Regret and Depression

[Jaelzion 1,123]

On 10/6/2021 at 4:47 AM, SleeverSk said:

I have reacted so badly to this surgery that i can bearly eat.

Can you explain more about this? In what way did you react badly? What's the actual problem you're dealing with?

[RTL1234 99]

I think that these feelings can be very normal! I came out and was like wtf did I do?! It stayed that way for a few weeks. As time went on it got better. Then at about 5 months out, I started with horrible acid reflux. Like shooting out my nose, choking, throwing up in the night half asleep. Then it came back again. The regret. Got that better controlled with meds, it went away. Then started with gallbladder attacks. The regrets returned. Getting that squared away now. Though when I think about it, I would not be where I’m at without the surgery. I am SO MUCH healthier. Down 104lbs from my heaviest. I am off all my meds and insulin. I am just all around in a better place.

I think the regrets come and go, and it’s normal. Sometimes I even get jealous when someone is eating a sundae or ice cream (oh I’ve tried it and I about died so no way)…and those little fleeting thoughts creep in. But overall, Even with bits of regrets, I would do it all over again in a second.

[SleeverSk 617]

11 hours ago, Jaelzion said:

Can you explain more about this? In what way did you react badly? What's the actual problem you're dealing with?

I hate it, i had second thoughts going into surgery and was treated like i was having pre op nerves. I woke up hoping for some reason the surgery hadnt been done and i spiralled from there to the point of being suicidal. I have been beating myself up over why on earth did i think this was a good idea, why didnt my gp explain how serious the surgery was and why wasnt i given other options, why did the surgeon say " the effects of the sleeve only last 18 months then its up to you" my mind heard in 18 months you will be back to eating and drinking normally, why didnt my dietian say you are not ready for this when answering her questions, why didnt she explain in full detail how eating and drinking would change forever. I spent 8 weeks on my sisters couch curled up in the foetal position bearly eating, having anxiety and panic attacks. I am getting better though i am back at work, i cry at least once a day over what i have done to myself and its hard to incredibly hard. I find no joy or pleasure in food any more its a chore to eat and drink. So i guess i am dealing with lots of problems i wish i hadnt had the surgery as i would much prefer to be fat and happy than slim and miserable 😢😢

[lizonaplane 1,604]

2 hours ago, SleeverSk said:

I hate it, i had second thoughts going into surgery and was treated like i was having pre op nerves. I woke up hoping for some reason the surgery hadnt been done and i spiralled from there to the point of being suicidal. I have been beating myself up over why on earth did i think this was a good idea, why didnt my gp explain how serious the surgery was and why wasnt i given other options, why did the surgeon say " the effects of the sleeve only last 18 months then its up to you" my mind heard in 18 months you will be back to eating and drinking normally, why didnt my dietian say you are not ready for this when answering her questions, why didnt she explain in full detail how eating and drinking would change forever. I spent 8 weeks on my sisters couch curled up in the foetal position bearly eating, having anxiety and panic attacks. I am getting better though i am back at work, i cry at least once a day over what i have done to myself and its hard to incredibly hard. I find no joy or pleasure in food any more its a chore to eat and drink. So i guess i am dealing with lots of problems i wish i hadnt had the surgery as i would much prefer to be fat and happy than slim and miserable 😢😢

I'm so sorry you're having such difficulties. It sounds like you should definitely reach out to a bariatric therapist. I'm also having a lot of difficulties because I didn't expect to be hungry all the time. I hope you can find some healing.

[ShoppGirl 3,341]

3 hours ago, SleeverSk said:

I hate it, i had second thoughts going into surgery and was treated like i was having pre op nerves. I woke up hoping for some reason the surgery hadnt been done and i spiralled from there to the point of being suicidal. I have been beating myself up over why on earth did i think this was a good idea, why didnt my gp explain how serious the surgery was and why wasnt i given other options, why did the surgeon say " the effects of the sleeve only last 18 months then its up to you" my mind heard in 18 months you will be back to eating and drinking normally, why didnt my dietian say you are not ready for this when answering her questions, why didnt she explain in full detail how eating and drinking would change forever. I spent 8 weeks on my sisters couch curled up in the foetal position bearly eating, having anxiety and panic attacks. I am getting better though i am back at work, i cry at least once a day over what i have done to myself and its hard to incredibly hard. I find no joy or pleasure in food any more its a chore to eat and drink. So i guess i am dealing with lots of problems i wish i hadnt had the surgery as i would much prefer to be fat and happy than slim and miserable 😢😢

I agree with lizonaplane, some depression and anxiety is common post surgery but your sounds clinical. I would seek out a therapist, bariatric if possible, but if the waiting list is like it is near me I would see a regular therapist in the mean time.

