Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

I can’t date overweight people



Recommended Posts

I know you I’ve seen your picture before Ryan ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you had a problem with Alcohol, you wouldn’t want to date someone who was a big drinker. Find someone who has the same priorities and life goals as you. That is not shallow, it’s smart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Hm. I understand completely, though as it was already mentioned, normal weight people can have unhealthy habits as well. It's important to be as mindful of that as it is with overweight people.

I think dating in general is just horrifying these days. I know we're all a work in a progress but dang. The things I encountered? Yikes! Where to begin?

People are horrible. I'm not looking for perfection but it'd be nice to NOT have a guy who blurts in the middle of a first date he's into "diaper play." Dating to me has proven to be little more than "nightmare fuel."

A part of me has wondered if my bad luck in dating has been linked to my poor self-image due to my weight. Maybe when I was dating, I just didn't care as long as they seemed interested. Who knows.

Any thoughts? Has anyone's dating life improved post-surgery?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you planning on doing 90 day fiancé? Bc in my experience you don’t really get to see someone and their true colors until weeks or months into dating sometimes. To exclude SO many “imperfect” people before you even know them seems pretty high maintenance. Just being honest. I think maybe looking for love at a support group isn’t a terrible idea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can we all agree he's not even cute? (Sorry that was my inner mean girl LOL!)

It's great to have standards, but let's keep them realistic or else be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life. *drops mic*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, ChocoTaco said:

Can we all agree he's not even cute? (Sorry that was my inner mean girl LOL!)

It's great to have standards, but let's keep them realistic or else be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life. *drops mic*

Finally someone that said what I’ve been thinking.. high five girlfriend xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On ‎9‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 3:35 PM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

I feel the same way. I am actually turned off by someone who is not willing to take care of themselves. And its almost like in a way self sabotage to do that to ourselves.

I have felt it makes me petty and shallow as well but as we change and grow along this journey our views and what we look for in a partner change as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem is that there are also average sized and thin people who live unhealthy lifestyles. Instead of focusing on weight maybe just say your looking for someone who lives an active lifestyle similar to your own. Also, if anyone’s able to throw you off that easily, I’d focus more inwardly on your own goals and self strength before investing your time and energy into another person. Isn’t worth losing yourself to be in a relationship. Hope that makes sense

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And the fact that people can't just snap their fingers to lose their weight DOES NOT MEAN that they are trying. I can testify,i tried every diet out there including some I believe my doctors imagined out of spite. Ate much less food, exercised, had deleted junk foods and sodas already, starved myself I cried myself to sleep at night, malnourished so bady that it was a wonder I didn't die of the imbalances instead of Frank OBESITY. Meanwhile my naturally thin and better BMI cousins are eating like Longshoremen who didn't know if there would EVER be Another Food Shipment! Took Bypass surgery to help reset me and my BMR. And now I look pretty fine for My Age but naked, you can see the ravages Obesity did upon MY BODY. And I did ask my doctors if Plastic Surgery could be in my Future. The response was trifold---
1. Am I really That Vain?
2. I am Too Old (73)
3. No Surgeon in or approaching His Right Mind who lift a finger to help ME because I AM AN IRON-CLAD SURGICAL RISK!
But Never say I was obese from lack of Dietary Commitment or Compliance--- I LIVED IT AND I KNOW BETTER, So Help Me GOD!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reading all of this is saddening. Why would any not date someone "exclusively" due to size?

That is just as silly as the people who did the same thing to you. Hate is hate. Stop playing into the shallow games. You can look okay on the outside and become hideous on the inside. Nobody get a pass because "they use to be fat."
Take care of yourself. Again, you are still not perfect. Congrats on the weightloss.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And like my Helpful motto/ thoughts App
PLEASE WAIT TO CRITICIZE ME UNTIL YOU ARE PERFECT YOURSELF.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hm. I understand completely, though as it was already mentioned, normal weight people can have unhealthy habits as well. It's important to be as mindful of that as it is with overweight people.
I think dating in general is just horrifying these days. I know we're all a work in a progress but dang. The things I encountered? Yikes! Where to begin?
People are horrible. I'm not looking for perfection but it'd be nice to NOT have a guy who blurts in the middle of a first date he's into "diaper play." Dating to me has proven to be little more than "nightmare fuel."
A part of me has wondered if my bad luck in dating has been linked to my poor self-image due to my weight. Maybe when I was dating, I just didn't care as long as they seemed interested. Who knows.
Any thoughts? Has anyone's dating life improved post-surgery?
[emoji12]

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×