Newbie on my Journey ... did you keep your journey a secret

[Nikki50 7]

I am new here kinda just stumbled on this site. I am on my Pre-op diet it has not been bad only one day with a headache. It feels good to read positive and uplifting words of encouragement. My surgery date is July 16, i am excited but nervous because nobody can be there with me because of this pandemic. I have been very quit about this nobody knows but my 3 kids. I was wondering was any of you secretive about having surgery? i chose to keep it secret because sometimes i feel people speak before they think, like saying this is the easy way out, when that is the furthest from the truth.

Edited July 9, 2020 by Nikki50

[themonk4u 15]

Hi .... I have told people ... i am tired of being uncomfortable and my doctor recommended it for my breathing and sleep apena and high blood pressure. I didn't tell anyone for days what he suggested because I thought he was mean but honest... at first i thought it was crazy until i looked into it. When i went to the seminar for weight loss the first thing the doctor said is 90% of people that loss weight by dieting gain it back! That was it for me ... so tired of gaining and losing over the years and this surgery gives you a chance. When people ask me about it tell them about the percentage of people gaining weight back and it shuts them up. I want to live longer for my son and god willing this is my chance. II know it wont be easy but it will give me a chance to start over. Its a good thing!!! Tell them all it is a good thing .. a new start ... good luck !!!!!

[Snappish 4]

Hi! I am new here myself and my surgery date is set for July 30th.

I have been very selective on who I have told. I talked about it with my fiance first and he has been very supportive. I then told my friend who has many of the same struggles with weight that I do. I told her in person because I knew her face would tell me her true reaction. At first she wasn't sure what to think, but after we talked, she was already talking about food prepping for pre- and post-op meals. She is planning to be on the liquid post-op with me (I don't have to do but a one day clear liquid pre-op diet thankfully) to show her support. We have discussed what we will do socially instead of going out to eat post-op, like walking, going to get mani/pedi's etc. Next, I shared with my son and daughter-in-law. They are also both very supportive. I chose those people to tell first because they are "my" people and the ones closest to me.

Next I told my trainer at my gym because I will have to take time off from there and then I told my boss when I was approved for surgery. The last two I told out of necessity more than anything.

To be honest, I didn't want to tell many people because I don't want to hear the negative comments. What has surprised me the most is the positive reaction I have received and the words of support. It has given me confidence to tell others when the time comes.

I will tell more people as time goes on, but now I am sort of holding off to make sure the surgery is going to happen and that the COVID restrictions won't reappear between now and the end of the month.

[mil_unloaded 80]

I’ve told all of my closest friends, my immediate family, and a couple of my family that I’m really close to that is more distant but always have been supportive. I’m the type of person that is generally very open. If you ask me about my life with OCD, or my life with Autistic children, I’ll likely tell you anything you want to hear (and maybe things you didn’t want to hear)... So I felt I’d still be the same way about this when my day arrives. However, I haven’t said much if anything about it to my colleagues. I work at Farmers Markets and I told the head of the one I started doing first, because we’ve gotten kind of close, and I just wanted to let her know what was going on. When the ball started rolling, it’s because I was having pain in my hiatal hernia, and I was unable to come to market for a few weeks. I felt it necessary to let her know some of the details. I said that eventually I might have to miss some time due to surgery, but that I would absolutely be back as soon as I could.

Anyway, it’s totally in your hands who you want to know about this. If you want to generally keep it a secret from people, it’s within your rights.

[ChubRub 1,696]

My kids don't even know, only my husband. I just didn't want to deal with judgment or gossip, so I've kept everything private. When people comment that I look thin, I joke that I've been on a quarantine diet and since all the restaurants are closed, I had no choice but to finally learn how to cook a healthy meal!

[jennyhenny0330 38]

Hey Nikki, I have the same surgery date. I was told the same thing about visitors, pretty much after recovery, my husband needs to leave. That doesn't bother me. I'm more nervous about the covid test the day before than the actual surgery. As far as telling people, I told one coworker and my boss, just in case. My parents know but I'm trying to keep it from my husbands family. They gossip all the time. I just don't want to be apart of it. I do have a dilemna. His sister works in the surgical wing of where I'm getting it done. I think I decided just to go with the flow and if I see her, I will have the discussion. They all have anxiety on that side and I don't want the attention, brought on by "going under."

