Which type are you?

Chickie · June 24, 2008

I admit that I was (and still can be at times) LAZY.

I admit that I was a glutton.

It's what made me as large as I was. It was only when I faced my behaviour for what it was, and change it, that I was able to lose weight and keep it off.

When people can own their behaviours, and change them for the better, great things can happen. Till then, they get stuck in the same rut, going around in the same circles.

Jachut · June 24, 2008

Pah,BJ, she's just the final straw, its not all about HER.

This board is supposed to be about support. I need that too. The flavour of it has changed an awful lot lately, its populated by a bunch of whiny good for nothing marshmallows. Its all whine whine whine and the minute anyone pipes up with anything resembling reality, its on for young and old.

I've decided I dont give a feck about those that just WANT to be miserable. I was never about boasting, I wanted to help. But really, well, I cant be stuffed anymore. Sort out your own psychoses.

Whan a "perfectly nice person" twists my words to fuel her own completely insane rant and make herself feel better, I'm not gonna waste a whole lot of time on her feelings. When she's backed up by someone insisting that its all fine to delude yourself right out of your weightloss, I'm done paying that respect too.

I'm perfectly nice in real life. I dont fight with people. I have lots of friends. I have a great family. I dont need to hang with twits who'd rather wallow in their own misery than make something of their lives.

So I'm here in my very own thread talking to people who share some of my views. I'm not really going back to the other part of the board. Its not what it was, the population has changed and to be honest, there's not a lot there for someone who doesnt have a weight problem anymore.

So...... you can have your own I dont want to face any issues just pretend it's all OK and I'm not responsible for any of it thread and I came in and disrupted that by disagreeing so I guess its fine for you to come into my I'm done with being a baby and am sorting out my life thread and argue too.

But I'm not going away, so get over it.

Jachut · June 24, 2008

And just in case we get away from the main issue - Jillypoo you said it right. Of course, this is generalising. All fat people arent lazy and all thin people arent dynamoes. All this started coz I said *I* was a greedy lazy slob.

Apparently that means I think EVERYONE is.

But really, how many of us lived on 1200 calories an hour long run every day? Not many, I'd wager. We are generalising, yes, but generalities fit a lot of people dont they?

At the same time, I'm no saint. I need to sort out other areas of my life in exactly the same way and with the same decisiveness I've applied to my weight. I'm not above deluding myself by continuing with destructive behaviours and refusing to see the consequences. If I want that huge impressive monstrously expnesive house I really HAVE to stop bleeding money on clothes, make up, beauty products, entertainment dont I? I'm married to an accountant who likes to be in control of every single cent and to be honest, I"m very lucky he's the man he is and he hasnt kicked me out because we're POLAR opposities. I drive him nuts and I cant keep pretending he's just obsessive and I bear no responsibility. When he takes me to task for the visa card being so over budget this month, I make excuses, I try to pass the buck. It gets me nowhere, the fact is the money's still spent and not saved. If I dont change the behaviour, the exact same thing will happen next month. That's exactly why I can recognised that same behaviour in other people - and we all can if we're honest.

I need a lapband for my wallet!

That's my current project.

That and realising nobody in this house will fold the fecking socks and undies but me. I cant sit around at the end of a day spent on this darn computer and wonder why the house is a bombsite.

Those are my current self projects. And in some ways they're harder than the weight issue. But Ill bloody do it in the end if I want the outcome more than the comfort of the behaviours. And if I dont then I've nobody to blame but myself.

Edited June 24, 2008 by Jachut

snowbird · June 24, 2008

jachut, I think we're soul mates. When I first read the title of this thread my mental response was, "Bitchy and opinionated." I know it, and sometimes I apologize for it, and sometimes I don't.

I agree with your opening argument. And some people are always going to be hurt; it's just the way they are.

I saw a post on here a few days ago that said the poster didn't want surgery that physically stopped him/her from eating, but wanted surgery that stopped the desire to eat. I almost wrote back that he/she was looking for brain surgery, not bariatric surgery, apparently.

The band stops you from eating 16 oz of steak. It doesn't stop you from eating a three scoop hot fudge sundae. I know that. So I don't buy ice cream. It isn't rocket science. The band doesn't stop me from buying ice cream; I stop myself. It's a basic understanding of the band's strengths and my weaknesses that make it work. When I screw up, it's my fault, not the band's. The "miracle" of the band is that it gives me a better chance to start over again the next day and do it right.

By the way, I just saw a news article about the impending death of the semi-colon, so it is my crusade to use at least two of them in every post from now on. Save the semi-colon! ;;;;;;;;;!

Chickie · June 24, 2008

So I'm here in my very own thread talking to people who share some of my views. I'm not really going back to the other part of the board. Its not what it was, the population has changed and to be honest, there's not a lot there for someone who doesnt have a weight problem anymore.

