Husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. Now what?

[Surgerynx 7]

I am sorry that your husband is not supportive. I think you need to ask a friend or a close family member to drop you off and pick you up.

[Itstamy 1]

I had the same problem My husband told me if anything happened and I couldn't go back to work he was not helping physically or financially. Nice huh. I arranged my own rides.

[DoodlesMom 98]

On 8/15/2021 at 2:40 PM, BDL58 said:

My husband is disabled by severe heart disease and couldn’t take me for my DS or pick me up afterwards. A friend/coworker (who had the DS 6 years ago) took me to the hospital and dropped me off and my sister in law picked me up when I was discharged.

That's nice that you had someone who understands what it's like to take you to the hospital.

[DoodlesMom 98]

3 hours ago, Itstamy said:

I had the same problem My husband told me if anything happened and I couldn't go back to work he was not helping physically or financially. Nice huh. I arranged my own rides.

That's real supportive and understanding. Ug. Is there a book on how to be supportive when family/friend undergoes WLS? If not, this community should get together and write one.

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

The people who need a book like that won’t read it, and even if they did they’d find excuses or google until they get the one response from a like minded Neanderthal that confirms their bias.

[Neensyb 111]

On 8/12/2021 at 1:35 PM, DoodlesMom said:

My husband thinks I should be able to lose the weight on my own without surgery. He thinks it's too drastic of a step to take. Your husband sounds so supportive. He's even doing the preop/liver shrink diet with you? That's love!! Thank you for your prayers.

I am really sorry to read this. I'd definitely go to a close friend and ask for support; not only for the transportation, but when you need someone to talk to afterwards. This isn't just a physical journey, but very much a psychological one too.

Good luck, I am sure your husband will come around once he sees a healthier you x

[Tony B - NJ 641]

On 8/16/2021 at 8:38 PM, Itstamy said:

I had the same problem My husband told me if anything happened and I couldn't go back to work he was not helping physically or financially. Nice huh. I arranged my own rides.

I don't understand how anyone could do that to a spouse. I would really be questioning my future with him if I were you. Just is not right.

[Tony B - NJ 641]

On 8/15/2021 at 4:03 AM, Laurie C. said:

Sorry your husband is not being supportive. My ex-husband was even supportive with me! Although my loving brother informed me that I was "taking the easy way out and that he was disappointed in me." Like I care! He admitted he hates fat people. He's ignorant and fat himself! So, whose disappointed in whom?! Lol My question is, how are you going to get to the many other doctor visits that come along with this surgery? And how supportive is he going to be with your new eating plan? Is he going to eat healthy with you or are you going to have to cook all the things you can't eat and have that temptation on top of all this stress? Is it just you and your husband or do you have children to cook for as well? That's another challenge you may be facing. I feel for you. That's why I joined a support group. We're here when others aren't. I would ask a friend to help you if they would. A trusting, suppirtive one. Best of luck!

I laugh at the "easy way out" comments. I have been on the pre op diet for a couple weeks now and it is NOT easy, so not sure what the hell they see as easy. I think they believe it is snip, snip and you are instantly skinny.

[eholmes89 106]

ahh that sucks 😔

I don’t think I could have coped without my boyfriends support throughout the whole thing! I know he’s fed up of listening to ‘how much Protein I’ve eaten today’ ‘look at my scars’ ‘ I’ve got no energy to do anything’ .. but true love supports one another.

also the ‘easy way out’ comment infuriates me, my family said the same thing, until they realised actually what I went through, this is not an easy option, your physically changing your body and having surgery which has complication in its self. I’m sure if we could have all done it by dieting and exercise we wouldn’t be here right?!

I hope you find a friend, or family member to support your journey. You also have all Of us here as well.. anytime.

xx

[ShoppGirl 3,353]

1 hour ago, Tony B - NJ said:

I laugh at the "easy way out" comments. I have been on the pre op diet for a couple weeks now and it is NOT easy, so not sure what the hell they see as easy. I think they believe it is snip, snip and you are instantly skinny.

My husband thought that they just cut the fat out of you somehow. He thought people just left the hospital skinny my somehow. And my husband is not an ignorant man…usually…lol. He said when He thought it through that didn’t make sense but he hadn’t ever given it much thought. I think that many people think it’s somehow instant though. Ooh and my psychologist said why don’t you just ask them to take more out. Referring to fat when I told him I was worried I wouldn’t lose as much as I want to. This is a man with a doctorate degree. 😂

[ChattyKathie 5]

On 8/11/2021 at 11:10 PM, DoodlesMom said:

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

Get a new husband

[Tony B - NJ 641]

3 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

My husband thought that they just cut the fat out of you somehow. He thought people just left the hospital skinny my somehow. And my husband is not an ignorant man…usually…lol. He said when He thought it through that didn’t make sense but he hadn’t ever given it much thought. I think that many people think it’s somehow instant though. Ooh and my psychologist said why don’t you just ask them to take more out. Referring to fat when I told him I was worried I wouldn’t lose as much as I want to. This is a man with a doctorate degree. 😂

You know, it really goes to the state of body shaming in the country. It is not OK to insult someone on their race, color, religion or sexual designation/choice etc, but it still makes people laugh and carry on to insult someone if they are overweight for whatever reason, medical or otherwise. People do not understand it because they don't care and still look down on overweight people. I really think it is an unfair situation.

[Tony B - NJ 641]

Just now, ChattyKathie said:

Get a new husband

I agree with that analysis!!!

[DoodlesMom 98]

Thank you to everyone for your support. I truly appreciate it. Reading the kind words made a really dark time manageable.

I wanted to give an update. I reached out to my mother in law who lives in another state. She'll be coming into town on the night of my surgery. She will pick me up after my surgery and stay for a few days while I recover. She's a loving and caring woman but, it was still tough to ask for something so big. She understands how difficult her son can be. As far as getting to the hospital, I've exhausted every possibility, and taking an Uber seems to be the easiest.

Nothing has been resolved with my husband. He still refuses to be a part of the process. He still insists if I exercise, I'll lose weight. I'm done trying to explain and plead my case. He just doesn't get it. I need to focus on myself and my goals right now. I'm in therapy. The suggested strategies for getting some peace are working.

I have one final appointment in a week to complete my 6-month requirement (yay!) and then it's the waiting game for insurance approval.

Sleeve and tube removal here I come. 😁

[TheBusierBee 17]

My two cents for what it's worth.

Sounds more like insecurity on the Hubs end. If he's normally supportive in other things maybe this stems from insecurity especially if he's obese too.

If you still have time have him go to a marriage counselor with you esp if your doc suggests one.

This will help him get over his fear that may be causing this behaviour.

Try selling it to him as advantageous to him...a fitter wife who'll be able to help him more.

Keeping you in prayer 🙏