No family support

[Goal_Digger 21]

My family knows someone who died from gastric bypass 20 years ago. I have chosen not to tell my family until I am done with my procedure. I have 4 children as well so it means that my hubby (the only one who knows) is going to have to hold the load for awhile until I recover but I feel its best. I'm hoping that I can have the surgery around the start of the school year so the kids will be gone most of the day (the ages of my kids are 6-16, which helps). My mom often told me when I was a teen "If you go skydiving, don't tell me until your down on the ground safely." I kind of feel like that is what I will be doing. I do feel bad about it though. We also live in different states so it is a bit easier to get away with this. keep your chin up friend! I applaud that you are doing whats best for YOU and dont listen to anyone who gets in the way with that! Also, you may feel like everyone is against you on this but you have thousands of people standing beside you on this fourm. So girl, you do you and do it well.

The best of luck. Stephie

[TheJuice202 63]

I don't have much of it either....that's why i've begun immersing myself into a lot of weightloss group.

Literally right now a relative is frying chicken and I smell the fumes of it from another room -_-.

They keep asking me "why not just go to the gym without surgery" .... none of them exercise.

Or they make jokes about what they're about to eat and what I can't eat etc.

So...while no one is going to disown me for doing the surgery this is what's going on with me **sighs**.

DO the surgery...don't let anyone hold you back.

[Frustr8 7,886]

On 05/06/2019 at 4:43 AM ,TheJuice202 said:

I don't have much of it either....that's why i've begun immersing myself into a lot of weightloss group.

Literally right now a relative is frying chicken and I smell the fumes of it from another room -_-.

They keep asking me "why not just go to the gym without surgery" .... none of them exercise.

Or they make jokes about what they're about to eat and what I can't eat etc.

So...while no one is going to disown me for doing the surgery this is what's going on with me **sighs**.

DO the surgery...don't let anyone hold you back.

Been there, I also got at 72" Have You lost your freakin' Mind?" No but this is the way I have a chance to 75,80 and beyond At 365× it certainly was not assured. And it was not just a knee-jerk decision on my part. At my age,hey if Johnnie Cochran could play the "race" card, I AM not above playing an "Age" one, anyway you get refusals up to" Get out of my office and stop wasting MY Time", yep actually had a surgeon tell me that, drug my insulted body out of there and never returned. See,I figure- He don't want me, I don' t want him! But I did find a better surgeon, nicer-acting, more skillful, 8 months ago I had my RNY at 72 years, 8 months, 8 days, and although my path hasn't been the smoothest, it is what it is, at 224 pounds I can see Onederland ahead, I will stay the course to there and beyond, I am a natural red- head, stubborn and not ready to concede failure!😈😛🍀

[Crystal* 9]

@TheJuice202 That makes me so sad that your family would do/say those things to you. I am so greatful that we all have each other here to lean on. I don't feel so alone, thank you for your support.

[Frustr8 7,886]

And together we have the strenght to endure, surmount and beat anything that opposes us to a pulp! A load shared is never as heavy as trying to do it all by yourself!

[New&Improved 1,780]

On 4/30/2019 at 8:06 AM, Crystal* said:

I have been trying for years to qualify for weight loss surgery with insurance. I have to lose 10% of my body weight and keep it off. Unless I have some kind of condition that prevents me from losing weight, which I do not, there are no exceptions. I have not even come close to 10% and I am tired of waisting my life being depressed about it. So I took matters into my own hands and am planning on having the duodenal switch with Dr Ungson in Mexicali, self pay. My family doesn't even know I am going to Mexico, they would probably disown me if they knew. I just told them I am going out of state. My mom is the only person I have to watch my children while I am gone, and she is the person that is against this decision the most. She told me I am "using risky physical means to fix a spiritual problem". What is that supposed to mean anyway? I have faith in God, I pray about this everyday. I don't want to risk my life, risk leaving 4 children and a husband by having this done. But I am desperate and this is my last resort. I can't educate my family because they won't listen. Their minds are made up that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you deal? I just want to cry.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that people in this day and age are still so clueless about surgery! We are so lucky to have the technology for these kind of surgeries! If you rewind even 100 years people were dying because of no penicillin or antibiotics, we should be so lucky to be alive in this generation and enjoy the advancement in medicine that are being made everyday!

If you've decided on surgery you've most likely tried everything else and if you qualify why wouldn't you get surgery if it's guaranteed to help and to make changes needed..

People can go and get fake bolt on breasts all the time without anyone caring but WLS still seems to be a taboo subject which is ludicrous.. it's safe and been done for many years , I don't get the mentality of narrow minded people!!

Please don't feel bad at all your mum seems very old fashioned, your weight and your health and your sanity have nothing to do with religion!