[rjan 163]

I told my immediate family and a few friends. My mom went with me. She was mostly worried about a) a surgery and b) having it in Mexico. My sister-in-law is an endocrinologist. When my mom asked her opinion, she said I was actually a great candidate for WLS since I was probably going to get diabetes soon, but didn't have it yet, and it would probably end up adding years to my life for a relatively low risk for a surgery that's been pretty developed and standardized. Then my mom felt pretty OK about the surgery. She felt a lot better about doing it Mexico after we got there and she saw how nice the hospital was.

I haven't told most other people. But after I lose the weight, I expect I'll tell anyone who asks the truth. I'm not one to advertise my business, but I'm not good at hiding things either. And I feel like I wish someone would have told me about the huge health benefits in reducing long term mortality for diabetes and cancer, not to mention the fact that it works 20 times better than dieting, and then I might have gotten it sooner. So I'd rather share the news with anyone who might find it helpful, and just deal with the a-holes. But not until after. I don't need the extra anxiety of people's expectations when I'm losing.

[Teres36 49]

Had my sleeve on 5/27 and only told my immediate family and one long distance friend that had it done a couple of years ago. When people ask how I’m losing weight I tell them multiple small meals a day and riding my stationary bike. All of that is true and just don’t want the judgment of their disapproval of surgery.

[Teres36 49]

Had my sleeve on 5/27 and only told my immediate family and one long distance friend that had it done a couple of years ago. When people ask how I’m losing weight I tell them multiple small meals a day and riding my stationary bike. All of that is true and just don’t want the judgment of their disapproval of surgery.

[angryspice 31]

the only people in my life that know are my parents. in fact, they were the ones that encouraged me to do it after watching me agonize over my weight my entire life. I fought them for a few years thinking it was too extreme and the "easy way out." I finally realized that I needed major help because I was showing potential of developing serious health conditions which really scared me. I have learned so much during this process about nutrition and weight loss and why it is next to impossible for many of us on these boards to lose weight and keep it off without wls. my parents are both very proud that I went through the whole process and have been the biggest source of encouragement for me.

so the closest person to me that I haven't told is my sister, and I am not sure if I ever will tell her, but I am worried that my parents eventually will even though they promised me they would respect my wishes and not tell anyone. I feel that she has judged me in the past about my weight loss efforts, and I honestly am not sure if she has the ability to keep it a secret since she is extremely sociable and open. I, on the other hand, am extremely closed and private. many of my extended family members have witnessed the ups and downs in my weight over the years and have been quick to comment on it. this is very hard for me because I have always been very sensitive about my weight. I have missed major events and holidays for fear of being judged, ridiculed, questioned, and/or humiliated about my weight.

if anyone notices or suspects that I had wls, then so be it. I am not at all ashamed of my decision, but I also don't think it's anyone's business. In general, i do feel people are judgmental, and I really don't want the negativity in my life. the world can be rough when you are an overweight woman, and i am trying my best to stay positive and change my attitude through this process. I am happy to hear that there are people on here who have shared their journey with others in their life and were met with support and encouragement. I'm so grateful I discovered this site. it's been extremely motivating and inspirational

Edited July 9, 2020 by angryspice

[Suzi_the_Q 253]

5 hours ago, jennyhenny0330 said:

. My parents know but I'm trying to keep it from my husbands family. They gossip all the time. I just don't want to be apart of it. I do have a dilemna. His sister works in the surgical wing of where I'm getting it done. I think I decided just to go with the flow and if I see her, I will have the discussion. They all have anxiety on that side and I don't want the attention, brought on by "going under."

If you DO run into your SIL, remind her of her HIPAA responsibilities, that she can't disclose medical information without your permission. It's your business, no one else's.

[Michael2428 24]

My Surgery is on the 15th, I have only told one person. Maybe later I might share, but this is my journey and I do not like sharing my success with anybody. I might later, but not now.

[Lazy Hermit 22]

I have my surgery on the 16th, I'm only told my mother and she's been my biggest supporter. I usually keep things to myself so the rest of my family and friends can freak out by my future weight loss.

[New&Improved 1,780]

Well I had the RNY bypass as well and I had no choice every time I saw someone I had looked different as I was losing about 20lbs a month and ended up losing a total of 158lbs

[Arabesque 6,441]

I told my mother, one brother & a couple of close, supportive friends. One friend told several of her fiends which I was pissy about but I didn’t say not to tell anyone so my fault really.

My other brother now knows (I think my other brother let it slip) but he hasn’t said anything to me only to my mother. I think several other friends & acquaintances are suspicious but they haven’t asked me. I appreciate their being respectful of my desire to be private.

I felt it was my decision & nobody else’s. Plus, the surgery is only a tool. I’ve taken advantage of it but put in a lot of work to get where I have. And I’ll have to continue to work at it.