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4 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

I adore this entire post!!! Absolutely golden advice!!!! It should be a sticky.

@GreenTealael can I copy this part into the Doing The Headwork Thread?

Sure ❤

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BFs dinner Spicy fish masala w/ rice and pumpkin roti

(I just had a roti and the salmon masala)

I was excited to make a variation of sweet potato roti using pumpkin instead. I eventually will try this with an alternative flour ( maybe coconut ) but for time and sanity sake just used a simple traditional roti I learned growing up.

20200220_224110_HDR.jpg

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15 hours ago, MarvelGirl25 said:

You might be right but I just can’t seem to find a balance. The last few weeks I was barely eating a thing and then last weekend I go out to eat and my hunger came back full force.

i wasn’t dying for cake but it was there and I was still hungry after my meal so I said what the heck.

I’m going to try packing more Protein and lay off the potatoes for a while. I’ve been eating them all week and I don’t think it’s doing me any good. Potatoes.... and rice have always been my weaknesses :(

I wish I didn’t get so tired of eating the same thing. Back to the drawing board for meal prep!

I had to think about this and your cake post for a while before answering. I can't possibly top @GreenTealael's sage advice. It was awesome!

We all have to find our way through this with rules that make sense to us and that we're able to live with and sustain, rather than to rebel against. And what works for me, might not work for any other person. Same for you.

These couple of things really helped me get real with myself and my behaviors/choices/relationship with food.< /span>

1. Know my WHY. I had to literally write it out and I taped it to the top of my puter, and to my pantry, fridge, and bathroom mirror. I reminded myself every day about WHY, just WHY I chose to change my life in such a dramatic way: RNY surgery.

2. Commit every day for one day and one day only. Cuz I can endure ANYTHING for one day. I will let the string of one days behind me, add up as they do when you only commit to today. Don't worry about what you will do tomorrow.

3. I knew at my weight (287lbs starting) that if I did not break the bond that food had on me and break my focus on it, I would not get to goal. I would end up rationalizing my behavior and eating crappy off-plan super indulgent food. So during WLM I broke up with: food magazines, food tv, youtube food vids other than the what i eat in a day ones, commercials. I closed my eyes and muted the tv everytime a food commercial came on.

4. I did not go where I was tempted. I only went to Cheesecake Factory one time-for a mandatory friends birthday. I had coffee and one bite of sugar free plain cheese cake. Cuz it was about the celebration and friendship. I'd decided beforehand that I would not cheat, and that it wasn't worth wasting the opportunity to lose and get to goal. I broke up with the kinds of heavy, beautiful, calorie dense, delicious foods I see you posting a lot of and turned instead to very clean, very light, super nutrient dense foods with fresh flavors and crisp fresh taste.

5. Embrace boring. The less you interact with food, the better. I'd eat the same little Breakfast over and over, the same kind of lunch over and over and plain grilled or pan sauteed chicken, turkey, fish, or shrimp with steamed veg, no butter or oil, and avo/tom salad. And it worked. For the first time ever, I made goal. Not only that, but I made all 3 goals. This morning I'm at 130.2lbs and yesterday was my 2 year surgiversary.

I'm in maintenance now and have more endulgences, but I STILL don't eat nor interact with food the way I did when I was a regular at the Obesity Ball. We are known by our actions and the company we keep. So I still choose to avoid certain trigger restaurants with calorie laden foods: Cracker Barrel, Cheesecake Factory, Chuy's Tex Mex, any Asian Place on the face of the earth. Avoidance and abstinence are FOR ME, the only ways I control my food addiction/enmeshment.

What's the payout? I get to live in a 130lb body, feel great in my clothes and with confidence in my relationships with family, friends, and strangers. I get to run. I get to do physical things outside in appropriate clothes. It's worth any bite of cake in the world. No cake tastes better than this feeling of freedom of bondage to the foods that made me morbidly obese, that I tried to kill myself with--death by slow bleed.

Edited by FluffyChix

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15 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

A lot of people have trouble finding a balance that works for them. Especially when they are tempted constantly, so you're not alone and at least you're aware ❤

**************************************

I personally had to learn (mostly during losing phase) :

Not every celebration meant eating

I didn't have to eat celebratory foods because it was a celebration

Protect my journey from negative influences

Eat what I wanted/needed (on plan) vs what's expected

I could handle a single indulgence not a days worth

People in my life can conform to my food standards too vs always conforming to theirs

A stall is a setback but not a failure

There's no going backwards

**************************************

You got this ❤

Thank you sooo much for this! Perfectly worded and like @Deedee12 said, it was something I needed to hear as well!

