How have you dealt with the unsupportive people?

[Zemi 72]

im pre-surgery still here and i’ve only told a few people, but already i’m finding the mix of either unsupportive or hurtful replies. I’m reminding myself i’m doing this for me, for my health and it isn’t their journey; at the same time the lack of support and understanding from the small circle i hoped would be supportive has been hard/hurtful so far. i know i’ll hear it from others and expect that, it’s the unexpected ones and then that feeling of being alone on this especially in person. Also disappointed that the support group/program following surgery that i was told about at the information centre isn’t covered by my insurance so another loss of potential support. Very glad i can come here

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

36 minutes ago, Zemi said:

im pre-surgery still here and i’ve only told a few people, but already i’m finding the mix of either unsupportive or hurtful replies. I’m reminding myself i’m doing this for me, for my health and it isn’t their journey; at the same time the lack of support and understanding from the small circle i hoped would be supportive has been hard/hurtful so far. i know i’ll hear it from others and expect that, it’s the unexpected ones and then that feeling of being alone on this especially in person. Also disappointed that the support group/program following surgery that i was told about at the information centre isn’t covered by my insurance so another loss of potential support. Very glad i can come here

You have our support here,

How do I deal with unsupportive people? I keep the supportive people around me and I don’t waste my time on negative people. Life is far too short.

Choose wisely on who you disclose your surgery to. Some will be supportive and respectful of your decisions and others won’t. There is no point in educating people that already are against bariatrics and think it’s the easy way out.

Some may change and be supportive when they watch you lose weight and get your health back. Some relationships may change with weight loss. Be prepared.

[MrsGamgee 756]

I've been fortunate enough to have mostly supportive people in my life. I've been very honest about my journey toward surgery, and now life after. A few have voiced concerns, mostly about the idea of surgery in general, but when I explain my motivation they have mostly turned into supporters. There's really only one who's still not pleased that I've had the surgery, but I think it's mostly out of jealousy/insecurity on her part, and I've come to terms with the fact that I won't convince her of anything, so why bother waste my energy worrying about her opinion.

I say, give them the info you think they can handle. Remind them that it's your body, your choice. And then accept that not everyone is going to be on board with your choice. That's on them, not you.

[ypease 177]

I have chosen "not" to tell others as I feel it's none of their business. Being overweight is a very sensitive and personal issue and so is the decision for WLS. I treat it in that manner. I keep it at home and only discuss it with my husband, PERIOD!

Don't feel discouraged that others don't understand. It's really tough, but be your own best friend. Be happy for your own accomplishments. You don't need others to approve of your choices! Remember my golden rule: At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is YOURS! You are not alone.

[Zemi 72]

@Healthy_life2 thanks for your reply ... i really love this comment

Quote

There is no point in educating people that already are against bariatrics and think it’s the easy way out.

because i started trying this with my best friend who sadly is one of those who think it's the easy way out, and quickly found that it wasn't changing their mind, so i really need to stop trying (although i won't stop hoping it will change).

Nice reminder also on life being too short to spend on negative people

[Nomanativ 28]

My wifes entire family see things like this as an 'easy way out' because they are simply ignorant to the subject. You have to create the mentality that you do not care what other people think about it. You are doing this for YOU and only you. Your health. Its all about adding years to your life. Educate people on how much work goes into it. My wife had a sleeve done 3 years ago today actually, no one in her family knows except her mom. She hides it and shes not proud of it. Me on the other hand, i say it loud and proud and educate everyone who is negative about it. Stay positive, friend, you have us if all else fails!

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

On 5/27/2019 at 5:46 PM, Healthy_life2 said:

You have our support here,

How do I deal with unsupportive people? I keep the supportive people around me and I don’t waste my time on negative people. Life is far too short.

Choose wisely on who you disclose your surgery to. Some will be supportive and respectful of your decisions and others won’t. There is no point in educating people that already are against bariatrics and think it’s the easy way out.

Some may change and be supportive when they watch you lose weight and get your health back. Some relationships may change with weight loss. Be prepared.

