My surgery was aborted

[Darkerthanblack1964 8]

June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.

[ShoppGirl 3,341]

I am so sorry to hear that your surgery didn’t go on as planned. Some time has passed now, I hope you have wrapped your mind around it now and are committed to losing the extra bit of weight so that you can get your surgery and reach your goals. I know it will not be easy but I believe that you can do it and it will just be that much weight you don’t have to lose AFTER surgery. You have come so far already…don’t just give up.

[lizonaplane 1,604]

I hope you are able now to see that the surgeon was trying to protect your safety by aborting the surgery. You need a functioning liver. Hopefully this will motivate you to lose any additional weight required and try again. You wouldn't be able to sue the surgeon as no harm was done and he does not seem to have acted wrongly (I have studied medical law cases and neither of the things required for you to sue are present here). You just had a bad outcome and you are fortunate that there was no injury and you can try again. If the surgeon HAD completed the surgery, you might have ended up in really bad shape requiring a liver transplant.

I hope you are feeling less hopeless and have become determined to get back on track. I know it would be very upsetting to me, too, to have my surgery aborted. I am having enough trouble getting it scheduled!

[XtinaDoesIt 196]

Gosh this really pulled at my heart. Not the same, but a while back I managed to lose around 30 lbs and had saved enough money for lipo... but the surgeon I was recommended to wouldn't even do it. He said I needed to lose another 20 or so pounds. I was around 200 lbs then. After the months I put into it, it seemed he dismissed me in minutes. It was probably the most depressed I have ever been about my weight. I just cried and cried. The work I already did just felt so little. Needless to say I spiraled and gained all my weight back plus another 50 lbs. Now I am working so hard just to get back to 200lbs.

My only words for you is not to give up. Try hard not to live in self pity and shame for too long. It took me 3 years to crawl out of that space and try again. The difference is WLS is soo much more work than Lipo. You already committed to this much, you can try again! Maybe with a different surgeon...

[Darkerthanblack1964 8]

Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

[lizonaplane 1,604]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I will say, surgeons generally do not have great bedside manner. They have to be great technicians, and most of them don't know how to deal with patients when they are awake! I'm glad you're trying again. Keep at the diet, take some walks if you're able for mental health, talk to a therapist if that works for you, and focus on the goal. Good luck!

[XtinaDoesIt 196]

When you have tried and failed at weight loss so many times before, it makes sense that you would be hesitant to believe it will work. Then to have your experience... any one would be apprehensive. But I (and I'm sure others here) will be sending good vibes your way and hoping it works out for you! Just put one foot in front of the other until you reach your goal!

[SleeveToBypass2023 1,796]

On 6/24/2021 at 8:17 PM, Darkerthanblack1964 said:

Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date.

I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery.

i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

It's been quite a while since the last post here, and I just found this thread. What's happened since then? Were you able to get your surgery?