Lying about not getting surgery is awful

[SoulGardener 100]

I told an old acquaintance the other day that I had bariatric surgery. She proceeded to tell me about a horror story of one of her friends who had the surgery 25 years ago in Mexico. Her friend has had severe complications that have never resolved. Although I had mine done at a Bariatric Center of Excellence here in the states, her story did cause me anxiety. I’m only 3 weeks past surgery and I need to stay positive! I won’t be so open in the future!

[catwoman7 10,846]

25 minutes ago, SoulGardener said:

I told an old acquaintance the other day that I had bariatric surgery. She proceeded to tell me about a horror story of one of her friends who had the surgery 25 years ago in Mexico. Her friend has had severe complications that have never resolved. Although I had mine done at a Bariatric Center of Excellence here in the states, her story did cause me anxiety. I’m only 3 weeks past surgery and I need to stay positive! I won’t be so open in the future!

actually, weight loss surgeries WERE very risky 25 years ago! I think that's what a lot of people are remembering when you tell them you had it. Techniques have improved drastically since then -- they're much safer now than they were back then.

[Anj0399 61]

My weight was down about 7 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lupus and put on meds that actually made me lose a lot of weight. I went from 235lbs then to 178Lbs due to nausea and sleeping all the time for months. Family and friends noticed but knew it was from my meds. Of course I have gained it all back plus 40lbs so I know I’ll be questioned how I lost weight once again. I don’t want to tell certain family members about WLS because I am not close with them/get along with them and don’t feel I owe them an explanation. How did you manage keeping your weight loss private from those you do not want to discuss it with? I’m so nervous about it and don’t want to lie to them but feel it’s none of their business. Any suggestions?

Edited May 27, 2021 by Anj0399

[ClarkKent 35]

2 minutes ago, Anj0399 said:

My weight was down about 7 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lupus and put on meds that actually made me lose a lot of weight. I went from 235lbs then to 178Lbs due to nausea and sleeping all the time for months. Family and friends noticed but knew it was from my meds. Of course I have gained it all back plus 40lbs so I know I’ll be questioned how I lost weight once again. I don’t want to tell certain family members about WLS because I am not close with them/get along with them and don’t feel I owe them an explanation. How did you manage keeping your weight loss private from those you do not want to discuss it with? I’m so nervous about it and don’t want to lie to them but feel it’s none of their business. Any suggestions?

My approach was to start to diet and workout before surgery and post about it on Facebook. After surgery I will start this back. If anyone i feel needs o know I will be honest, to others I will just say I am working hard which is the truth. as far as the surgery everyone thinks it is hernia repair

[lizonaplane 1,604]

3 minutes ago, Anj0399 said:

My weight was down about 7 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lupus and put on meds that actually made me lose a lot of weight. I went from 235lbs then to 178Lbs due to nausea and sleeping all the time for months. Family and friends noticed but knew it was from my meds. Of course I have gained it all back plus 40lbs so I know I’ll be questioned how I lost weight once again. I don’t want to tell certain family members about WLS because I am not close with them/get along with them and don’t feel I owe them an explanation. How did you manage keeping your weight loss private from those you do not want to discuss it with? I’m so nervous about it and don’t want to lie to them but feel it’s none of their business. Any suggestions?

Someone else here said you can just say "My doctor and I came up with a treatment plan and it's working". You could also say "I completely overhauled my life". Both of these things are true but not the WHOLE STORY. I'm telling people I'm having surgery, even though people may not respond well, because that's just my personality. If they don't like it, eff 'em.

[ShoppGirl 3,341]

10 minutes ago, Anj0399 said:

My weight was down about 7 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lupus and put on meds that actually made me lose a lot of weight. I went from 235lbs then to 178Lbs due to nausea and sleeping all the time for months. Family and friends noticed but knew it was from my meds. Of course I have gained it all back plus 40lbs so I know I’ll be questioned how I lost weight once again. I don’t want to tell certain family members about WLS because I am not close with them/get along with them and don’t feel I owe them an explanation. How did you manage keeping your weight loss private from those you do not want to discuss it with? I’m so nervous about it and don’t want to lie to them but feel it’s none of their business. Any suggestions?

Start telling them that you are dieting and eating better now and seeing a nutritionist and exercising. Everything you are already doing so when they see you next and you’ve lost weight it won’t seem so fast.

