Overheard Staff Joking About My Body

[GreenTealael 24,849]

Y'all resolved that like pros @GamePlan18 @J San  

proud to share a forum with y'all 

I've seen sooo many pointless arguments so glad this wasn't one of them

[elmatador 167]

If this is within a hospital, not a private practice, they likely have. Patient Representative - I would look to connect with the patient rep to tell them what happened. They can work with the surgeon and his staff to re-educate them and reinforce how important matters like this are.

[virginiaRN 60]

It is a private practice. Not part of hospital.

[somegirlsrbiggerthanother 7]

This totally sucks. You know HIPPA Law more than the average patient. Maybe reporting them will save you again from being hurt and other patients. I am glad you had a place to vent. Stay the course.

[kimberlymi 113]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t let them get away with that. I worked in health care for many years and for the most part worked with some of the most caring people I know. That was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. You need to speak with the office manager and you surgeon. When you have to see someone in that office refuse to see that PA, You are not the only patient they have done this to I am sure.

[Missouri-Lee's Summit 1,256]

You are a classy lady. I have not been moved by another story on this board as much as this one. You have a gift of speaking from your heart, which gave everybody here a front-row seat to your pain. I applaud you for that courage. It's not easy to put your hurt on display.

Your son learned more that day about you and your strength than you realize. Your restraint in reverse-shaming your PA/and staff was not a weakness in my view. You are a consummate professional. You behave as a professional with your patients and in your everyday life. Lucky are the patients who have you as their care-guide. It's easy to admire people who do "great things", but it's people that go through everyday struggles, survive them, and keep moving in a positive direction that I look to for inspiration. Being big (and former big) people, we've all tasted some of the pain that was unceremoniously dished out to you that day. We've all had to figure out how to process that pain. By sharing your story, I believe you gave those (here) who are not as gifted at expressing their inner feelings, a voice.

You mentioned the idea of writing a letter to the head of practice. I would start drafting a letter now while your thoughts are still fresh in your mind. Composing such a letter in itself would be therapeutic for you. Whether you decide to send it is another matter for you to consider. If you do send the letter, however, I would NOT send it anonymously. As a self-advocate and a role model for your children, it is important for you to stand behind your words. It would be too easy for the head of practice to dismiss a letter written anonymously. The PA/staff would not be able to deny the words that came from an actual person as easily as words coming from a ghost. By signing your name, you also leave the door open for a response. If one receives a letter like this from an actual person, there is an obligation to follow up. If you send it anonymously, you will always wonder whether it was intercepted and destroyed before reaching the head of practice, whether it was read and acted on, etc. Just as you were placed in the position of having to process the hurt they caused, let them now defend their unprofessional patient-shaming.

By writing this letter, you are not only helping to correct a wrong done to you, but to future patients who would be at their mercy. This PA is young. She obviously still has some important lessons to learn about being a compassionate caregiver. While it might have felt good to lambaste that PA/staff directly (in front of your son), I think being shamed professionally by her superior is a far better lesson.

Just my two jellybeans....

Edited August 18, 2018 by Missouri-Lee's Summit

[Missouri-Lee's Summit 1,256]

19 hours ago, Bootscraper said:

Something similar happened to me when I was at a new Dr's office. This was a couple of years ago and I was being seen for weight loss medication management (I was being put on a appetite suppressant). I was in the patient room waiting for the doctor to come in and I could hear the nurses in the main area (open work station, all patient room doors faced the nurse station). I could hear them talking about me and laughing about what I was coming in for and saying that I was about the same size as someone else they must have all mutually known. I was mortified that they were discussing why I was in the office and my body with each other and within earshot of other patients that were in their own rooms. I did not say anything, I wish I would have, just to hopefully prevent other patients from feeling as awful as I did in that moment. They are not ignorant of their behavior, they are apathetic of how it affects other people and should be called out on it.

That worst part of this is that you have to keep reliving the impact of their comments and kicking yourself for not saying anything.

The lesson everyone on this forum should be hearing is SPEAK UP. Don't let the comments slide. Report, confront... but "do" something. When we do nothing, we essentially are telling ourselves that we don't matter. That our feelings don't matter. And that others are free to speak about us as they please. I am looking forward to future posts here in which someone was so moved by the stories and advice here that they spoke up. Everyone: be a self-advocate. You matter.

Edited August 18, 2018 by Missouri-Lee's Summit

[FluffyChix 17,409]

I hope you have to take a survey? I do. If you do, fill it all out!!! With names, times, dates, and details. Also, this type of situation demands you take it to either the practice manager or clinic manager and file an incident report. You can then demand to never be seen again by that particular PA. It's a serious, serious infraction and everyone involved needs to have that in their records.

I'm so sorry this happened!!

Edited August 18, 2018 by FluffyChix

[Brassapple 56]

They’re a**holes and while the right thing to do is to let it go, it won’t work because people like them will do it again and again. I suggest you go straight to the surgeon and ask for them to be in the room and give them a long lesson in body shaming.

