I haven't told anyone about my surgery

[Laura5683 4]

Hi everyone,

I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant ).

I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.

Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.

Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person ), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.

Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.

Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space

Laura

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[Laura5683 4]

Hi everyone,
I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.
I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant [emoji39]).
I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.
Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.
Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person [emoji28][emoji39]), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.
Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.
I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.
Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space [emoji173]
Laura
Sent from my SM-G950F using BariatricPal mobile app

Wups, didn't mean to post twice [emoji28]

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[ZGal 84]

I haven’t told anyone aside from my fiancé, and two people I work with whom I trust unconditionally. My mother came by the other day and looked at an old photo of me on my fridge and stated “oh, you used to be so skinny!”. This and the following conversation brought my blood pressure up to 183/103 and I thought I would have a stroke. I look at it like this: this is a tool to help me get healthy. If someone asks how I did it, lose all that weight, I will tell them I changed my diet, which IS true. I am scheduled for March 7 and I can’t wait! It sucks not telling anyone because the support is nice, but I’ve made due best of luck with everything!

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

I wouldn't have told a single person if my doctor hadn't insisted that I have someone stay with me up to 24hours after the procedure. One person knows, a friend who came with me, I stressed the importance to her of my privacy. I certainly don't feel bad or guilty about not telling anyone else. My body my business.

I understand your concern with your partner, if he has disclosed past confidences you made to him, how can you trust him not to do it again.

[KimTriesRNY 1,853]

4 hours ago, 2shea said:

I understand your concern with your partner, if he has disclosed past confidences you made to him, how can you trust him not to do it again.

Agree.

Honestly, if someone that close to you has not figured it out on his own, wow. Must be a pretty introverted guy. The liquid diet, the incisions, reduced activity, etc.

Anyhow. You are not beholden to tell anyone your medical problems, and once you tell, it cannot be untold. I’d keep it that way, but that’s me.

[Ed_NW 684]

Nobody will fully understand your struggles with obesity and the need for WLS like people that are going through the same thing. It's like a person struggling with an alcohol or drug addiction trying to get support from someone who thinks they have a handle on it. Until a person gets to the point where we are now and seeks out and joins a group like this, they will (in most cases) be ignorant to the battle. Education is key and most people in your life won't take the time to learn your struggles unless they're in the same boat. They will only use your predicament as fodder for gossip.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

4 hours ago, 2shea said:

I wouldn't have told a single person if my doctor hadn't insisted that I have someone stay with me up to 24hours after the procedure. One person knows, a friend who came with me, I stressed the importance to her of my privacy. I certainly don't feel bad or guilty about not telling anyone else. My body my business.

As I started this journey, I was in exact same position as 2shea. If the doctor hadn't insisted I have someone at the hospital, I wouldn't have told anyone. I was more than willing to Uber home. It's not that I was ashamed or anything, I just felt that this was private. I didn't feel the need to share with anyone. I didn't tell anyone in my family for much the same reasons as the original poster. They can be very judgemental and honestly, I don't think they'd understand that I had gotten to this point. I only told a couple of trusted friends who I had approached about being with me at the hospital.

Since surgery, I've told others if the topic comes up. I still haven't told my family other than my kids who started asking questions about my health (seeing me not eat much, they thought I was ill). I don't plan to tell my family. I am not close with them and only see them once or twice a year.

This is your journey. Travel it as you like.

[gabybab 696]

7 hours ago, Laura5683 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant ).

I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.

Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.

Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person ), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.

Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.

Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space

Laura

Sent from my SM-G950F using BariatricPal mobile app

I'm so sorry that your family members have treated you with disrespect. My mom made a few comments when I was young about losing weight, although I was only maybe 15 pounds overweight, nonetheless it makes you feel less than.

I have 2 adult children and to be honest I have worried about their weight. Neither is overweight, but I know the challenges I have faced and don't want them to ever go through that themselves. However, I would never comment negatively to either one. My so is a body builder, and that has worries, and my daughter has always been small. Maybe your family cares but has a shi*** way of showing.

Anyway, do what is best for you and do not feel guilty not telling anyone. I have a lot to lose & really don't care who knows, but we all need to do what is best for our own self.

Best of luck on your journey!😊

[froufrou 678]

Everyone knew I was having the sleeve operation and therefore everyone knew about my leak (hard to miss seeing as I was in hospital for over 2 months).

