Betrayal is a BITCH

[TheGh0st 9]

If any of you guys would be interested in donating to me, you can do so by going to the following link: Welcome to the Washington DC Breast Cancer 3-Day:

Done! It is an honor to help you on this. You will never know how much your open honesty on this board has helped others like myself. I am not going through the same issues with my DH. But things have been progressively getting worse at home. Honestly to the point I've been worried it would be me in your DH's shoes. But your thread has helped me face my own husband and have some heart to heart discussions on how we need to take the necessary steps to keep us from getting to a place that can't be recovered from. I still don't know how things will work out but I do know if it hadn't been for your thread I would have continued to suffer in silence until the problems were so bad they couldn't be fixed.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

I must second Gh0st's message - having mumof2boys' story to use as an example really has helped me as well. :wub:

After talking things out with my hubby, we are working on our relationship - with way more intention than ever before. We make more time for each other inside very busy schedules, and he's been 110% supportive of my desire for the band. He made me laugh when he commented that "I'd better get my act together, or you'll leave me for a younger man when you get thinner and hotter". I think that's progress... :thumbup:

Things are not yet perfect, but headed in that direction, and as long as there is positive forward progress, I'll keep working hard.

Emily's Dad - I hope you see this and are doing well...I pray that things turn around for you and your wife.:girl_hug:

[mumof2boys 71]

Thank you, ladies. It's nice to hear that I could help someone (even though I have to go through this painful experience). It is difficult to be so open and honest with folks that you really don't know but you guys have no idea how much you have helped me as well. I know that marriage is a lot of work and it is often very difficult but once someone strays you cannot go back in time and change anything. At that point, the damage is done and the pain for that person will never go away. If I helped anyone who was thinking of straying I can hold my head up high because I never want anyone to feel the pain that I feel (except of course the woman who screwed my husband). Anyway...thanks for the kind words and thank you both for your donations!!! You guys are wonderful.

[Emily'sDad 0]

I would like to thank everyone for your support here, especially Mumof2twoboys! My wife and I have had a few heart to heart discussions now and both agree that counseling is necessary. As a matter of fact we have our first appointment with a counselor scheduled for the 8th of October. It's amazing the difference that is already apparent, simply because I told her what was going through my mind.

Thanks again everyone! Tina, you ROCK!

Brad

[tapshoes 2]

My wife and I have had a few heart to heart discussions now and both agree that counseling is necessary. As a matter of fact we have our first appointment with a counselor scheduled for the 8th of October. It's amazing the difference that is already apparent, simply because I told her what was going through my mind.

I am so glad to hear this. I hope things go well for you Brad.

[heartfire 4]

I am so trilled for both of you, Tina and Emily's Dad!

Emily's Dad, I am glad to hear that you and your DW had a heart to heart. She may not have realized how bad things have gotten or where things could've been headed. I know when you're in the midst of something, you don't always see the bigger picture and I think that may have been where she was. Please keep coming back and let us know how things are going.

Don't be disappointed in how your 1st session goes. The counselor may not be for you or you may not think things went the way your thought they should. It could just be a preliminary "get to know you" session. Don't worry. If need be, find another counselor, or be patient with the process. Just some thoughts. I do hope this counselor is the one for you two though so you can get things moving in a positive direction.

Take care, both of you and your spouses!

[mumof2boys 71]

You guys are going to make me cry...you have no idea how good it feels to hear that I have helped you guys. You know, the saying is..."Things happen for a reason..."...I guess that this was meant to happen to me so that I could prevent the pain for many others. I wish everyone the very best. I want nothing but happiness...rainbows and butterflys for everyone!!! BTW...my donations for the walk are going up by the minute. I love you guys!!!!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Emily's Dad - that's awesome news! I pray things continue to get better and better for you and your wife. :girl_hug:

Tina - it sounds like you have 'rounded the corner' so to speak...and I couldn't be happier for you and your hubby. I am thankful you shared your story - got rid of some of that pain instead of turning it inward. I am proud of you - for being the fighter that you are, and for having a soft heart - being willing to do the work to save your marriage is so important. :thumbup:

[annecolorgreen 0]

Hi--

I'm new to this board but just went back and read all of your thread.

Can I just say that I've been there? And survived? Along with my four kids? :thumbup:

So many things you said hit home with me from my own experience...especially that he was totally committed to being honest and available at all times and admitting when he made a mistake. If my dh hadn't done that, it would never have worked. A good marriage counselor is a must IMO...but it also takes 110% commitment from both people.

Have you heard about the new movie "Fireproof"? I read a synopsis and it sounds like it could be very encouraging and strengthening for marriages.

Just so you know...it's been over 10 years for me and we have a much more communicative and loving marriage than we had before (not that I would wish it on anyone!!).

