So disappointed in people

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

47 minutes ago, BigSue said:

I have a feeling that a lot of fat people have relationships in which we give and give while others take advantage. I know I have experienced that a lot in my life, and I think it is because I have been made to feel defective, less worthy than others, because of my weight, and that I somehow need to make up for that in other ways. I foolishly think that people will like me in spite of my weight if I constantly bend over backward for them, only to eventually realize that they only like taking from me and they don't actually like me as a person.

In defense of the friends you lost because they didn't want to hear about your weight loss, eating, or going to the gym, I kind of understand, especially as a larger person, because that kind of discussion often leads to body shaming, so it makes me uncomfortable when those conversations happen around me. I feel that these topics are very personal and not things I want to discuss in certain settings (especially work). Since I don't like to discuss these things, I would start to feel like I don't have much in common with someone who talks about these subjects all the time. That doesn't mean it's about you, personally, and I hope you can forgive those who want to avoid those subjects that can be emotionally fraught or just not things that are important in their lives.

yes... absolutely. and agree

[Sky _B 21]

Thank you for sharing as I know it can be personal. I was asking because my husband doesn't want me to do the surgery. We had arguments about it. He is not controlling but I think he is just scared. I had lost weight before on diet pills and some family and friends put some thoughts in his head. For example, they would tell him behind my back, that if I keep on losing weight, he might lose me. They said because I would be hot and other guys would take me away. My husband told me and I was so shocked. It bothered me for a long time. I have always been on the heavy side and I feel you on the "fat girl in the group." All my cousins and friends are all skinny. I have explained to my husband that I want to be healthy and to have more energy to keep up with him and our kids. I am tired of the yo-yo diets. I have my surgery in about 3 weeks. I hope my outcome will be good and he sees that it was a good choice I made for myself and family. Sorry about my ranting and thanks again for sharing!

[RainbowBrite57 153]

Thank you everyone so, so much. You have all made me feel so much better. Honestly, your kind words brought tears to my eyes and now I'm smiling again. 😁

We only have 19 employees & that's including our finance manager and janitor. There isn't even a HR department to go too! My director is a very kind soul but she hates confrontation. I'd have to go to our library board & that would cause a HUGE stink so I'm just going to power through the next 2 1/2 weeks and enjoy the month I don't have to see their faces! They will certainly see a different co-worker when I return. I will do as y'all suggested & not let their attitudes effect me in the slightest.

Thank you for the heads up about relationships changing too. I have read about that & I've talked that over with my husband. We are going to do our best to recognize issues before they turn in to full-fledged problems.

Knowing y'all are here to support me means more than I can say.

[RainbowBrite57 153]

5 hours ago, Slightly Less Fatty Matty said:

Everyone has already said the same thing I feel. I would like to add that it’s not only your husband and your mom by your side cheering you on. We truly are happy for you, we truly want to see you succeed, we truly are on your side for all the good and (hopefully no) bad and (hopefully no) ugly and wonderful things that are in store for you and will support you as if you were our friend or family. Your surgery is a tool, this forum is like the grease for that tool.. you have 100s of technicians who want to help you keep your tool working for you. Oh.... and your coworkers are a different kind of tool...
You got this.

That last line got me, I laughed way too hard! 🤣 Hey, I probably burned a few calories, yay!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

On 8/21/2020 at 12:56 PM, Sky _B said:

Thank you for sharing as I know it can be personal. I was asking because my husband doesn't want me to do the surgery. We had arguments about it. He is not controlling but I think he is just scared. I had lost weight before on diet pills and some family and friends put some thoughts in his head. For example, they would tell him behind my back, that if I keep on losing weight, he might lose me. They said because I would be hot and other guys would take me away. My husband told me and I was so shocked. It bothered me for a long time. I have always been on the heavy side and I feel you on the "fat girl in the group." All my cousins and friends are all skinny. I have explained to my husband that I want to be healthy and to have more energy to keep up with him and our kids. I am tired of the yo-yo diets. I have my surgery in about 3 weeks. I hope my outcome will be good and he sees that it was a good choice I made for myself and family. Sorry about my ranting and thanks again for sharing!

