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I feel like I have no familial support for my surgery.



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I am 51 and my parents are also very much against my choice to get the surgery. I’ve been overweight for 30 years, but they just don’t understand the affect it has had on me, on my life. I’ve basically had to tell them that I’m going to try everything I can with getting help, dietitian, therapy, support groups and then hopefully I won’t even need surgery. I know that’s not true and I am committed to getting the surgery, but in order to alleviate their worry and to not continuously get negative feedback, I’m just not sharing my journey with them. They can here about it after the fact.

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This is why I didn’t tell my family and said I was getting a hernia repaired. I didn’t want to argue or talk about any of it. I’ll let them figure it out later when I’m feeling and looking better.

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1 hour ago, ClareLynn said:

This is why I didn’t tell my family and said I was getting a hernia repaired. I didn’t want to argue or talk about any of it. I’ll let them figure it out later when I’m feeling and looking better.

Yep..... that's basically what I did.

I said I was having surgery on my stomach. I have other issues with my stomach anyway, so I just kept the main part to myself, I omitted the main part of it so that mentally I can focus on my health and my journey w/o everyone's input rather negative or positive it's not a conversation I want to have everytime someone talks to me😇

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Wow. Let's call a spade a spade—that is abuse on their part.

But screw them. They're not going to be supportive no matter what. Let's talk about the reality here.

Are there people who could lose 100 lbs. on their own with diet and exercise? Yes. And they all have something they'd really like to sell you.

It is NOT the easy way out. It is basically giving you a lifesaving tool—the TEMPORARY ability to restrict your calories and not be starving hungry and tempted to undo it. Basically you are going to get a year or so to reevaluate your relationship with food without having things like a sugar addiction hanging over your head. But it is still diet and exercise.

I wish I could beam into your head the wonderment I feel as I shrink down. I'm 6 feet tall and have lost 85 pounds in four months (including pre-op). I haven't broken out into a random sweat; I can work all day (physical labor) and just be tired when the other guys are tired; I can run and jump and fit in spaces meant for average size human beings; I can buy clothes in normal stores; I don't have any comorbidities anymore, and in fact when I got Covid, it was mild and my doctor said my weight loss almost certainly helped with that.

tl;dr You do this for you, and the hell with what your gaslighting parents say. Psychiatric ward, my hind foot.

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Thanks for the amazing responses. They've been so helpful in alleviating some of the feelings I've been having before my surgery. I'm getting my surgery tomorrow and I'm nervous but so excited!

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21 minutes ago, itami o said:

Thanks for the amazing responses. They've been so helpful in alleviating some of the feelings I've been having before my surgery. I'm getting my surgery tomorrow and I'm nervous but so excited!

Good luck tomorrow 🍀

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It's their overdramatic way to show you that they love you. It is control though. Ultimately, as I'm sure everyone has said, it is your life and the decision is purely your own and you can do it! You're going to rock this procedure and process and come out a new YOU on the other side - if you do the work. All the work. There is a lot of work. You can do it. It's yours.

Good luck!

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The fear is theirs to deal with, not yours. However, people with huge fear issues can be very hard to live with. My husband also yelled lots about how I was taking the easy way out, etc. etc. all of my kids had to do a couple of conference calls with him to calm him down, express their support for my decision, etc. I’ve since lost 85 lbs, am off cholesterol meds, no more insulin nor high blood pressure meds. I feel so much better. Let their fears be their issues and not yours. We have enough of our own problems to deal with!

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