[virginiaRN 60]

No, no. Have been going there 2 years and never was asked to fill out a survey. As I wrote in a previous comment, I have already written a letter to the surgeon & practice manager. Thanks

[virginiaRN 60]

3 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

That worst part of this is that you have to keep reliving the impact of their comments and kicking yourself for not saying anything.

The lesson everyone on this forum should be hearing is SPEAK UP. Don't let the comments slide. Report, confront... but "do" something. When we do nothing, we essentially are telling ourselves that we don't matter. That our feelings don't matter. And that others are free to speak about us as they please. I am looking forward to future posts here in which someone was so moved by the stories and advice here that they spoke up. Everyone: be a self-advocate. You matter.

I empathize with Bootscraper's feelings that feels she should have spoken up, but personally I don't have one lick of regret. I know that had I done so, no justice would have been served. The real justice is reporting her higher up the food chain, which is what I am doing. That would have been squashed, and ended there. I am playing the long game, not a quick adrenaline hit. I kept my cool and showed restraint, which now will give me much more credibility in the retelling of the story to the surgeon and the office manager (which I have done). Further, had I said something, that would then be fodder for the PA and her minions to twist in a game of telephone. I will not have my words twisted. I gave her *nothing* to twist around. I walked away or "turned the other cheek." But I am making sure that the right people are aware of her actions.

While current circumstances may not reflect it, the culture around the DC area is not one in which you can just have confrontations and say whatever you want. So, I cannot think of a word I could have said or anything I could have done differently that would change anything. Had the office manager or surgeon been there, I could have told them. But they weren't in the office. Anyway, to each his own.

[virginiaRN 60]

11 minutes ago, Brassapple said:

They’re a**holes and while the right thing to do is to let it go, it won’t work because people like them will do it again and again. I suggest you go straight to the surgeon and ask for them to be in the room and give them a long lesson in body shaming.

If this were just a bunch of sorority girls, yeah, maybe (?) let it go--or have the confrontation there. But this PA--a provider with a lot of power over the lives of others--needs to have her card pulled. Trust that I am on this. After sleeping on it, and waking up a little fresher, I wrote a letter to the surgeon and the practice manager. But I may not be done there. Taking stock and deciding about next steps.

[virginiaRN 60]

3 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

You are a classy lady. I have not been moved by another story on this board as much as this one. You have a gift of speaking from your heart, which gave everybody here a front-row seat to your pain. I applaud you for that courage. It's not easy to put your hurt on display.

Your son learned more that day about you and your strength than you realize. Your restraint in reverse-shaming your PA/and staff was not a weakness in my view. You are a consummate professional. You behave as a professional with your patients and in your everyday life. Lucky are the patients who have you as their care-guide. It's easy to admire people who do "great things", but it's people that go through everyday struggles, survive them, and keep moving in a positive direction that I look to for inspiration. Being big (and former big) people, we've all tasted some of the pain that was unceremoniously dished out to you that day. We've all had to figure out how to process that pain. By sharing your story, I believe you gave those (here) who are not as gifted at expressing their inner feelings, a voice.

You mentioned the idea of writing a letter to the head of practice. I would start drafting a letter now while your thoughts are still fresh in your mind. Composing such a letter in itself would be therapeutic for you. Whether you decide to send it is another matter for you to consider. If you do send the letter, however, I would NOT send it anonymously. As a self-advocate and a role model for your children, it is important for you to stand behind your words. It would be too easy for the head of practice to dismiss a letter written anonymously. The PA/staff would not be able to deny the words that came from an actual person as easily as words coming from a ghost. By signing your name, you also leave the door open for a response. If one receives a letter like this from an actual person, there is an obligation to follow up. If you send it anonymously, you will always wonder whether it was intercepted and destroyed before reaching the head of practice, whether it was read and acted on, etc. Just as you were placed in the position of having to process the hurt they caused, let them now defend their unprofessional patient-shaming.

By writing this letter, you are not only helping to correct a wrong done to you, but to future patients who would be at their mercy. This PA is young. She obviously still has some important lessons to learn about being a compassionate caregiver. While it might have felt good to lambaste that PA/staff directly (in front of your son), I think being shamed professionally by her superior is a far better lesson.

Just my two jellybeans....

Thanks for your kind words. Letter was written yesterday morning and sent to the surgeon and the practice manager. It was a much shorter and direct version of what I posted here. I also amended my positive Yelp review--kept that general but was very specific about the PA who made body shaming comments. Again, thank you for your support. The responses I got helped me write that letter yesterday morning.

[Plucky 24]

I think you should document the behavior, and report it to the practice. If you don’t it will just happen again.

The PA should not be working in healthcare with this type off attitude.

Most importantly you do not deserve this treatment. Think of it this way if you were at work and witnessed someone treating a patient in this manner, would you “let it go”? You would likely speak out for the patient. Don’t you deserve the same care?

[virginiaRN 60]

Hi scroll up. I already sent letters! thank 4 ur support