So sorry to hear that. My ex HATED the idea of me having sx. I thought the same thing.... maybe he is just worried about me. I had taken DP too before WLS but i could never keep it off. So he was not that worried. But when i told him about the WLS.... he knew i was serious.... and we argued for weeks before... he tried everything to get me to not do it. We went out of town on a bike (harley) ride the week before when i was doing my liquids and would say... take a bit...one wont hurt... He would say the same thing.... that when i got "skinny" i would leave him (sx 2009, divorce 2017) I was at 143 for years.... i finally decided to leave after a few things...... I found myself hating to go home and i caught myself fantasizing about his death (i know it sounds bad, but it's my truth).... I knew it was time.

I surely hope that you all's relationships do better than mine.

On a positive note, i did find the love of my life he supports my every choice.... so there are men out there that will .

[AggiG 176]

Venting and listening is what we do best. Good luck with your surgery and welcomed to the losers bench.

[RichelleGetsFit0309 51]

I really feel like your co workers crossed the line by going to your Director. What medical degree do they have? Anyway you are not alone and we are here to support you along the way.

[JV83 35]

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

12 hours ago, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

Yayyyy. Remember, while yes it is easier with support.... it can and has been done with none. Set your mind on your goal. Don't let others bring you down. When people start to be negative... simply turn and walk away. when they ask why, just say..... i'm not going to stand here and listen to any negativity. They will get the picture.

surround yourself with positive people..... This is why lost of people get addicted to the gym. Lots of positive people. I personally loved Crossfit.... No mirrors on the walls and i got a personal trainer every day.... and when i felt i couldnt do something i had people all around encouraging me to keep going....

[RainbowBrite57 153]

I've got a funny update for y'all. Yesterday the supervisor in charge of scheduling put out the schedule for the first week I'm off for surgery. Anytime someone is out for a full week (vacation, sick, whatever), their name is left on the schedule but the days/times are blank since they won't be there. Well, I look at the schedule today & she completely removed my name. Interestingly, another co-worker is off for vacation that entire week but is her name removed? Nope. These petty people have me laughing now! 😂🤣😂

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

That’s funny (in a “they’re so petty” kind of way). Do take pictures and document all of these occurrences and conversations for your protection should the pettiness turn to actual retaliation. If you never need it, great, but if you do it’ll be invaluable.

[Sky _B 21]

Yes, I agree with making copies or take pictures for documentations. ALWAYS COVER YOUR BUTT! you never know what can happen and just incase to have your proof. I wish you the best!

[Lanie992 168]

4 hours ago, RainbowBrite57 said:

I've got a funny update for y'all. Yesterday the supervisor in charge of scheduling put out the schedule for the first week I'm off for surgery. Anytime someone is out for a full week (vacation, sick, whatever), their name is left on the schedule but the days/times are blank since they won't be there. Well, I look at the schedule today & she completely removed my name. Interestingly, another co-worker is off for vacation that entire week but is her name removed? Nope. These petty people have me laughing now! 😂🤣😂

Crazy. I am glad you can laugh now though~ And I am glad you came here for support. This is a really encouraging, supportive and non-judgmental group of people. I've found his site invaluable to me for an array of reasons.. Sometimes I just read & am just grateful to have this group.

On 8/24/2020 at 6:39 PM, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

I am so sorry. I know how it feels and how much it hurts... and makes you feel alone. I cried many times because I felt so lonely and felt the drain of their negativity.

I finally told myself I could do not go that route - it wasn't healthy and that's why I put all of it out of my mind... and concentrated solely on myself and my surgery. Maybe in a way their negativity helped me - I was NOT nervous at all because I was SO determined after dealing with that.

You ALWAYS have our support here so just know that you DO have support. You can private message me anytime - if you need someone to talk to.

[RainbowBrite57 153]

On 8/24/2020 at 7:39 PM, JV83 said:

I will jump right in with zero support here too. My surgery is on Monday and I have been working so hard to get here. We are doing this for us not for them. So just keep going!

This site has really proved invaluable for support & I'm so happy I joined.

I'm so excited for you- Monday is almost here! My surgery is September 9th. I'm looking forward to seeing your journey!

[Jerzeegrl 23]

WOW WOW WOW!!!!! why can't the people in our lives be happy for us? I've told 2 people about my WLS my husband and my best friend. At first my husband was like you don't need it blah blah... I told him I'm doing this with or without your support so... My best friend who is as thin as a rail said I love and support you 100%. BTW...my husband came around to my way of thinking real quick.

So as everyone else has said, don't talk about it with them, they are not your friends and truthfully it's not up to you to find someone to cover your shift, that is your Director's job. Good luck!!! You've got this!!!