Overwhelmed newbie

[Guest]

Hello.

I've posted once before and since then, I've started my journey with the bariatric surgeon and all courses/time/insurance met-I'll be getting gastric bypass in a few months. (Or whenever COVId decide I can.)

At first I was super pumped-I did a ton of research, watched youtube videos, made pros and cons list, researched surgeons and selected the best and most reputable one out of the 3 I visited (although I researched more), have accepted the reality of the situation and that I'll be needing to put more work into this after than I did before...all of which I'm comfortable and excited about. I feel like now is the time to do it. I can keep fooling myself that "someday I'll lose the weight" but I know it's not going to happen without a push, for both psychological and physical factors that are holding me back.

Still-I feel very scared. It's as if now that I know that I *can* have it, I'm apprehensive and it's making me anxious. Any thoughts on the following subjects would be appreciated:

1. I'm sick of everyone giving their unsolicited opinion and telling me how "dangerous" and "negative" this is. I feel outnumbered. I keep hearing about how "so and so I know had it and it failed" and even a doctor I saw told me he "has had patients who got nerve damage from the surgery " and "if I just eat better I can lose any weight I need to". It's a serious buzzkill and frankly, none of their business. Any suggestions on how to handle this or some reassurance that these negative experiences aren't as common as these people are making it seem? Or does it happen that often and I'm pulling the wool over my own eyes?

2. I'm scared to death of...death. It's not so much the surgery itself, which I'm not oblivious to but it's more logical, but I have some other health issues like a lot of neck pain, facial pain, tingling, etc. I've had a billion imaging tests and they can't find anything so I'm trying to move on and be a healthier person, but have this tiny part of me that is scared of some, IDK, "rare unlying issue" that if I got gastric bypass, would somehow end up worse or kill me. Is GB ok to have with comorbidities? Would it still be safe to have if I say, had neck instability or something weird like that? I also read that the morbidity rate is super low, but it's "within the first year". Does that mean I could be seemingly ok and then someone happens with my body I'm not aware of or something on a cellular level would end my life?

Any help on these slightly anxiety-induced questions would be appreciated.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

[cjernsttribe5 4]

Hi!!
I think all those questions and anxiety is normal for getting GB. I am in the same situation. Only I will get mine done in November most likely.
I have done research, met with 2 surgeons. And starting all the other stuff.
It can be overwhelming and if you are lacking support, even more so. I have told my mom, sister, and 3-4 friends. I don’t want anyone else to know yet. So far everyone is supportive. My sister wasn’t at first but she has come around.
I am having the surgery not just for weight loss but for the comorbidities. I have several and my surgeon helped me to understand how the surgery will help with diabetes, high blood pressure, Gastroparesis, joint pain. Which I have those and several more.
If your surgeon feels your a good candidate and that it will benefit you, I think it will be safe. Did you tell them about the neck and nerve pain? They may want to address that. I have Multiple Sclerosis and nerve pain isn’t something I deal with and I am making sure they know that.
I’m not sure if anything I just said helps but I hope it does. Please update and let us know what’s going on.

[NovaLuna 710]

9 hours ago, Keatsy said:

Hello.

I've posted once before and since then, I've started my journey with the bariatric surgeon and all courses/time/insurance met-I'll be getting gastric bypass in a few months. (Or whenever COVId decide I can.)

At first I was super pumped-I did a ton of research, watched youtube videos, made pros and cons list, researched surgeons and selected the best and most reputable one out of the 3 I visited (although I researched more), have accepted the reality of the situation and that I'll be needing to put more work into this after than I did before...all of which I'm comfortable and excited about. I feel like now is the time to do it. I can keep fooling myself that "someday I'll lose the weight" but I know it's not going to happen without a push, for both psychological and physical factors that are holding me back.

