Picking a goal weight...Psychiatrist worried

[New&Improved 1,780]

Goal weights can be vague.... My surgeon was happy for me to get to 100kg(220) I've passed that I'm 218;

The dietitian says 199lbs(90kg) but bmi says 175-190; personally I'll be happy to get under 200 whether that be 185 or 195 I'm yet to decide until I get there

[Briswife15 889]

Keep us updated, pease.
WLS and eating disorders are a very touchy subject. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's just the definition of the term "eating disorder".
A lot of people still seem to view only anorexia and bulimia as eating disorders (still including so called "professionals"), maybe binge eating disorder at a stretch but not chronic/compulsive overeating so suggesting that disordered eating runs rampant on WLS boards seems to be seen as outrageous somehow.
I might be the lonesome loner with this opinion but I believe that nobody gets heavy enough to require WLS without disordered eating. People might not calling it "disordered eating" but rather refer to their "relationship with food" or to "bad habits" instead.
Again, I might be offending quite a few people with this one: I see a lot of disordered eating and disordered thinking about food/weight/exercise on this and other WLS boards (I'm not excluding myself here) and probably the worst about this is that it's often seen as a both completely normal and desirable mindset to have. Sometimes this feels a little bit... creepy.
Society's view on obesity might fuel this: if you were never above a normal weight and suffer from a restrictive eating disorder you're a sick human being in need of help. If you were obese once and got down to a normal weight by engaging in the same behaviors you're a success story.

Thank you, summerset!

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[Briswife15 889]

Goal weights can be vague.... My surgeon was happy for me to get to 100kg(220) I've passed that I'm 218;
The dietitian says 199lbs(90kg) but bmi says 175-190; personally I'll be happy to get under 200 whether that be 185 or 195 I'm yet to decide until I get there

Good luck with your decision, and Congratulations on your weight loss!

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[Briswife15 889]

If you told this your psychiatrist it could very well be the red flag that caused her to worry.

No, I didn't say that to her. I didn't talk about it actually. She asked how much I weighed and when I told her 147 she said it was too low. Go figure. She never approved of my having the surgery, but in her defense, she doesn't have much experience with bariatric patients. She's supportive, just concerned.

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[summerset 5,261]

4 minutes ago, Briswife15 said:

She never approved of my having the surgery, but in her defense, she doesn't have much experience with bariatric patients. She's supportive, just concerned.

Do you think of this as a problem? Just curious. Sorry, if I'm too nosy.

[Darktowerdream 419]

This is a tough subject and I’ve been here years before surgery, this image of ideal body weight as well as what we think our body should feel or our weight should be. It’s not something easy to pinpoint as in a number but something we want to feel that we can control.

i just remember bits and pieces like standing on my aunts scale in her bathroom and seeing the numbers (I don’t remember let’s say 134) and being called fat even by school professionals.

at some point when I was dealing with the process of getting major health diagnosis, severe Illnesses, disability and my mom was having major spine surgery and her recovery process all at what should have been my last year of high school and ... I’ll leave out most of it but my weight out of nowhere jumped to 180 and I was lost. Doctors diagnosed me with metabolic disorders late onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia, pcos, etc. but no explanation, no help for my weight, medication made me too ill (didn’t find out until much much later as to why)

I remember one of the few people in my life accusing me of being obsessive over my weight and having an eating disorder. I broke at some point. Let the sugar and carb addict and the influence of others get the best of me my weight went 210 + and I fought back hard.

I did extreme low carb and calorie counting (weight watchers) i did lose weight. Slow but steady ok not so steady. Stall, gain a bit lose. Stall, gain a bit lose. I felt cut off from being around people who ate the foods I needed to avoid. Although my illness cut my off as well. I guess around 2008 (I don’t remember) my lowest might have been 124 lb but it just crept up and stayed around 134lb ...

fast forward when I started this journey I felt like I’d landed back to square one where my skyrocketed first to 160 then to 180 and I sought out help for my gallbladder and then for bariatric surgery and my BMI was too low but then my weight just didn’t stop climbing even though I was still trying.

all the fight before and I saw the loose saggy ugly skin and never felt truly thin and I am fighting again and I worry can I reach my goal and stay there can I be comfortable in my own skin? I’ve actually lost height since then due to chronic spine problems. My goal weight is lower. My mother is the same height as me and 100 lbs.

i think I’m the lowest I’ve been in at least ten years. I still feel a lot of weight in my thighs and stomach and butt even though my butt is flat as heck due to my spine being twisted. People have commented like I might disappear. I think it’s more because the visible parts are bonier than normal.

i haven’t had my last follow up with my surgeon yet. I’m wishing for skin removal because I know that some of the lbs are skin. It’s not as much the weight as it is all my life of fighting this and wanting to feel that I have control of something in my life where everything With my health I have not.

i guess I will end it with an example. I started to go to bingo with my mom and won twice and people say oh you are lucky. But I’m not at all lucky. Nowhere in my entire life have I ever been lucky. But I won a game of bingo. And for me this would be one small win in a sea of things I can’t change.

having a say in what our goal weight is or might be, is just the one small thing we want to be able to say is our win without someone else dictating what it should be ...

