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Advice/opinions wanted



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9 hours ago, notmyname said:

First - good for you for realizing you need to do something with the stress of this situation to not eat - that is SUCH a healthy realization. So, can you think of something else to do. Can you vent to your husband? Go on a walk? Turn on some music and dance the stress away? Use a punching bag?

As for the substance of your problem, I'll put my biases out there first: I truly don't understand why people get upset about the choices other people make about their weddings. I just have never put much weight on being in a wedding/invited to a wedding/where people have their weddings/etc. So, with that said, it is her wedding. You can't control your feelings, but it is her wedding to plan how she and her fiance want it. You have no idea her reasons for not asking you to be in it - they could be completely benign or not - but they're not your business. I suspect she's getting grief from all sides about various choices she's making (mostly because it seems like in our culture every marrying couple gets crap for all of their choices). And then you, someone she really cares for, questions her too. So, I can see why she's upset at you for questioning her choices.

Sometimes you can't control how you feel about things. but do you really want this one thing to ruin an otherwise good relationship? If not, then you could try to apologize. You don't need to apologize for things you didn't do, but you could tell her (jf true) you now realize that it is her wedding to plan, that you're sorry that you added to her stress. And that you value her friendship and want to get back to a good place with her.

I guess I asked for honesty but saying that it’s not my business is a little harsh, my feelings were hurt as hers would have been if she wasn’t in my wedding. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her about it but I also don’t think that it warranted being cut out her life and the verbal attack I received because I asked her about it. She’s my family so of course I value her and I really could care less about being a bridesmaid I just wanted her to address why I wasn’t. I would have been good with any excuse. My point is that the not knowing why probably would have damaged our relationship even if I wouldn’t have asked for a why.

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13 minutes ago, Mikeyy said:

It is a huge day for her a huge celebration and so many emotions and hormones flowing through her body.

I'm sure she will feel bad after everything is said and done and she's come down from the clouds of her wedding and Honeymoon.

It is also possible the age is a difference when it comes to being with all her friends and bridesmaids of her age you may not feel it but I know when I was in my 20s and my mum in her 40s we felt world's apart; as much as I love my mum I don't think I'd ever go party with her or drink with her.

So yes you have to take a step back and allow this girl to have her day.

I know how you feel my niece and I were inseparable from day 1 but once she got a boyfriend and turned 16 things changed obviously that's what happens as people grow up :)

It probably is the age difference but she could have told me that, I would have understood. Really all that I wanted was for her to address the elephant in the room. Also we do have a party/drink together relationship and I was invited to the bachelorette party (obviously not anymore). Unfortunately she said such nasty things in response to me asking her a lot of damage has been done. I will never respond to her personal attack or below the belt blows nor will my husband, I know it’s her day and I’m sure it will be wonderful.

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Being a bride doesn’t excuse bad behavior. She sounds dreadfully immature.

If you asked nicely, she should have answered nicely. Even if she found your question annoying for some childish reason you didn’t deserve her personal attacks.

Since you have decided she isn’t worth your effort, move on and don’t let this cause you to self sabotage with food. You will feel much worse if you gain weight over this.

Her wedding might be wonderful but it sounds like a lot of collateral damage will be in her wake...

Be well!

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