A lot of these really stick out to me like:

"I didn't have to eat celebratory foods because it was a celebration."

"Eat what I wanted/needed (on plan) vs what's expected."

"People in my life can conform to my food standards too vs always conforming to theirs."

All things I'm currently struggling with. I definitely need to learn that celebration one! When I started this journey I told myself that when its a birthday or celebration I would indulge a bit but I'm beginning to see that rule wasn't the best idea. I didn't realize how many parties there actually are and at this rate i will be eating crap every few times a month!

Edited by MarvelGirl25

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3 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

I had to think about this and your cake post for a while before answering. I can't possibly top @GreenTealael's sage advice. It was awesome!

We all have to find our way through this with rules that make sense to us and that we're able to live with and sustain, rather than to rebel against. And what works for me, might not work for any other person. Same for you.

These couple of things really helped me get real with myself and my behaviors/choices/relationship with food.< /span>

1. Know my WHY. I had to literally write it out and I taped it to the top of my puter, and to my pantry, fridge, and bathroom mirror. I reminded myself every day about WHY, just WHY I chose to change my life in such a dramatic way: RNY surgery.

2. Commit every day for one day and one day only. Cuz I can endure ANYTHING for one day. I will let the string of one days behind me, add up as they do when you only commit to today. Don't worry about what you will do tomorrow.

3. I knew at my weight (287lbs starting) that if I did not break the bond that food had on me and break my focus on it, I would not get to goal. I would end up rationalizing my behavior and eating crappy off-plan super indulgent food. So during WLM I broke up with: food magazines, food tv, youtube food vids other than the what i eat in a day ones, commercials. I closed my eyes and muted the tv everytime a food commercial came on.

4. I did not go where I was tempted. I only went to Cheesecake Factory one time-for a mandatory friends birthday. I had coffee and one bite of sugar free plain cheese cake. Cuz it was about the celebration and friendship. I'd decided beforehand that I would not cheat, and that it wasn't worth wasting the opportunity to lose and get to goal. I broke up with the kinds of heavy, beautiful, calorie dense, delicious foods I see you posting a lot of and turned instead to very clean, very light, super nutrient dense foods with fresh flavors and crisp fresh taste.

5. Embrace boring. The less you interact with food, the better. I'd eat the same little Breakfast over and over, the same kind of lunch over and over and plain grilled or pan sauteed chicken, turkey, fish, or shrimp with steamed veg, no butter or oil, and avo/tom salad. And it worked. For the first time ever, I made goal. Not only that, but I made all 3 goals. This morning I'm at 130.2lbs and yesterday was my 2 year surgiversary.

I'm in maintenance now and have more endulgences, but I STILL don't eat nor interact with food the way I did when I was a regular at the Obesity Ball. We are known by our actions and the company we keep. So I still choose to avoid certain trigger restaurants with calorie laden foods: Cracker Barrel, Cheesecake Factory, Chuy's Tex Mex, any Asian Place on the face of the earth. Avoidance and abstinence are FOR ME, the only ways I control my food addiction/enmeshment.

What's the payout? I get to live in a 130lb body, feel great in my clothes and with confidence in my relationships with family, friends, and strangers. I get to run. I get to do physical things outside in appropriate clothes. It's worth any bite of cake in the world. No cake tastes better than this feeling of freedom of bondage to the foods that made me morbidly obese, that I tried to kill myself with--death by slow bleed.

Thank you for all the amazing advice!! I love hearing it all no matter how tough or real it may be!I

1 - I'm going to try this! I think its a great idea and it will keep me in check. I tend to get caught up in my life and with whats going on that I forget about certain priorities and reasons why I am doing something. I'm going to add @GreenTealael advice on a sticky too and put it on my fridge!

2 - I needed to hear this!

4 & 5 - The not going to places where you are tempted is something I need to follow! It sounds like such an obvious thing to do but you know, i never thought about that lol.

