Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Weight gain pre surgery and people’s expectations



Recommended Posts

So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. 😂🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. 😒. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat shit and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a shit patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate shit instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so proud of you on so many levels. You were able to identify the sources of negativity, address them, face them, and advocate for yourself! Hurray for you!!!! I have no doubt that you will be totally successful with your weight loss after having surgery. I did not lose but a few pounds in my 6 month pre-op period. But I have been hugely successful after surgery. I don't think your doctor can accurately predict how every individual's body will respond to surgery. I can tell that you are determined to make this work, and that is what it takes. When you think of it, it's kind of silly and unrealistic to think that someone who has wrecked their metabolism by dieting, and who needs WLS as a last resort, will be able to take off loads of weight before surgery. If we could have done it, we would have already, right? Please don't let that idea rattle your confidence. If anything, let it make you more determined than ever to prove him wrong. Your coworkers are being just plain selfish. Period. You take care of yourself right now, OK? Please keep us posted about your journey!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. [emoji23]🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. [emoji19]. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat **** and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a **** patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate **** instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.
Just Wow!!!!!! Emily Jane, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!!! I was incredibly moved by your insight!!! I wished I was half as insightful as you when I was your age!!!
This surgery is exactly designed for your honestly and self reflection as you start to discover parts of yourself you didn't know was tucked in there waiting to blossom like a swan! You start to change and morph both physically and emotionally in your journey and you wonder who this new AMAZING, POWERFUL, COURAGEOUS and CONFIDENT person is!!!
Take heart in the difficult early days because you my friend are about to have your swan song!!![emoji123][emoji123][emoji122][emoji122][emoji119][emoji119][emoji119]

I'll be here rooting for you!!!🧡[emoji176]🧡[emoji176]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Girl, yes! I am so glad that you have had such a breakthrough and especially glad you and hubby had a talk, now he can understand your needs and be there for you as a support system after surgery. It sounds like you have your MIL for a great support system and us too, we're excited for you!

I think if my work treated me that way, I'd probably be job hunting during my time off, they don't sound like they deserve you. I'm only getting a hand full of days off of work and I'm pretty sure if I need more time, I'll get fired, so maybe I'll be doing some job searching my time off anyway. 🤣

You are going to be so successful, I just know it!

Edited by SorryNameTaken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! It sounds like you have had some real personal growth over the last several months of this journey. I'd love to see you congratulate yourself for all that hard work. ❤️ None of it is easy but the mental toughness it takes to get through is by far more difficult than the physical. You are on the right track!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So much to touch on here and it may ramble but it all has a point so stick with me. [emoji23]🤞. The first day I met my new doc 6 months ago, the last thing he said was, “I can tell who will be successful after surgery by the amount they lose before surgery”. Talk about pressure! Lol. Anyway, fast forward 6 months and the surgery scheduler calls to say I’ve been approved for surgery. I was nervous initially because I ended my 6 months 3 pounds heavier than I began so I was stoked that I was approved so quickly.

SS said if I was able to take the next day off work (9/27), I could have surgery on 10/8! Oh boy! First person I call is my husband, who immediately starts in on me about how I need to wait until AT LEAST November because we can’t afford surgery now! Never congratulated me or anything. I actually hung up on him. Then I tell my bosses/receptionist. Bosses and nearby co workers all start in on what an inconvenience it will be with me out. God forbid they call their own patients or check their patients auth. No congrats there. Receptionist is like I don’t care what you do, I just want to go to Vegas for Halloween. [emoji19]. I finally call my mother in law, who is loaning us money for this surgery and she immediately screams, “YAHOO!!!! CONGRATS!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!”. Tells me to absolutely do the 8th. Don’t wait! Go for it! I get to my desk and after 30 seconds of pause just cry because only one person of the 6 I just told was happy for me. I let my old insecurities set in and figure, if more people are against sx so soon then maybe I should wait. So I scheduled it for 10/22.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been incredibly agitated the last two weeks. Everyone at work is worried about how my sx will inconvenience them. I went from two weeks off work to one week and two weeks half days to maybe I can work from the hospital since I’m not doing anything. I’ve been binging on food left in the pantry (pasta, brownie mix, coffee) because I tell myself my hubs will be more relaxed if I eat **** and save money these last two weeks. In the back of my mind though I have the doc...”I know who will be successful after surgery based on how much weight they lose before surgery”. I KNOW I’ve gained weight the past two weeks. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was 10 pounds. 🤷‍♀️. So the self loathing begins. “The doc thinks I’m a **** patient for gaining weight and he’s wasting his time working on me because he knows I won’t be successful”. “I’m worthless”. “Why can’t you just make people happy and lose weight?!”.

Tonight I told hubs I was going to bed early because I was “agitated” and when I laid down I stared at the ceiling sobbing my eyes out. I couldn’t cry harder if I tried. Then it hit me: why am I letting these people control my life?! So I text my husband to come to the bedroom to talk (I’m a millennial. It’s what we do).

I proceed to tell him how angry I am. I’m angry that he was so concerned about money that he never congratulated me for a year of hard work. I’m angry that I let my co workers dictate my pre and post op care. I’m angry that I let my husband choose my surgery date. Most importantly, I’m angry at myself. Angry for letting them take away my initial happiness. Angry for being concerned about my co workers feelings over my own. Angry that something my doc probably meant as encouraging was twisted by my mind to negate everything I’ve done in the last year because I gained weight. As if the weight gain negated all the physical therapy, the personal training, psychology work, food logging, nutrition appointments, weekly classes for united healthcare, monthly support groups and $8000 in money to better my health for this surgery and life change. Angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and ate **** instead of grabbing my mother in laws credit card like she offered and getting the proper food I need pre op.

He listened and apologized. We chatted a bit over his fears/concerns, my concerns (I’m not afraid of surgery) and my need to work on my people pleasing. It was cathartic. It was also humbling that I thought I had this mental aspect under control when clearly I did not if I let all of these people live rent free in my mind.

Friday I’m going to for my pre op appointment and I’m going to be open, honest and an advocate for myself. I’ll probably stumble at some point in the future but I’m taking a screenshot of this post to remind myself that it’s ok to advocate for yourself and then pick myself back up.
Yesssss, Congratulations to you for finally realizing that. [emoji3] Now get back on track and start losing again. Surgery is next week. Kudos to you. [emoji1439]‍♀️ hugs

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Amen sister! Good for you! Interesting, I was watching an episode of 'My 600 lb. Life' yesterday and it featured a woman who was going thru WLS with a non supportive husband, who eventually left her because he was with someone else. Once she released all of the stress and strain of his controlling, belittling attitude and re-aligned herself with advocating for herself, she started to become more successful with her weight loss.

This is also the reason why folk don't tell many people about these procedures because the last thing a person needs is people being negative and non-supportive.

Lastly, it's not like you gained a whole lot here -- just think that if you weren't going for the WLS, just eating the way you have in the past, you may be much heavier so clearly you are making good changes that will only get better post-op.

Oh, one more thing: your health is the most important thing here. Please monitor how you feel first before returning to work.

We must be present and in control of our own health.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing your journey. You should be proud of the woman you've become so far and of the woman you are becoming. You are making nothing but positive changes in your life, Celebrate them! For us chronically overweight people I think we are more comfortable putting ourselves down rather than lifting ourselves up. But that is what this surgery demands of us, yes? It demands that we value ourselves and our health regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels. Not that we're arrogant in our self love, but that we are starting to get some self love. You are going to do great things post-surg, keep up the wonderful work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×