Still-I feel very scared. It's as if now that I know that I *can* have it, I'm apprehensive and it's making me anxious. Any thoughts on the following subjects would be appreciated:

1. I'm sick of everyone giving their unsolicited opinion and telling me how "dangerous" and "negative" this is. I feel outnumbered. I keep hearing about how "so and so I know had it and it failed" and even a doctor I saw told me he "has had patients who got nerve damage from the surgery " and "if I just eat better I can lose any weight I need to". It's a serious buzzkill and frankly, none of their business. Any suggestions on how to handle this or some reassurance that these negative experiences aren't as common as these people are making it seem? Or does it happen that often and I'm pulling the wool over my own eyes?

2. I'm scared to death of...death. It's not so much the surgery itself, which I'm not oblivious to but it's more logical, but I have some other health issues like a lot of neck pain, facial pain, tingling, etc. I've had a billion imaging tests and they can't find anything so I'm trying to move on and be a healthier person, but have this tiny part of me that is scared of some, IDK, "rare unlying issue" that if I got gastric bypass, would somehow end up worse or kill me. Is GB ok to have with comorbidities? Would it still be safe to have if I say, had neck instability or something weird like that? I also read that the morbidity rate is super low, but it's "within the first year". Does that mean I could be seemingly ok and then someone happens with my body I'm not aware of or something on a cellular level would end my life?

Any help on these slightly anxiety-induced questions would be appreciated.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

1. First of all, don't let their opinions make you falter. Yes, some people DO fail. However, most of the time that can be traced back to them getting back into bad eating habits... i.e fast food, drinking soda again, eating cake, Cookies, ice cream, and massive amounts of bread and Pasta. And statistically ANY surgery can cause nerve damage not just weight loss surgery. It depends a lot on your own body, how many other prior surgeries you've had, if you have nerve disorders like different types of neuralgia, Fibromyalgia, etc.

2. I read up on statistics when deciding on my surgery and Gastric Bypass has a 0.14% chance of mortality in the operating room (essentially 1 in every 1000 people), 1% in the first 30 days and 6% in five years. However, you have to think about the fact that many of us have been overweight for a very long time and it takes a toll on our bodies which is likely the reason for the 6%. Some people just waited too long to do anything about it. Avoid NSAIDS like the plague though because once you have Gastric Bypass that causes massive bleeding and you'll land yourself in the hospital. No ibuprofen or asprin for you! (though you likely already know this lol)

And I TOTALLY understand the facial pain! I have TN (trigeminal neuralgia) and it was misdiagnosed for YEARS which means it didn't get the proper treatment and led to it getting worse and worse until I was in constant pain for MONTHS! I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't talk because of the sheer amount of pain I was in and I would cry myself dry. I was exhausted, in agony, miserable and desperate to find an end to the pain. I would literally go to work and cry while I worked. I had brain surgery in 2017 and it had a similar mortality rate to the GB surgery and had some other rare complications and even some common ones. I was at peace with whatever happened. If I was one of the rare 1 in 1000 that died then it'd be an end to the pain, if I was one of the other 999 people then I had a 95% chance that the surgery would work for me and a 5% chance that it'd do nothing to help me. Even then, I knew it was just a temporary solution since TN has no cure. And it did work. For two years. The pain came back last year, but the surgery is amazing in the fact that it's kept the most debilitating type 1 pain away. I have atypical TN (which is apparently rare) and have had both type 1 and type 2 pain. I had the surgery because the type 1 pain is like being stabbed repeatedly in the face with a scalding hot poker where it twists and twists and twists and then repeats. When I have flares I only suffer from the type 2 pains now and hope that the type 1 never comes back! Also, I haven't had a flare since August!

I hope that everything goes well for you in your surgery and I hope they can eventually figure out what's causing your other health issues so that you can get the necessary treatment without those issues getting worse. I wish you the best!

