Intro and question

[Capri81 21]

Good morning,
I finally decided to take the step and do a surgery consult. I’ve been considering surgery for 10 years. I tried to talk to my sister about it and she told me I’m mentally I’ll and need to do counseling, that I have PTSD and if I just do counseling I’ll lose weight. Trust me I’ve lost weight before with diets and behavior modification! Then tells me I just need to do Keto (also did that I need more veggies and fruits in my life). Anyone have not supportive family? I guess I’m sort of over working so hard (no I’m not constantly eating candy, chips and fast food like everyone says to me) and getting nowhere.

About me: 41, she/her, work as a research RN, no kids, never married, 2 dogs. Living the fun life in the desert of Arizona.

[catwoman7 10,843]

Luckily, my immediate family was supportive, but there are lots of people on this forum in your situation.

I totally get your experience with weight loss, though. I'm in my 60s and spend literally decades trying every diet known to man. In my more successful attempts, I'd lose 50 or 60 lbs (but most times, more like 10 or 20). It was just a matter of time before it all came back on. The problem is, you're fighting biology. And biology almost always wins. Fewer than 5% of people can take off a large amount of weight and keep it off. Weight loss surgery doesn't guarantee you'll be able to take it off and leave it off, but it greatly increases your chances because it changes some of that "biology" that's been keeping you from doing it.

Your sister could stand to do a lot of reading on this topic as she clearly doesn't understand it - that is, if she's even agreeable to reading up on it. And if it's even worth it to you to have her on board. If she's interested, she could even accompany you on the consult if the two of you want her there. In the end, she's going to need to accept your decision, even if she doesn't agree with it.

[liveaboard15 1,292]

Welcome. Not all but many bariatric centers require a psychological evaluation before surgery. As for supportive family i personally dont care what they or anyone thinks regarding my surgery. the surgery is for me not for them or anyone else. But i do have friends and family who prefer i dont get the surgery. But yea my bariatric center said those who are very overweight less than 5% ever manage to loose the weight and keep it off. Ive tried and tried and with the results of always gaining more weight than i started once i didnt keep up with the diets.

[summerseeker 1,826]

Hello Capri, No one can tell you how many diets are enough. You know when its enough. Mine was in the middle of the second covid lockdown. I had regained my latest weight loss and more. My health was deteriorating and I was needing more and more help and didn't want to go outdoors where I could be judged. The only people who know I have had this surgery is the hubby, my son and my long time school friend. Everyone has opinions and as far as I am concerned they can stick them where the sun doesn't shine. What they dont know, will not hurt me. I am meeting my sisters in June. They live abroad and I haven't seen them for 3 years. They may or may not notice I have lost weight.

[Capri81 21]

Thank you all. I did send her a bariatric podcast that goes into the research and why surgery is appropriate. I’ve also done therapy off and on since high school. What’s difficult is she’s always been thin. So she just thinks you can skip a few meals/eat healthier for a few days/workout more to lose weight. It just isn’t that for everyone. It’s frustrating to get no respect or support on something I know that I want to change about me.

[lizonaplane 1,604]

I'm sorry you're facing this. I was fortunate to have a very supportive family, but it's not easy for someone who has always be thin to understand what it's like to not be able to lose weight and keep it off. I previously lost 50, then 80, and then 100 lbs but always gained it back.

One of the surgeons I talked to said that if you are 100 lbs overweight, the odds of keeping that weight off for 5 years without surgery is like 1 in 2000!

Surgery doesn't by any means guarantee that you will be thin for life, but it's better odds. It's not easy though

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

I am so sorry to hear you are not getting support in your family. You will find tons of support here though so stick around. If you feel you must get your sister on board, I suggest taking her along to one of your appointments. The doctors know that having a support system is important so they shouldn’t mind taking the time to answer some of her questions.

[Spinoza 1,125]

Hi Capri. I took my partner and children along with me on this journey. They are my support. If I was single I think I would have just done it alone though. None of my extended family would understand why I needed to do it, and it's not up to me to get them there. Some of my siblings have struggled with weight, some haven't. None has been morbidly obese as I have, or spent their entire adult life either gaining or losing weight - basically starving or binging. So of course they won't understand. We do here, as lots of us have had the same experience as you. Hopefully as your sister sees you getting lighter and healthier then she will be happy for you. But you can't make that happen for her. Kudos to you for taking that first step to make YOUR life better.

[Capri81 21]

Thanks everyone. I had cancelled my appointment as I was diagnosed with some food allergies. But my cardiologist this week said it would be a very good plan if I would at least start seeing them. He would really like me to be 100 pounds lighter. I haven’t told anyone I actually made the appointment and not sure I will.

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

32 minutes ago, Capri81 said:

Thanks everyone. I had cancelled my appointment as I was diagnosed with some food allergies. But my cardiologist this week said it would be a very good plan if I would at least start seeing them. He would really like me to be 100 pounds lighter. I haven’t told anyone I actually made the appointment and not sure I will.

I would only tell people if you think they will be supportive. Otherwise you don’t need them to be involved in this part of your life. You can choose when and if you want to ever tell them after you lose the weight.

[Kmack2015 4]

Just wanted to say! Another AZ desert dweller here, surgery scheduled for May 10!

[Capri81 21]

4 hours ago, Kmack2015 said:

Just wanted to say! Another AZ desert dweller here, surgery scheduled for May 10!

Hello! I hope this last week is a quick one and no last minute surprises! Who are you going to?

[Rebarr 7]

I wanted to say hello to the other two desert dwellers, I'm in Tucson and having surgery with Dr. Weiner next Thursday.

Capri, I'm sorry your sister is not being supportive. My grandma who has always been thin is not very supportive, I've come to realize with age it has more to do with her than it does with me. Good luck with your decision!