That's pretty much the size of it. Further to that, most people don't want anyone who doesn't have a weigh problem anymore posting with them.

anonemouse · June 24, 2008

With all due respect, BJean, I think you were transferring a bit of yourself on to the person in question, and that made you not see what just about everyone else saw in her posts. The fact is, from what she herself posted, there aren't a lot of similarities between her situation and yours. Just about the only similarity that I can think of off the top of my head is that you are both apparently having trouble losing weight. But that's where it ends, according to what you and she have posted. You do the work and are still having trouble. She doesn't do the work, doesn't want to do the work (which, honestly, no one does, and that part's just fine), and then blames the band (that's the part that gets people upset).

And "popular and nice"? I'd rather not be "popular and nice" if it means that I have to lie to someone to get that way. It's not honest or at all supportive to sit and tell someone, "Go ahead and blame the band for what you are failing to do. That's perfectly acceptable." And it should piss you and the other people that are in similar situations as you (that are having trouble losing weight, but are still putting in the effort) off more than anyone else. Support doesn't mean constant agreement with people. It means showing people where they're going wrong and trying to help them change it. They can take it or leave it, that's up to them. And that's especially true on a message board.

I, for one, am not going to apologize, because I know I did nothing wrong and nothing to apologize FOR. I am sick and tired of people not taking responsibility for their own actions and reactions. If she leaves, WE didn't make her leave, she made the decision to leave on her own. We didn't make her post what she did, we didn't make her keep reading it, we didn't make her return to the thread again and again, we didn't make her keep the thread open, we didn't.... On and on and on. People make the choice of what power to give other people's words. She has to own her own reactions because no one else can do it for her.

And yes, she's a perfectly nice person, one that I honestly like. But no matter how nice the person, I'm not going to stop pointing out where I see someone deluding his/herself and actually CAUSING more problems. In fact, I'm MORE likely to do it with people that I DO like, because it hurts me to see them hurting themselves. Are we supposed to only be honest with people we don't like? If you read back through that thread, you'd see that the vast majority was actually rather polite and constructive, and only changed a bit when suggestions and advice were met with outright excuses. But your reaction is like, "How dare you actually suggest diet and exercise to someone who isn't dieting and exercising! My god, that's brutal!"

Jachut · June 24, 2008

BJ, all along, I've talked about BEHAVIOUR, not somebody's worth as a person. If you dig into past threads BJean, you'll find tons of nice, supportive threads from me also, even in response to people breaking their liquid post op diet. They're along the lines of, yes, its really hard, just pick yourself up, keep going, one fall doesnt make you a failure.

I've never said someone's a lesser person coz they're having trouble. Do you know BJean, I'd like to lose another 20 too but I just cant? I just cant get it together enough, get my eating just that bit more disciplined, exercise more than I already do. I've settled into maintenance and its comfy, I dont want to rouse myself out of it. I think about those 20lb but the difference here is that I'm not posting crying about it, I know why I'm not model thin like in my fantasies and I know its because I dont want to work that hard so what is the point making everyone else's life miserable with my complaints?

If you read through BrandyII's lap band failure thread, and you are HONEST rather than just trying to one up me, you will see that it started out supportive, from me and from others. Over time it became what it did as people got frustrated with trying to help her only to have another ever so polite rebuff, another excuse. And all pretty insulting in their own way, all smacking of "yes, but you're not the same as me, its easy for you, you havent been fat all your life" kind of thing. Eventually people just get jack of it. Its really quite strange to come here, ask for help and then throw that help back in people's faces. How do you expect people to react?

Edited June 24, 2008 by Jachut

Nanook · June 24, 2008

Hello:thumbup:

Nanook · June 24, 2008

Fat people are very efficient at storing calories. The fatter they get, the better they are at it. That means that they definitely are not moving as much as a slim, faster fat-metabolizing physical machines.
Most of us fat people become very good at avoiding exerting more energy than is necessary for any given task.

All of this is true. Running in marathons will probably result in a person developing a great metabolism and a slimmer body. Some marathon runners become just as fixated on exercise as fat people do on meals. Being slender and in good physical condition is much more attractive than being fat and out of shape. All things we know to be true, right?

However there is also another truth that we can mention here: people who are good at heart and who have compassion and understanding are generally more popular and nicer to spend time with even if they are fat than rude, boastful skinny folks who enjoy throwing their success in the faces of those who are having problems.

Sometimes our hormones get the better of us - another truth. So what's your excuse for running off a perfectly nice person? Do you feel powerful? Do you feel that you're really smart for being able to one-up someone? What's your motivation, you people who are enjoying yourselves at another person's expense?

Why do you dislike Dr. Phil so much? Does he hit a nerve sometimes? Well you've been able to hit a nerve. How does it make you feel to be in the company of Dr. Phil?

Maybe Jachut won't be the only one who's apologizing for being grumpy or whatever, but I have been very surprised at what's gone on here and on the recently closed down thread. I think both of these threads have gotten completely out of hand. It's fun to banter back and forth, but once you realize that someone is getting hurt, don't you think it's time to mend some fences?

