The Nightmare of Dating

[Guest]

Wow, I didn't realize there was a forum for dating on here.

Dating for me has always been a nightmare. I didn't start dating until I was 22 and I stopped when I was 28. It was such an awful experience. People are truly horrible. I met some of the weirdest, most disgusting and vile men on the planet.

Thinking about it, it could very well be that I may have set my standards low because of my weight. If someone threw me attention, I jumped at it (though, thankfully, I never became intimate with anyone).

A part of me wants to resume dating following my surgery, but I don't know. There's still a lot of hesitations I have about it. But what if my self-esteem improves? Maybe that means I'll be able to attract a better quality of man?

What are people's thoughts on this? Have your dating lives improved since WLS? Were you ever in a situation such as myself and just went with whatever because of low self-esteem?

Also (if it isn't too weird to ask), what about sex? As I just mentioned, I've never partaken in physical intimacy. But what if I do? Will people be grossed out by loose skin? Oh...here's a question, will they be turned off by the fact that I was previously obese?

Are these dumb questions?

Any input is appreciated.

[SeattleLady 277]

Wow, I didn't realize there was a forum for dating on here.
Dating for me has always been a nightmare. I didn't start dating until I was 22 and I stopped when I was 28. It was such an awful experience. People are truly horrible. I met some of the weirdest, most disgusting and vile men on the planet.
Thinking about it, it could very well be that I may have set my standards low because of my weight. If someone threw me attention, I jumped at it (though, thankfully, I never became intimate with anyone).
A part of me wants to resume dating following my surgery, but I don't know. There's still a lot of hesitations I have about it. But what if my self-esteem improves? Maybe that means I'll be able to attract a better quality of man?
What are people's thoughts on this? Have your dating lives improved since WLS? Were you ever in a situation such as myself and just went with whatever because of low self-esteem?
Also (if it isn't too weird to ask), what about sex? As I just mentioned, I've never partaken in physical intimacy. But what if I do? Will people be grossed out by loose skin? Oh...here's a question, will they be turned off by the fact that I was previously obese?
Are these dumb questions?
Any input is appreciated. [emoji4]

Okay, at this point in life? I am married. However, I dated along time and got bigger as the years went by. I had other issues. I have never been physically perfect. However, I show self love and acceptance. I always have. You got to show the world that it's okay to be yourself.

Stop the negative self-talk. I don't care if you lose all your hair and look like Jabba the Hutt. If you want real love and respect? Start with the person in the mirror.

I married a great man. I am not perfect.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

[ms.sss 14,637]

22 minutes ago, SeattleLady said:

Okay, at this point in life? I am married. However, I dated along time and got bigger as the years went by. I had other issues. I have never been physically perfect. However, I show self love and acceptance. I always have. You got to show the world that it's okay to be yourself.

Stop the negative self-talk. I don't care if you lose all your hair and look like Jabba the Hutt. If you want real love and respect? Start with the person in the mirror.

I married a great man. I am not perfect.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

*slow clap*

well said.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Start by asking 3 non-relatives what your best qualities are or what kind of person you are, not physical looks.... it is a great self esteem builder.

We often have a 'story' we have told ourselves about who we are that may not be the truth or how we are 'seen' by everyone else.

I suggest counseling all along the way or at the very least read books, watch youtube wls patients that are successful. There are many changes coming, amazing ones and crazy ones.

[Midnightsun 129]

21 hours ago, kcf9889 said:

Wow, I didn't realize there was a forum for dating on here.

Dating for me has always been a nightmare. I didn't start dating until I was 22 and I stopped when I was 28. It was such an awful experience. People are truly horrible. I met some of the weirdest, most disgusting and vile men on the planet.

Thinking about it, it could very well be that I may have set my standards low because of my weight. If someone threw me attention, I jumped at it (though, thankfully, I never became intimate with anyone).

A part of me wants to resume dating following my surgery, but I don't know. There's still a lot of hesitations I have about it. But what if my self-esteem improves? Maybe that means I'll be able to attract a better quality of man?

What are people's thoughts on this? Have your dating lives improved since WLS? Were you ever in a situation such as myself and just went with whatever because of low self-esteem?

Also (if it isn't too weird to ask), what about sex? As I just mentioned, I've never partaken in physical intimacy. But what if I do? Will people be grossed out by loose skin? Oh...here's a question, will they be turned off by the fact that I was previously obese?

Are these dumb questions?

Any input is appreciated.

Hi, this post breaks my heart. I grew up in the 80’s and I was a bit of a wild child to say the least. Had lots of fun and good times. My son is your age. (I have 2, and 2 stepsons) There is a definite distinction to making love and sex. A man that truly loves you doesn’t care about weight, skin, makeup or anything but you and your health so you are there for with him forever. Having sex is just going through the motions with someone who could or could not care less about you. Making love is special between you and your loved one and you can feel the love. You really cannot compare the two. This is totally separate from dating.

Now to the dating part. A man is going to treat you how you make him treat you. You need to realize your self worth, how you deserve to be treated with respect, caring, thought-fullness, honor, kindness and want to take care of you. If you see a man and he isn’t kind to his mother, family, people you see him interact with, he isn’t going to be kind or respect you. Does he open the door for you? For someone walking in? No... then don’t even give him the time of day. Does he have children? Does he see and take care of his kids? Does he complain about child support? If he not, he isn’t going to try and take care of you.

Now to the most important would be you. Stop and put your self first, show confidence, take the time to do the hair, makeup, clothes, put some jewelry on and do it for you! It will make you feel better! I would definitely see a counselor and see why you don’t feel worthy of love. Women and men of all ages, shapes and sizes find love everyday. However, if you don’t see the worth in yourself how is someone else? You need to carry with you your demand for respect and worthiness. Sometimes we do things like put a wall up to keep people away. This seems like very much what you may be doing and feeling so low about yourself that you took anything to be accepted. A counselor would certainly be able to help you and remember this and your weight could all be long gone if you work on it. I would also look into your insurance, call them most it seems will remove some of your excess skin if it is causing rashes etc. So if it happens, you may be able to get it taken care of and not need to worry about it so much. Please feel free to reach out to me privately, you cannot ask me anything I would be embarrassed about. I would love nothing more than to see your success story here and having a happy family. Be confident and demand respect and it will fall into place. Good luck to you.

[Frustr8 7,886]

An excellent post @ Midnightsun, I doubt I could phrase things any better. Your 4 young men are lucky to have you in their lives. GOD BLESS!🍀😝🍀

[Guest]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I sincerely appreciate it very much. Special thanks to @Midnightsun. That was such a heartfelt response. Thank you.