Not Having Support

[root718 2]

So I just started the journey to a better healthy version of me not going to lie it's hard but I know nothing in life comes easy Im very focus on this process and like many others Im looking for someone to talk to who is going through the process or went through it I notice many people in my life are like not really supportive of me losing weight and finding a healthy lifestyle that works for me its super frustrating and annoying and I do my best at blocking them out I just wish I had the support from them. Part of me feel like Im doing something wrong but I know that Im not. So I'm new to this site and don't even know where to start but I feel like I will meet a lot of people on this journey who can give me tips on how to remain focus and not let the negative energy get to me...........Much Thanks

[Manyloves 19]

I'm sorry to hear this. Support is important but it doesn't have to be family. I had to learn to let them be and not discuss it at all and find support elsewhere. In my case its forums and a coworker. I even connected with folks who took the pre-op class with me

[catwoman7 10,845]

4 hours ago, rmonty718 said:

So I just started the journey to a better healthy version of me not going to lie it's hard but I know nothing in life comes easy Im very focus on this process and like many others Im looking for someone to talk to who is going through the process or went through it I notice many people in my life are like not really supportive of me losing weight and finding a healthy lifestyle that works for me its super frustrating and annoying and I do my best at blocking them out I just wish I had the support from them. Part of me feel like Im doing something wrong but I know that Im not. So I'm new to this site and don't even know where to start but I feel like I will meet a lot of people on this journey who can give me tips on how to remain focus and not let the negative energy get to me...........Much Thanks

that's largely why I'm active on this and other bariatric forums. It's my support system...

[Tahitiab 2]

Sorry you’re going through this. All the months leading up to my surgery I went through it on my own. Only really confiding in one person. I went through a drastic diet change several months prior that some didn’t understand but tbh people who haven't struggled with weight throughout their lives will not. This is definitely a very personal journey and luckily we have communities like this to help one another. This is something that is going to change YOUR life for the absolute better so always try to look at it in the lens.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Tahitiab
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[ChubRub 1,696]

This board is 100% my support system! My surgeon has in-person classes and a FB group, but I'm a private person and didn't want to run into anyone I might know. I love this board, and I hope you will too!!

[AZhiker 2,251]

I did not tell anyone about my surgery except some immediate family members. I did not want to overload them with all my needs and emotional support, so this board was really important to me. I would say the board even became my lifeline and sole support group as I went through the ups and downs of the first year post op. Unfortunately, some of the most informed, experienced, and supportive members formed their own forum and moved away from this site, but.......there are still many supportive and great folks here who will help you through the process. Spend some time exploring the different threads and you will find answers to most of your questions. I can almost promise you that you are not going to experience anything (including complications) that someone else has not also experienced.

Make this journey your own. No one else has the right to tell you how to navigate this in your life. You are making this decision for your own health and well being - not for anyone else. And you are the one who will reap the benefits of your decisions, or...... not, but the choices are still yours to make.

Expect that some people will feel threatened by your decision to have surgery and by the dietary and lifestyle changes that will follow. Even my supportive family was knocked off kilter a bit by my new energy, focus of exercise, and all the new ways I needed to eat. (Like, "Mom, I don't know how to cook dinner for you anymore." or "Mom, you are riding your bike so much I don't know how to spend time with you.") These are areas that have to be navigated and redesigned - not just by you, but by those around you. Not all of them will be happy. It's easier for them if you stay fat and everyone knows their role in the relationship. As soon as you get thinner than others, they will not be able to justify they own obesity and you will upset the order of things. THEY will be the "fat girls" in the room now - not you, and that is going to be pretty hard for them. I do have in-law relatives who were obese and lost a lot of weight from other programs. They got tons of praise and compliments at Christmas dinner, for example, and by the next year, they had gained back ALL of their lost weight! Now I am the thinnest one in the room - really! I used to be the fattest, and now I actually AM the thinnest, and NOT ONE of those relatives have acknowledged my weight loss or given me any kind of compliment at all. Amazing, but it just means that my own weight loss has highlighted their regain and sense of failure.

Again, make this YOUR journey! Lots of people will give you their opinions, but YOU are the one behind the wheel. It is your body, your life, your health and your decision. This board will help you. Hang in there!

PS: I would also suggest branching out socially as you continue this journey. As you form new relationships with people who do not know about your surgery, you will have freedom from all the back story and baggage. Most of my co-workers now never knew me when I was obese or that I even had surgery. My relationship with them is different than with others who knew me 100 pounds ago. There is no fat shaming or labeling, and no expectation or unsolicited advice, as they have only known me as thin. It's kind of refreshing to just be me in a normal body.

