This ABYSS is FURIOUS!---HELP WITH PEOPLE!

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

:tongue2:

WELL, WELL, WELL.

i GOT THE BAND IN MAY OF 08 AT 21 YEARS OLD "8 MONTHS AGO" . I WAS ASHAMED AND MAD I GOT IT DONE BUT DONT REGRET IT. I WAS 380 AND NOW 293, I WANT TO BE 210-215. IM OVER HALF WAY THERE AND NOT SLOWING DOWN......BUT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT THE SOCIAL LIFE. INEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY SURGERY AND NO ONE KNOWS OR EVER SUSPECTED. EVEN MY GRANDPARENTS DONT KNOW, JUST MY MOM AND DAD. LATELY....I HAVE BEEN SEEING GUYS/GIRLS FROM HIGH SCHOOL, THEY SAY WOW....YOU LOOK GREAT, GIMME A HUG, WHATCHA DOING THIS WEEKEND GIMME A CALL! HAHAHA PLEASE NO OFFENCE TO THE WOMEN, YOU KNO I LOVE YOU ALL, BUT THE WOMEN REALLY ARE GETTING TO ME. MOST OF THESE GIRLS NEVER EVEN TALKED TO ME IN HS...NOW IM JUST THE NEXT BEST THING....I FEEL EXTREME ANGER AND HATE TWORDS THESE PEOPLE NOW, ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN HS, I HAD PLENTY, BUT THESE GIRLS....AND GUYS ARE LIKE TRYING TO BE MY BEST FRIEND AND SHOWER ME IN COMPLIMENTS....HAHAHA EVEN THIS GIRL IHAD A CRUSH ON BACK IN THE DAY SAID IM "TURNING IN TO A HOT GUY" HAHA WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE, THIS GIRL BARELY SAID HI TO ME IN THE PAST. NOW IM IN MY 4TH YEAR OF COLLEGE. I MET A SUPER GREAT GIRL, BUT NOW IM LIKE " WOULD SHE LIKE ME 87LBS AGO" I CANT GET OVER THIS. I STOPPED HANGING OUT WITH HER, I JUST CANT LET IT GO! WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO SHALLOW, NOW IM FIT FOR PUPLIC COSUMPTION AS I LIKE TO SAY, ITS LIKE I WAS SICK WITH THE PLAGUE BEFORE....NOW IM SOMETHING SPECIAL ACCORDING TO THESE SO CALLED PEOPLE. THIS IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH THAN ACCTUALLY LOOSING WEIGHT! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SIMILAR STORIES OR ADVICE....OR SOMETHING....IM LOOSING MY PATIENCE FOR THESE PEOPLE, AND ALREADY PUSHED A FEW OUT OF MY LIFE. IF YOU READ ALL OF THIS, THANK YOU AND PLEASE COMMENT-FURIOUS ABYSS

[Bjornsyouruncle 0]

As far as attention from the opposite sex goes, when you lose weight you're a lot more confident and people notice you more. It may be as simple as that.

The girl you met that you've stopped hanging out with, probably doesn't deserve that. If she likes you for you, then that's what she's into and not just because you weight less now. You're 75lbs or so from goal, which means you're still a little more padded than you want to be and she still likes you.

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

thanks for the reply....i know she doesnt deserve what I did, she didnt even know i lost all that weight so far.......im just going through very odd times, and handle my new situation poorly sometimes. i am more confindent now, but i was always a jokster and and funny guy who liked attention, it just feels so odd that people are viewing me differently, im the same person, then again maybe im not, i dont know, i am working on changing myself for the better, thats why i got the band, i guess its going to take time and empathey of others. once again thanks for the reply, stay strong-FURIOUS ABYSS

Edited February 2, 2009 by FuriousAbyss1947

[heartfire 4]

I think a lot of people (myself included) are surprised at how much head stuff there is to deal with after WLS.

Please don't get angry. If you don't want to hang with the people from HS, then don't. These people really mean nothing to you anyway. They aren't worth getting all worked up over. Really. It actually gives them power over you. Whether they know it or not. It takes energy to be that worked up and you can use the energy for better things.

Call your girl, take her for a walk and enjoy her company. Let go of the anger. It's truly not worth it.

You're doing a fantastic job. Keep up the great work!