Kudos to you BJean, you are good people!!!!!!!

I may not know what having a "fat mentality" has to do with anything but I do know when someone has a "bossy, mean, vindictive" type mentality and it's obvious to me and many others who aren't your sheep!!!!:thumbup:

libra · June 24, 2008

I wrote this someplace before but I can't remember where! LOL!! So I'll say it again as it certainly applies to this thread.

Most overweight people spend a good portion of their lives making excuses for why they are overweight. (I'm including myself in this...so no complaining by anyone!) "I eat because I'm stressed. I've experienced some sort of emotional trauma. I'm depressed, I'm angry...whatever"

The point is, we can all come up with reasons why we're overweight but the truth is...WE CHOSE TO PUT THE food IN OUR MOUTHS!!! We made the decision not to exercise. This doesn't mean that our reasons may not have been valid, but we made the wrong choice in how to deal with whatever we were faced with.

In my not so humble opinion, you can't be successful with the band until you own up to it. You need to say "I did this to myself and I can make the necessary changes."

It's all about MY LIFE, MY CHOICES!!! Period. I am responsible for my positive choices, just as I'm responsible for my negative ones. No one made me fat. I did that all by myself. No one will make me thin. I need to do that myself too. There's really not much more to it than that.

losingjusme · June 24, 2008

I wrote this someplace before but I can't remember where! LOL!! So I'll say it again as it certainly applies to this thread.
Most overweight people spend a good portion of their lives making excuses for why they are overweight. (I'm including myself in this...so no complaining by anyone!) "I eat because I'm stressed. I've experienced some sort of emotional trauma. I'm depressed, I'm angry...whatever"

The point is, we can all come up with reasons why we're overweight but the truth is...WE CHOSE TO PUT THE food IN OUR MOUTHS!!! We made the decision not to exercise. This doesn't mean that our reasons may not have been valid, but we made the wrong choice in how to deal with whatever we were faced with.

In my not so humble opinion, you can't be successful with the band until you own up to it. You need to say "I did this to myself and I can make the necessary changes."

It's all about MY LIFE, MY CHOICES!!! Period. I am responsible for my positive choices, just as I'm responsible for my negative ones. No one made me fat. I did that all by myself. No one will make me thin. I need to do that myself too. There's really not much more to it than that.

so true i think it deserves repeating...

maziemommy · June 24, 2008

I have not read all this thread but, I'm gonna post with out knowing all the "facts/opinions".

I have worked hard to get from where I was... and here I am now... this is just where I'm at right now...it is different for us all....

1...a month ago in the shorts from last year/2...two nights ago after driving 8 hours/3...and last summer at the lake

OH Juli · June 24, 2008

Lol, yeah, I'm going to get it. I've just had a gutful of this shite though.

I have got to read the rest of the thread, but I don't have time this moment.

I just wanted to say, sounds like you got too much and had to PB it back up. :thumbup:

I agree that if you don't work on the mental reasons why you got fat, you will fail with the band. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow but one day something will stop you and you will fail. And of course it will be something that wasn't within your control and there you will be a victim once again.

BJean · June 24, 2008

There are some really good posts above. One is from snowbird, one from Jack, very cool one from oh juli, one on point from losingme. They are all very constructive and witty and fun to read. That is far different from name calling and flaming someone out of frustration.

I know you, laurend and Jachut, among others were very frustrated with Brandy's responses to your suggestions. So you, and others, let her have it. Then you said it was "tough love" - but I think you were just sick and tired of hearing someone whine. You've done the work. You've learned the lesson. You've broken the code. So what the hell's wrong with these whiners, right? I get it.

Personally, I think you're lucky Jachut - you got a gut full and all you have to do is excise it with a rowdy PB. (I'm no psychologist but you might have exchanged your overeating behavior for your overspending behavior - all completely about control - something you may think your husband has way too much of.) (And if so, that's certainly one reason to take it out on someone here.)

Laurend I totally understand what you're saying and I'm sure you're right as far as it relates to me.

And as for snowbird, I'm down with that!!! Semi colons rule!! :thumbup:

*JASMINE* · June 24, 2008

I agree that if you don't work on the mental reasons why you got fat, you will fail with the band. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow but one day something will stop you and you will fail. And of course it will be something that wasn't within your control and there you will be a victim once again.

You are right. I am an example of this. Three years later and up 37lbs pounds to be exact, I am finally working on these issues. It just finally bitt me in the a$$. But if you had spoken to me in year 1 of my journey, I would have sounded exactly like most of the people agreeing with the OP on this thread.

You just never know what the future holds. You could end up like me. But I am not a lost cause. I just did things a little backwards. I wasn't aware of how severe my issues were until after I was banded. We all have issues. Some people just chose to acknowledge that they're there...