Edited October 7, 2020 by AZhiker

[The Greater Fool 1,937]

8 hours ago, rmonty718 said:

So I just started the journey to a better healthy version of me not going to lie it's hard but I know nothing in life comes easy Im very focus on this process and like many others Im looking for someone to talk to who is going through the process or went through it I notice many people in my life are like not really supportive of me losing weight and finding a healthy lifestyle that works for me its super frustrating and annoying and I do my best at blocking them out I just wish I had the support from them. Part of me feel like Im doing something wrong but I know that Im not. So I'm new to this site and don't even know where to start but I feel like I will meet a lot of people on this journey who can give me tips on how to remain focus and not let the negative energy get to me...........Much Thanks

Welcome to the forums.

You are upsetting the established balance in your relationships. If/when you change some of your relationships will change for the better, others not so much. Eventually, a new equilibrium will be reached. Change is hard not only on you, the author of your change, but on everyone around you.

Having said all that, you must take care of you first. Learn everything there is about your surgical options, learn what the after care and diet plan look like. Don't take anything for granted. If you don't know the answer before hand, find it. Learn it. Prepare for it.

When the going get's tough you should already know what to do, your Doc's plan, and follow it. There are a lot of 'experts' who have been through all this. Listen with a huge grain of salt. Their way MAY have worked for them, but you have to make YOUR way work.

It's up to you. Not us. We have no skin in your game. You can do it.

Good luck,

Tek

[mjp9281 7]

I’ve noticed the closer I get to my surgery date, one of my sisters whom I live with has not been very supportive at all. She’s actually been causing a lot of stress. I am 2 weeks away from surgery.

[Jaelzion 1,123]

14 hours ago, mjp9281 said:

I’ve noticed the closer I get to my surgery date, one of my sisters whom I live with has not been very supportive at all. She’s actually been causing a lot of stress. I am 2 weeks away from surgery.

I can relate. I have a sister who was actually very supportive throughout the whole pre-op period, as I was healing from surgery and afterward. However, now that I have lost a significant amount of weight, she seems upset by it. I just try not to talk to her about it much since she's uncomfortable with it. It's definitely a major change that can impact all your relationships.

[ms.sss 14,637]

On 10/7/2020 at 11:07 AM, AZhiker said:

PS: I would also suggest branching out socially as you continue this journey. As you form new relationships with people who do not know about your surgery, you will have freedom from all the back story and baggage.

Hey! This is actually an excellent point, something I never even thought about until i read your post.

I just realized that my social circle remains pretty much the same post-op as it was pre-op (though I did make a couple, new, honest-to-goodness friends on this forum ❤️).

Aside from the BP pals, everyone I interact with regularly knew me as obese (and most of them also knew me as a skinny person before the obesity). It definitely would have been refreshing and welcome to have a friend who didn’t talk to me about my weight loss all the time during weight loss phase, and just shoot the sh*t about regular stuff.

I’m 2 years post op now, and its not so bad anymore because everyone is pretty much used to me already, but it would have been nice back then.

Great advice 👍🏼

Edited October 16, 2020 by ms.sss

[mjp9281 7]

On 10/16/2020 at 12:07, Jaelzion said:

I can relate. I have a sister who was actually very supportive throughout the whole pre-op period, as I was healing from surgery and afterward. However, now that I have lost a significant amount of weight, she seems upset by it. I just try not to talk to her about it much since she's uncomfortable with it. It's definitely a major change that can impact all your relationships.

The sister I speak of is my identical twin sister and she seems upset with not even talking about it with her , and told me to postpone my surgery because I won’t have any help from her. I’m not postponing. I’m not sure how much help I will need but I’m very nervous because I don’t know what to expect.

[Cheeseburgh 3,075]

A family member had surgery a year or so before I did. I wished her nothing but success and I was really happy for her. Deep down though it brought out insecurities I had about myself. The roles had been reversed, I was the thin one all of our lives. (I was new to being overweight) I didn’t let it effect our relationship and I was thrilled for her, she deserved it. I can see how it can effect relationships, especially if the other person is really insecure. it forces those around us to take a look at themselves. It’s a hard thing to do. It’s not a contest, everyone needs to do what is best for themselves.

She was the one that encouraged me to ask my Doctor and I’m super thankful she did.

[Happy Go Lucky 77]

So I just started the journey to a better healthy version of me not going to lie it's hard but I know nothing in life comes easy Im very focus on this process and like many others Im looking for someone to talk to who is going through the process or went through it I notice many people in my life are like not really supportive of me losing weight and finding a healthy lifestyle that works for me its super frustrating and annoying and I do my best at blocking them out I just wish I had the support from them. Part of me feel like Im doing something wrong but I know that Im not. So I'm new to this site and don't even know where to start but I feel like I will meet a lot of people on this journey who can give me tips on how to remain focus and not let the negative energy get to me...........Much Thanks [emoji4]

So let's change that. How can we support you? I feel the same often and it definitely adds even more stress to weight loss.

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