Friend saw me for the first time in 3 months...

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

9 hours ago, BayouTiger said:

My sister has been the same way. She and I aren’t very close, but when she found out I was having the surgery for my hernia, and was going to have the VSG while they were in there, she made a comment about how “well now you’ve finally got an excuse to make yourself lose that weight.” She knew I had the surgery because I had a balloon in my chest and severe blood pressure issues. But she didn’t care. Im a cheater. But she weighs 135 🙄 That was in November. Haven’t talked to her since.

She texted and asked my parents how I was doing, and they told her I had lost 50 lbs and her response was “let’s see how long that lasts.” After that response I said ya know what, sc*ew em all. This is for US. Not for anyone else.

I know it’s corny but I believe that the best way to heal, succeed and improve your life is to surround yourself with positivity and joy. If the people in your life aren’t about that. They don’t deserve to be there!!

Isn't it weird how our own family members are non supportive? You would think they would be happy for us that we are doing something positive for ourselves. It goes to show that they are insecure about something. That is my take on it anyway. It sucks because I don't really have friends, so I look towards my family for support. My parents have been wonderful. My mom is my best friend, and cheerleader during this whole thing. She cried when she saw me for the 1st time, after I had lost 40 lbs. She is so relived that I am not diabetic anymore. I was really bad.

[RussT 495]

On 2/20/2021 at 11:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

This person is not your friend. I suggest you drop her like a hot potato. For whatever reason she stooped so low to say what she said to you, just move on and do not allow yourself to be around such negative people. You are doing what's right for you and you should feel fantastic about your success so far. Keep it up!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

On 2/20/2021 at 10:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

and this is why i told no one about the WLS.... I completely understand exactly what you are going through....

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 844]

There is nothing that my family won’t use as a butt of jokes, so I’m not sharing any information about this. My weight isn’t a joke to me, and I don’t trust them to be appropriate with the information so forget it. I haven’t seen any of them since before Covid, so when I eventually see them I’m sure some will guess but that’s not my problem.

In general people react very negatively to others weight loss because they don’t like the status quo being changed (skinny people who enjoyed being “better” than us) or feeling like their own weight is being called into question for those who are overweight.

I am only nice when I feel like it, so the one person who made a “joking” negative comment about my weight loss I just told them that was a very hateful statement and that I felt sorry for them that they are the type of person who thinks things like that. They immediately said it was just a joke and I told them if they think that’s a funny joke they need to examine their sense of humor.

But I’m a jerk who doesn’t care about being nice to people sooooo... 😬

[BayouTiger 62]

6 hours ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

There is nothing that my family won’t use as a butt of jokes, so I’m not sharing any information about this. My weight isn’t a joke to me, and I don’t trust them to be appropriate with the information so forget it. I haven’t seen any of them since before Covid, so when I eventually see them I’m sure some will guess but that’s not my problem.

In general people react very negatively to others weight loss because they don’t like the status quo being changed (skinny people who enjoyed being “better” than us) or feeling like their own weight is being called into question for those who are overweight.

I am only nice when I feel like it, so the one person who made a “joking” negative comment about my weight loss I just told them that was a very hateful statement and that I felt sorry for them that they are the type of person who thinks things like that. They immediately said it was just a joke and I told them if they think that’s a funny joke they need to examine their sense of humor.

But I’m a jerk who doesn’t care about being nice to people sooooo... 😬

I actually had an appointment with my therapist today, (thanks to everyone for encouraging me to get in with her sooner rather than later) and after a lot of talking and processing, I went no contact with my sister and 2 other acquaintances for my own mental health. I know I’m going to need every ounce of it in the next 6 months. It sucks, but this is for ME!!

I have suffered from chronic Panic disorder since I was in a severe wreck, so when I feel like I’m being insulting, or mean, or anything like that I start to freak out, so I just try to avoid confrontation even if it’s something that hurts me (talk about unhealthy). But that’s something I’m working on. I’m learning quickly the thinner I physically get, the thicker my skin needs to be.

My weight has never been a joke per se, but the people in my life have told me my wreck (and 7 major reconstructive surgeries), my hypertension, and the medicine I’m on (serious serious weight gain implications) (125 lbs in 18 months, eating cucumbers and balsamic for almost every meal) isn’t an excuse to have gained this weight nor a reason to have surgery to rid myself of it. So to them it’s just always been invalid.

My therapist also mentioned that the reason I’m getting so many negative reactions, comments, and people walking away after telling me I’m an idiot, ignorant, going to be a failure, and am “ruining my life for one year max of looking good” is because almost everyone in my life is either obese or morbidly obese. And to them it’s seen as “not fair” and “the easy way out.”

This board has provided more support to me in 13 days than anyone in my entire life. I’m so grateful to have found it and to be a part of this community.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide me with some more insight and encouragement that I can do this! I know I seem like a wuss complaining and seeking advice and encouragement, and so many people do and have done this “alone.”

Thanks again, I appreciate you. I’m gonna start practicing the BCABD way of life and tell people sayonara!

