My sleeve, my wife & hgc

[bthompson82 32]

So here we go, for the people who follow me all ready know my details but here they are again ( I’m 37 , 5”3, 200 pounds, type 2 diabetic, intercranel hypertension. I am pre op for the sleeve, waiting on my next appointment hoping for a surgery date) .... so here is the deal my wife has not been all that supportive of my surgery since I started the process, saying things like “ you will always have a belly” and you will never be your high school weight” and the worst one is “ I don’t know if I’ll be attracted to you when you are so skinny” .. horrible right! Well she is a big girl herself at 5”4 and 298 pounds!! I’ve never bugged her about her weight in the 12 years we have been together.. but now that I am working on getting this surgery she wants to lose weight too , and that’s great!! Unlike her I fully support her... until I found out how she wanted to do it ... HCG diet!! .. I tried to tell her very gently that 500 cals a day is unsafe and of course you will lose weight .. you are starving!! Plus those “shots” could be filled with anything they don’t come from a medical doctor!!! But she yelled at me saying I WAS THE UNSUPPORTIVE ONE!!! Can you believe that crap! So here we are .. here doing this crap and now trying to convince me to do that same... hell no .. I’m getting my sleeve !!! Rant over

[sarahSingh91 233]

Ok. I would recommend therapy. Because everything ur life after weight loss surgery will change and you and ur wife will need it!! With the sleeve you will be starting at the most 300-400 calories a day if ur lucky in the beginning. I can get in 450-500 calories now and I’m a month post op. So her restricting her self to 500 calories would be a great support to you! I would recommend sitting down and talking to each other.

[GradyCat 3,692]

Sounds like neither one of you are happy with the other one's choice for weight loss efforts. That's going to make it hard for each of you to support each other along with journey together. I hope you two can work it out.

[JRT Mom 919]

Sounds like y'all are going to have to "agree to disagree" but support each other nonetheless. You might want to see if she'll watch any of Dr Vuong's youtube videos. He uses "colorful" language but always presents them in a manner that is entertaining but explains everything well. Maybe this would help. He does a great one on why diets don't work--she should at least watch that one!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

On 2/9/2020 at 5:38 PM, JRT Mom said:

Sounds like y'all are going to have to "agree to disagree" but support each other nonetheless. You might want to see if she'll watch any of Dr Vuong's youtube videos. He uses "colorful" language but always presents them in a manner that is entertaining but explains everything well. Maybe this would help. He does a great one on why diets don't work--she should at least watch that one!

Love Dr. V....

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

On 2/9/2020 at 2:27 PM, bthompson82 said:

So here we go, for the people who follow me all ready know my details but here they are again ( I’m 37 , 5”3, 200 pounds, type 2 diabetic, intercranel hypertension. I am pre op for the sleeve, waiting on my next appointment hoping for a surgery date) .... so here is the deal my wife has not been all that supportive of my surgery since I started the process, saying things like “ you will always have a belly” and you will never be your high school weight” and the worst one is “ I don’t know if I’ll be attracted to you when you are so skinny” .. horrible right! Well she is a big girl herself at 5”4 and 298 pounds!! I’ve never bugged her about her weight in the 12 years we have been together.. but now that I am working on getting this surgery she wants to lose weight too , and that’s great!! Unlike her I fully support her... until I found out how she wanted to do it ... HCG diet!! .. I tried to tell her very gently that 500 cals a day is unsafe and of course you will lose weight .. you are starving!! Plus those “shots” could be filled with anything they don’t come from a medical doctor!!! But she yelled at me saying I WAS THE UNSUPPORTIVE ONE!!! Can you believe that crap! So here we are .. here doing this crap and now trying to convince me to do that same... hell no .. I’m getting my sleeve !!! Rant over

B... Trying to do this without support from your wife will make it more difficult. My Now ex husband did the same things to me... said lots of horrible things... before and after WLS. But it got way worse after. After i lost he accused me of everything under the sun... including cheating... getting thin for "other men"... Getting thin to prepare to leave him... It's got to the point where i hated to go home after work.

for her to say that she might not find you attractive after... is a crap thing to say, which means she is already insecure and is going to use that as an excuse.... trust that she is already thinking that. You have to chose to do this for you. And know that you will change in every way... not just your weight. Divorce in the WLS community is huge... My best guess... over 75% of us get divorced.

We also lose friends and family. So she won't be the only person with issues with your WL. I would venture to say most of the people you hang around are "large". They will start to side with her and tell you.... Don't you think you lost enough, Your too skinny, your not the same person, all you talk about now is losing weight, you won't be able to come out to eat with us anymore...... and they will start canceling plans with you and you will see that they will start doing things without you.

But, you don't need these people in your life.... you will do fine without them. surround yourself with positive people... people that will support you and your new healthy life...

I unlike some people here chose to tell NO ONE about my Sleeve.....Only my now-husband knows. Tons of people knew about the Band SX in 2009 and the removal in 2017... I wish i had told no one then... but live and learn. So much better not telling... I just say i'm watching what i eat and i'm doing crossfit... which is 100% true.

[sarahSingh91 233]

On 02/19/2020 at 09:20, BayougirlMrsS said:

B... Trying to do this without support from your wife will make it more difficult. My Now ex husband did the same things to me... said lots of horrible things... before and after WLS. But it got way worse after. After i lost he accused me of everything under the sun... including cheating... getting thin for "other men"... Getting thin to prepare to leave him... It's got to the point where i hated to go home after work.

for her to say that she might not find you attractive after... is a crap thing to say, which means she is already insecure and is going to use that as an excuse.... trust that she is already thinking that. You have to chose to do this for you. And know that you will change in every way... not just your weight. Divorce in the WLS community is huge... My best guess... over 75% of us get divorced.

We also lose friends and family. So she won't be the only person with issues with your WL. I would venture to say most of the people you hang around are "large". They will start to side with her and tell you.... Don't you think you lost enough, Your too skinny, your not the same person, all you talk about now is losing weight, you won't be able to come out to eat with us anymore...... and they will start canceling plans with you and you will see that they will start doing things without you.

But, you don't need these people in your life.... you will do fine without them. surround yourself with positive people... people that will support you and your new healthy life...

I unlike some people here chose to tell NO ONE about my Sleeve.....Only my now-husband knows. Tons of people knew about the Band SX in 2009 and the removal in 2017... I wish i had told no one then... but live and learn. So much better not telling... I just say i'm watching what i eat and i'm doing crossfit... which is 100% true.

Love this! So greatly worded and true