[Jaelzion 1,123]

3 hours ago, SleeverSk said:

I hate it, i had second thoughts going into surgery and was treated like i was having pre op nerves. I woke up hoping for some reason the surgery hadnt been done and i spiralled from there to the point of being suicidal. I have been beating myself up over why on earth did i think this was a good idea, why didnt my gp explain how serious the surgery was and why wasnt i given other options, why did the surgeon say " the effects of the sleeve only last 18 months then its up to you" my mind heard in 18 months you will be back to eating and drinking normally, why didnt my dietian say you are not ready for this when answering her questions, why didnt she explain in full detail how eating and drinking would change forever. I spent 8 weeks on my sisters couch curled up in the foetal position bearly eating, having anxiety and panic attacks. I am getting better though i am back at work, i cry at least once a day over what i have done to myself and its hard to incredibly hard. I find no joy or pleasure in food any more its a chore to eat and drink. So i guess i am dealing with lots of problems i wish i hadnt had the surgery as i would much prefer to be fat and happy than slim and miserable 😢😢

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your surgical team definitely failed you. The surgery does change your relationship with food forever. While your surgeon may have overstated things by saying the effects of the surgery only last 18 months, it is true that over time your sleeve will be less intrusive. The restriction eases somewhat and you get to the point where you can eat a small but regular-sized meal with no problem. I'm 2 and 1/2 years out from surgery and I don't have to take tiny bites or sips anymore.

As far as eating "normally", that's not something most bariatric patients aspire to because that's what got us obese in the first place. If you really did go back to eating exactly how you did before, you'd simply gain all the weight back. My program had so many educational requirements that it got irritating, but I can see from your story why they are necessary. I hope you find some peace, particularly as time passes and your sleeve matures. God bless!

[OutdoorsGirl 92]

Jaelzion, I’m glad to hear that you can now take regular sips and bites. I’m preop and that is one of my worries. Knowing that it probably won’t be forever is good news. Congratulations on your success.

[vikingbeast 985]

3 hours ago, ymn said:

Jaelzion, I’m glad to hear that you can now take regular sips and bites. I’m preop and that is one of my worries. Knowing that it probably won’t be forever is good news. Congratulations on your success.

Another voice adding to Jaelzion's statement. I'm 3.5 weeks out and can take normal sips and normal bites (not giant "let me hoover up this food" bites like before). I do separate bites by a few minutes.

[SleeverSk 617]

4 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

I agree with lizonaplane, some depression and anxiety is common post surgery but your sounds clinical. I would seek out a therapist, bariatric if possible, but if the waiting list is like it is near me I would see a regular therapist in the mean time.

Yes i have done that it has helped a little

[SleeverSk 617]

5 hours ago, lizonaplane said:

I'm so sorry you're having such difficulties. It sounds like you should definitely reach out to a bariatric therapist. I'm also having a lot of difficulties because I didn't expect to be hungry all the time. I hope you can find some healing.

Yes i am hungry a lot of the time too but its so hard juggling eating between drinking i currently drink less than a litre a day although yesterday i managed 1.25 litres but only because i drank right up until bedtime. Which my surgeon told me no drink or food 3 hours before bed 😕

[caityoh 3]

I had the exact same thoughts.
I had my sleeve done 2 weeks before Christmas.
I was still on liquids when everyone was happily eating their beautiful meals.
It wasnt the food I missed, I felt left out, i felt lonely.
But I can assure you that it does get better!

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[TaylorA 4]

I am afraid I will feel the same way.

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[SleeverSk 617]

4 minutes ago, TaylorA said:

I am afraid I will feel the same way.

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How far post op are you Taylor? Its horrible to feel this isnt it?hugs to you ❤

[TaylorA 4]

I'm still pre op I'm terrified but working through the fears

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[Rara 26]

Too soon to tell