Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

The changes we don't talk about



Recommended Posts

I am now 2+ years out from surgery and still maintaining my goal weight. VSG has changed my life in so many ways. But there are negative things or challenges I rarely see people talking about. I'm listing mine in hopes others won't feel alone, please add yours if you'd like. I'm thinking this might be a bit therapeutic as I don't talk about this in real life as no one really understands unless you've been through it.

Things that have become very real for me:

*Body Dysmorphia is real. I currently wear a dress/jean size 6 and tops in XS/S. I know those sizes are amazing and I never would have imagined that's where I would end up. BUT...when I look in the mirror I don't see that size. I still see my butt as huge, My sagging stomach doesn't help but I just can't shake the "fat" thoughts when I see myself.

I recently read that part of this is due to the fact that we tend to over exaggerated what we looked like when we were overweight, so losing that weight still doesn't give us an accurate depiction of who we really are. I try and keep this in mind but I don't know if this will ever go away.

*Addiction Transfer. It took me awhile to realize this but I most definitely transferred my addictive eating to compulsive shopping. I've spent way too much money since going through this process. It's a constant struggle.

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am almost 3 years out. I am feeling the best I have felt in many years. My only problem in life is my dear hubby of 49 years passed a year ago. My doc said to be careful, after a loss people tend to stress eat. Not me.
Hang in there , life is what you make it.
I will admit to buying cute clothes , I justify it with he would have wanted me to look nice. His motto was if you look good, you feel good! So true!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah well, there are some issues I doubt will ever get better and I know many people struggling with it, regardless of their weight or if they ever were overweight.

feeling of fat: I often have that "feeling of being fat". I guess the loose skin contributes to this. I know it can't be real. I wear mostly a medium size (depending on the brand I wear either small, medium or large) and that's not "fat". I also can see some bones and muscle definition when looking in the mirror. That's also not "fat". Usually the look in the mirror helps this feeling but sometimes it needs wearing really loose clothes (thanks for being able to wear scrubs at work) or the direct comparison to other people, e. g. in the reflection of a glass door.

I guess that comes with living in a weight and thinness - and lately also fitness - obsessed culture.

addiction transfer: not sure, I prefer to call it "obsession transfer". I tend to really get into the biohacking and clean eating stuff when feeling stressed, especially when some things are out of my control (like now).

Shopping I'm not so sure. One might say I spend too much money on unnecessary things and I wouldn't object but I don't view it as a problem as long as I don't get into financial trouble and I like to treat myself to some nice stuff. However, I'm not sure if that really has something to do with food issues. It could very well be that the issue is that money was always really tight when I grew up and went to university and when I finally got a "real" job I suddenly had money to spend.

relationships: together with the same guy since September 1994. We went through a lot of things together. We only see each other on weekends and during vacation time because of work and living in different cities and I guess that helps when people have a different lifestyle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not as far out as some of you but yes there are issues - For me

1. Definably Drink more now -

2. Very Thin and bump stuff and it dang hurts

3. Became more isolated since happy hour and food bashes are a thing of the past

But I agree love the new me for sure! Would do it again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with several of the above points. I find myself shopping way more, it’s so much fun buying cute clothes that I could never have worn before. Also, body dysmorphia. I feel so much worse now naked. I’m getting plastic surgery in January-a Tummy Tuck, breast lift & augmentation, and arm lift. I’m hoping it will help me feel better! If not, I’ll be seeking out therapy for it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So true...

Body Dysmorphia is a terrible thing. I certainly have a very dysmorphic view of myself despite all the changes (and there have been many especially ones I paid for) and it feels like nothing changes it I have no idea what to do.

Imposter syndrome is one I don't hear a lot of people admitting. Feeling that you've accomplished something, but you really didn't do much at all or it wasn't such a big accomplishment because it came a little too easily or the accomplishment isn't worthy of praise.

Stay strong everyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem for me! I literally have to tell myself "my size 4 jeans are now too loose, I couldn't possibly look fat in them!" My XS scrubs I wear to work are loose. Still, I can't pick out someone that I think is my size. I guess I really have no concept of my size!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a reverse type body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I still see my 30 year old self. When I see myself in photos, I barely recognize myself. I'm a size 18 right now, my surgery is in the morning. I have wondered how I will "see" myself.

Sent from my SM-G973U using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Lynnlovesthebeach said:

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem for me! I literally have to tell myself "my size 4 jeans are now too loose, I couldn't possibly look fat in them!" My XS scrubs I wear to work are loose. Still, I can't pick out someone that I think is my size. I guess I really have no concept of my size!

What helped me was seeing other people at work in size Small scrubs. We have a scrub dispensing machine and the scrubs have little colored tabs that designate the sizes. It's not too hard to see who is wearing the same size and I found myself looking at other Smalls a lot - just trying to get into my head that I looked like that, too. It did help to have this objective way to compare. It really messed with me for a while, and still does a little. I am always caught off guard by remarks like, "you can squeeze in here" (a small space like a restaurant booth) or "you're so tiny - how do you push that heavy bed?" or "you look like you've taken good care of yourself" (if only they knew!!!).

See if you can find other folks who wear Small or X-Small scrubs. That can help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Feeling that you've accomplished something, but you really didn't do much at all or it wasn't such a big accomplishment because it came a little too easily or the accomplishment isn't worthy of praise.

Usually there is only talk about the opposite. The "hard work".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Ylime said:

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

Hi!

I really appreciate what you shared as I'm heading into Gastric Bypass surgery on 12/8/2020.

I particularly identified with staying with a spouse because I was overweight and felt that no one would want me. I had actually had this surgery scheduled for Feb. 2019, but my husband refused to acknowledge that he had diabetes and developed double vision, so I had to cancel because we felt we could not have both parents incapacitated. There were also issues of mild physical abuse (hitting, pushing), as well as verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. Turns out that I needed to lose his 330 lbs. prior to getting my surgery done and ended a 25 year marriage. Life is so much better!

I wish you the same feelings of relief, freedom, and confidence. You can do this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, AZhiker said:

Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem

Wow Just hit me as a guy we are not that concerned about the little things but I am getting pissed off at how body is changing. I can hold the weight but eithor I am nutz or my body is moving around Arms are now small and legs small but I have not lost a pound in 10 Months?

I also love buying stuff now. Need Amazon re Hab.

But Finishing again BEST f@#CKIN DECISION I EVER MADE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm two years post-op as well. I thought it was COVID but maybe it's related that I too have been online shopping a lot lately. I returned to "grazing" during COVID and gained 12 pounds, but I've lost half of them back again and I really appreciate my small stomach keeping me from being able to eat too much or the wrong things. Even when I "graze" it's healthy things and my macros are in line for losing weight. So I'm happy. My problem is just the opposite. Even when I was huge I never saw it. I don't see my fat. I think I'm "average" but I'm still "large." My body dysmorphia must be dyslexic. 😀

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The body dysmorphia is so real for me. I’m almost 1yr post VSG but have lost 140lbs total since starting with my weight loss clinic and I wasn’t mentally prepared for the sagging skin everywhere- thighs, arms, stomach, and weirdly calves even though mine have always been muscular. It definitely makes being in front of a mirror naked a hard thing to bear right now. Eventually I’ll get plastics and I’ve been thinking about it more often lately as I continue to lose the last 30 or so pounds.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, MommaJay said:

I have a reverse type body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror, I still see my 30 year old self. When I see myself in photos, I barely recognize myself. I'm a size 18 right now, my surgery is in the morning. I have wondered how I will "see" myself.

Sent from my SM-G973U using BariatricPal mobile app

Good Luck & Happy Surgery Day ♥️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×