Has anyone kept their surgery a secret?

[NewMeDay 26]

Yeah i don’t tell anyone. It’s not their business. Co workers don’t know because i’ve changed jobs since. It’s not shame or a secret it’s more like who cares? I don’t volunteer info about anything else in my life. Nor have i ever felt the need to announce that i was fat, so why announce that i’m not? If they as how i lost weight, i just say i watch what i eat which is very accurate and i workout a lot.

Some people believe in telling the world because it could help someone and what not, that’s their choice. I’m always willing to help in a support group format. I would never discuss anyone’s weight otherwise.

I also just don’t have time for nosy questions or judgement, it’s just freeing to be more private.

Well said!!! My thoughts exactly!!

[Kara Eckel 32]

I've always been a very private person and the only person who knew about my surgery, other than my hospital team, was my husband. I haven't told my family and only recently told one of my friends.

It's just the way that I am... my weight was always an embarrassment to me and anytime I tried something new and failed, it just made it more difficult. As time goes on I may open up about it, but basically I look at it as it's not really anyone's business.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

Whew!!!! This is a task preparing for surgery at the end of January and modifying my behaviors, while everyone else is uncomfortable with one person marching to the beat of their own drum. In other words I'm not partaking in libations or unhealthy foods. I'm drinking Water, carrying my own Snacks, Protein Drinks and politely declining what's being offered to me. I'm going to decline any further social engagements and just spend that time working out and preparing for my new life. I'm exhausted from other's expectations that I never conformed to, my wls isn't a topic for discussion. I just see from this past month and especially this weekend, that I'm going to have to change my surroundings. The jokes about me being a cheap date because I don't eat much of anything or drink anything but water. The way my friend is carefully watching my items that I selected at the market, continued to offer me bread after I said that I'm not having bread at this time, just small sabotaging comments and behaviors. This friend also believes that wls is for lazy people and doesn't understand how much work truly goes into the success of each person who really wants to beat obesity. I have just decided to keep my goals to a very tiny support group and not invite anyone in who is already against the procedure no matter who you are. I don't and won't be micromanaged by naysayers waiting for failure when success doesn't look like their dark imagination. I'll just be the light and know that this wasn't given to me, but deserved and earned.

Edited December 30, 2019 by Krimsonbutterflies

[Serengirl 176]

On 12/31/2018 at 8:50 AM, J Johnston said:

Only my husband, children and best friend know. I'm very private. Because my husband is dieting and we are eating very low carb, when folks ask, I attribute it to a change in diet.

Only my four best friends know. Its no one else's business. I didnt want people "watching me" and asking me every time I saw them, how the surgery was going. Who needs all that extra pressure?

[chattycat 91]

I wanted to keep mine private and just told immediate family and a couple of close friends. But what I find is they told two friends and so on.....even though I asked them not to! It gets hard because people notice and ask questions and people cave and spill the beans! 😂

[calicotrixie 34]

I’ve only told my husband and 1 close fried who has joined me on ALL of my weightloss attempts .. we did Bernstein, Keto and weight watchers together .. we we both successful (short term obviously) as we are both heavier than ever before and out of pocket thousands of dollars. In my opinion, it’s nobody’s business. I know how judgy people can be. I figure, I got my husbands support of my trusted friend and everyone on this forum that I can talk to. Everyone else can just be proud of me! All they need to know is I will have lost the weight by eating less and healthier :). My date hasn’t come yet. I’m scheduled for the sleeve on feb 4 :)

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

7 hours ago, chattycat said:

I wanted to keep mine private and just told immediate family and a couple of close friends. But what I find is they told two friends and so on.....even though I asked them not to! It gets hard because people notice and ask questions and people cave and spill the beans! 😂

This is exactly why I'm not going to tell my bestfriend either, people tell two other people and so on and such. I had a procedure in August and she told her mom and cousin, the cousin told her mom and who asked me at Thanksgiving in front of everyone if I'm doing better because they were praying for me and were going to mobilize the team together to help me out... I appreciate the support, but I'm very private and that's very overwhelming for me. I'd be livid if my wls information was handled so freely and without concern about my feelings.

[FluffyChix 17,409]

6 minutes ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

This is exactly why I'm not going to tell my bestfriend either, people tell two other people and so on and such. I had a procedure in August and she told her mom and cousin, the cousin told her mom and who asked me at Thanksgiving in front of everyone if I'm doing better because they were praying for me and were going to mobilize the team together to help me out... I appreciate the support, but I'm very private and that's very overwhelming for me. I'd be livid if my wls information was handled so freely and without concern about my feelings.

