Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

How do you deal with people telling you to stop losing weight?



Recommended Posts

So, I am just over 9 months post-op. I hit my official goal in August but my personal, unofficial goal was 135 which I hit last week. However, I think I can still go lower - yes, I am wearing size 6 pants and jeans and small tops but I especially have weight around my belly. I can see it shrinking from the edges but I still have another at least 5 lbs I could lose I think. Plus, I have a TON of loose skin. I’m already starting to save for plastics but that’s not the point. In the past week I have had 3 people all tell me to stop losing weight (this was unsolicited, BTW) and that I don’t want to get too thin. Now, I respond that I am working with a doctor and nutritionist and I am still in the normal BMI range (I know, it’s a horrible measure but it’s one that people are at least familiar with) and that I could reasonably lose more and still maintain a healthy BMI. I am really trying to work on building muscle/toning as I have been since the end of March when I was fully vaccinated. I am really frustrated because I can’t imagine the audacity of people (and one of these folks is a dear mentor that I look up to) to tell me this. I know part of this is that I am so frustrated when I see other folks pictures pre-plastic surgery that were sort of similar stats and they look so much better than I do now, and I try not to let that cloud my judgment, but I am curious how others have dealt with people telling you that you are getting too small?

Attaching pics to prove that I still can and should lose more in my stomach area (although what’s above my belly button is just extra skin I think that will require surgery).

0D163082-C9E8-49A1-9B26-1FA65EDFD07F.jpeg

BADC4BC9-7B26-41EA-84F2-0B516DFE513F.jpeg

C20185D4-01F1-4E47-AD49-86B8595C938E.jpeg

8BB06993-C5F1-4295-8A7C-487E1BF3F044.jpeg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you look perfect! What's left is just loose skin.

btw - it's VERY common to regain about 10% of your lost weight during year 2 or 3, so I would not worry about being too thin right now. I think you look great! I purposely went a little below my goal because I knew the rebound was really common - and yep, it happened to me!! (lost 235 lbs - gained 20 lbs in year 3)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First congrats on the weight loss! You've done fabulously!

I learned myself that everyone and their mothers believe that they should be dispensing advice to you about your body and eating habits. During weight loss phase, especially as I was nearing goal, soooooo many people would tell, ask, DEMAND that i cease losing weight immediately or even to gain some back. Ugh.

I became very skilled at stealthily changing the subject (usually about them because people love talking about themselves). I didn't bother arguing or explaining because I knew it wouldn't change their attitude anyway, and any response from me would just extend the unwanted conversation longer.

I'm 3 years out now and NOBODY talks about my weight loss any more, its old news. Whats interesting is that I actually weigh less now than at the times when they were all "concerned" about my weight loss. I do look less gaunt now (thanks, carbs) but I think its because they had enough time to get used to it and it was no longer jarring to see me so different looking in so short a time span.

If changing the subject doesn't work, you can be honest and ask them to stop, be brutally honest and demand that they stop, or go nuclear and just lose it so they will be too afraid to bring it up again, lol. OR, you can just give them what they want...which is to tell them that they are right: "Yes, you are right. I am too thin. I will make an appointment with my doc. Thanks for looking out for me".

P.S. on another note, you can't really spot-lose weight. If you want to lose more weight on your belly, be prepared to lose the proportionate amount of weight everywhere else. also keep in mind that plastics will take a few to several pounds off you. I have read of others on here who lose 8-15 lbs of "material" after plastics.

Good Luck! ❤️

Edited by ms.sss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, the unsolicited advice & sometimes hurtful comments. People do get over it & as @ms.sss sud it becomes old news. Now I just get comments about how good I look 😉.

When you first loose the weight it is a bit of a shock to others & yourself. They (& you) have a picture of you in their heads & it dues to align anymore. Like they can’t recognise you anymore. It takes time to get used to how you look being so much slimmer & for that fat image to be replaced. Also you will find that once your weight stabilises your remaining fat seems to resettle around your body. At first it seemed I had lost my hour glass shape & I had no butt at all. Now, my waist is definitely there again & I have a little booty but my weight has not changed. If you are working on toning you’ll likely notice the resettling more. And don’t forget either that muscle weighs more than fat.

As @ms.sss also said your weight will be lower if you have skin removal. So it is something to take into consideration. I think you may even find that the abdominal fat you see is really just loose skin. I didn’t go down the skin removal path as I don’t have much loose skin. (It doesn’t impede me in any way & isn’t noticeable even in fitted body con clothes.) There are a lot of factors that influence how much loose skin you end up with: highest weight, how long you were overweight, age, gender, genetics, weight gain & loss history, etc. So you can never really compare what you look like with others. Though we’re human & we can’t always stop ourselves doing that. 😉

I always say you have to find a weight you are happy with, are healthy at & can maintain without having to make too restrictive sacrifices that limit how you enjoy your life. Only you know what weight that is.

