Fat Shaming

[Beck53 17]

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.

That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.

This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!

Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

[GreenTealael 24,850]

I have no suggestions for your situation as it involves work

BUT

knowing myself I would said

"I'd rather be mobidly obese than morally bankrupt", flipped the bird and watched the cinders fall...

[elmatador 167]

If you're comfortable calling out their unprofessional behavior on the spot, do so. If not, speak to your HR or supervisor. It's not acceptable behavior.

[Frustr8 7,886]

An old saying If you stand silent instead speaking out against injustice; you risk falling for anything. Even a low-drama mama who have to speak out, I second Green Tealael's rebuttal.

[Matt Z 4,138]

48 minutes ago, Beck53 said:

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.

That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.

This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!

Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

At work, I'd tread lightly, maybe mention to them how if the roles were reversed they wouldn't appreciate folks talking about them that way. Or just state that that type of conversation isn't appropriate in the workplace, but be really careful as it could make you the target.

It's amazing seeing how people change their interactions with me, some folks I worked with before I lost a lot, treat me differently now, and then there are those staff members that I really only saw in passing that would give me the 1000 yard stare, now are much more pleasant to interact with and actually acknowledge my presence. Even walking shopping, associates are much more attentive and engaging. It's sad really.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yes because inside you are still MattZ, the same dude trying to make it through life successfully. People are and certainly will be so shallow and superficial. And I guess raging against it gives ME the headache instead of THEM!

[Healthy_life 1,437]

59 minutes ago, Beck53 said:

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.

That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.

This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!

Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

You know the politics at your job better than any of us. It's a judgment call.

I had someone who has been lean and healthy all his life make the comment to me " These obese people" " they can workout all they want but they need to clean up their diet" I publicly humiliated him and told him he needs to be supportive of anyone walking in here.

He had no clue I was morbidly obese in the past. Wow, did he choose the wrong person to make a weight comment to.

Side note: We all get to share this experience of being obese and as normal weight people. I am still surprised some days at how I am treated differently. As you said "one of them" *laughing* Not all normal weight people are @sshats.

[mousecat88 2,279]

It's a strange thing because not too long ago in my memory, I was 150lbs lighter. I remember being that same person you describe... very judgmental. I wouldn't make fun of people to their face, except my mother who I would outright call fat and just be cruel to (I was a nasty teenager), but I would definitely sit and snicker with my friends. Now the tables are turned and I understand the struggle. People who have never experienced morbid obesity or the conditions or circumstances that got us this way can never understand. That being said, outside of the workplace, I will probably completely verbally snap on someone if I hear them making fun of someone who is overweight. After all of this, I don't think I'd have the restraint to say anything kindly.

[Snapple 42]

I know I speak of empathy for people who are obese. When I hear comments, I usually say something like "You don't really think that person WANTS to be overweight do you...for many people there are reasons they end up this way beyond their contol!" And then I go on to say that I feel sorry for them and wish they could have surgery to help them.

People think I'm "nice" but inside I'm taking mental notes of the assholes.

[Leia 75]

This stuff makes me furious. I've spoken up in the past when people make those sorts of comments to me or in my hearing (usually online, where they don't know my own struggles and body type) but sometimes in person too. In situations where they've decided I'm one of the "good ones" because they know me, they see me trying. Where as they see any one that is larger and, heaven forbid, looks happy, and they assume that person is too happy, too comfortable, and that makes them uncomfortable. Not that they want to see the strangers trying either, half of the the time it seems these comments are about an obese person eating a salad, or at the gym. They want us to change, but out of sight so they dont have to see it.

I usually try to explain that they dont understand all the science, that its more complicated then they think, that they cant make assumptions about people like that. Sometimes I even try to explain skinny privilege. It never works. They dont want to change their minds, so they dont.

Mean while I've gotten more and more angry and sick of it.

I think as it is an issue at work for you, talking to HR might be the best move...if you trust your HR person/people to not be part of the problem... And depending on the situation calling your co-workers out would probably at least make you feel guilt free. Something as simple as "That you'd talk about ____ like this is really disappointing." It might not endear you to them, but with people who are that casually nasty? No big loss.

Edited October 16, 2018 by Leia

[Wanda247 908]

2 hours ago, Beck53 said:

I had an unsettling situation occur last week when I was at a work related conference. I was with about 6 other ladies when they started being disrespectful about the weight of another attendee. I was stunned! I immediately thought 'how could they say this stuff in front of me?' I just looked looked around at them in shock. Then it dawned on me; they think I'm one of them! They didn't know that 9 months ago I was her size. I felt like a closeted fat person. A fraud. I came to her defense but they weren't having it.

That fat girl just needs to diet and exercise, etc. Everything I've heard my entire life.

This was the first time I've ever been in this type of situation. Hopefully I can handle myself better in the future. I feel like I have to stand up for my sisters!

Any suggestions on how to handle these types of situations?

Maybe just say the next time That is not nice and you do not know her story because EVERY one has one. I always feel that people who bad mouth others do it to make themselves feel better about their insecurities.

Also next time tell them that you are going to pray for them and walk away. Poof be gone!!

[sleeveme7781 33]

This would make me loose my job. I'm working on having a filter, but this would be unavoidable. Truly.

[Healthy_life 1,437]

Even when you explain, Some people will still have negative opinions of people that are obese. These are the same type of people that will find other things to say or place judgment to tear people down.

Keep the positive people that have your back around you.

[looly 361]

If I needed to be diplomatic with the fat shamers, I'd probably say, "I prefer not to judge someone by their appearance because I don't know what's happening in their life."

If I didn't have to be diplomatic, I'd probably say, "I'd rather be obese than a b*tch."

[summerset 5,261]

1 hour ago, Leia said:

Sometimes I even try to explain skinny privilege. It never works. They dont want to change their minds, so they dont.

Don't even try. Usually people start to whine about how hard their life is the second you mention skinny priviledge to prove that it doesn't exist (which is only proof that they don't understand what skinny privilege is about).