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

THANKS FOR THE KIND WORDS- i do notice when i see people from the past and hear their superfical comments, i work out like a fiend and channel my anger and aggression. on the topic of the girl.........haha well its a little too far gone with that situation. that ship has left port awhile ago, ill be walking alone for awhile, but thanks again, STAY STRONG-Furious Abyss:thumbup:

[laurie39 0]

Furious, I think its about perspective. If you can see it for what it is you're a step ahead of everyone. You took a major step towards changing your life. You've done a wonderful job so far. As you become comfortable in your new skin, I believe it will be easier.

[Jachut 487]

Basically people ARE shallow and its up to you whether you want to forgive them or not. But you'll never know if the people you meet now would have liked you 87lb ago, you have to just get over that.

But think about it from this agnle - I think you make a point in that it was like you were sick with the plague before. I think you have to cut people some slack with their fear of obese people. I mean, there's no excuse for thinking someone is dumb becuase they're fat or they have no feelings, or being rude or insulting to anyone, fat or thin.

But it is a fact of life, that people are not going to gravitate towards you if you're very fat, they're probably not going to find you attractive. Obesity IS a disease and its human nature to avoid disease if possible, I think it goes deeper than social niceties and is basically an instinct to avoid things that you fear are detrimental to your own health. Even people who are obese themselves can display these characteristics.

OK, the logical mind knows you cant catch it but in choosing a mate, people make all sorts of instinctual, unconscious appraisals of potentials and I truly think being very obese is just one of those black marks against you, not because the person is ignorant or bigoted, but simply becuase it is not human nature to pick a mate who is going to pass on poor genes. Even when you're thin and buff, you arent going to be everyone's cup of tea because on a genetic level, you're just not going to ring the bells of someone who's genes may combine poorly with yours. Everyone faces this, not just obese people. Plenty of people have been through unrequited longing for someone who just doesnt return the feeling.

Its hurtful and soul destroying, but there's no getting around it. Society is not going to move to embrace obesity as attractive, because its not a healthy, normal state for the human body. So you're doing the right thing - you're doing something about it for your health and longevity and as a result, people's attitudes towards you will change. Its also a bloody impressive feat and people will have a surprised, renewed admiration for you for it, enjoy that becuase you've earned it.

Edited February 2, 2009 by Jachut

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

hey- first off Jachut, you look fantastic, you motivate me, you are a poster child for the LapBand. You play to my interestes when in comes to the unconsciousness and Darwinism "survival of the strongest", im a psychology major at school. i completly understand that people gravitate in the direction of thinner people. i mean, why do we like super models.....cuz they are thin for a start. but what im hung up on is how people can look you in the eye and say "yeah im your friend" and then treat you so much better when you are thinner. i feel betrayed to a degree. but i must disagree with you on a point, i dont think being fat is a illness. the reason i was so fat was because i ate way too much, i didnt exercise, and didnt give a sh!t abot my self or health. i didnt care about my self, in return, others didnt care about me! now that i care for myself to a high degree, now others do. i do walk taller and more confident now. and maybe others are feeling this vibe anD reacting differently. i was always the fat jokester, now that im Cutting weight people see me differently. THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, LKE I SAID...YOU MOTIVATE ME.STAY STRONG-FURIOUS ABYSS

:w00t:

[SweetZ 1]

Lol at "fit for public consumption"

and Im glad you're working on you... now go get ya girl and stop thinking about all of the "what if's"

:w00t:

WELL, WELL, WELL.

