I feel scared and ashamed...

[sariejack 22]

Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum. I am scheduled to have VGS on August 6th. I weigh about twice what I should and have high blood pressure. Insurance approved it and I am good to go--but I can't get over the fear of not waking up from the surgery, and the shame that I let my weight get to the point that I need medical intervention.

Has anyone else struggled with these emotions? If so, what can I do to overcome them?

[Matt Z 4,138]

10 minutes ago, sariejack said:

Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum. I am scheduled to have VGS on August 6th. I weigh about twice what I should and have high blood pressure. Insurance approved it and I am good to go--but I can't get over the fear of not waking up from the surgery, and the shame that I let my weight get to the point that I need medical intervention.

Has anyone else struggled with these emotions? If so, what can I do to overcome them?

Being afraid is 100% natural. But the sleeve's mortality rate for "on the table" issues is amazingly low. In fact, ALL of the WLS now have super low "on the table" mortality rates. The numbers you might be looking at or hearing are usually skewed by old numbers, the surgeries have all advanced quite a lot even in the past 10 years.

As far as getting "too fat"... we all understand. It's not 100% your fault either and you shouldn't shoulder all the blame. It's a battlefield out there, horrible easy to access foods are all over. Advertising bombards our subconscious mind at every turn.

Let the past be the past. Stop dwelling on it and start moving forwards. The road ahead is going to need your undivided attention. You can't change the past, but you can control your future. So leave the past where it belongs, behind you. Now you get to start working on where you are going now.

Congrats on deciding to take back control of your life. The path laid out ahead of you is tough, and is going to require major changes to so much of your typical daily routine. It's going to get emotional. It's going to get stressful, it's going to be painful, it's going to be very hard. But. It's very worth it!

Remember, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, be ready, post-op is an amazing journey!

[allwet 868]

Getting sleeved was my very first surgery and being put under was my biggest fear. That being said we cant be ruled by our fears if you let fear of surgery control you the weight will take away your life 1 pound at a time.

we adjust and slow down so gradually we do not even notice how we are withdrawing from life as our weight piles up and make everything we do harder.

Please face your fears and get your life -all of it - back.

[Frustr8 7,886]

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt

[Tracy1978 113]

I was scared too. I even had a c-section and the thought of being put out scared me. The good thing is they give you meds before you are even in the or that make you go to sleep. I heard the doc say, "Give her the happy juice". That's the last thing I remember until I woke up hazily in post op. Don't let the fear stop you. look at it this way - your weight could cause you to get terrible sleep apnea and that is a known killer. This is worth it, you wont regret it.

[Ernie D 44]

First of all, Good for you that you are on your way to better health. NO need to be ashamed. I think all of us can name at least 1 thing in our life that we can feel shame over. So YOU are NOT alone. Its ok to feel that emotion, but don't get stuck there. Try your best to focus on better health and feeling great. Being scared is very normal. If you want I will pray for you . I will pray for peace of mind, comfort, a successful surgery and a lifetime of improved health. Remember YOU are NOT alone is this

[thatch 377]

I understand your fear and shame. First, know that the surgery is very safe and you are in good hands. The surgical team and nursing staff know their stuff and they will take care of you. Second, trust that you are a courageous person to make the decision to have this surgery. It's not easy! But you have decided to take a proactive course to live a better, healthier life. That is something to be proud of. Best wishes on your surgery and recovery!

[domi 237]

Great advice @Matt Z. You are not alone in this journey. Life happens. I was terrified myself, but then my doctor told me I had higher odds of dying if I continued my previous path and did not have the surgery. I was more than twice what I should be weight wise. I've now lost more than half of my weight and feel so much better. I am no longer diabetic and almost off my high blood pressure meds. Last week I swam in a lake and went kayaking. I would not have been able to do this last year. Take your life back. YOU are worth the time and energy.

[redhead_che 824]

I was very anxious before my surgery...up until I walked in the day OF surgery. It's like all of my fears went away and I felt this peace of, "yeah, I'm doing the right thing." ...the RN staff helped a lot too...I will always value RN/surgery staff that you can clearly tell do this all the time and run through pre-op like a well oiled machine.

[macadamia 591]

All great advice... Here is what I would like to add - ask the anesthesiologist all of your questions, tell them about what you are afraid of, and listen to what they say. The medicines they use today are so much better than they were 20 years ago - much safer, less risk, and even less pain. I've had four major abdominal surgeries since 1995, including two last year. All of them were general anesthesia. The two surgeries I had last year were much easier to "wake" up from than the earlier ones. It is safe, but it is not risk-free.

Good luck! and don't be ashamed about being afraid... everyone is afraid of something...

[sariejack 22]

I wasn't as terrified of my C-section as I am of this surgery because I didn't get a "choice"--it was an emergency and I was just along for the ride.

An added layer of anxiety--we are taking my daughter, who is 11, to her grandparents' house to spend the week of my surgery hanging with them and playing with her cousins. We didn't plan this, it just worked out that way (I haven't told my mom about the surgery as I don't think she would be supportive). This will be the first time my daughter has been away from home for such an extended period of time. I think it will be OK, that she would enjoy herself more with her cousins than at home during my recovery. It's definitely easier on my husband. But I still worry about her being so far away while I am undergoing surgery.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Hug her, show her as much love as possible before she goes. And don't be surprised if she rats you out to grandma and grandpa.

[BurBur 113]

I thought I had forgiven myself for getting so out of control. I felt peace with my decision to have surgery. I needed it more than anything. After surgery, laying in bed, feeling pain, feeling numb, feeling excited for all the days ahead, I suddenly and profoundly felt "ashamed" all over again and I cried about it for a long time. I wouldn't say it was regret although I understand that is common to feel as well, but I did feel like such a failure for putting my body in such jeopardy. Those feelings have all passed now. They will for you too! And..if by some chance bad feelings linger, please get yourself help. Don't be afraid to talk to a psychologist. They really are quite pleasant.

[GreenTealael 24,857]

I was afraid this was my first surgery under anesthesia so I made emergency preparations and even left instructions with my proxy. Then the night before surgery, I calmly binged on my favorite activities, movies , cleaning, etc. I was delirious by my 5am surgery but excited

The months before surgery will test your will, sanity and patience. When the time comes you will be more than ready.

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 167

[Beautfully Flawed 45]

My Surgery is also August 6, I’m a kaiser patient in San Diego . I totally relate to the shame , It has often crossed my mind , how did I let it get this bad, that I’m having, Approx 80% o my stomach removed , but I try and stay mindful that every second is a chance to turn it all around . I’m going to take what I’ve learned in my 6 mos kaiser classes and continue to appy it to my life . And I tell myself I can do this 💪🏾