Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Breakup Because I Had WLS



Recommended Posts

So...just out of curiosity, has anyone ever been broken up with due to their WLS?

I was seeing a guy for a couple of months and he broke it off because he "couldn't deal with all my dietary restrictions." WTF?

He claimed it wasn't fun hanging out with someone whose options for dining out were limited and who couldn't drink.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m in the midst of a divorce. Although he didn’t cite my WLS as a reason, I think that combined with my recent plastic surgery led to him being incredibly insecure despite all of my reassurances.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have not personally experienced this, but I have heard divorce rates are high for people who have WLS. However, it sounds like you dodged a bullet! We don't need an abundance of food and alcohol to have fun!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think this is common not just in romantic relationships but also in friendships. When we are heavy and food is central to our life, we form relationships with a certain type of person, and these relationships center around eating a lot and maybe drinking a lot.

Also, like @kristieshannon said, sometimes partners can become insecure as people lose weight.

Hopefully you'll be able to form a relationship with someone who shares your new healthy relationship with food, and can join you in healthier activities.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like he didn’t like being around you because it forced him to look at his own choices.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

Sounds like he didn’t like being around you because it forced him to look at his own choices.

Yup, this is pretty much it. Don't take this personally. In fact, consider it him doing you a favor because if he can't support your new eating (and drinking) way of life then that is not someone you want around. And if can't see all of the other wonderful things you bring to the table, that is his selfish choice. You need a strong man, not this wimp! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah... and honestly, if he couldn't take a few dietary restrictions then what would happen if the poo really hit the fan over something else. Life happens. If he couldn't take it when you're doing something positive to make your health better, then heaven forbid you get in a car accident or anything else. You definitely dodged a bullet, and he wasn't worth your time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been going through a rough time mentally and have lost too much weight from my sleeve and started restricting my diet so I don't stretch my stomach. Starting to get help to overcome this. My boyfriend has been a saint and helps me because I have been at my lowest. He has issues too. He is only 24, I am 29. And has already had his 2nd open heart surgery. SO he is dealing with a lot too. I am trying to recenter myself and find a happy balance, but I just can't switch to happy overnight and be like yup all fixed! He told me today it feels like he has lost me and that I don't want him around. Which is not true. Just I am someone who needs me time too especially through this emotional rollercoaster. I try to practice mindful eating because my hunger and fullness signals are VERY similar and I am trying to decipher which is which and after dinner he comes up and grabs me around the waste and like throws my stomach around. Or at night time he wants to lay ontop of me. Which was ok before for a little bit, but I now weigh 114lbs and he is 285lbs. I feel crushed and it hurts and he gets mad saying I feel like I am going to hurt you and you don't want me touching you. It isn't that at all! I am just fragile right now and trying to get better and I do not want to lose him. We live together and talk about kids and marriage and I feel like I am ruining everything I have ever dreamed of. A little backstory, I used to weigh my food the 1st year and a half outta surgery on a food scale at 4oz. I was happy and enjoyed a lot of foods. Then My providers said NO not 4oz of weight WE MEAN VOLUME! What I can fit into a measuring cup. I had an endoscopy to make sure I didn't stretch my stomach and they said I was good. But if I kept doing what I was doing it would eventually stretch. I got SCARED and restricted my self to 1/3cup volume to ensure I never would overeat. Well then I started mourning food and felt deprived. It is so hard to find food to mush into a measuring cup! Eventually I got full off my 1/3c or what I think fullness is?? And eventually couldn't even finish that. meat no longer sits well with me and neither does eggs or dairy. I had Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy August 6th 2019. My HW was 352lbs and now I am 114lbs. Now my providers say don't weigh or measure anything at all just go by how I am "Feeling" and that is hard for me! I eat 3 meals a day with a protien shake in between. I am so messed up about eating and where I will be in 3 - 10 years because medical journals say that ultimately the sleeve is a failed procedure in the long run and that terrifies me. Multiple published medical journals, sites my surgeon belongs to, say most gain their weight and stretch their stomach back 3-10 and gain anywhere to 20 - 80 - too ALL OF THEIR WEIGHT BACK. SO here I am freaking out and could possibly lose the love of my life, but everyone just expects me to turn around and be happy and not worry and say so ya gain a few pounds, go ahead you can overeat this one time..it wont hurt you! No, but those habits will!

