Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Surgery Scheduled and Telling No One



Recommended Posts

I’m so happy with my decision to not tell people. I just took a two week “vacation” from work, nobody knew what I was doing. I told a good friend who lives far away about 4 months post op, that’s it.

This is my life and I don’t owe anybody anything. I’m sure some people suspect, considering I’ve lost almost 130 lbs in less than a year. But I don’t need comments or judgement, or even support or encouragement. I just needed 85% of my stomach removed. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

I’m so happy with my decision to not tell people. I just took a two week “vacation” from work, nobody knew what I was doing. I told a good friend who lives far away about 4 months post op, that’s it.

This is my life and I don’t owe anybody anything. I’m sure some people suspect, considering I’ve lost almost 130 lbs in less than a year. But I don’t need comments or judgement, or even support or encouragement. I just needed 85% of my stomach removed. :)

Absolutely! Congratulations!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree !!!! and I am doing the same. But for my husband, daughter, and surgeon, no one knows. I usually tell no one anything because I come from a BIG, loving, judgemental with loving intentions family, and I didn't want to hear it. I had lap band and I lost 30 lbs. I had to work hard to keep it off as it was no easy ride for me. 10 to 15 miles of biking daily, yoga, weights everything. And then, due to some health issues and COVID, all of the exercising had to stop, and I literally gained 45 lbs on top of the already 15 lbs I had to lose. I looked like another person. and my family was polite but people were shocked and I could tell in their faces. I did this with no hesitation when I realized I could not control what was happening.

Today, 6 days post-op and I felt like a million dollars. the swelling in my belly has gone down significantly, I was able to walk everywhere with my husband in the beautiful Florida sunshine. I am so happy today. Still on liquids but I am okay. No pain, discomfort, just itchy incisions that I purchased Vitamin e for, and it stopped. Tomorrow I will weigh myself as it will officially be one week.

Edited by TSH1222
correct text

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Work it, this is your best life yet. There is nothing like being thin and being able to move freely, wear clothes and look great in everything. You will knock them right out of their seats !!!!!!😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. The closer I get to surgery (May 10th), the happier I am that I didn't make the decision to tell anyone -- except for my mom as she is my emergency contact. And OMG, she is driving me nuts with the phone calls and texts.

Yes mom, I'm sure.

Yes mom, I'm still getting it done.

No mom, you stay home.

Yes mom, I know that I am not just going to wake up after surgery and be skinny!

Thank you Mom but No, I don't need your mother's sister-in-law's recipe for broth.

:)

This time next week I'll be 3 days post op. Crazy to finally say that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can completely relate to this!! I just had surgery on Monday the 3rd (sleeve) and only told my boyfriend since we live together and obviously I need his help. I tried talking to my best friend about it and she came across judgmental saying why not just do it on my own and how I don't need it and basically implying its the easy way out - which it definitely isn't. The moment she started talking I knew right then and there that my "skinny" friends just wouldn't understand. So its my secret and my decision to keep it to myself. Its your journey to share with as many or as little people as you want.

I just found this group today and am excited to have others to relate to!! Thanks for sharing your experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Shannon In MN said:

I can completely relate to this!! I just had surgery on Monday the 3rd (sleeve) and only told my boyfriend since we live together and obviously I need his help. I tried talking to my best friend about it and she came across judgmental saying why not just do it on my own and how I don't need it and basically implying its the easy way out - which it definitely isn't. The moment she started talking I knew right then and there that my "skinny" friends just wouldn't understand. So its my secret and my decision to keep it to myself. Its your journey to share with as many or as little people as you want.

I just found this group today and am excited to have others to relate to!! Thanks for sharing your experience.

I have lost weight on my own before in the past. It can be done but putting it back on is just too easy. But what I learned then is that my skinny friends wanted me to stay fat, because they wanted to be the skinny friend, and my fat friends wanted me to stay fat. You may have that issue too when your weight loss is more noticeable but yeah, I don't need to hear judgement before surgery! As long as your boyfriend was supportive and you are happy with YOUR decision, that's all that matters. Everyone else can suck it. :D

Congrats on your decision and hope you are recovering well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So true- I was joking with my husband last night that everyone wants a fat person to lose weight until they actually do it, then they’re angry because we upset the status quo. I’ve noticed that when I’d lost 75 lbs the comments were all generally positive, but as I am now 130+ down some of those same people are still commenting but the comments are clearing becoming more defensive and less cheerful. I know, it’s terrible that I can’t fill the place in your life of “fat person I can judge and compare myself favorably to”.

This is a main reason I’m keeping the surgery quiet, because trust me as people become more defensive of your weight loss they would love to have “ammunition” to judge and ridicule you in order to bolster their own ego.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for this post. I am so happy finally someone has the guts to say what so many wishes were not true. People do become uncomfortable when you start losing weight for real. A little background. I had a lap band until serious complications caused me to have surgery during COVID. I put on 45 lbs on top of the already 15 I needed to lose. I went to graduation where I had family and friends shockingly stare at me. Now I am losing again and the 12 lbs since 4/26/21 have made a difference, you can see it. Not enough but something is something. I guess they were always used to seeing me so put together that the moment they saw me fall off the bandwagon they felt more comfortable. It was sad but I ignored it and went into surgery two days later. I cannot wait for them to see me in 3 months when, I hope, a little more has come off and after a year, when I hope to be where I want to be. I had one guy say to me, " well, you were always on the heavier side anyways." Can you imagine, what a ......

