Just feeling sorry for myself..

[BoredFatGirl 134]

I feel like something always goes wrong when things seem to be going in the right direction for me.

I turned 30 this year. My husband planned a romantic trip to Paris together for my birthday weekend to Celebrate. That was mid-March, so it ended up being postponed due to the coronavirus pandemic and our country closing the borders. I was honestly looking forward to it -- a weekend where we didn't have to worry about the kids, where we could just enjoy each other, be intimate, go on an adventure, and be able to forget about everything else going on in our lives right now (which is honestly a lot of ****).

I figured that we didn't need to leave our country to do that, though. We could figure out something at home since we would still have the weekend alone, and I got comfortable with that idea. That is, until our babysitter canceled on us completely, refusing to watch them for even a few hours. Great. It didn't turn out to be a bad weekend, but it wasn't what I had wished or even planned for. 😕

Anyways, I still had my surgery at the end of April to look forward to, so forget my birthday. No big deal. I've managed to keep my weight below where it needed to be in order to get surgery (down roughly 50lbs). I have stopped smoking completely & picked up nicotine-free vaping. I was really excited that this next chapter was getting started for me.. And I really hoped that it wasn't going to get canceled with how soon it was, that maybe things wouldn't have escalated as much as they have by now, and I would be okay.. But no, I got the email.. The email from the hospital telling me that my surgery is going to be postponed, that they would let me know by July 1st when I can expect my next date for surgery..

Another two months before I even hear back on when my next surgery date is, and even that isn't promised.. We don't know how far or how long this COVID-19 pandemic is going to take to be over with, or even to just where it can be managed to a point where hospitals can return to a normal routine. It's really getting me down and it's been hard to stay positive.

I've stopped posting on here.. I am not sure why. Maybe I was ashamed or felt like I had no reason to be posting here.. These forums and having a set date was what was keeping me on track and motivated to keep going. Instead, I've turned back to food as a source of comfort. My diet has done a complete 180 and I am over-eating all the **** I shouldn't be eating in the first place. I've gained 8lbs back already. I hate how easy it is to put on weight. I hate how weak I am, how easy I can cave and give in to bad habits. I hate seeing myself sabotage all the work I've put into losing the weight I have. It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes.. My head is not where I need it to be.. I feel stuck and I am just overall unhappy.

[GreenTealael 24,850]

❤ Hoping You Will Feel Better Soon❤

Edited April 6, 2020 by GreenTealael

[CammyC 291]

Oh honey, I feel your despair in this post. My original surgery was scheduled for 1/14. I got the call two and half weeks prior to surgery that it wasn’t going to happen due to the strict guidelines of my insurance. I was DEVASTATED.
After many tears and talking with my girlfriends, I realized then I had been waiting on this surgery to be a fix-all that it just couldn’t be. I decided then I had to be okay with myself as I was before surgery. The surgery was just a tool I could use for my weight, but I had to be okay with Camille before and after surgery.
I started journaling and after I had isolated myself for two years because I hated the way I looked, I put on make-up every day, I did my hair, polished my nails and dressed up even to go to the grocery store. I went on a couple of dates. I found it okay to put myself out there and to treat myself, as I was, like someone who was worthy of being cared for even if it was only me I was doing it for.

i started being more gentle with myself and when that horrid voice inside my mind told me I would always be a fat loser, I told that b*tch to shut the hell up! I became even more invested in getting ready for the surgery that I had no idea when it would even happen. It finally happened on 3/3 and I felt I was prepared then and ready for it. I had not been ready for it mentally and emotionally in January. It was a blessing in disguise that my surgery was postponed.

Congratulations on losing 50 lbs already! What an accomplishment! See you’ve got it in you! You are worthy of happiness regardless of when you have your surgery. It will come. It will happen. This is not no, it’s just not right now. Focus on your and your family’s health and safety at this time and this will all work out. So you’ve gained 8 pounds back. I know it’s disappointing, but you can turn it around at anytime and thank goodness it’s not the 50 you already lost.