This time, for my RNY I decided not to tell everyone - I just didn't feel like it. I'm tired of the judgements, etc. I told my mum and sister, and then I told my mother in law I was going to have it (just didn't tell her when I actually DID have it) and obviously my husband knows. However, when I told my mother in law that I'd had it done, she decided to take it upon herself to tell the rest of my husband's family. When I kindly asked her to not tell anyone else, she stopped communicating with me. That's how it still stands. She said I should have told her not to tell anyone, but I thought it was obvious because I hadn't told them prior to my surgery. Stupid me.

At the end of the day OP, it's up to you. It's your body and people should respect that. Maybe down the line, when you feel more comfortable, you can tell your partner. In the meantime, we are all here and we know what you are going through

[utsupatel 8]

I completely relate to what you experienced. All my life everyone has been complaining about my weight. I did not tell everyone only my room mate who came with me coz she didn't want me to take risk by myself and a handful of friends who stay here with me. I don't have family with me here. When i told my dad he was happy with my decision about what i went through, 4 5 yrs back which was the perfect time for this thing to be done he did not allow me i was too small to take my own decision but now i can take my own decision and i did which he appreciated, when my mom came to know it was huge drama. But guess what i don't really care because after what trauma , taunts, depression and much more that i had for 27yrs, i took this decision and i am not here to listen to anyone anymore. I recently got engaged/married. My in-laws know about my surgery and so does my husband. They all are very supportive , though its limited to the 2 families now.
People are so mean around us , when you are obese they keep torturing you , when you eat less they keep torturing you that you don't eat enough. So what do you want from our lives.
I went back home for my engagement , stayed for almost 1.5 months. One good day my paternal grandmother said , now you should become as thin as your husband and it will be all good. My blood pressure shooted up , i felt like punching someone in face but guess what i don't want to argue or explain anything to anyone no more.
I am low esteemed sometimes coz i am not very very happy about my weight loss as compared to everyone but still better than nothing.
I don't know when was the last time i was in 90's KG , right now i am 93.5.
My wedding is in January 2020. I want to be in 70's till than. I hope it really works.

I would only say , you took decision for your life. Work on it, don't let anyone hurt you or point out anything about you anymore especially after going through so much. I relate the feeling and i exactly know what you are talking about. Kudos to your decision, you are brave.

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[NYJenn 1,461]

I didn’t tell anyone either. Told them I was having my gallbladder out (which was true) and that I needed to change my diet afterward bc there were foods I couldn’t tolerate anymore. Also, that I was seeing a nutritionist (also true) I don’t feel bad about “lying” it’s my business

[SusieQ2019 567]

I told my best friend, and my older boys. Haven't told any of my family member besides they live overseas. I haven't told my boyfriend but eventually I will since we eat out on the weekends. Definitely not saying a word to my coworkers.

[shanshan 175]

I wouldn't have told a single person if my doctor hadn't insisted that I have someone stay with me up to 24hours after the procedure. One person knows, a friend who came with me, I stressed the importance to her of my privacy. I certainly don't feel bad or guilty about not telling anyone else. My body my business.
I understand your concern with your partner, if he has disclosed past confidences you made to him, how can you trust him not to do it again.

Me too...but I told my cousin who's also my best friend & not even my mother who lives with Me. Family can be very judgemental.

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[SusieQ2019 567]

I don't know if my sisters will be judgmental because my oldest sister and her friend had the bypass in the 90's. I just know my mom will tell every Person she knows. Love her to death but she talks to much, she lives in the islands and I don't want my business on the street. Ironically I told my ex boyfriend and he was very supportive, we have a great relationship due to our daughter and he has been around with all of my weight struggles so he understands.

On the other hand If I were to tell my current Beau I already know what he is going to say "Susie why you need to cut your stomach out, you can loose the weight on your own, all you have to do is stop eating X, Y AND Z".

[TreeMystic 33]

i just told my husband I wish I would have never told anyone except him! now I'm starting to feel the pending judgements from friends of , well how much weight have you lost question, the thinking i cant believe she hasn't lost more weight yet , blah blah blah. me and my big mouth! Ha Cant go back they all know and I guess I will have to deal with it. And the kicker is none of them are overweight that i've told. So I guess I will either get support or behind my back judging. UK Theres my rant!