i GOT THE BAND IN MAY OF 08 AT 21 YEARS OLD "8 MONTHS AGO" . I WAS ASHAMED AND MAD I GOT IT DONE BUT DONT REGRET IT. I WAS 380 AND NOW 293, I WANT TO BE 210-215. IM OVER HALF WAY THERE AND NOT SLOWING DOWN......BUT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT THE SOCIAL LIFE. INEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY SURGERY AND NO ONE KNOWS OR EVER SUSPECTED. EVEN MY GRANDPARENTS DONT KNOW, JUST MY MOM AND DAD. LATELY....I HAVE BEEN SEEING GUYS/GIRLS FROM HIGH SCHOOL, THEY SAY WOW....YOU LOOK GREAT, GIMME A HUG, WHATCHA DOING THIS WEEKEND GIMME A CALL! HAHAHA PLEASE NO OFFENCE TO THE WOMEN, YOU KNO I LOVE YOU ALL, BUT THE WOMEN REALLY ARE GETTING TO ME. MOST OF THESE GIRLS NEVER EVEN TALKED TO ME IN HS...NOW IM JUST THE NEXT BEST THING....I FEEL EXTREME ANGER AND HATE TWORDS THESE PEOPLE NOW, ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS IN HS, I HAD PLENTY, BUT THESE GIRLS....AND GUYS ARE LIKE TRYING TO BE MY BEST FRIEND AND SHOWER ME IN COMPLIMENTS....HAHAHA EVEN THIS GIRL IHAD A CRUSH ON BACK IN THE DAY SAID IM "TURNING IN TO A HOT GUY" HAHA WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE, THIS GIRL BARELY SAID HI TO ME IN THE PAST. NOW IM IN MY 4TH YEAR OF COLLEGE. I MET A SUPER GREAT GIRL, BUT NOW IM LIKE " WOULD SHE LIKE ME 87LBS AGO" I CANT GET OVER THIS. I STOPPED HANGING OUT WITH HER, I JUST CANT LET IT GO! WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO SHALLOW, NOW IM FIT FOR PUPLIC COSUMPTION AS I LIKE TO SAY, ITS LIKE I WAS SICK WITH THE PLAGUE BEFORE....NOW IM SOMETHING SPECIAL ACCORDING TO THESE SO CALLED PEOPLE. THIS IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH THAN ACCTUALLY LOOSING WEIGHT! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SIMILAR STORIES OR ADVICE....OR SOMETHING....IM LOOSING MY PATIENCE FOR THESE PEOPLE, AND ALREADY PUSHED A FEW OUT OF MY LIFE. IF YOU READ ALL OF THIS, THANK YOU AND PLEASE COMMENT-FURIOUS ABYSS

[Jachut 487]

another great point - you didnt care about yourself, so others didnt either.

There's definitely something to be said for the signals you send to others too.

After you've been at goal for a while, its kind of weird but you stop thinking of yourself as fat and you will leave these kind of issues behind.

But boy, there's a lot to be said for snubbing some of those people back now you have the chance :tongue_smilie:Think of it as free therapy!

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

oh yes, this dog will have his day, haha

[lellow 1,713]

I agree with Jachut in that I do see obesity as a sickness.

I don't agree that eating too much and not exercising is the only things that will make you obese. I think the desire to eat too much is a symptom of the disease.

I exercised moderately when I was bigger (not like I do now, but I was no couch potato either) and it did not stop me from gaining weight, like my sister who is considered underweight, but who doesn't gain despite not exercising a day in her life. Even at my biggest, I could walk farther than her, lift heavier loads than her, and was all around fitter than her.

I also now watch her eat almost as much as I used to eat, and easily 4 times what I eat now, and realise I need FAR less food than she does to remain slim. I can't imagine most slim people could live their lives eating the equivelant of a 3yo just to maintain a healthy weight, yet that's exactly what I have to do. Yet another symptom of obesity as a disease.

Genetics, pregnancy, hormone imbalance, age etc all play a part in weight gain as well, so not exercising and eating too much isn't the only reason people are obese, IMO.

Edited February 2, 2009 by lellow

[FuriousAbyss1947 0]

hey- i deff see where you are coming from, there are thyroid probs, specific health probs that women only get that help get them heavy, like my moms polysistic ovary problem, just from my situation, i became what i was because i was lazy and ate wrong, and i see way too many people do what i did. the band is the tool for this problem, thanks for the kind words, stay strong-Furious abyss

[BellaBean 0]

I can relate! I feel that being bigger I am like the freaking plague! No one talks to you, you get looks but not kind ones and you can tell people are snickering. I also have told no one and I know that when the weight comes off and people start with their shallow comments I will be just as upset as you are now. There is so much more to WLS then just weight loss! There is major mind games to deal with! Just know it is normal and you can work through it.

As for that girl you stopped talking to....You should talk to her. She must like you for you, right? Maybe explain to her your fear and tell her you used to be bigger. You dont have to mention WLS to her. I think she may understand why you do the things you do and it could strengthen the relationship. Good Luck

[JuicyGirl 0]

I have a feeling I'm going to feel like this soon enough. I have my 10 year high school reunion this fall (gulp!) and I intend to be down a significant amount of weight. I'm already trying to prepare myself for people's reactions and to manage my pent up anger.

I know my program has support groups that meet. Do you have anything like that where you can talk to other people and try to work through these feelings?

Best of luck and congrats on all your success thus far!