For the other sentences of yours from #'s 4 & 5 I highlighted (sorry if it sounds confusing, Im not good at explaining):

I think this starts with how I became so morbidly obese. I haven't found anyone on here with a similar struggle so anyone reading this feel free to chime in but my reason for obesity wasn't sugar, junk food, fried foods, or Snacks. There was never soda in the house growing up, there was bread but I personally don't like anything doughy or bread like (besides tortillas here and here), all food was made with barely any oil and when meat was fatty, the oils would be scooped out while cooking. There was no bottled juice in the house, only homemade, and there were no snacks. If I was hungry my dad would say "makes some eggs".......... that was my snack. Overeating and eating super late was what got me morbidly obese . No, i wasn't overeating a salad (although at times I would) but I was overeating chicken, pork, red meat, fish, and rice... lots and lots of overeating because that's just how i was raised. Since I was a kid my dad and family would serve me huge portions because that was their norm. I remember being a 10 yr old getting served this humongous bowl of beef Soup with lots of veggies, chunks of meat and a big side of white rice. You would think that would be the only meal for the day, but no it was just breakfast. lunch was always late and it was just as big and dinner was eaten even later and it would be something like chicken stew with a mountain of white rice, boiled potatoes, salad, and usually a homemade dressing.

The most common thing on here that i read all the time is that many folks struggle with unhealthy food, including sweets, soda, fast food, bread, and Pasta cravings. I cant say this is the case with me. I didnt eat that slice of cake yesterday out of temptation, I ate it because i was really hungry. The cake that I had planned to eat this Saturday wasn't because I'm cake obsessed, it was because its my bf's birthday. I need to learn to be ok with not indulging in every celebration like @GreenTealael has pointed out ... which is something I 100% believe i can do! I feel that my true struggle is in my everyday meal prep and eating.

The overeating has now stopped because of the surgery, but how do I change the mentality that what I am making is in fact not good in the long run or too heavy? Or is it good? I was taught to believe that what I have been eating my whole life is healthy. I can recognize that the potatoes, and rice are not the best choices but its hard for me to recognize that the Soups, stews, and other dishes I have been eating my whole life and continue to make in my meal prep cant stay in my everyday diet even though I make it even healthier than before. Should I be doing the "very clean, very light, super nutrient dense foods" like salads with some kind of meat everyday until I get to my goal, then have my regular dishes that I consider healthy when I'm in maintenance?

Side Comment/Personal Note: Sometimes I think about how weird obesity is. My biological mother, and her family were all overweight and morbidly obese. Their diet consisted of junk food, Armenian food, and fatty American food. I never had any influence at all by her or her side of the family because I just never saw them. After my folks divorced when I was four, I think I saw my mom twice more (her choice) and that's it. Over the years I heard she became morbidly obese. Her and a lot of her family members passed away because of obesity. I know genes play a large role too but it still blows my mind how the weight problem followed me even though I didn't grow up on her diet. I was on the same diet as my dads family and they are all skinny and fit and I'm a giant ball...

Anyways as far as the "Embrace boring. I'd eat the same little Breakfast over and over, the same kind of lunch over and over." I agree and this is something im currently working on with my nutritionist. She tells me "meals don't have to be this amazing, glamorous thing." "Sometimes they need to serve their purpose which is give you Protein and nutrients and nothing more." This is something else thats taking me a while to learn because " Un Peruano no come para vivir, vive para comer" which basically translates to a Peruvian doesn't eat to live, we live to eat. Yeah it sounds pretty crazy but its true. Breaking habits of a culture that focuses on food more than any other aspect of their culture is extremely hard and sometimes I wish I could trade the junk food and sweet crave problem a lot of other people have for this problem.

@FluffyChix You've done so well at losing and staying very strict its amazing and I hope one day I experience that very same feeling you have when looking at your body!

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1 hour ago, MarvelGirl25 said:

Should I be doing the "very clean, very light, super nutrient dense foods" like salads with some kind of meat everyday until I get to my goal, then have my regular dishes that I consider healthy when I'm in maintenance?

This is more or less what I did. I was pretty strict on salads and Protein and low carb and low cals throughout weight loss phase.

...once that was over and settled into maintenance, I'm alot more flexible, and have been known to indulge every once in a while.

Since you are still in weight loss phase, the approach you stated above is probably your best bet to be even more successful. Also, you may very well form habits during weight loss phase that you can carry into maintenance that will help you sustain your goal once you get there.

❤️

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1 hour ago, MarvelGirl25 said:

You've done so well at losing and staying very strict its amazing and I hope one day I experience that very same feeling you have when looking at your body!