Hugs,

Anne

[mumof2boys 71]

Anne,

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through the same thing. It sure is painful, isn't it? However, it's very good to hear that you and your husband are doing well and happier than ever.

I have to ask...do you still have triggers? I fear that they will never go away and sometimes they are very bad and send me into huge panic attacks. They are aweful and there are quite a few things that trigger me. I know that it's still fairly new for me and that it's going to take a very long time to move forward but I was just curious...how long did it take you to get over the triggers, if you ever did.

Thanks!

[annecolorgreen 0]

Honestly, there are still triggers but it's a momentary feeling of sadness and then it's gone...not like before. When it happens, I try to switch my thoughts to something wonderful he has done lately or a fun experience we've had together as quickly as possible and not dwell on it.

Like you, I would NEVER have thought it would happen...but yet it went on under my nose for almost two years.

The fact that *she* moved is huge and I would probably consider allowing him to do what he offered and change phone numbers...or at least have caller ID and not answer unknown callers.

I would be careful with the xanax (from my own experience). It seems like it's easy to get addicted to. Try an anti-depressant and then use the xanax during truly difficult times like when you have a panic attack. Just my thoughts..talk to your doctor.

Hugs,

Anne

[allielee 263]

Hi Mum of two boys.. I went through something similiar to this. I caught my hubby and my very best friend kissing.. I was five months pregnant at the time and we have two beautiful daughters as well. They hadn't had sex yet but were both expecting to. I was so devastated.. I cried for like 3 weeks straight. I ended up losing the baby from all the stress. The two people I trusted more than anyone betrayed me. I was one of those women who always said if he ever cheated out the door but in reality that is not as easy. I also gave him back my rings. We ended up staying together working really hard at our marriage and building the trust again. It has been six years and I am going to tell you something shocking.. our marriage is better because of it! I know that sounds crazy but this strengthed our marriage.. I am more in love with him now than before.. but he worked so hard to make it better. I needed to know everything, the whys and such we did go to counseling where we could say things safely. I am not suggesting this is what you should do.. I am merely letting you know of my choice. I trust him completely I have to if I didn't I couldn't stay married to him. I realize he is human and I am not perfect. Good luck to you and may God Bless you in your path.

[LaMonica 6]

I am so happy to hear everyone's stories!!! Brad congrats on getting a counseling appointment!! Tina congrats on getting stronger every day, and recognizing that your feelings are valid and vary at times but as long as you can identify them, you're all the better!

I did see the movie Fireproof this weekend - about a marriage about to break up and how it was saved. It was very hard to watch as I am at a place where I need to "fireproof" my marriage, I cried, but I also cried tears of joy at the determination there was to get on the right track. I immediately thought of you Tina through the movie and had to come back and write about it. I encourage everyone to see it, be cautioned there is a strong Christian message - just in case that's not your thing - but even without that the movie is definitely worth it. Have a great week guys!!

[mumof2boys 71]

It's so horrible to hear of others that have gone through this. I also know that there are many more who will feel this pain after us. I cannot believe the statistics that I found. I believe it was 1 in every 3 marriages will be faced with infidelity at some point in their marriage. What is that all about? Don't people take vows seriously? If you want to mess around with others, why bother getting married...stay single and sleep with whoever you want but don't be doing that while married to me and risk my health. OK...enough venting for today, it just makes me mad that so many people have to deal with this pain. It's downright terrible.

So...we had a pretty good weekend. We had a date Saturday night. We hired a babysitter and we went out to dinner and then hung out at a bar and played pool. We had a great time. Then, of course yesterday it was all about watching the Redskins whip up on the Cowboys. (GO SKINS!!!) So, we're getting there but I find myself holding my sadness in because I can tell that he is deeply depressed. I cry when I'm in the shower or when I'm in a room by myself. I can't help it sometimes. I'm concerned at how I will be starting Friday with doing the 3-Day Walk. I am going to be wondering what he's doing all the time. Plus...I can't use my cell phone while walking (it's one of the rules). Luckily, my sister-in-law is waking with me so I'll have someone to talk to.

For now, I don't know how to convince him to get to a doctor for his depression. It is getting really bad. I'm not trying to be selfish but I need some help getting through this too and I can't turn to him when he's in this state. I can't even ask questions because I don't know how he will react. It's driving me crazy. What do I do?

Thanks to everyone once again for your friendship, donations to my walk, words of wisdom and for listening to my venting. You all are so great!

[mumof2boys 71]

I DID IT!!!! Hey everyone...I did it. I walked all 60 miles in the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk. It was very rewarding and wonderful. I am planning on doing it again next year. I never thought that I would be able to do it but I did. I'm so proud of myself. I did hurt my leg...my tendons in my right leg are inflamed. I'll be alright...the bad thing...I walk 60 miles and I gain 6 pounds. What's up with that? I could only imagine how the scales would be if I walked 100 miles...

Anyway...thanks for all of your support.