male only Female Invasion of the Mens Room

[plain 12]

I don't want to start a whole thread on this but guys...I've lost 118 lbs. My husband has totally lost all sex drive. Granted, he had a brush with prostate cancer, very mild, came through treatment and the next day went BIKE RIDING, needless to say, I doubt it has impacted his drive. He's 53, I've asked him straight up if he is getting it elsewhere, he laughed. He chalked it up to fatigue.

I'm trying to be realistic here. Could any dude on here feel fatigued for 8 months? It's now been over a year since I've been with him.

"Counseling" is out of the question. He isn't the touchy feely type who taps into his emotional well of talking to strangers about his thoughts.

Meanwhile, his new hobby is raquetball and he doesn't miss his regular game. The reason I add this is where he won't come up with places for us to go as a couple, he will go to events with a friend or two and they go for the good seats.

I'm not the type who prints out responses as snaps, "SEE, THESE guys aren't blah blah blah.." I guess I want a guys perspective on this.

Is it the amount of weight I've lost and he's just waiting for me to hit home? ( what's another year?)

Age thing?

Loss of interest?

All responses are appreciated, I am can handle all sides of the coin so if you feel like saying it, go for it.

Thanks.

LapDancer, I could be waaaaaay off base here, but this is my $.02.........

We all know that there is much more to a marriage than just sex; However, sex (for most of usguys, I think) is really a type of "glue" that weds the physical to the emotional in a marriage. The lack of sex, coupled together with the fact that your husband isn't eager to spend time doing things with you, suggests to me that he has somewhat "checked out" of the marriage.

[smsmithart 4]

I think plains right....

[Jaffa 5]

Of course he is in his 50's, maybe he needs a little something to kick his sex drive into action? I don't know if they even make such a thing.

I know the older I get the less and less important sex is to me, but the more and more important my wife is to me. I love her every year more then I did the last. I think its time to get some counseling or move on. If he hasn't checked out, he will get the counseling just because you want the counseling.

[Lap_dancer 8]

LapDancer, I could be waaaaaay off base here, but this is my $.02.........

We all know that there is much more to a marriage than just sex; However, sex (for most of usguys, I think) is really a type of "glue" that weds the physical to the emotional in a marriage. The lack of sex, coupled together with the fact that your husband isn't eager to spend time doing things with you, suggests to me that he has somewhat "checked out" of the marriage.

First, Plain I appreciate your input. It helps to hear it from a guy. I have always felt like that was the frosting on the cake to our marriage, the PERK to being a couple. I've long since felt like he's checked out. Re: I can hear him on the phone talking to customers (we have a business), his employees, with more enthusiasm than a dinner out with me. He doesn't seem to laugh anymore, he doesn't tell his funny stories and I sense that he is most happiest when I leave him alone.

Our daughter moved out and over the course of a few months he eventually took over her room until I noticed his clothes were now in her old closet, shoes, he made an office desk, went out and bought a new computer with his buddy.

I was glad to see him find a best friend, this is a friendship he nurtured over years and now they are truly best friends. Although I am happy that he has found a friend he can do things with, kick off his shoes, enjoy the same NASCAR events, it bothers me he seems closer to his best friend than he is with me, his wife.

When I asked him, not in a confrontational tone but in an open manner, "don't you miss being together physically?" his response to me was.... "I don't think about it."

He went on to say he doesn't watch anything on television that is overly sexual in content, doesn't listen to anything on the radio, doesn't read anything so he doesn't think about it.

I think plains right....

Yeah, I think he's right too and then some.

Of course he is in his 50's, maybe he needs a little something to kick his sex drive into action? I don't know if they even make such a thing.

I know the older I get the less and less important sex is to me, but the more and more important my wife is to me. I love her every year more then I did the last. I think its time to get some counseling or move on. If he hasn't checked out, he will get the counseling just because you want the counseling.

Yeah Steve I suggested some medicine and in fact, I recently got a cream from my doctor that is suppose to heighten sensation and urge. I could feel the hormone build up and one night went to his side of the bed. He didn't touch me, hold me, say anything in response to what I was doing to his body....he was, robotic.

Since divorce isn't an option due to religious beliefs. Counseling doesn't seem a direction to go in because I think he would be there in body but not in mind. He might even resent it because I think he is happy where he is at.

[BethFromVA 5]

That's very sad, LD. :lunch:

[bassriley 0]

Went out and bought a new computer with his buddy.

I was glad to see him find a best friend, this is a friendship he nurtured over years and now they are truly best friends. Although I am happy that he has found a friend he can do things with, kick off his shoes, enjoy the same NASCAR events, it bothers me he seems closer to his best friend than he is with me, his wife.

When I asked him, not in a confrontational tone but in an open manner, "don't you miss being together physically?" his response to me was.... "I don't think about it."

Do you think he might be gay? Having an intense relationship with a new "best friend" that he essentially decorated a room with while losing all sexual interest in you. . .I don't know. Sounds like a possibility to me.

[plain 12]

Do you think he might be gay? Having an intense relationship with a new "best friend" that he essentially decorated a room with while losing all sexual interest in you. . .I don't know. Sounds like a possibility to me.

I'm not trying to "pile on" lapdancer, but Bryan could be right. I know 2 middle age guys at work that are gay (flamboyently gay, in fact) that recently go divorced from their wives (loooong term marriages. I think both of them had over 20 years in). Both of these men had children with their ex-wives, and both could not be more gay if they tried (not a criticism, just an example). So, ya know....maybe? I don't know very many men that NEVER think about sex (even the oldsters that can't / don't have it).

[cattoy71 0]

I just wanted to chime in and say that if the couple is in the relationship and not divorced due to religion, then gay sex is mostly likely against religion too...no?

[bassriley 0]

I just wanted to chime in and say that if the couple is in the relationship and not divorced due to religion, then gay sex is mostly likely against religion too...no?

I'm sure you're right. But that typically doesn't stop people, in my experience.

[OH Juli 15]

I'm sure you're right. But that typically doesn't stop people, in my experience.

yeah, you have gay sex because you're programed to. It's kind of hard wired. If it's against your religion and you do it, it's torture. (says the lesbian).

Might I suggest to Lap Dancer that you go, by yourself to therapy? A professional can give you insights and also other means to deal with this.

Also, perhaps if your husband sees you doing the work to save your marriage or your joy he'll jump in.

good luck.

[cattoy71 0]

OOOh I am by no means knocking gay sex or sex in general...I am a sex educator in San Francisco afterall. I was just bringing up the likehood of religion playing into their relationship.

[Jaffa 5]

Do I even want to know what a sex educator does?

Well yea, I got to know now.

[cattoy71 0]

Lol, well I had a thread over in the ladies room you can check out. I'm a workshop consultant for a well known female friendly sex toy store in San Francisco. Mostly I do a lot of workshops and presentations on all things sex. Pretty much everything from basic anatomy and sexual pleasure to LGBTQIQ sex, sex club etiquette and fetish play. I've also done smaller technique based workshops for hand-jobs and blow-jobs.

For over 5 years I worked in a San Francisco non profit providing support for youth that are HIV positive and have done a lot of travelling as a guest presenter on how internet hook-ups fuel soaring HIV/STD rates.

[bassriley 0]

I've also done smaller technique based workshops for hand-jobs and blow-jobs.

WOW! I think I found my dream girl!

[plain 12]

For over 5 years I worked in a San Francisco non profit providing support for youth that are HIV positive and have done a lot of travelling as a guest presenter on how internet hook-ups fuel soaring HIV/STD rates.

I had heard about nasty computer viruses before, but.......