Thank you. But the important take away I really want to leave you with is that you CAN do this and figure it out as you go along. If something isn't working, you just have to be able to nut-up and address the change that needs to be made for your own life. Right? But it's a journey and constant evolution. And we don't just "arrive" at our destination without having taking the trip. Right? I just chose this time that I wanted the most direct route I could humanly find. I didn't want the scenic tour. And it did require a lot of training and a lot of denying short term rewards in favor of long term rewards. Right?

But I was far from perfect. I make poor choices as do we all. I just chose to take the very next bite for the bites after the slip.

I grew up in a food centric house and culture as well. My dad's fam were restauranteurs and Dad (and Mom) were amazing cooks who believed in huge portions. My entire family are amazing cooks. But I made my needs known to them and they were all eager to support my journey so that I could realize healthy and success. Cuz they love me.

So I had to break those bonds of being bound to the past and "how we did things." And we've created new rules and steps for celebrations that will help our entire family.

And I wish people could understand that the way I choose to eat 90% of the time or more is the WAY I LIKE eating. I have zero feelings of deprivation. I don't think in terms of me being "holy" or pure. LOL. God no. LOL. ROFL! It's just the way I enjoy eating. And I look forward to meals. Even when they are boring. LOL. Cuz I feel so dang good following these types of meals. And I seek them out preferentially. (It's date night tonight. We're going to our usual neighborhood Italian place. I'm at the low end of my weight window. I could eat pizza or Pasta if I want...I could eat their amazing bread. But what I am looking forward to besides being together with Mr. F. and our friends is their side salad add-on grilled shrimp for $4.50 and a side of the sauted broccoli in browned garlic with super light olive oil, al dente for $2.99. LOL. I either eat that or grilled chicken every time we go. Why? Cuz I love both, they make me feel good after eating, and I don't wake up 4lbs heavier the next day. It's a simple choice that leaves me happy.)

You can do this. You WILL figure things out!!! And there are many paths to the same truth. Hang in there and most of all, don't beat yourself up. Beatings will never improve morale.

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On 02/21/2020 at 12:52, FluffyChix said:






Thank you. But the important take away I really want to leave you with is that you CAN do this and figure it out as you go along. If something isn't working, you just have to be able to nut-up and address the change that needs to be made for your own life. Right? But it's a journey and constant evolution. And we don't just "arrive" at our destination without having taking the trip. Right? I just chose this time that I wanted the most direct route I could humanly find. I didn't want the scenic tour. And it did require a lot of training and a lot of denying short term rewards in favor of long term rewards. Right?




But I was far from perfect. I make poor choices as do we all. I just chose to take the very next bite for the bites after the slip.




I grew up in a food centric house and culture as well. My dad's fam were restauranteurs and Dad (and Mom) were amazing cooks who believed in huge portions. My entire family are amazing cooks. But I made my needs known to them and they were all eager to support my journey so that I could realize healthy and success. Cuz they love me.




So I had to break those bonds of being bound to the past and "how we did things." And we've created new rules and steps for celebrations that will help our entire family.




And I wish people could understand that the way I choose to eat 90% of the time or more is the WAY I LIKE eating. I have zero feelings of deprivation. I don't think in terms of me being "holy" or pure. LOL. God no. LOL. ROFL! It's just the way I enjoy eating. And I look forward to meals. Even when they are boring. LOL. Cuz I feel so dang good following these types of meals. And I seek them out preferentially. (It's date night tonight. We're going to our usual neighborhood Italian place. I'm at the low end of my weight window. I could eat pizza or Pasta if I want...I could eat their amazing bread. But what I am looking forward to besides being together with Mr. F. and our friends is their side salad add-on grilled shrimp for $4.50 and a side of the sauted broccoli in browned garlic with super light olive oil, al dente for $2.99. LOL. I either eat that or grilled chicken every time we go. Why? Cuz I love both, they make me feel good after eating, and I don't wake up 4lbs heavier the next day. It's a simple choice that leaves me happy.)



You can do this. You WILL figure things out!!! And there are many paths to the same truth. Hang in there and most of all, don't beat yourself up. Beatings will never improve morale.


Yes to all of this!

I actually find myself craving the lighter, healthier and VLC food choices more now than ever.

I myself don’t make the most perfect choices every day, but I do plan out 4-5 days weekly and even then I don’t get in all my food I’ve planned. I actually find myself eating LESS than planned most days because i still have a “fat brain and eyes”, so what I think I can eat turns out to be more than I can actually eat.
The good news about that though is that I’ve got loads of Protein, healthy bats and slow-carbs in my diet and those keep me happy and filled up and not at all feeling deprived.