[Alex Brecher 10,484]

I wrote a little article on this topic 7-8 years ago at

[Anj0399 61]

2 hours ago, ClarkKent said:

My approach was to start to diet and workout before surgery and post about it on Facebook. After surgery I will start this back. If anyone i feel needs o know I will be honest, to others I will just say I am working hard which is the truth. as far as the surgery everyone thinks it is hernia repair

Thanks for the recommendation! I think that could work

[Anj0399 61]

1 hour ago, Alex Brecher said:

I wrote a little article on this topic 7-8 years ago at

Great article! It was very helpful!

[Anj0399 61]

2 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Start telling them that you are dieting and eating better now and seeing a nutritionist and exercising. Everything you are already doing so when they see you next and you’ve lost weight it won’t seem so fast.

Great idea! Love it!

[Anj0399 61]

2 hours ago, lizonaplane said:

Someone else here said you can just say "My doctor and I came up with a treatment plan and it's working". You could also say "I completely overhauled my life". Both of these things are true but not the WHOLE STORY. I'm telling people I'm having surgery, even though people may not respond well, because that's just my personality. If they don't like it, eff 'em.

Thanks, I like the idea of stating my doctor has me on a plan, which of course he does! And right, if they don’t like it “eff’em” lol!!!

2 hours ago, lizonaplane said:

Someone else here said you can just say "My doctor and I came up with a treatment plan and it's working". You could also say "I completely overhauled my life". Both of these things are true but not the WHOLE STORY. I'm telling people I'm having surgery, even though people may not respond well, because that's just my personality. If they don't like it, eff 'em.

[Anj0399 61]

2 hours ago, ClarkKent said:

My approach was to start to diet and workout before surgery and post about it on Facebook. After surgery I will start this back. If anyone i feel needs o know I will be honest, to others I will just say I am working hard which is the truth. as far as the surgery everyone thinks it is hernia repair

Great idea...I am working hard with diet and exercise so that’s a great answer! Thanks!

[DoodlesMom 98]

On 5/27/2021 at 6:35 AM, meressa said:

I do the same keep it to myself unless someone who is obese wants to know then I will tell them. Unfortunately this time around I told my mother and I asked her to not say anything to anyone. So it would just be her and my husband who new. But the day of my surgery she made 2 group chats telling my aunts and uncles in one text chat to pray for me because I’m having surgery. Then made another group text with all my brothers and sisters and said I was having surgery to correct my “Gurt”. Naturally they all start texting me about why I didn’t tell them. And to top that off she posted on Facebook everyone pray for my daughter she having surgery to fix her “Gurt” so she won’t be a miserable mother and wife. I was so pissed I asked my mom why did she do that. She said I told them about your Gurt not the other thing. I still can’t get over it because people are texting and calling and asking what is Gurt. 😓😒

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like the intent was to get prayers of support but, she broke your trust multiple times. I wouldn't be able to get over it either. I can empathize. I shared some medical information with someone I trusted with the promise of confidentiality. Imagine how shocked I was when another friend came to my house with lots of worry and questions about my health. It's probably the angriest and hurt I've ever been. All I could bring myself to say was, "If I wanted you to know, I would have told you myself."

I remember reading somewhere that when you share something, you lose control of that information. Once shared, you can't control who gets access to the information and when. I wish family and friends were bound by HIPAA privacy and confidentiality laws.

[Bulabula 58]

Only my husband knows about my surgery.
For Christmas 2020, I bought us exercise machines and set up a gym in our home. I thought I would jump on the health train and get myself healthy. However, months went by and I didn’t change my habits or diet enough. I wasn’t even thinking about WLS in April 2021. However, I felt my health declining and I finally weighed myself. 250 lbs at 5’6”. I’ve never gone over 220 before, even when 9 months pregnant.

My blood tests showed I am pre-diabetic, have high cholesterol, and anemia. Everything bad that runs in my DNA and that I said I would prevent. That’s my issue, all that is preventable. I li This is when I decided I needed to make a drastic change and invest in my health. I called several doctors and because I was paying cash, I was able to have my surgery scheduled within three weeks from my first consult!

I’m 6 days out of DS Surgery and I’m happy I haven’t told anyone about WLS. My siblings and friends think I had an operation to fix my heavy periods. Before surgery, I was dieting and exercising for a few weeks and lost 15 lbs. I told friends and family about my blood test results and how our family was making healthier decisions. This was enough info for everyone.

Maybe one day I’ll tell those that may want to know, but as of right now, I’m focused on getting myself to be healthy and that’s enough.

[Slownstedy 210]

I just tell people I spent the pandemic hiking everyday . And I did