I really hope I’m not being a burden on anyone. I know I’m long winded. I’m sorry!

[chiquitatummy 326]

4 minutes ago, BayouTiger said:

I actually had an appointment with my therapist today, (thanks to everyone for encouraging me to get in with her sooner rather than later) and after a lot of talking and processing, I went no contact with my sister and 2 other acquaintances for my own mental health. I know I’m going to need every ounce of it in the next 6 months. It sucks, but this is for ME!!

I have suffered from chronic Panic disorder since I was in a severe wreck, so when I feel like I’m being insulting, or mean, or anything like that I start to freak out, so I just try to avoid confrontation even if it’s something that hurts me (talk about unhealthy). But that’s something I’m working on. I’m learning quickly the thinner I physically get, the thicker my skin needs to be.

My weight has never been a joke per se, but the people in my life have told me my wreck (and 7 major reconstructive surgeries), my hypertension, and the medicine I’m on (serious serious weight gain implications) (125 lbs in 18 months, eating cucumbers and balsamic for almost every meal) isn’t an excuse to have gained this weight nor a reason to have surgery to rid myself of it. So to them it’s just always been invalid.

My therapist also mentioned that the reason I’m getting so many negative reactions, comments, and people walking away after telling me I’m an idiot, ignorant, going to be a failure, and am “ruining my life for one year max of looking good” is because almost everyone in my life is either obese or morbidly obese. And to them it’s seen as “not fair” and “the easy way out.”

This board has provided more support to me in 13 days than anyone in my entire life. I’m so grateful to have found it and to be a part of this community.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide me with some more insight and encouragement that I can do this! I know I seem like a wuss complaining and seeking advice and encouragement, and so many people do and have done this “alone.”

Thanks again, I appreciate you. I’m gonna start practicing the BCABD way of life and tell people sayonara!

I really hope I’m not being a burden on anyone. I know I’m long winded. I’m sorry!

thank you for the update! I'm so glad you gave yourself the gift of seeing your therapist sooner rather than later. BTW - you are not a burden or a wuss, this is damn hard stuff. this kind of self-change can expose/open our eyes to things in our life that need changing or that we at least need to step away from for a time while we take care of ourselves.

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

3 hours ago, BayouTiger said:

I actually had an appointment with my therapist today, (thanks to everyone for encouraging me to get in with her sooner rather than later) and after a lot of talking and processing, I went no contact with my sister and 2 other acquaintances for my own mental health. I know I’m going to need every ounce of it in the next 6 months. It sucks, but this is for ME!!

I have suffered from chronic Panic disorder since I was in a severe wreck, so when I feel like I’m being insulting, or mean, or anything like that I start to freak out, so I just try to avoid confrontation even if it’s something that hurts me (talk about unhealthy). But that’s something I’m working on. I’m learning quickly the thinner I physically get, the thicker my skin needs to be.

My weight has never been a joke per se, but the people in my life have told me my wreck (and 7 major reconstructive surgeries), my hypertension, and the medicine I’m on (serious serious weight gain implications) (125 lbs in 18 months, eating cucumbers and balsamic for almost every meal) isn’t an excuse to have gained this weight nor a reason to have surgery to rid myself of it. So to them it’s just always been invalid.

My therapist also mentioned that the reason I’m getting so many negative reactions, comments, and people walking away after telling me I’m an idiot, ignorant, going to be a failure, and am “ruining my life for one year max of looking good” is because almost everyone in my life is either obese or morbidly obese. And to them it’s seen as “not fair” and “the easy way out.”

This board has provided more support to me in 13 days than anyone in my entire life. I’m so grateful to have found it and to be a part of this community.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide me with some more insight and encouragement that I can do this! I know I seem like a wuss complaining and seeking advice and encouragement, and so many people do and have done this “alone.”

Thanks again, I appreciate you. I’m gonna start practicing the BCABD way of life and tell people sayonara!

I really hope I’m not being a burden on anyone. I know I’m long winded. I’m sorry!

I am so happy for you that you were proactive in this! As tough as it to go no contact, the mental health benefit to you will be immensive.

[BayouTiger 62]

On 02/23/2021 at 02:21, Hop_Scotch said:

I am so happy for you that you were proactive in this! As tough as it to go no contact, the mental health benefit to you will be immensive.

Thanks for the support :) talking to her today made me realize that ultimately what I’m feeling is pretty normal because of the massive changes going on, my natural issues with anxiety and depression, and being young and trying to overcome these health problems. Being told 4 months ago I would have a stroke in the next 6 months and probably die at 29 was a huge eye opener. Being reminded by my therapist of my WHY and not my WHO really helped me today. Because the WHO isn’t important. It’s the WHY!