[New&Improved 1,780]

That death is like one in a million

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Your mother may profess to be Christian, but she is using it for harm rather than good. There are toxic relationships even in the face of Christianity. Also beware, even after you have success toxic people will up the ante and try to sabotage you. All relationships will change because you must change. These aren't little changes either, be strong.

https://www.sleeveacademy.com/SleeveVsBypass

https://youtu.be/Os_vwpdMzh0

[Frustr8 7,886]

A little remember, it says Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone" is she so certain she has achieved that level of perfection? I grew up in one group of Evangelical Christians, my late husband from another, I have attended so many revivals, camp meetings , bible studies and Sunday morning services, if there were Merit Badges for Christianity, mine who have a figure with their arms reaching up toward Heaven and maybe in Gold Embroidery" Hallelujah". Now I am not as radical as I once was, I try to ❤ everybody and gave over other control to God, let him do what He Thinks Best!

[mousecat88 2,279]

My mother was not supportive. She was vehemently against it, actually. She said I could lose it with diet and exercise "if I really tried" and I was mutilating my body. She said that when I am older the Vitamins may not be enough and I could have nutritional deficiencies, etc. And, of course, all the possible complications. She reminded me in the weeks pre-op how stupid I was for doing this to myself. And even now, 7 months later, the most she can say is "I'm happy you're happy but I don't support this." Screw it. You're not doing it for her. Who cares what she has to think. As long as she will watch your kids, that's all you need to worry about.

[debra102364 148]

I have only told my Daughter and Mom. My Mom is worried to death. She is like why you want to be skinny. That's not what I am looking for. I want to be healthy and to feel comfortable in my skin. My husband would have a cow. Not sure how I am going to do this when surgery time comes. It's hard to tell many people because they want to say do this diet or that. I have done them all that's for sure. They say you've always been example in losing weight before, I wish they would think of the times I've gain it back within months. I know even we sleeve you can gain it back I am hoping by the time I can eat more that I will have enough knowledge and the big one, the mental stability. I am afraid to have surgery but is just something I must do for me. It would just be nice if others understood and could give me support.

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[cubyblue6 61]

You know when I told my guy about this back in February he scoffed at me. Then I went to my first meeting, still he scoffed. I kept it all to myself, I didn't talk to him about it. My mom has been super supportive from the beginning asking questions and making me think through my decision. Basically playing the devils advocate which I appreciate, this is a big decision. Started having doctors appointments, my guy still didn't want to discuss it but wasn't being as negative. Few more appointments and he started asking some questions. Had a huge... and I mean epic argument where I learned part of his problem was that I made the decision without him, that we didn't discuss it. I had to give in, he was right. Without him saying it I know he's worried and nervous, he doesn't like hospitals and he's worried something will happen, not death exactly but something that will hurt me and that upsets him.

...And then all of a sudden. We had family come in from AZ and when he picked them up from the airport somehow, I'm still not sure why... HE told them about my surgery. He has also told a friend of ours and talked to another friend whose wife had it and discussed plastic surgery after with him. What The??? OK and then like a switch he's asking questions, trying to help me prepare, making jokes about recording me just out of recovery and posting it on Facebook. I don't know what turned him but I am super stoked about it. I thought I was going to have to go at it alone. He's still kind of sabotaging me a little, telling me to eat even though I'm on my 10 day pre-op diet but that's just because that's how he is and that's part of why I'm super overweight because he always thinks I don't eat enough.

Long story short... (too late) I hope this happens for you. That once your family sees that it's for your betterment and health and that you're serious that they will come around 🤞😊

[Ohcinders 35]

I have only told my Daughter and Mom. My Mom is worried to death. She is like why you want to be skinny. That's not what I am looking for. I want to be healthy and to feel comfortable in my skin. My husband would have a cow. Not sure how I am going to do this when surgery time comes. It's hard to tell many people because they want to say do this diet or that. I have done them all that's for sure. They say you've always been example in losing weight before, I wish they would think of the times I've gain it back within months. I know even we sleeve you can gain it back I am hoping by the time I can eat more that I will have enough knowledge and the big one, the mental stability. I am afraid to have surgery but is just something I must do for me. It would just be nice if others understood and could give me support.

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My husband still doesn't support my decision, and my surgery is in 8 days! I just keep telling myself I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this for me. Hopefully at some point he'll be able to stand beside me and be proud of who I've become and how far along I made it. If not, that's his problem - not mine. I agree it would be much easier if he supported me though. Good luck to you!

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[New&Improved 1,780]

14 hours ago, debra102364 said:

I have only told my Daughter and Mom. My Mom is worried to death. She is like why you want to be skinny. That's not what I am looking for. I want to be healthy and to feel comfortable in my skin. My husband would have a cow. Not sure how I am going to do this when surgery time comes. It's hard to tell many people because they want to say do this diet or that. I have done them all that's for sure. They say you've always been example in losing weight before, I wish they would think of the times I've gain it back within months. I know even we sleeve you can gain it back I am hoping by the time I can eat more that I will have enough knowledge and the big one, the mental stability. I am afraid to have surgery but is just something I must do for me. It would just be nice if others understood and could give me support.

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Hey even if you do want to be skinny that's your prerogative, but honestly I'm sure most people will tell you it's more about our health and future, it's your body!

[debra102364 148]

Hey even if you do want to be skinny that's your prerogative, but honestly I'm sure most people will tell you it's more about our health and future, it's your body!

Thanks your right

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