((hugs)) OMG this!!! If you tell one person, it's no longer a secret. It's a 9 days wonder. UGH! So sorry this happened to you!!

[JessLess 1,163]

I told my mom over a year after my surgery. She told me if I started eating like I used to I would gain the weight back. Can you guess why I didn’t tell her at the time?

I tell overweight people who ask because that helped me decide. Otherwise, depends on mood.

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

Just now, FluffyChix said:

((hugs)) OMG this!!! If you tell one person, it's no longer a secret. It's a 9 days wonder. UGH! So sorry this happened to you!!

People no longer value confidentiality and respect other's decisions to remain private with their choices. Thank you for the hug Fluffy Chick, I just put my poker face on and went through the motions. My bestfriend knew that didn't go over well and tried to reign her family in...

[FluffyChix 17,409]

1 minute ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

People no longer value confidentiality and respect other's decisions to remain private with their choices. Thank you for the hug Fluffy Chick, I just put my poker face on and went through the motions. My bestfriend knew that didn't go over well and tried to reign her family in...

Ugh! I had a similar thing happen to me twice at two different fancy schmancy parties. One blindsided me. The other I was at least sorta prepared for...

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

Just now, FluffyChix said:

Ugh! I had a similar thing happen to me twice at two different fancy schmancy parties. One blindsided me. The other I was at least sorta prepared for...

I don't know what people are thinking about when they want to publicize your business for their party topics. They just confirmed that I've been discussed when I wasn't around, now I'm around so ppl can see who you were talking about.

Edited December 30, 2019 by Krimsonbutterflies

[sideeye 1,440]

I’m almost two years in and I’ve been stable at this weight (plus or minus five) for over six months - I went on holiday last month and saw a bunch of friends and family who hadn’t seen me in years, and I hadn’t actually thought at all about whether or not to tell them, but in the moment felt totally comfortable telling them all.

but I think that’s largely because I’m past the “new” phase of things, when literally everything is changing: your body, your habits, your appetite, your clothes, the way you fit in the world, the way society treats you... that is a lot to process! And it’s not a short processing time, either! It’s taken me a while to mull over all of this stuff and speak confidently and with authority about the real differences between living in the world as an obese person and living in the world as a person who that world was literally modeled around. I likely wouldn’t have been able to answer some questions at six or twelve months, because I was still learning how this particular surgery worked for my particular body. The level of confidence I have now probably stops some opinionated people from even thinking of undermining men in these conversations; and when they float half-formed opinions? I’ve had almost two years to think through that opinion and am WAY ahead of them and can hold my ground confidently.

All a long way of saying: tell who you want to tell, when you want to tell them. Your decision about telling/not telling may change as you change, because you WILL change. Just do whatever is going to work best for you.

The one caveat I’d throw in there is if possible, try not to lay groundwork that will reinforce the idea that this sort of change is possible through pure diet and exercise. It’s not. And my nightmare scenario is some idiotic skinny person sees me, watches me limit my food intake or flat-out asks if I’m dieting, and then goes and berates her obese sister for not dieting. That’s why I’ve tended to go for evasion with those types of people rather than outright lying (“I’m feeling great, thanks, but don’t really want to talk about that stuff”) - I’m all too aware of the knock-on effect. But again, it’s a fine line and if a pushy gossip is making you feel cornered, do what you have to do to stay focused and get her out of your orbit. Considering consequences and other people is a good thing - prioritizing them over your own well-being is usually not.

[FluffyChix 17,409]

^^^Love this! Great post girl! My standard rebuttal when asked point blank about WLS is: I can neither confirm nor deny. Then I smile mysteriously, wink, do an about face and walk off leaving them with their mouth open.

[momof3_angels 465]

I did, in the beginning. I didn't tell my husband that I went to see a bariatric surgeon, until I needed help with scheduling procedures while I was going to be out of the country. I did not tell my daughter until just a few days before surgery (she lives with me). I told both of my sons a month after surgery.... when one was about to come home for a visit. I have not and will not tell extended family. At work, I had one friend who did surgery before me, so we talked a lot before surgery. I had 2 other friends I mentioned it to. My bosses were originally only told I needed surgery and that is it. I have since told the folks who work in my building and a few others I have worked with for a long time. I am glad I did. Most are very supportive. But I still will not tell my family (parents/siblings etc). They dont need to know and I dont need the judgement or them telling other extended family.

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