My sister used to be my best friend until I started being successful in life and she became jealous, cruel and even a slight saboteur. So I should have known it would seep into this. No contact is hard, blocking her number was hard, but truthfully blood only matters for transfusions and transplants. Doesn’t mean you have to keep blood around if they’re toxic. I agree that it will benefit me immensely in the long run to be mentally stronger, and really what’s weakened me has been these “friends/family” so hopefully with them all completely no contact, it’ll enable me to focus on myself and instill positivity in myself instead of being constantly being drug down!!!

Thank you for being such a great resource on here, Hop!

[kellym1220 472]

Hugs! Congratulations on your weight loss! You are doing amazing, so don't listen to the haters!

[MyGrammyLife 8]

CONGRATULATIONS !!! You are doing great!

I have read all of the responses above and I feel like I’ve already heard some of my responses mentioned there......

However....I also had my weight loss surgery for other medical reasons. (My spine is deteriorating and I have already had 3 surgeries to fuse it together and I’m only 53!) Like you, me losing weight and keeping it off is critical for my quality of life. I have only told my 5 kids and an aunt who I am very close to about my surgery.....even my mother doesn’t know because she would react as your friends have.

Try daily affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud so you can hear it....

I am STRONG!

I am BEAUTIFUL!

I CAN DO THIS!

I am DETERMINED and DYNAMIC!

I’m doing this for ME!

Negativity will not bring me down!

If everything you hear is negative comments, it’s hard to get those feelings out of your head. Give this gift to yourself, you deserve it! Really listen to your affirmations and let them sink in. YES, I AM strong, beautiful, dynamic, etc. I hope this is helpful because you are a superstar! You deserve to SHINE!

[BayouTiger 62]

57 minutes ago, MyGrammyLife said:

If everything you hear is negative comments, it’s hard to get those feelings out of your head. Give this gift to yourself, you deserve it! Really listen to your affirmations and let them sink in. YES, I AM strong, beautiful, dynamic, etc.  I hope this is helpful because you are a superstar! You deserve to SHINE!

Thank you so much for saying this. I really really needed to hear it today. It has literally made me cry. I still haven’t fallen asleep (it’s 8:15 AM here) because I tried taking my medicines for the first time since surgery last night (i can’t crush them) and it went absolutely horribly. Those negative thoughts are very prevalent this morning. I really appreciate your response,

I know it’s probably frowned upon as far as a little white lie, but I decided I’m not telling another soul and from now on I’m just gonna stick to the “I had a hernia and diaphragm repair, and I’ve been dieting and exercising”

[kunkelgw 19]

On 2/21/2021 at 5:53 AM, BayouTiger said:

Thanks for your response. I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head. My group of friends have always been my size (pre-pre-op). The 4 of us shared and swapped clothes weekly. So I do think that maybe you’re right, and seeing me lose weight this fast and in this manner is something that is bringing out the true jealousy.

They were so supportive until they all saw me in person (quarantine and sx prep has made it hard to see people IRal) in the last 2.5 weeks. Then they dropped like flies. I guess they didn’t realize what it would entail.

My pre op therapist warned me about a lot of WLS pts losing relationships over these surgeries, but I was naive and said nah not me, I’ve got the most supportive people in the world. Whoops.

But as far as WLS “cheating,” it’s just bs. It’s like 100x harder than any fad diet you can think of. But if this surgery extends my life another 40 years, I’ll be a cheater.

I would not write them all out. As a group they all feel like they can attack the new you. What will your response be if one of them reached out to you with questions about this procedure and if you would do it again etc? That happened to a friend at work when was sleeved back in July 2020 and now is at goal. Our co-worker stated "why would you do that to your body?" and a couple weeks ago had many questions and it sounds like will be proceeding with her own weight loss surgery.

Feeling the loss of friends support is a loss and is hurtful. You have a right to grieve this loss. I hope it all works out for you in the end and keep up your good work in a healthier you.

[Spitfireash 12]

Except for 6 people in my family, every single person that has heard I am going to has WLS has told me not to do it, I'll regret it, suggested numerous other diets or exercises I should try instead. I'll be honest, I have had to live in this body for the past 10 years and I've been miserable in it, all these people telling me how it's a bad idea are the same ones that have commented on how I've gained weight. I have just come to the point where I chalk it down to ignorance, they do not understand my struggle and journey and they might be a little jealous. Only one of my friends has said to me, "If my insurance would cover it, I would definitely like to do it too!" Don't worry about what people say, you do what is right for you.

[garner 2]

I also suspect that your “friend” said that out of jealousy and spite. And the comment about not keeping it off was either so she could convince herself that or to derail your progress. Either way you are doing fantastic! Find you some friends that will appreciate you no matter the situation!

[dms75 161]

Congrats for dropping 800+ pounds of mostly toxic tissue, just like that! 😉

Don't worry about it, you're young and getting healthier, and you'll meet plenty of new people who will appreciate you for your positive attitude and the efforts you make to improve your life.

As a subtle (or not... 😈) FU, I'd mail my entire (now obsolete) wardrobe to my former "friends", with a note saying something like "I don't need these anymore, and I know how much you liked them. Enjoy!" 😂

Keep up the good work, stay true to YOUR course and make new friends!