Keep posting and getting your feelings out instead of sitting on them and eating over it. You’re in company of kindred spirits who understand how you feel about this. Good luck and keep on your journey! It’s so worth it and so are you! ❤️

Edited April 6, 2020 by CammyC

[Bastian 458]

you aren't weak, there is so much going on i'm not surprised people are turning to food! Just try to remember you will get your surgery just it is a unknown date and the only thing you can do to help is stay on track xx

[BoredFatGirl 134]

It's a new day where I am now. I am sitting in front of my computer sipping on my morning protein-coffee while reading comments here.

Thank you all for the kind responses.. I am happy that I came back to the forums. ♥

I am getting myself back on track today.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

Words of encouragement:... TODAY IS A NEW DAY, MAKE BETTER CHOICES.

Remember how far you have come. and that you did that, you lost 50lbs. Get your kids and husband involved, have them write little notes and put them in a jar... and every day, pull one out and read it so that everyone can hear. Take your before pictures...

This is a "pause" not an end... Your ending is still unwritten....

[ChubRub 1,696]

Congratulations on making the decision to come back to the forum and get back on track. Set some mini goals for yourself, ad try to make it fun to see how much weight you can lose by July 1st.

Lots of hugs!!! You can do this!!!

[JRT Mom 919]

This devastating virus not only has had a major impact to those who have contracted it, but much collateral damage to the rest of us. Lives have drastically changed in a matter of two months as many here awaiting their WLS can attest.

Eventually life will resume--we just all need to hang in there and be kind and gentle with ourselves and each other. Good luck to all of us!

[lisafrommassachusetts 319]

I'm so sorry everything is getting de-railed for you! But it sounds like you have a lot of willpower, a great attitude, and a supportive partner. You've got this.

[Danny Paul 761]

Sorry to hear of your setback with your WLS. Let me try to put things in perspective for you. My good friend contracted the Corona Virus. At first he thought he had the flu, then bronchitis and finally hospitalized with pneumonia. It wasn't till he was hospitalized and tested that he was diagnosed with Corona Virus. Unfortunately for this hard working soul a day after checking into the hospital he had to be placed on a ventilator. Mind you there are no visitors allowed in the hospitals these days. His family could only call the nurses station and hoped the line wasn't busy, someone picked up and if they did pick up would get back to them with information on their loved one. ( In the best of times hospital care is a little above average) . The news is always bleak and after a week and a half my friend passed away.

The family had to visit four funeral homes. Each one saying we will service you but by appointment only. After three funeral homes not calling them back they finally found one that could "process" his body for burial. They paid for a full funeral despite the funeral home only picking up my friend at the hospital and placing him into the casket with out being embalmed or having proper clothes on. The casket remained closed due to health concerns and they don't know if the person in the casket is their family member. They could not have visitation due to the virus. At the cemetery only a handful of people were allowed to attend once again due to the virus.

This Covid 19 virus is cancelling a lot of planned events (I also had to cancel my vacation) but there are those who like my friend suffered and died alone. Who like his family can't be there for a sick loved one and who had to endure an Odyssey just to lay a loved one to rest.

I was going to put a post on the boards of my two year Maintenance - versary. But after writing this it just doesn't seem important anymore. Please don't take this as a criticism of your reaction to having your surgery cancelled. You have every right to be disappointed. You will get your surgery, you will be much healthier and all of the things you wanted to do will be a reality. Unfortunately, in these tough times the reality of many isn't what they envisioned or hoped for.

To all my fellow WLS friends. Stay safe, healthy and please be kind to others it really makes a difference.

[JRT Mom 919]

10 hours ago, Danny Paul said:

I was going to put a post on the boards of my two year Maintenance - versary. But after writing this it just doesn't seem important anymore.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE post these happy posts for us--we all enjoy that there is still good news out there!! I appreciate that you may feel it's insensitive to post such things, but believe me, we ALL can benefit from someone's success. I relish reading people's "atta boy/girl posts"!

[lisafrommassachusetts 319]

@Danny Paul; I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. These are terrifying times, and people are going through so much. You are so right when you say being kind really does make a difference. That and stay home. My thoughts are with you. Stay well.

[Nokomis 7]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. That’s how I felt when my surgery got postponed too. But the good news is you’ve been approved, so it will happen:) And sure you may have slipped a little with diet, but you can jump right back into it! And you’ve done a lot of good changes, especially quitting smoking. You’re going to do great come surgery time:) Best of luck!