Surgery Scheduled and Telling No One

[SummerTimeGirl 580]

Just the past weekend I was reassured that I had better just stick to NOT telling anyone else like I had ORIGINALLY planned. I had only told my husband, obviously, and my son knows cause he lives here too, but other than that I did not want to tell anyone. However, I had since changed my mind and decided I had better tell my sister and mother in the event that something happened to me. Mostly because my husband knows my wishes at death but they do not and I didn't want them giving him **** for fulfilling my wishes cause I know they would disagree. Anyway, I should have just kept my mouth shut! LOL

As soon as I told my sister immediately I was hit with the following.........

"Why"
"You're not that big to need it (she must be blind lol and as if size is the ONLY reason)"
"Are you sure you tried everything else first?"
"My SIL had it done and gained it all back"
"Someone else I know had it done and her heart stopped on the table and they had to bring her back and now she has a pacemaker"
"Are you sure you tried everything else?"
"Just because you have it done doesn't mean your high BP will go away"
"Well I was able to lose my extra weight by eating better and walking"

etc.

My mother was just like, "why?". SMH Anyway, I even said to my sister, these comments are exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone. YES, I've tried it all, YES, I'm sure, YES, I NEED it for HEALTH reasons and not to "look good", cause at one point after she accepted it that's all she kept saying is how skinny I would be by mid Summer (right....SMH)............ugh!! It was annoying! But yeah, not telling anyone else for sure!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

2 minutes ago, Shannon In MN said:

Even though this wasn't directed at me- I still apperciate your input!! I told no one (except my boyfriend) and am glad I made that decision- im only 3 days post op but feel like certain friends would judge me and I don't have time for that bs.

god yes...... so much better not telling...... as time goes.. no one will even mention it. Simply say, i'm watching what i'm eating and moving more.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

28 minutes ago, TSH1222 said:

I feel like you. I am 52 and I hope the weight will come off although I know I will have to work hard. It is definitely the age. I wish I would have done it 20 lbs earlier when the weight was just piling on and I knew steroids, perimenopause, etc... would hinder that weight loss. I purchased the Street Rider that can be left in place and is a great workout, google. I hope and pray that at the 2-week mark I can start and not hurt myself. It is very safe and if money is a concern they have a payment plan. Just an FYI. might help.

52 also.... 53 in july

[WorldCruiser 38]

On 4/6/2021 at 8:21 AM, ShanIAmVA said:

Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me.

I feel the same... I told only my son, because he is my emergency contact and will take me to the hospital.

[HeatherE 199]

I had surgery in March. I told my husband initially. I eventually told my parents and was surprised they were supportive. My husband agreed that he expected my dad to tell me just to eat better and exercise more like him. My father was not kind about my weight gain.

I didn’t tell any other friends or family. I’m six weeks out and still haven’t told friends or family. Only my manicurist knows, and my son’s head of school figured it out (she’s considering the same procedure with the same doctor).

My coworkers, neighbors, and some friends knew I was having hernia surgery (which was true since they repaired my hernia at the same time). A couple people asked me if I was doing weight loss surgery when they figured out I was on a liquid diet. I was shocked because I didn’t think I was that big to even need surgery. I just told them it was hernia surgery.

If I choose to tell people down the road, that’s ok; but, I’m not offering it up. I just tell people I’m on a diet,

[TSH1222 20]

2 hours ago, SummerTimeGirl said:

Just the past weekend I was reassured that I had better just stick to NOT telling anyone else like I had ORIGINALLY planned. I had only told my husband, obviously, and my son knows cause he lives here too, but other than that I did not want to tell anyone. However, I had since changed my mind and decided I had better tell my sister and mother in the event that something happened to me. Mostly because my husband knows my wishes at death but they do not and I didn't want them giving him **** for fulfilling my wishes cause I know they would disagree. Anyway, I should have just kept my mouth shut! LOL

As soon as I told my sister immediately I was hit with the following.........

"Why"
"You're not that big to need it (she must be blind lol and as if size is the ONLY reason)"
"Are you sure you tried everything else first?"
"My SIL had it done and gained it all back"
"Someone else I know had it done and her heart stopped on the table and they had to bring her back and now she has a pacemaker"
"Are you sure you tried everything else?"
"Just because you have it done doesn't mean your high BP will go away"
"Well I was able to lose my extra weight by eating better and walking"

etc.

My mother was just like, "why?". SMH Anyway, I even said to my sister, these comments are exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone. YES, I've tried it all, YES, I'm sure, YES, I NEED it for HEALTH reasons and not to "look good", cause at one point after she accepted it that's all she kept saying is how skinny I would be by mid Summer (right....SMH)............ugh!! It was annoying! But yeah, not telling anyone else for sure!

And what is wrong with looking good ? Mental health counts. There are many people who have no medical issues from being overweight does that disqualifies them from a life free of excess weight via gs, not fair. A perfect argument that not telling anyone is the best way. My family was fully supportive with 60 lbs excess. They understood. I did this for me. I did this because whether I live 5 days , 5 months , or 50 years, I want to do it on my terms. Feeling good and looking by best.
everyone else can go fly a kite !

[SummerTimeGirl 580]

7 minutes ago, TSH1222 said:

And what is wrong with looking good ? Mental health counts. There are many people who have no medical issues from being overweight does that disqualifies them from a life free of excess weight via gs, not fair. A perfect argument that not telling anyone is the best way. My family was fully supportive with 60 lbs excess. They understood. I did this for me. I did this because whether I live 5 days , 5 months , or 50 years, I want to do it on my terms. Feeling good and looking by best.
everyone else can go fly a kite !