I'm in the beginning stages of preparing for the vsg procedure and I just told my 3 ppl in my small support group, how mental this is for me. I'm naturally very private and have already decided this is my journey, because it ultimately is. The highs and lows I'm already experiencing, just reminds me that I don't have energy to entertain what isn't serving me for the better. It's not my responsibility to educate people about what is good for my longevity and health. This is my personal opinion and I am going to be very mindful of whom I share this personal experience with. There's so much to learn and prepare ourselves for, I can't stand for any negativity. I only have one person who I am not sure if I'm going to tell, that's another post...but overall this is a journey for you...

[Guest]

I'm glad I found this topic because I was just about to ask the same thing!

For the most part, I've been very lucky. I'd say most of the people I've told have been very supportive and excited/anxious for me.

However...

...I have had the unfortunate experience of backlash from two friends who I've known for a very long time. One said I was (I kid you not) "anti-feminist" for deciding to (just wait for it) "enslave myself to society's standards of beauty." The other one said I was "taking the easy way out" and she "no longer has respect for me" because of my decision. She then proceeded to tell me how when people get weight loss surgery, they turn into "eternally cranky whack-jobs." Can you believe that? I know it's only two people but it still hurts! Especially since I've known both of them for over a decade.

I feel like during this experience, you're going to find out who your true friends are. It's a strenuous and emotionally challenging journey, that's for sure. But the ones who stick by you are the ones who truly care about you.

Edited May 31, 2019 by Guest

[Zemi 72]

@MrsGamgee

I'm glad that for you it's been mostly a positive experience as far as sharing with others. Good reminder on that it is our body and our choice to have surgery, not anybody else's.

@Nomanativ

Thanks for your encouragement and support Has it helped that both you and your wife have had the same surgery as far as supporting one another? I'm sorry her family sees it as an easy way out, makes it difficult in many ways.

@ypease

How have you managed with not telling others when it comes to things like eating out? I guess some of it depends on things like work situations, but for me it seems like it will be hard not sharing because of things like shared morning teas; work dinners etc.

Love your golden rule and hope that I can start using that one

[Zemi 72]

@Krimsonbutterflies how did you go with the three you told in your group, were they supportive of you?

@kcf9889

I'm so glad you found the topic as well especially if it's been one that is on your mind currently. That's really good that you've had a few positive reactions to your news.

Oh boy, that comment about enslaving yourself .... sigh, i'm sorry you had to hear that, and that your friends hurt you the way you did. It's such a shame that people are so misguided in thinking this is easy, it sure doesn't seem easy from what i've read and heard so far!

One thing i've noticed with other health professionals has been how quick they've been to recommend I have surgery, but then when I ask them what's involved they are really clueless and often have been among the ones who also think it's an easy option; so not a great indicator when even health professionals are thinking and selling this message.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

5 hours ago, Zemi said:

@Krimsonbutterflies how did you go with the three you told in your group, were they supportive of you?

@kcf9889

I'm so glad you found the topic as well especially if it's been one that is on your mind currently. That's really good that you've had a few positive reactions to your news.

Oh boy, that comment about enslaving yourself .... sigh, i'm sorry you had to hear that, and that your friends hurt you the way you did. It's such a shame that people are so misguided in thinking this is easy, it sure doesn't seem easy from what i've read and heard so far!

One thing i've noticed with other health professionals has been how quick they've been to recommend I have surgery, but then when I ask them what's involved they are really clueless and often have been among the ones who also think it's an easy option; so not a great indicator when even health professionals are thinking and selling this message.

2 of the 3 have had surgery and the other person knew that I've been working diligently to get this weight off. One person was force feeding me the idea of getting the sleeve (which we had to really have a talk, I was getting annoyed), the 2nd person is a family member who had to get the sleeve to help with other health problems (that was a very long productive conversation), the 3rd person was hesitant at first and reserved her commentary after she realized I was seriously thinking about it. Moving forward I'm not going to be as open if I'm not asked about my progress. Forums like these, the classes, support groups and Dr.'s are really going to be my guide. This process is mental and emotional enough, I don't need extra uneducated comments or pressures.

[GradyCat 3,692]

I chose not to tell anybody so I wouldn't have to deal with the negativity and fat shaming.

[othella2 76]

I simply stopped communicating with them. Why keep that energy in your life.

Sent from my Moto E (4) using BariatricPal mobile app