Overheard Staff Joking About My Body

[drop the beat 47]

#1 thank God You are still alive and capable of writing this post. You have been through so much. God is so good. #2... so often we (especially women) dont speak up out of fear. Well please...he just as strong as you had to be the day you learned of your cancer..and speak up. If not for yourself..do it for someone else. Someone else who may be not as mentally strong as you are..someone who might hear such rude talk and go home and contemplate suicide..or cry for weeks straight. Speak up. I chat tell you just how to do it...I'd personally do it simply by meeting with your PA and ask for the surgeon to come in as well for a important convo. Then just tell them. I'd also put it in writing. Tell the surgeon you also emailed him prior to the appointment. And that you hope this never has to be mentioned again because you have not intentions of speaking about it to anyone else but just felt the need to speak up so that no other pt. Has to feel the way you felt. Remember..if you dont say anything..they WILL do this again.

Sent from my SM-N950U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Beachladee3 74]

Hi, folks. I have not been on this board for a long time. Today, I had a visit to my bariatric surgeon's physician assistant (PA). I am 16 months out from roux en y surgery and have lost a total of 101 pounds. I went there today because I have been experiencing severe abdominal pain, bloating and flatulence at night, every night x 2-3 weeks. I should add that I am an RN and am one semester away from completing my Family Nurse Practitioner Master's degree. The PA gave me some advice, ordered some meds and labs and I checked out--it was about 4:10pm.
She had told me to do the labs today, due to the severity of the symptoms I was having. Their office was closing. I went to my PCP's office--which has a lab tech--and they were closing and the lab tech had left. I went downstairs to the outpatient lab and it was closed. The only lab open was the STAT lab on the 2nd floor. Since I was still in the building, I thought I'd just double check that the PA did not want these labs to be drawn STAT. I went back to the office.
It was locked. I knocked on the door. I had already heard the cackling and loud voices from 10 ft away. As I got closer, I heard the PA saying "I know, and every time she moved her arms! I couldn't believe it! And she had her teenage son with her!" Needless to say both me and my teenaged son (almost 17) heard this. He drove me today because I wasn't feeling well and he also needs to rack up his driving hours to complete his driver's permit and get his regular license. Just then, the PA, the receptionist and someone from the billing dept emerged from the door. They turned white as ghosts. Their jaws almost hit the floor. Being the classy person that I am, I didn't reference that I overheard them talking about something on my body just then. Their reaction confirmed what I thought I overheard. I asked the PA if she wanted the labs STAT, she said no, and my son and I walked to the elevator. The women huddled back by the door, somehow frozen. The only way to either the stairs or the elevator was toward the direction my son and I walked. Clearly, the women felt ashamed (?)/shook by being overheard body-shaming a patient, violating HIPAA, and being overall terrible people.
As we drove home, I was pretty hurt. Most patients at a bariatric surgeon's office are going to have body image issues. Whether they are pre-op or post-op, they have likely experienced some type of negativity about their bodies (either from within or without, or both.) Also, I should add, I am a breast cancer survivor. December 2018 is my five-year anniversary of having stage 2 invasive breast cancer and having a b/l radical mastectomy and subsequent reconstruction, followed by a hysterectomy. One year after my b/l mastectomy, the reality hit me that my GG breasts were now AAs, mutilated and scarred. I felt unattractive, repulsive and beyond depressed. I was thrilled to be alive and that it was caught in time to prevent spreading to my lymph nodes and that by doing a b/l mastectomy, I didn't have to do chemo or radiation. I failed to be able to tolerate Tamoxifen, and had to be put on a cocktail of other meds that resulted in me gaining about 50 pounds to my already Rubenesque 225 lb body. It was a low time.
Then, I got my reconstruction. My breast did not, do not, and will not look like "porn star" boobs, or "stripper boobs," although many people have suggested that was the "up side" of breast cancer. See, when you get a radical mastectomy, they hollow you out like a cantaloupe. Then, either at the same time, or at a later surgery, they insert implants (or, in some cases, spacers). Because I was 220 pounds when I got my reconstruction, they put the biggest implants the FDA allows--800 cc. The reconstruction surgeon repaired a lot of the scarring caused by a severe post-op infection from the initial surgery, during which both of my breast turned black and I had to debride the dead tissue myself at home. I was and am thrilled that I had a good reconstruction surgeon and, after recovering, felt a little bit more whole.
While I had no breast tissue before, but now, any extra cushion vanished as I lost over 100 pounds. My breasts are skin and implant. It's definitely not a "hot" look. Well, all this cancer talk comes into play because what the women were talking about was my breasts. You see, when you get a breast reconstruction, your breasts don't look like regular breasts. Again, they are hard, stiff, and look like "robot boobs," as I call them. Today, at the office, I was wearing a bamboo material sundress, that was mostly dark teal, but also had other colors tie-dyed into the design. In the front is a "peekaboo" hole. The rest of the dress is just an A-line dress with a full skirt. It is not particularly "sexy." (Including my flabby/flappy wing-like arms!) But because my breasts don't move, there is a tiny bit of "side boob" seen protruding into my armpits. Not regular side boob--because remember, nothing is "soft" anymore. No, it's part of the round, button shape (just imagine an implant covered with skin, literally.)
As I reconstructed what the women were saying, I recalled more and more of the beginning. I guess in the moment, in shock, my brain kind of protected me and I somewhat blanked out. Look, we are all human, I get it. We all make mistakes. But for God's sakes, you would think that the staff--including a provider--would be a little more sensitive about yucking it up about patient's bodies while anywhere near the doors/exit.
I am posting here in general for support because it just feels yucky. I know I've never done anything like that as an RN, but one never knows how one's words may affect another person. Also, the HIPAA violation bothers me. I work very hard to whisper, even when I am behind closed office doors, because I know how much sound carries in offices. I often tell my patients "I'm sorry I'm kind of talking softly, but these room walls are paper-thin and I want to protect your privacy." I know I won't have the b*lls to tell the office. I feel like somehow they would turn it around on me, even though 3 of them were there and me *AND* my son heard that. And as a mother of a 16 year old son, a 19 year old son, and a 21 year old daughter--it's creepy.
The implication that my son--who has seen me go through hell and high Water with cancer and this gastric bypass--would even think about looking at my breasts is disgusting. This can only come from a woman with no children. The PA is probably like 35 (I am 44), no wedding ring. Normally, I wouldn't even mention any of that because I fully believe in living my own life and others live theirs but for f*cks sake, please don't foist your sick thoughts on me.
I would like some thoughts on how I might handle this. I feel like I won't have the courage to say anything, for fear of being "gaslighted." But, I also feel like there is a lesson for their staff to learn. It occurred to me to write an anonymous letter to the surgeon/head of practice and give a little vague summary of what happened and advise that his staff might want to not be so catty, mean, and to stop violating HIPAA. I don't know. I just know it hurt. I'm hurt. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom.

