female only Viagra in his suitcase before trip

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I am glad you are already in counseling. Maybe you need to see the therapist on your own to learn how to deal with this, as well as the two of you seeing him/her. I am a firm believer in counseling as during my 10 year marriage, we were always in and out of counseling. (My husband died at a very young age, but that is not the point. )

There is no way he would have packed the pills for the reason he stated. Like you said, they don't take that long to work, and if that were true, he could have told you when he was about to take one.

Good luck. this really sucks. I am glad you have your lap band talk friends.

[tapshoes 2]

The fact that he doesn't think that counselling is needed is troubling. Even if his explanation was legit (and as previously posted, I don't believe it for a second), the fact that you are troubled should be a flag to him that perhaps there is a trust issue.

The issue of trust is paramount in a successful relationship; if either party feels that there is a problem in this, then counselling is required. To not recognize the magnitude of this, is another concern.

[plain 12]

Mizzou, Just a thought from another dude...

Has he ever taken Viagra? Perhaps he is embarrassed about needing some pharmaceutical help and wants to pop one when he has some alone time, just to evaluate how they'll work. I mean, before I tried one with my wife, I'd probably want to know what to expect...

Of course, I'm just playing devil's advocate to make everybody aware that there may possibly be two sides to this....

[CMTurner 0]

plain - you are the devil's something alright. LOL j/k

And for the record, I don't believe him either. My ex was EXACTLY the same way. Does the prescription bottle say how many pills were prescribed? Mine do. And if so, how many have you (as a couple) used? That should tell you something. Sorry you are having to go through this but, if you don't do something (counseling or get the heck out) it will always be in the back of your mind.

Again sooo sorry.

p.s. Oh yeah. Was super lucky and found the wonderful DH I have now so good things do come out of crappy times sometimes. Good luck!

[Mizzoupoodle 0]

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. Yes, he has taken viagra for about 3 years. It hasn't really been the "answer" as sometimes he still has difficulties maintaining an erection.

About 3 weeks ago he was laying next to me in bed and I realized he was jacking off. It made me feel cruddy to know he'd prefer his hand over me. Thank you Cindy for your encouragement. I'm not sure how he can continue to travel for his job. It takes alot of trust when your spouse travels and I feel like mine has been shattered.

[aubrie 6]

I have several thoughts on this. First. It could very well be that you caught him before anything actually happened. He never got the chance.... Not likely..... but possible. If he's having a problem "getting it up" to begin with, it may have been an experiment for him, to see if it's you, or if it's purely physical. Men want to deny that it's them. My husband did. It's easier for them to deal with if they think the reason is your fault. He may have wanted to clarify the situation. Next. He lied. You caught him at it. Regardless, he has that to explain at the very least. How will you trust him if he's a liar? I also hate to bring this up, but if this HAS been going on for a while, you need to get to a doctor and have yourself checked for a variety of venereal diseases. It's not pretty to think about, and I do not want to hurt you any more than you've already been hurt, but you have to think of this. Why would he pack the pills but not condoms? That concerns me. My heart is breaking for you, and you do indeed have a lot to think about. He has a lot of explaining to do. Not only to you, but to himself. His behavior is inexcuseable. I'm so very sorry. Be brave, but stick to your guns.

[ambraberger 0]

You're not crazy. Go with your gut. Take some time and space to figure out what you really want. I've been through it and you can choose to work it out. Or not. You don't have to decide today. It sucks, but he's probably lying and what you're feeling and thinking is probably dead on. I'm sorry. From someone who's been there, worked very hard at it, and is still married. You can go that route if you chose. Again, don't have to decide today.

[Gone4Now 4]

Wow...I'm with the posts who said go with the gut. So sorry, though.

I would think since he's taken it for 3 years, he'd know "how it works" and if he was going to take one, SHOULDN'T YOU BE TOLD? Geesh.....if it were true, talk about a guy with no foreplay skills.

Sorry to make light of your situation, but I think you know the answer.

I used to date a guy that would sneak out of bed to watch porn. I was grumpy because HEY, I'M RIGHT HERE. But, he wanted to be alone.

But I never trusted him, and things didn't work out for many other reasons.

Is this the only trouble you guys have? Is there any other reason that you may not trust him?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Why are guys so weird. My last bf before the guy I am with now needed viagra. Yet, my son saw him renting X rated movies, after we broke up. Obviously, he didn't need it if he was watching porn and pleasuring himself. It made me wonder how often he did that while we were together and if that was the reason he needed viagra. Maybe he could only get it up once a day.

Have you decided what to do? Will he go to marriage counseling?

[Nanook 2]

Mizzo....,

Like all the others have said you're not crazy but getting some therapy to help you build yourself up again would really help. He just doesn't sound like a healthy partner for you and you're finally getting some clarity. Being married should give you a good feeling not leave you with a sick feeling in the middle of your chest. Good luck to you and get more support!! Nancy

[sistasassy 6]

Well, kind of kicking in my two cents worth as plain did....

You said you caught him masterbating next to you in bed. PERHAPS, he is not cheating. Perhaps he is masterbating more than you know and he is using the viagra to masterbate.

I know it is a VERY slim chance but what I would recommend is bringing it up at in your counceling (sp?) session and see if you can get a straight answer. He may feel safer there telling you if he is being unfaithful than at home.

At least you would know.

[Maggies 0]

Once a liar, always a liar, Once a cheater, always a cheater.

He came up with the lie about the pills in his suitcase so fast, so it sounds like he has had a lot of practice at it.

Been with a liar & cheat, and they never change...Just my thoughts on this for what it is worth. And I agree you need to see a doctor for a checkup. I ended up with chalimda (sp). So think long and hard and make the right decision. You don't want to be looking over his shoulder for the next 50 years. Not fun.........I am finally FREE Maggie

[Donna113 2]

I'm not sure that people can't change, but I do know that once your trust has been breached, it will be very difficult to trust that person again. So, if you can work things out, don't expect things to be the way it was. I doubt it will ever be the same again. As someone stated earlier in this thread, you can't ever go back to the way things were, you can only go forward from here. It's up to you and your husband whether that's a solo journey or one taken together. With underage children involved, this has to be a very well thought out decision as whatever you decide will affect the children in ways noone can predict right now.

[Chris61 0]

It is amazing how effective this blue pill and the other two colored pilss are. It is amazing how many relationship and other issues these pills have caused over the years. I wish you the best of luck with this and your weight loss. It sounds like you have done real good with the loss in weight so far.

Chris

[Mizzoupoodle 0]

Thank you all for your kind replies. We are in MC right now but I can't go forward working on our relationship until this is settled. I have decided to tell him I want him to take a polygraph test so that I can put this behind me. His initial lie coupled with the crazy story about taking the pill on the way in town have shattered my trust. I don't know how to restore it otherwise. He just keeps telling me to take him at his word and I want to but I CAN'T.

I don't think I am being unreasonable since we have been having intimacy problems and I have been worried about possible infidelity. We have only had sex about 9 times in the last 3 years, so obviously we have issues. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things better but ONLY if he isn't participating or planning on participating in adultery.