What The Hell Man

[BuzzVSG 252]

I am one year post VSG & achieved my goal and then some. It has been a remarkable transformation. I have to rant about how some people, especially family members react to weight loss. I cannot tell you how many times, most recently, someone has asked me "what's wrong with you?", why are you so skinny, or are you sick? Or "I think you should gain some weight".

Where were these people when I was close to 300 lbs, unhealthy, pre-diabetic, depressed and spiraling into an early death? They kept their opinions to themselves. No ones, said, you don't need to drink that extra soda, or eat that cheeseburger, so why do people act like weight loss is because I am sick? Can't I just want to be healthy? Rant over.

[Sheribear68 3,200]

Lol, I’m only 5 weeks out so my loss isn’t particularly noticeable but I’ve been warned that many of my relationships will change.
Wow, is your post not a absolutely proof positive of that.

Any advice on what to say to people as they notice the weight loss as it is in progress? I work with the public and have many regular customers and I swear some of them are already noticing something is “different” even though I’ve only lost 27 pounds so far.

I’m trying to figure out how to respond when that day will inevitably happen

[DeeberLee 300]

1 hour ago, BuzzVSG said:

I am one year post VSG & achieved my goal and then some. It has been a remarkable transformation. I have to rant about how some people, especially family members react to weight loss. I cannot tell you how many times, most recently, someone has asked me "what's wrong with you?", why are you so skinny, or are you sick? Or "I think you should gain some weight".

Where were these people when I was close to 300 lbs, unhealthy, pre-diabetic, depressed and spiraling into an early death? They kept their opinions to themselves. No ones, said, you don't need to drink that extra soda, or eat that cheeseburger, so why do people act like weight loss is because I am sick? Can't I just want to be healthy? Rant over.

Gosh, I was just talking about this today! If one more person tells me I'm getting too thin, I'll scream! I agree with you, when I was heavy no one said anything about my weight. Even when I had constant back and knee pain. Now I'm exercising daily without pain and I'm losing too much weight. Really!!

[GradyCat 3,692]

People are strange, aren't they? But I guess it's good they aren't barking at us when we're fat, but they should keep their mouths shut when we've lost weight as well. Rule of thumb: never talk about someone's weight, good or bad.

[summerset 5,261]

11 hours ago, BuzzVSG said:

[...]so why do people act like weight loss is because I am sick? Can't I just want to be healthy?

Do they know you had WLS?

[Frustr8 7,886]

Because every time you turn on your TV some movie star or other famous person is announcing " I have cancer of the_____but I am going to fight it all the way!" Seldom do they announce " I'm going to sit in my recliner, put my feet up, watch reruns and Wait for the Death Angel to show up!" So the average person sees you suddenly looking thinner, and it's "OMG are you dying? "Well technically we all are from the day we are born but an intentional weight loss is not a bad- type thing at all. I am happy I am losing weight, its just the freaky fact I have started looking like dead relatives and I hardly recognize myself in the mirror any more. Even Tomkitten my son remarked on it "Gee Mama I never realized you looked like Aunt Grace!" Probably because she never was obese like me! Hey a Happy Journaling Victory, I have broken the 40 BMI barrier so well on my way to being merely obese instead of the Dreaded Morbid Obesity notation. What a lovely thing, not to have that cited as a reason for every doctor visit. Sometimes I'd like to hand him. a printout of the encounter " Physician still smart -aleck, never weighed more than 150 pounds in lifetime!" bet I could find a billing code to fit that! Once put on Tomkittens" Erythema of Nose" that was because he had a slight sunburn, would you have put in a billing code for a red nose? Well he sure did, wonder what he would say about Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer? Probably say it was seasonal!

[BuzzVSG 252]

Most people don’t know I have had WLS. When I tell them I exercise 5-6 times a week, they say “don’t hurt yourself”, that’s fanatical. I literally went from not being able to walk up a flight of stairs to running close to 5 miles. It seems that most people are not used to change. Maybe it’s because they don’t have the power to change so when they see somebody do things to better themselves they react in an awkward manner.

[BuzzVSG 252]

2 hours ago, GradyCat said:

People are strange, aren't they? But I guess it's good they aren't barking at us when we're fat, but they should keep their mouths shut when we've lost weight as well. Rule of thumb: never talk about someone's weight, good or bad.

I have noticed that those who remained silent during my heavier years are the most vocal about "what my weight should be". I wish I can tell them to go to hell in such a way that they would look forward to the trip. Still working on that lol.

[Stella S 612]

Agreed. My body... objectified as an object for coffee talk. Odd strange folk.

[jlinville69 14]

On 03/16/2019 at 21:27, BuzzVSG said:

I am one year post VSG & achieved my goal and then some. It has been a remarkable transformation. I have to rant about how some people, especially family members react to weight loss. I cannot tell you how many times, most recently, someone has asked me "what's wrong with you?", why are you so skinny, or are you sick? Or "I think you should gain some weight".