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

There is a little saying I like - Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

Sometimes we get so caught up on an ideal on a number on a scale that it can compromise everything we set out to achieve.

The number on a scale is just a number on a scale, it doesn't depict our worth, no number should, however, there are some non scale goals that would serve us better and give our health so much more meaning. Particularly when people are unready in the health weight range for their height or are close to it and have a lot of excess skin.

Body fat percentage, doesn't matter what we weigh or what excess skin we have. Some people have more lean body mass (muscle) so could well be overweight by the scale but their body fat percentage is on point.

Perhaps you need to give yourself credit for what you have achieved so far, very close to the healthy weight for your height, your goal weight may or may not be achievable but it is at the low end of the BMI. Maybe a refocus on some other non scale goals for a while would take the pressure of yourself.

[Darktowerdream 419]

I think for me my biggest worry is repeat history of if I don’t watch closely my calories, Protein and carbs due to metabolic disorders that I will backslide again. I’m trying to not make a big deal of the numbers even though I weigh myself each morning (dressed) and log my food (the main protein and calories)

but still the goal weight is a sticking point and I can understand where the OP is coming from. When other people have this idea of where you should be, even though this should be yours and yours alone to decide.

and honestly that’s not just about numbers on a scale it’s about a lot of things. But sometimes it’s easier to define it with numbers than it is the vague uncontrollable things in our lives. I wish I could explain it better than that. I get so exhausted just searching for the right words.

[JessLess 1,163]

This may be controversial. I don't believe BMI charts are the best way to measure much. They are the same for women and men. Muscle weighs more than fat. They were originally intended to monitor populations, not individual people.

The scale isn't the best way to measure your progress/health. It's just the easiest way.

I would work with your psychiatrist, who hopefully has some experience with bariatric patients, and work on reducing your negative thoughts around your weight.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

[JRT Mom 919]

Wow, your psych thinks 147 is too thin for 5'4"? And she has no experience with WLS? I think you should consult your doc and/or dietician to see what they think about that. Maybe have your psych consult with them? Maybe she needs a bit of education, and it might make her a better counselor for future WLS patients.

[Bastian 458]

On 12/13/2019 at 7:19 PM, Briswife15 said:

No, I didn't say that to her. I didn't talk about it actually. She asked how much I weighed and when I told her 147 she said it was too low. Go figure. She never approved of my having the surgery, but in her defense, she doesn't have much experience with bariatric patients. She's supportive, just concerned.

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Just my 2 cents but she obviously has no idea what your BMI is and I'm wondering if because you lost the weight quickly in her mind you have lost too much because you have shrunk so much in between the times she has seen you?

I'm 5 foot 10 and 147lb/63-65kg was my ideal weight, no one ever said I was too thin, which is what makes me wonder if her view of you is skewed because in her mind you are much heavier?

Funny that I am now 178lbs and people keep telling me I am 'tiny' (compared to 4 months ago), well the people that don't see me regular;y tell me I'm tiny because I look so different each time they see me.

Deffo see what the bariatric team say they would be more clued up on the weight and leave the head stuff to the psychiatrist. YOu are doing really well x

[Wendyfm 494]

My body picked for me. Once I got to a certain weight I just stopped losing.

[DeadSpaceGrave 53]

In my honest opinion, doctors are trained off of the universal scale to height measurements. This , however, doesnt prove the "true" healthy weight for YOU. I am also large build and have always been overweight most of my life. I plan on having my weight at 150 is my goal. if a doctor tried to tell me that it was too low , i would tell them to shove it! that is just me . nobody was made with the same structures. For example like in genetics, my skeleton is not the exact same as yours and i have muscle mass already.Goodluck!

[Briswife15 889]

Thanks. All! I hit "healthy weight" on the BMI chart this morning and can't believe it! Went from morbidly obese. Will see what bari ream says next Monday. I think I'd be happy at 135. Enjoying your responses and support.

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[FluffyChix 17,409]

57 minutes ago, Briswife15 said:

Thanks. All! I hit "healthy weight" on the BMI chart this morning and can't believe it! Went from morbidly obese. Will see what bari ream says next Monday. I think I'd be happy at 135. Enjoying your responses and support.

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Congrats on hitting goal!!! I'm your height 5'4" and I live between 130-135lbs. Today after a really big weekend, I'm at 135.4lbs (the top of my window), so it's back to eating for WLM which is my usual M-Th routine anyway. So I feel like 135 will look good on you! Can't wait to hear what your bariatric team says. ((hugs)) How do YOU feel about your weight loss. Do you feel "on top" of things or do you feel shakey like you're "teetering" on the verge of something?