Tat is my long rant.. I am so sorry...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, Mckennajaims said:

I have been going through a rough time mentally and have lost too much weight from my sleeve and started restricting my diet so I don't stretch my stomach. Starting to get help to overcome this. My boyfriend has been a saint and helps me because I have been at my lowest. He has issues too. He is only 24, I am 29. And has already had his 2nd open heart surgery. SO he is dealing with a lot too. I am trying to recenter myself and find a happy balance, but I just can't switch to happy overnight and be like yup all fixed! He told me today it feels like he has lost me and that I don't want him around. Which is not true. Just I am someone who needs me time too especially through this emotional rollercoaster. I try to practice mindful eating because my hunger and fullness signals are VERY similar and I am trying to decipher which is which and after dinner he comes up and grabs me around the waste and like throws my stomach around. Or at night time he wants to lay ontop of me. Which was ok before for a little bit, but I now weigh 114lbs and he is 285lbs. I feel crushed and it hurts and he gets mad saying I feel like I am going to hurt you and you don't want me touching you. It isn't that at all! I am just fragile right now and trying to get better and I do not want to lose him. We live together and talk about kids and marriage and I feel like I am ruining everything I have ever dreamed of. A little backstory, I used to weigh my food the 1st year and a half outta surgery on a food scale at 4oz. I was happy and enjoyed a lot of foods. Then My providers said NO not 4oz of weight WE MEAN VOLUME! What I can fit into a measuring cup. I had an endoscopy to make sure I didn't stretch my stomach and they said I was good. But if I kept doing what I was doing it would eventually stretch. I got SCARED and restricted my self to 1/3cup volume to ensure I never would overeat. Well then I started mourning food and felt deprived. It is so hard to find food to mush into a measuring cup! Eventually I got full off my 1/3c or what I think fullness is?? And eventually couldn't even finish that. meat no longer sits well with me and neither does eggs or dairy. I had Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy August 6th 2019. My HW was 352lbs and now I am 114lbs. Now my providers say don't weigh or measure anything at all just go by how I am "Feeling" and that is hard for me! I eat 3 meals a day with a protien shake in between. I am so messed up about eating and where I will be in 3 - 10 years because medical journals say that ultimately the sleeve is a failed procedure in the long run and that terrifies me. Multiple published medical journals, sites my surgeon belongs to, say most gain their weight and stretch their stomach back 3-10 and gain anywhere to 20 - 80 - too ALL OF THEIR WEIGHT BACK. SO here I am freaking out and could possibly lose the love of my life, but everyone just expects me to turn around and be happy and not worry and say so ya gain a few pounds, go ahead you can overeat this one time..it wont hurt you! No, but those habits will!

Tat is my long rant.. I am so sorry...

Wow... it sounds like both you and your boyfriend have been through a lot lately. Maybe you need to seek counseling - either one or both of you together. Communication is going to be pivotal for you - both in voicing your needs and HEARING what the other person is saying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow. Good riddance I say. My husband lost 70 lbs taking a weekly injectible for diabetes before I had my surgery. I know he wanted me to lose weight too. I had the sleeve in Dec 2019, and lost 104 lbs in 12 months and am maintaining that weight eating and drinking what I want but in tiny portions. I eat healthier than I used to, but I definitely still eat things on occasion that I did not eat in the first year at all, and I had no alcohol for the first 12 months. I am lucky like that, he was very supportive and even did the shake diet with me in the beginning. He's a great cook and it was my love of his good cooking and my liking to eat that got me to 304 lbs in the first place. I ate it all willingly, but he cooks healthier for me now. After 30 years I can't imagine my life with out him. That guy wasn't the right one for you, be glad he helped you see that before he broke your heart or it cost you money.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 10/3/2021 at 6:12 PM, mary77450 said:

Wow. Good riddance I say. My husband lost 70 lbs taking a weekly injectible for diabetes before I had my surgery. I know he wanted me to lose weight too. I had the sleeve in Dec 2019, and lost 104 lbs in 12 months and am maintaining that weight eating and drinking what I want but in tiny portions. I eat healthier than I used to, but I definitely still eat things on occasion that I did not eat in the first year at all, and I had no alcohol for the first 12 months. I am lucky like that, he was very supportive and even did the shake diet with me in the beginning. He's a great cook and it was my love of his good cooking and my liking to eat that got me to 304 lbs in the first place. I ate it all willingly, but he cooks healthier for me now. After 30 years I can't imagine my life with out him. That guy wasn't the right one for you, be glad he helped you see that before he broke your heart or it cost you money.

No, he definitely wasn't the right guy for me at all. I'm happy to hear you found a wonderful and supportive man. :) Stories like yours give me hope!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×