Where were these people when I was close to 300 lbs, unhealthy, pre-diabetic, depressed and spiraling into an early death? They kept their opinions to themselves. No ones, said, you don't need to drink that extra soda, or eat that cheeseburger, so why do people act like weight loss is because I am sick? Can't I just want to be healthy? Rant over.

My mother said the same thing. She couldn’t bring herself to just be supportive and say she was at least happy that I had taken steps to improve and lengthen my life span. She was living with us in my home at the time I had GBS in 2003 and I asked her if she would help me on the toilet because I couldn’t reach around without having pain yet (3-4 days post-op). She told me no. She told me months later when I went from 333 pounds the day of surgery to 190 pounds 5 months later that I looked sick. Well, YEAHHHH, my body ate itself! And apparently it was hungry! Luckily, I had enough fat to feed it and once there was no more, I had about 25 pounds of excess skin and fat that wasn’t going down without a fight (5 years later they lost to a plastic surgeons scalpel). Along with all that fat, I lost muscle tone, Iron stores, hair, and all of a sudden these hills and curves of bones I hadn’t seen in years came protruding back up to the surface-even bones I didn’t know I had. But lo and behold, I stuck to the plan-protein shakes, iron and Calcium supplements, quality Multi Vitamins (I still love the flinstone chewables!), as much Water as I could muster, and walking every single day for 45 minutes. The Vitamins, minerals, and supplements, along with a meal the size large enough to make me full and small enough to keep me from getting sick (one bite too much has made me double over in pain for 4 hours-I really miss grilled asparagus!), the wonderful walks-just for me time-and most importantly getting enough water each day made me go from looking “sick” to very healthy and beautiful in a matter of a few short months. You ARE sick for the first 18 months-let me rephrase that-you are HEALING in that period of time from having been sick for perhaps many, many years (15+ for me) and the surgery itself. Maybe they didn’t say anything before you had surgery because they were judging you behind your back. Or, maybe they were afraid to hurt your feelings by saying anything to your face. Either way, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. This was totally for YOU. But if you feel compelled to respond, tell everyone you feel great, your life is good and it gets better each day because you gave yourself a gift that is priceless. I hope this helps. Good luck and way to go!👊🏼

[VIKING 0424 1,105]

On 3/16/2019 at 6:27 PM, BuzzVSG said:

I am one year post VSG & achieved my goal and then some. It has been a remarkable transformation. I have to rant about how some people, especially family members react to weight loss. I cannot tell you how many times, most recently, someone has asked me "what's wrong with you?", why are you so skinny, or are you sick? Or "I think you should gain some weight".

Where were these people when I was close to 300 lbs, unhealthy, pre-diabetic, depressed and spiraling into an early death? They kept their opinions to themselves. No ones, said, you don't need to drink that extra soda, or eat that cheeseburger, so why do people act like weight loss is because I am sick? Can't I just want to be healthy? Rant over.

so i totally agree with you one lady said you are so much nicer now that you lost the weight same person she just never talked to me before is the only difference i was like WTF fake people oh well i feel better maybe she is right idk glad i have done this for me and not them i have been asked if i had cancer or if i was dying all kinds of crazy stuff where were you when i was eating myself to death really !!!!!!!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Ignoring you like she did befire, Shane she is just learning what a neat individual you really are! Some people are just so shallow, they look at what they can see. never give a chance to know our Viking 0424, and they are poorer for it!

[Whosthatgirl?! 23]

In America, something like 60% of us are overweight or obese. People just don’t know what people look like at a normal weight. If you haven’t told people about your wls then I wouldn’t be surprised if they imagine something is wrong. Finally, some people may be rude because they are a bit jealous but won’t say so. My best friend, when I told her I was having wls, said “oh no, you’re going to look hot and I’m still gonna look like this!” I appreciate her honesty, and I know to be sensitive around her, and others who share our struggle with weight or body image. Try not to let people’s comments and insecurities get you down. You’re doing this for you, so enjoy it! Maybe just respond with “You’re right, I have lost a lot of weight! It’s weird seeing me at a healthy size, right?”

[Frustr8 7,886]

And a heartfelt 👍for your answer there!

[salazarski628 10]

Omg yes yes yes
On my journey pre op. I was finally hearing everything that they have been holding in. They would talk so negatively about my weight or say yea you were actually really big. My starting weight was 430. I had my surgery June 11 2019. And now I’m getting comments such as you don’t want to be that big again. Or your not losing enough yet. I’m literally a week out tomorrow. Definitely have to try to not let the negativity bother me. But it’s definitely hard when it’s your family or friend.