Edited March 26, 2020 by NovaLuna

[AJ Tylo 1,398]

11 hours ago, Keatsy said:

o I'm trying to move on and be a healthier person,

Ok Above is the best thing you said! I doubt any of us can figure out your medical issues on a chat room. But i will tell you this, Nobody can debate with me that losing all the weight and getting healthy wont help! I had all kinds of quirky medical issues including heart issues. I have never felt better and most of my medical problems are gone now. All I did was get healthy and slim

[summerset 5,261]

11 hours ago, Keatsy said:

Any suggestions on how to handle this or some reassurance that these negative experiences aren't as common as these people are making it seem? Or does it happen that often and I'm pulling the wool over my own eyes?

If you already researched the heck out of the web I'm sure you're well aware of what is a realistic expectation in regards to success and "failure" and complication rates. Mortality is rather low in the peri-operative period (usually 30 days) but that doesn't mean there is none. Make sure you choose a surgeon and treatment center with experience. That's your best bet.

Quote

I also read that the morbidity rate is super low, but it's "within the first year". Does that mean I could be seemingly ok and then someone happens with my body I'm not aware of or something on a cellular level would end my life?

Fact is that there can be issues that only show several years later: osteopenia/osteoporosis, addiction to substances like alcohol or cigarettes etc., Vitamin deficiency or anemia and the like.

A lot of this is dependent on the patient's behavior, e. g. did the patient take the necessary amount of Vitamins or not?

In the end nobody really knows 100% what happens in this black box called "metabolism". We also don't know 100% how WLS interferes with this black box. Fact is that RNY-bypass is around since a whole while and that gastrectomies for other reasons (e. g. ulcers, cancer) are around even longer.

There is no guarantee that you will reach and maintain a normal weight or reach and maintain a normal weight without too many struggles that make your life miserable. There is also no guarantee that you won't have medical issues down the road.

However, when you'd ask people if they'd do it all again - many would say "YES!" without having to give it a second thought.

[catwoman7 10,856]

people fail because they don't follow the rules. If you follow the rules, you'll be fine.

the people you've talked to are going on very outdated information. Yes, weight loss surgeries WERE risky 30 or 40 or 50 years ago, but they're not anymore. They're among the safest surgeries being done today. And if you're able to take the weight off and maintain it, more power to you - less than 5% of people are able to do that. I tried for years - it never worked for me. Surgery was the only way I was able to loss a massive amount of weight and keep it off.

you might want to quit telling people. I didn't tell many people because I knew I might get the same kind of feedback that you're getting. My immediate family knew, and some close friends knew. And my boss knew (because I needed the time off, and I trusted her not to blab). I'm more open about it NOW, but before surgery, no. I didn't want to hear that someone's cousin's husband's nephew's first wife had it in 1972 and died. I'd done enough research to know that isn't the reality anymore. These surgeries are safe and effective, as long as you follow your medical team's instructions.

P.S. I just read Summerset's comments. Yes - she's right - there can be complications - but as long as you follow the rules (like keep on top of your supplements), they're rare. But you can get complications from ANY surgery. People have died having their tonsils out - or even having their wisdom teeth pulled. But how common is that? Answer: it's not. She's also right in that you're not going to find very many people who regret having the surgery. The vast majority would do it again in a heartbeat. I would. In fact, if I had to go back every year and have it, I would. Definitely.

Edited March 26, 2020 by catwoman7

[Guest]

Wow-thanks all for your responses. It brought me down to earth a bit. I believe my reality is the same as a lot of you-my life has so little quality right now that I'm willing to take that risk to better myself.

I feel I'm going into this with my eyes wide open and while intimidating, I'm excited to put forth the effort and make the massive life changes. What I'm doing right now, just isn't working.

Again, thank you all for your responses.

[Lynda486 783]

I have had 2 weight loss surgeries and have been successful losing weight with both. I only regained because my pouch developed a fistula, which allowed me to eat more, and I didn't realize why I was gaining. Most of the people that have nothing good to say about this surgery have not researched is as you have. They only know what they have heard or assumed to be correct. People are well intention ed, but also don't understand. You are doing this for you, not them. You want to be healthier and feel better and live a longer life and you can do so with this surgery. Also we are here for you to help in anyway we can! Hugs!