Food was definitely synonymous with “love” in my household and that’s a tough one to get over.

Lol, knowing fluffy’s family history is cool bc now I know where she got some of those mad cooking skilz from.

I was doing good at the age of 25 to make Mac and cheese. 🤣🤣🤣

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20 hours ago, ms.sss said:

This is more or less what I did. I was pretty strict on salads and Protein and low carb and low cals throughout weight loss phase.

...once that was over and settled into maintenance, I'm alot more flexible, and have been known to indulge every once in a while.

Since you are still in weight loss phase, the approach you stated above is probably your best bet to be even more successful. Also, you may very well form habits during weight loss phase that you can carry into maintenance that will help you sustain your goal once you get there.

❤️

Thank you! I’m going to go for it! I just hope I don’t get tired of the salads but I’m sure there are ways to switch it up and make it exciting. Did you ever do some kind of Protein and cooked vegetables ? Or did you not get bored of it?

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2 hours ago, MarvelGirl25 said:

Thank you! I’m going to go for it! I just hope I don’t get tired of the salads but I’m sure there are ways to switch it up and make it exciting. Did you ever do some kind of Protein and cooked vegetables ? Or did you not get bored of it?

I basically had salad + some kind of Protein almost every single meal (90% of the time the protein was grilled chicken breast). Sometimes I would add some cooked veggies, but I prefer crunchy (raw) veggies.

I may be in the minority, but no, I never got bored of it (I guess I just love salad). Most of my meals even now are still salads with some sort of protein on them (by choice! lol). Though now, I may add other "toppings" that I didn't when I was in weight loss phase (cheese, berries, sauces, oils, carrots, nuts, bacon, eggs, or a bit of whatever leftovers there are in the fridge from the fam's meals, etc...)

It's weird, but I really like to cook/prepare food, smell food, look at food, watch others eat food, order food (lol), but when it comes down to actually eating it, I'm like, meh. Unless its dessert, lol.

Even now, I was soooo excited to get home and make this noodle bowl. Excited while I was grilling the chicken and excited pan frying the sprouts...then I sat down to dig in, had literally 3 pieces of chicken and one bite of noodles and 1 crispy brussel sprout leaf, and then I'm like, meh. It ain't no salad (I really need to go grocery shopping!)

(will take another crack at the noodle bowl it later, but my brussel sprouts will be soggy later...boo)

IMG_7155.thumb.jpg.a12930171f619d0f2f03c1d52399d7d5.jpg

Edited by ms.sss

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Recovering from painful ovarian cyst. Only got in a couple of bites from my salad before nausea set in will have to finish it later.20200223_125043.jpeg 20200223_125548.jpeg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using BariatricPal mobile app

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Thank you soooo much everyone for sharing your eating struggles and how you approach your daily life post surgery & weight loss. So enlightening & reaffirming.

I too eat the same basic menu every day so I don’t have to think about what I’m going to prep & eat - makes grocery shopping a breeze too cause I buy the same foods every week. If I’m going out to eat, I check the menu & choose what I’ll order before I go so being tempted by what’s on the menu (or agonising over what I can eat) is greatly reduced.

Genetics and hormones make losing weight a fight you have with one hand tied behind your back. I grew up hearing about my overweight relatives & how I would have to always watch my diet or I’d end up like them. I first put on weight when I went through puberty & then the last large weight gain was during menopause.

I grew up on a vegetable farm so eating ‘healthy’ was my norm - lots of meat & vegetables & being very active. I believe my weight problems were exacerbated because I didn’t eat until dinner throughout my high school years. And then regularly skipped lunch when I was working - too busy to stop & eat. So I killed my own metabolism. At the moment it seems to have been resurrected & hopefully it will have a long, long life.

Thank you for sharing.

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On 7/24/2018 at 6:50 PM, J San said:

DUH I was trying to figure out how the hell I could liquify that recipe.... LOLOL Sorry, That made me laugh at myself.

I will do that, Next "meal" I drink I will take pics.

I was actually thinking the same thing! I have such a hard time with any kind of meat, but the pureed meat thing is not appealing. I like the before and after food pictures idea. When I need a gentle nudge, I watch My 600-lb life to remind me why I am doing this.

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