I m sorry this happened to you. I would tell the Dr., the staff should be MORE sensitive, not less ! Fuckers!

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Jenwill630 119]

I wonder if the OP ever heard anything from the Dr concerning this?

[virginiaRN 60]

So, as noted much earlier in the postings, I did contact the practice manager and the doctor. I got a written apology via email, and them saying they "hoped I would continue my care with them because after care is so important." I left a very short post on Yelp stating, "The surgeon is excellent but I cannot with good conscience advise anyone with weight issues to go to this practice." A few months later, I get an email from the physician. His PA and the rest of the staff fully admitted the whole thing, never denied it. He claims he had individual meetings with them, forced them through various trainings, etc. Apparently, this "shook up" the whole office culture. He requested that I remove my Yelp review. So, this is a violation of Yelp policy for a business owner to ask for a review to be removed. I complained to Yelp. They never responded. I contacted my local Northern Virginia/DC Yelp "coordinator." She did nothing.

I wrote a lengthy email to the physician stating that, in my humble opinion, any problems with business of late is due to the buzz in the area about his practice. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. I. KNOW. WHO. HAS. GONE. TO. THIS. PRACTICE. has issues with it, similar to these. In fact, the woman who I go to who waxes my eyebrows (I know, random), told me--without prompting--that the physician ragged on his own wife's body (apparently she had been one of his patients.) His wife is his current practice manager. My waxing lady ended up going to another practice, had the procedure, and has lost 50 pounds, thus far (I think she is like 6 months out.)

I work in healthcare in the area, and any time the name of this practice comes up, numerous persons will speak up and tell their horror stories--not with the actual surgery, but how they were treated. So, this is not an isolated incident. I knew SOME of this going into it, but not to this extent.

In any event, Yelp removed my review. And then, out of spit toward Yelp--I had been a "Yelp Elite" for 4 years, was about to be "Gold Yelp Elite"--I deleted all 500 of my reviews. This is not the first time an owner has tried to get me to change my review, which I will if the situation grants it, but typically I will not. But I am also very fact-based and don't get into great detail. In this case, I only wrote two sentences, because I didn't want to get sued for slander, but I wanted to be crystal clear. (I also quit being a Yelp reviewer due to their lack of support.)

The surgeon was of course, thrilled to hear Yelp removed my review, and now thinks his business will thrive. He overestimates the impact of my one Yelp review. His practice has a very bad rep in the area. As a newly graduated and board-certified Family Nurse Practitioner, I will not be referring patients to him. There are plenty of great practices to refer to.

Quote

Edited January 21, 2019 by virginiaRN
forgot something

[Frustr8 7,886]

And his practice diminishing in size and his profits declining may be the Wake-up call that couldn't get through his fat head to tell him anything.
Be a better Nurse Practioner than he is a Doctor, that is the best type of revenge after all .

[Jenwill630 119]

Thank you for replying.

I truly was curious how it all panned out.

I mean, how on earth do you trust that practice again after something like that? You can't.

It's sad that it wasn't a one off and others in the area are having issues still. BUT at least you can refer patients elsewhere and that will prevent anyone you come in contact with from going through the same issues.

Best of luck to you!