Agreed! Nothing wrong with wanting to look/feel good (and that being the only reason for some.......I WISH that was my only concern) but my sister was concentrating on that ONLY when I was clearly trying to tell her the newly discovered diabetes, high BP, Insulin Resistance, PCOS, years of no diets and gym working, and fear of any future issues is what I was MORE worried about at this time. FOR ME. Like in one ear and out the other with her. LOL But yeah, not gonna tell anyone else for sure. HAHA

[TSH1222 20]

Amén

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 844]

I think the most telling thing about this is that with some people getting this surgery it truly is a matter of life and death, and for a lot of other people it’s a matter of them being miserable and suffering without the surgery...and their friends and family are still against it.

The one singular person I told has been generally positive about it but has for sure told me that she doesn’t want to get the surgery (wasn’t implying she should, but ok) and has made random comments about people she knows who got surgery and regained/didn’t lose. Helpful!

[A1220M 101]

16 hours ago, SummerTimeGirl said:

Just the past weekend I was reassured that I had better just stick to NOT telling anyone else like I had ORIGINALLY planned. I had only told my husband, obviously, and my son knows cause he lives here too, but other than that I did not want to tell anyone. However, I had since changed my mind and decided I had better tell my sister and mother in the event that something happened to me. Mostly because my husband knows my wishes at death but they do not and I didn't want them giving him **** for fulfilling my wishes cause I know they would disagree. Anyway, I should have just kept my mouth shut! LOL

As soon as I told my sister immediately I was hit with the following.........

"Why"
"You're not that big to need it (she must be blind lol and as if size is the ONLY reason)"
"Are you sure you tried everything else first?"
"My SIL had it done and gained it all back"
"Someone else I know had it done and her heart stopped on the table and they had to bring her back and now she has a pacemaker"
"Are you sure you tried everything else?"
"Just because you have it done doesn't mean your high BP will go away"
"Well I was able to lose my extra weight by eating better and walking"

etc.

My mother was just like, "why?". SMH Anyway, I even said to my sister, these comments are exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone. YES, I've tried it all, YES, I'm sure, YES, I NEED it for HEALTH reasons and not to "look good", cause at one point after she accepted it that's all she kept saying is how skinny I would be by mid Summer (right....SMH)............ugh!! It was annoying! But yeah, not telling anyone else for sure!

Yeesh! This sounds like an interrogation...but sounds like you already know how you want to approach it. Family can be the hardest to discuss this with, I think. Hopefully they become supportive once they see how HARD you're working!

[hrnelson79 4]

I told basically everyone (I am a very open person about pretty much everything) and received SO MUCH negativity! Even from people I thought would understand. It's absolutely implied that people think of this as the easy way which is such BS. This is the hardest thing I've ever done to lose weight. Regular dieting is nothing compared to this. So many people told me all about all the other ways to lose the weight (as if I'd never tried before) or that I wasn't fat enough to require surgery for help. Luckily I have a very supportive partner who has been wonderful. I applaud your decision and really hope it goes well for you!

[Whitetank&denim 11]

The bottom line is it's your body, your business. I wanted to be sure I was making the decision for myself, along with my surgeon and his support staff. My sister was there for me to bring me to and from the hospital and stayed for a while post-surgery, and she was so anxious! I just said it was a hernia. I can't imagine if I told her it was VSG. I'm used to her anxiety so I was able to not let it affect me.

This was the bottom line for me: If I choose to share my journey someday with someone, I will. Once you tell someone, you can't "untell" them.

I have also had experience with the people you expect to be the most supportive are actually the least.

[TSH1222 20]

Well said, praying for everyone’s best

[lizonaplane 1,604]

On 5/7/2021 at 1:26 PM, hrnelson79 said:

I told basically everyone (I am a very open person about pretty much everything) and received SO MUCH negativity! Even from people I thought would understand. It's absolutely implied that people think of this as the easy way which is such BS. This is the hardest thing I've ever done to lose weight. Regular dieting is nothing compared to this. So many people told me all about all the other ways to lose the weight (as if I'd never tried before) or that I wasn't fat enough to require surgery for help. Luckily I have a very supportive partner who has been wonderful. I applaud your decision and really hope it goes well for you!

I'm sorry that happened to you! I told everyone (I actually posted it on FB) and I only got negative comments from one person, and they're not someone I care about. Everyone else was super supportive! People in my life have seen me struggle with my weight for years, losing and regaining 50 then 100 lbs over the last 10 years. I need to try something I hope will be "permanent".

[TSH1222 20]

24 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I'm sorry that happened to you! I told everyone (I actually posted it on FB) and I only got negative comments from one person, and they're not someone I care about. Everyone else was super supportive! People in my life have seen me struggle with my weight for years, losing and regaining 50 then 100 lbs over the last 10 years. I need to try something I hope will be "permanent".

I am 3 weeks post op and this weekend I did everything wrong. My husband and kids took me to a resort. I had half an alcoholic drink per day and I had some solids, tomatoes and a bite of lobster, but I chewed forever. I had no issues.

I was expecting to get sick but I didn’t. I did this twice and now I am going back to my comfort zone. Only going to have one Soup per day and my trusted Protein Shakes. I had lost 14 lbs but I will not weigh myself for a few days. I do not want to get depressed if I went up.

I knew this would be a struggle. Gastric sleeve is only a tool to get you where you want to go. Real changes have to happen anf now I know how I gained the weight. 60lbs in 1 year. I am shocked it wasn’t more.