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How did everyone do it and unsupportive family at this point I don’t want anyone in my family to know until today that I come home after surgery.

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Well, if you qualify for surgery, you should get it done. It is worth it 100%. Your family may not understand or they may think this is about cosmetics (and maybe that's a factor), but your obesity effects every aspect of your life and health. Getting yourself down to a healthy weight will add years to your life and improve the quality of your life. If you had torn ligament in your knee, would your family tell you not to have knee surgery? If you needed to have your gallbladder removed, would they say "don't do it mom!". Explain the benefits and if they don't understand or try to understand, that's unfortunate. Still, it's your body, your decision!!! You do what you know is best for you and they'll accept it eventually.

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My mom isn't unsupportive, more just uneducated. I have a thread about this very same thing I started this morning. I found this PDF document called How to Support Someone Having Bariatric Surgery. The topics covered are: • What happens during bariatric surgery • Lifestyle changes after surgery • How bariatric surgery can affect the person you care about • How bariatric surgery can affect you • How to give support

Here's the link https://www.uhn.ca/PatientsFamilies/Health_Information/Health_Topics/Documents/How_to_Support_Someone_During_the_Bariatric_Surgery_Process.pdf

It might be helpful if your mom read that. I just gave the link to mine. Good luck...I know it's rough, but like GreenTealael said...just say thank you for your concern and do it any way...it's your life, girl! :783_heart_decoration:

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Do it!!!! It's your life, your body, and most importantly YOUR HEALTH. Trust me, they WILL get over it :) I went through something similar with my family when I started considering surgery and everyone had negative things to say, including my mom and husband because of the risks. I simply explained i could also die of a heart attack at any moment if I did nothing so keep the negative comments to yourself so I can stay in a positive mental space before surgery (which they did once they realized my mind was made up - I stopped asking their opinion and made it clear that this was happening). 1 yr later I feel fantastic and all I hear from them now are compliments on how great I look!

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Thank you all for the encouragement. I believe education is what my family needs .

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My mother was very weary of the surgery for a couple of months. Mostly because of possible complications from any surgery I think. I got The Emotional First + Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery, Second Edition. I got it for myself to read and then gave it to her. That helped her a lot. It helped that she knew i have a bunch of other weight and PCOS issues that will go away with the surgery.

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I have a very obese sister who is strongly opposed to my getting bypass (in February 2019). She has told me that there's no way I will be able to stick to the diet and that I'll just end up fat again. In my opinion. she's a bit jealous that I'm going to lose weight and be healthy while she remains overweight. Perhaps I can be an inspiration to her when she sees how much it helps me.

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My mom-in-law was negative due to worry. No point arguing with her about it. Validate her concerns "I know, it's a big deal, that's a good idea to give Slimming World a go" etc. and keep any info about your surgery plans to a minimum or ideally nothing.

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Definitely do what is best for you. There will always be people who give their opinions, especially family. The important thing is to educate them and still do what is best for you. You got this!!

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On 01/11/2019 at 17:08, Recidivist said:



I have a very obese sister who is strongly opposed to my getting bypass (in February 2019). She has told me that there's no way I will be able to stick to the diet and that I'll just end up fat again. In my opinion. she's a bit jealous that I'm going to lose weight and be healthy while she remains overweight. Perhaps I can be an inspiration to her when she sees how much it helps me.


It’s crazy , the majority tell me not to do it is over weight . Always preaching about just eat healthy or work out out . Do get it .

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Hi. I know I’m a little late but I just came across this thread. I have gotten the surgery yet but my father was the same way as your mother. He would say that I’m young enough to lose it on my own and I’m just not putting the work in. ( he didn’t realize how hard it is to lose weight with PCOS) he would say “ what happens when I take you to vacation in my home country and you won’t be able to eat our food “ and all that mess and I told him straight up “ without this , I probably won’t make it to that vacation and if I do then I would be a negative Nancy the entire time because I won’t want to walk anywhere and i wouldn’t buy anything because nothing will fit me “ and that put it into perspective for him. You gotta show it to them from their side and get them super informed

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Well, if you qualify for surgery, you should get it done. It is worth it 100%. Your family may not understand or they may think this is about cosmetics (and maybe that's a factor), but your obesity effects every aspect of your life and health. Getting yourself down to a healthy weight will add years to your life and improve the quality of your life. If you had torn ligament in your knee, would your family tell you not to have knee surgery? If you needed to have your gallbladder removed, would they say "don't do it mom!". Explain the benefits and if they don't understand or try to understand, that's unfortunate. Still, it's your body, your decision!!! You do what you know is best for you and they'll accept it eventually.
That will be very difficult to navigate. Especially with the psych eval. I know my husband went with me to my psych eval as they like to not only see you have support but they usually have questions for your support team too. Not to say that's a deal breaker mind you but it is a HUGE part of the psych eval and them making the determination as to whether they feel your a good candidate for surgery at this time. My husband went to every single appt with me.... Surgeon appt... Psych eval... Dietary... Exercise etc. Hopefully u have other support members that can go with you. Ultimately they'll ask you about your husband and may even want to speak to him. Some actually require at the very least a telephone consult with the spouse.

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That will be very difficult to navigate. Especially with the psych eval. I know my husband went with me to my psych eval as they like to not only see you have support but they usually have questions for your support team too. Not to say that's a deal breaker mind you but it is a HUGE part of the psych eval and them making the determination as to whether they feel your a good candidate for surgery at this time. My husband went to every single appt with me.... Surgeon appt... Psych eval... Dietary... Exercise etc. Hopefully u have other support members that can go with you. Ultimately they'll ask you about your husband and may even want to speak to him. Some actually require at the very least a telephone consult with the spouse.

Sent from my moto e5 (XT1920DL) using BariatricPal mobile app



Ok... For some reason I was thinking you didn't want to tell your HUSBAND. Don't sweat not telling extended family. Tell them the truth. Your having stomach surgery. (You are) When you lose weight it's because of diet and exercise (that WILL be true). My "tribe" is small too. It consists of my husband and in-laws and my one best friend. No one else. Not my parents ( how sad huh?) I'm an only child so no siblings involved. It's sad that people think this surgery is considered the "easy" way out. There is nothing easy about it. A lot of people are judgemental towards this surgery. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be judged.

Sent from my moto e5 (XT1920DL) using BariatricPal mobile app

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12 minutes ago, lifeasfaith said:



Ok... For some reason I was thinking you didn't want to tell your HUSBAND. Don't sweat not telling extended family. Tell them the truth. Your having stomach surgery. (You are) When you lose weight it's because of diet and exercise (that WILL be true). My "tribe" is small too. It consists of my husband and in-laws and my one best friend. No one else. Not my parents ( how sad huh?) I'm an only child so no siblings involved. It's sad that people think this surgery is considered the "easy" way out. There is nothing easy about it. A lot of people are judgemental towards this surgery. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be judged.

Sent from my moto e5 (XT1920DL) using BariatricPal mobile app

My husband didn't have to go to anything with me. He could if i wanted him to but i didn't need him there. They did ask briefly about family during my eval but it was definitely not a big deal. I think a lot of programs differ with this also.

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