Only us here in this post understand the judgement of others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 4/6/2021 at 8:21 AM, ShanIAmVA said:

Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

Shan.... as much as I want to tell you that all your friends will be at your side.... The ugly truth is, they won't. It is a great thing that you have not told anyone. Is your mom a good "secret keeper"? I hope so. I learned the hard way the first time around with the band. I only told select people I thought I could trust... turned out no one was. It got out and that when the unsolicited advice started and questions... and the judgmental looks....The, you took the easy way out snickers. I regretted telling anyone, that's for sure.
This time with the sleeve, only my husband knows...... 100000% better. Everyone knew I was doing crossfit to try to lose weight before my wedding, so I started laying the groundwork..... told everyone that i had a hernia (which was true Hiatel) and I needed to get it fixed. They also knew I was dieting for the wedding, so when the weight started to come off, no one gave it a second thought. After about 5ish months out when the weight loss was more noticeable, I got a few.... "how much weight you lost".... and "how are you losing"....... So I told them.. Not enough... hehe... and dieting. It's now been 1 year and about 8-9 months (8/28/19) and no one says anything.
I went from 173lbs to 120-125lbs.....

My advice............. DON'T TELL ANYONE EVER........... even after it's done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 4/6/2021 at 9:47 AM, Whitetank&denim said:

ShanIamVA, I only told one person, a very close friend who lives in another state. Other than that, I told no one. I did tell a few people that I was having surgery, but was not specific. My sister kindly brought me to and from the hospital and stayed a few days with me, but she also did not know the specifics of my surgery. I am by nature a very private person, anyway, so it was not out of character to keep my surgery private. I realize everyone has a different journey, but you are not alone in your desire to keep your personal business to yourself. This forum has been invaluable, as well as some Youtube videos following the journeys of other VSG-ers.

For some reason, my loss has been very slow, not sure if it's my age, 60, and lower starting weight, but I haven't had a "shocking" transformation that requires explanation.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

I feel like you. I am 52 and I hope the weight will come off although I know I will have to work hard. It is definitely the age. I wish I would have done it 20 lbs earlier when the weight was just piling on and I knew steroids, perimenopause, etc... would hinder that weight loss. I purchased the Street Rider that can be left in place and is a great workout, google. I hope and pray that at the 2-week mark I can start and not hurt myself. It is very safe and if money is a concern they have a payment plan. Just an FYI. might help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

Shan.... as much as I want to tell you that all your friends will be at your side.... The ugly truth is, they won't. It is a great thing that you have not told anyone. Is your mom a good "secret keeper"? I hope so. I learned the hard way the first time around with the band. I only told select people I thought I could trust... turned out no one was. It got out and that when the unsolicited advice started and questions... and the judgmental looks....The, you took the easy way out snickers. I regretted telling anyone, that's for sure.
This time with the sleeve, only my husband knows...... 100000% better. Everyone knew I was doing crossfit to try to lose weight before my wedding, so I started laying the groundwork..... told everyone that i had a hernia (which was true Hiatel) and I needed to get it fixed. They also knew I was dieting for the wedding, so when the weight started to come off, no one gave it a second thought. After about 5ish months out when the weight loss was more noticeable, I got a few.... "how much weight you lost".... and "how are you losing"....... So I told them.. Not enough... hehe... and dieting. It's now been 1 year and about 8-9 months (8/28/19) and no one says anything.
I went from 173lbs to 120-125lbs.....

My advice............. DON'T TELL ANYONE EVER........... even after it's done.

Even though this wasn't directed at me- I still apperciate your input!! I told no one (except my boyfriend) and am glad I made that decision- im only 3 days post op but feel like certain friends would judge me and I don't have time for that bs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Shannon In MN said:

Even though this wasn't directed at me- I still apperciate your input!! I told no one (except my boyfriend) and am glad I made that decision- im only 3 days post op but feel like certain friends would judge me and I don't have time for that bs.

Not a word to anyone, only your closest and dearest that need to know

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

49 minutes ago, ShanIAmVA said:

I have lost weight on my own before in the past. It can be done but putting it back on is just too easy. But what I learned then is that my skinny friends wanted me to stay fat, because they wanted to be the skinny friend, and my fat friends wanted me to stay fat. You may have that issue too when your weight loss is more noticeable but yeah, I don't need to hear judgement before surgery! As long as your boyfriend was supportive and you are happy with YOUR decision, that's all that matters. Everyone else can suck it. :D

Congrats on your decision and hope you are recovering well!

Thank you for your kind and supporting words!!! Im glad I made the choice to keep it to myself. I feel like there is so much stigma to having surgery from people who dont understand. When I went to my first in person meeting with my doctor it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when he said you have weight to loss but its okay to need help and thats what we are here for, you never have to do this on your own. When I got home I cried and cried because Ive always been told my weight is my issue....one that I need to deal with and now I have a team helping me. Its life changing and motivating.... although scary too!!!

Reading everyone elses story is really helpful and of courser I will tell strangers but its different when we are all on the same path.

Thanks!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×