Congrats on your weight loss. You’re looking amazing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Long after everyone else had quit making comments about my weight I had one person that just would't stop. Every time I saw her she would say things like "you've gotten too thin, you need to quit losing weight, how much more are you going to lose etc..." I finally told her if she didn't stop commenting on my weight I was going to consider it harassment and go to management. She has stopped. If anyone else makes a random comment I just say "this is the size I'm supposed to be." I was 112 lbs when I graduated college and I have a couple people at work that remember when I was that size so I'm fine where I am.

Congratulations on your weight loss!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, ms.sss said:

First congrats on the weight loss! You've done fabulously!

P.S. on another note, you can't really spot-lose weight. If you want to lose more weight on your belly, be prepared to lose the proportionate amount of weight everywhere else. also keep in mind that plastics will take a few to several pounds off you. I have read of others on here who lose 8-15 lbs of "material" after plastics.

Good Luck! ❤️

These things...

Even if you've never had a weight issue or weight loss surgery, you can't lose weight in one specific place. And, it does look like what you've got there is just loose skin. And... when you are wearing a shirt it doesn't show at all.

But I think you may have to learn to live with the comments for the time being unfortunately until as @Arabesque said, people come to learn what you look like now and replace the old you with the new you in their minds.

I also want to add that I hope I am as successful as you are!! You're an inspiration!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I'm finding my inner child. Turns out, he/she's a lot skinnier than I thought he/she was."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I just got really discouraged when it was my mom, my mentor, and some random lady at the gym all in a period of 3 days.

I know I can’t “spot” lose but I’m thinking I will lose more from my belly as it’s been the last place I’ve been losing and it’s sort of deflating from the sides in so I think there is still some more to lose in the center - but we shall see. I never thought I would feel the need to do plastics but honestly so frustrated with how I look that I don’t think I’ll be satisfied otherwise - that’s part of why I’ve been doing weight training so that I can really build up the muscle mass and hopefully that will help with everything.

I’ll save the “go nuclear” option in my back pocket. 🤪

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

Long after everyone else had quit making comments about my weight I had one person that just would't stop. Every time I saw her she would say things like "you've gotten too thin, you need to quit losing weight, how much more are you going to lose etc..." I finally told her if she didn't stop commenting on my weight I was going to consider it harassment and go to management. She has stopped.

Bravo for setting a boundary and demanding she back off!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven’t dealt with this yet but I think I would probably politely tell them that I appreciate their concern for me but am working with a doctor and nutritionist so there is no need for them to worry about my health. If they continue to push after that id probably say something along the lines of I think I will get my medical advice from the experts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 10/24/2021 at 1:52 PM, Crick said:

So, I am just over 9 months post-op. I hit my official goal in August but my personal, unofficial goal was 135 which I hit last week. However, I think I can still go lower - yes, I am wearing size 6 pants and jeans and small tops but I especially have weight around my belly. I can see it shrinking from the edges but I still have another at least 5 lbs I could lose I think. Plus, I have a TON of loose skin. I’m already starting to save for plastics but that’s not the point. In the past week I have had 3 people all tell me to stop losing weight (this was unsolicited, BTW) and that I don’t want to get too thin. Now, I respond that I am working with a doctor and nutritionist and I am still in the normal BMI range (I know, it’s a horrible measure but it’s one that people are at least familiar with) and that I could reasonably lose more and still maintain a healthy BMI. I am really trying to work on building muscle/toning as I have been since the end of March when I was fully vaccinated. I am really frustrated because I can’t imagine the audacity of people (and one of these folks is a dear mentor that I look up to) to tell me this. I know part of this is that I am so frustrated when I see other folks pictures pre-plastic surgery that were sort of similar stats and they look so much better than I do now, and I try not to let that cloud my judgment, but I am curious how others have dealt with people telling you that you are getting too small?

Attaching pics to prove that I still can and should lose more in my stomach area (although what’s above my belly button is just extra skin I think that will require surgery).

0D163082-C9E8-49A1-9B26-1FA65EDFD07F.jpeg

BADC4BC9-7B26-41EA-84F2-0B516DFE513F.jpeg

C20185D4-01F1-4E47-AD49-86B8595C938E.jpeg

8BB06993-C5F1-4295-8A7C-487E1BF3F044.jpeg

When people offer you unsolicited advice, tell the it was unsolicited and ask them if they would like you to comment on their body.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×