night and thought he'd browse through a classmates.com looking for a name that looked familiar and low and behold there was mine!! Now, I've been in classmates for years and I think only 1 person has contacted me.

He called me at work (left a message) hoping that I was the woman he was looking for. It bothered me greatly - I should have ignored the message and he would have gone away. But I didn't.

We had a very rough relationship and it should have died with high school but it didn't. (keep in mind I graduated in 1985).

I asked him if somone died (we are getting older and these things do happend) or if he was going through AA and needed to make right all of his wrongs. He said that in a way it was like AA. He was diagnosed with a sleeping disorder that the drs said he most likely had as a child and became progressively worse as he grew older. sleep apnea? Don't know but any rate it effected his memory and his ability to make good decisions. He said he gathered how that since I didn't seem enthused about him calling that we must have ended badly.

Insult to injury here - he can't remember many things that happened between us and I can? At least he's been very kind with his appologies now - I sent him a to the point email explaining how I felt. If I were single now I'd NEVER alow someone to treat me that way.

And there's the crux. I'm not single & neither is he. I'm sharing this with my DH btw so I'm not keeping it hush hush. Still feels weird.

I know I'm being indirect here but what is this really about do you think? And why should I even be bothered after so many years - I wouldn't have even given any of this a second thought a week ago. The fact that it bothers me bothers me!!

BTW my male friends say its a pathetic attempt at sex.

Any kind words?:thumbup:

[Fae 0]

He sounds lonely and yes, he probably is looking for sex. He has nobody at the moment and your the best thing he has in front of him, even if your taken now. I would tell him to get lost. And if he doesn't leave you alone afterward, call the police. People like that can be creepy.

[betrthnever 107]

Fae, He's married too with 2 kids!

THanks for your help. I realize just how much of a dead-end post my post is! LOL. This is a save myself type of issue. Sometimes I think things too deep when its late.

The answer is obvious even to me now - tell him to get lost. And I've realized that I don't want him to. YIKES!!

Suppose I'll do what I have to do. Thanks again!

[Fae 0]

Marriages fall apart and people can be lonely even when they are married ^^; But yeah, I missed the part he was married too xD; But good for you, your happier now and you don't need someone like that in your life : )

[davidsmom08 0]

I have to say...I recently found myself in a similar situation through facebook...turns out yes he was married but he was Miserable and they are now seperated. He would say things like "remember this" or "remember that" like taking a great stroll down memory lane...I finally had to tell him I was sorry for his situation but I couldn't be the "friend" that he needed me to be that I was married and that was more important to me then being a "friend" at this point in my life.

Good luck...be careful...sometimes you have the best of intentions and it backfires

[Mouse81841 0]

I have an ex boyfriend that pops up every now and then with the same excuse. They are either remembering the "glory" days (which for some reason none of us ever remember) or are looking for ex sex. Ive told mine to hit the road by listing the reasons we broke up. SO he quit talking to me, it was a pity. Personally Id just tell him to kick bricks.

[dubbee 0]

Sounds like what happened in high school was pretty bad and you never had closure. Maybe that's why you are hanging on...tell him NOW what you would have told him THEN if you'd had the courage. Hopefully that will help you heal and move past this. The fact that you've shared with your understanding husband says this is about you, not that joker. Good luck!

[betrthnever 107]

Dubbee, I DID tell him everything - what a pain to think that I was still holding on to lots of crap. I think that did the trick to scare him a way. He really was just saying "HI" but I don't think he was looking for anything more. And you all were right he was remembering the "good" times and then using the excuse that his memory issue has made him forget lots of the bad stuff. He's an ex for a reason. Thanks for all of your help but I'm OVER it LOL

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Gotcha beat! A guy I went out with a few times and then just never heard from again dropped by my house a couple of weeks ago! Out of the blue! Said he was "in the neighborhood". My adult granddaughter and 15 month old grat-granddaughter live with me now and he was plenty surprised to see me in the yard with a small child, LOL. Now, he instant messages me, just chit-chat. WTF??

I certainly didn't know what to think of it. It just seemed very strange.

[Chrisann 0]

M first boyfriend contacted me through Facebook, we never had sex, I was 16, he was 18. Said through email on Facebook, "do you have any use for an old boyfriend". I was curious and "friended" him.

Well, the sexual innuendo started, "since we never had sex, lets try it now" etc. He is married, two kids. Says hes miserable, I said the photos say otherwise etc. This went on for a time, before I finally said I would block him if this didn't stop.

He said he never thought I would have turned out as beautiful as I did.....mind you, he is looking at the new body, and I am about the same weight now as I was in HS. But the whole thing unnerved me.

Why are guys so ballsy to ask straight out for a fling? You are married for God's sake. We had an innocent romance in the 80's, why ruin those memories with you cheating on your wife...it just made no sense to me, but it also made me realize I am going to be starting to attract unwarranted attention and not be flying under the radar any more.

[L12 13]

I must be a weird one... I have contacted a few exes (and vice versa) and am email and/or Facebook friends with them. I'm happily married, and a few of them are married (happily, I believe). One of the relationships ended VERY badly, but I still have some fond memories of each of them--we were all young and dumb, had some good and bad times, and had friends in common. And actually, I wouldn't mind hanging out with any of them if we were in the same state. I'm such a different person now than I was, I have NO desire to be anything other than friends with them--I THINK they would feel the same.

Obviously, if he mentions sex or propositions you, then that's what he's after. But it's not outside the realm of possibility that he just wants to catch up or make amends. It happens.

[plain 12]

Why are guys so ballsy to ask straight out for a fling?

Because sometimes it works. I had a friend in college that would straight up just start asking girls for sex. When I called him on it, he explained that it was a numbers game. Even if he got turned down 99% of the time, asking 1000 girls got him sex with 10 (I just threw the stat in to clarify my point...he wasn't smart enough to give me numbers, lol). Most of the times I was his wingman, he got turned down (and sometimes slapped) with this approach, but you know what? He still scored more than I did.

[Bunz1969 4]

I have had two do this to me in the past - one ex husband and one ex boyfriend (HS sweetheart and my "first"). They both called my mom and asked if they could have my phone number. Of course mom said "No, but I'll give her yours and she can decide if she wants to call". I never did. Through both conversations, my mom found out that they were both going through divorces.

I was unhappily married at the time and almost called the HS sweetheart. It's probably a good thing I didn't.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Interesting topic ladies. Perhaps as they age. Those wonderful youthful healthy days seem

[Julie norton 2,850]

Oops. Those days might seem to be the most fun in their life. I know I do not respond to inquiries from my first real boyfriend. But the memories are sweet and dear we are both married and I see no wonderful ending resulting from remeeting