false SEPTEMBER 2018 SURGERIES AND SUCCESS

[Frustr8 7,886]

And last Friday (July 19th) Valerie the head Nurse- Practioner from my Bariatric Clinic at OSU returned my Early in the Week Call. I was shopping right in the Middle of the Clearance Aisle at Wal- Mart, almost dropped my over- priced Smartphone, gotten because it has an Oreo operating Systemm Ah, we ALL have our follies, that's MINE! We made arrangements for my next blood draw and labs, to be completed before my August 14th appointment. -----What I Think is a Hoot?------ Since I will be 11 months on the 5th, she has graciously GRANDFATHERED Me into perfect Gastric Health and plans No More EGJs for me! It Is A Miracle! Who knew she Might Be A TV-Evangelist in her Spare Time? It does bring Me to Disbelief and Sarcasm at this point!----! If I, Heaven Forbid, developed Intestinal Strangulation like 2 of our Bari- Pals, she would dismiss it as Simple Colic! ----Dang, Maybe They do still give Nursing Licenses in CrackerJack Boxes, after All!----- Might have saved me the wear and tear of my own😷 education, should have simply gone to the Factory! 😵

[MMME 89]

Well, exactly 9 months from my bypass and today I not only reached my goal but surpassed it. My surgeon said I'd be 70 kg but I said 69 (just to be stubborn and do better than he wanted). Today I was 68.8 when I stepped on the scale.

[Deedee12 1,859]

Well, exactly 9 months from my bypass and today I not only reached my goal but surpassed it. My surgeon said I'd be 70 kg but I said 69 (just to be stubborn and do better than he wanted). Today I was 68.8 when I stepped on the scale.

Congratulations!!!![emoji169][emoji169][emoji169]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Frustr8 7,886]

Maybe I will NEVER REACH that fine point of Life Prolong'ment, that GOOD LEVEL of Weight Loss Management but I am trusting in THIS JOURNEY, achieving ALL that I CAN. and I still believe Frustr8 will find her PERSONAL SET POINT. If I trust MYSELF to COMPLETE IT, I cannot be a FAILURE. Saw a message among my apps this AM
No One guaranteed there would be NO PAIN
No One said it would be EFFORTLESS and QUICK
Not ONE PERSON may even notice MY STRUGGLE
But NOTHING can be WORSE than being trapped in OBESITY where I never was CREATED to be or where I NEVER BELONGED. I FINALLY Found ME and MY DESTINY among yesterday's Ashes and the Passing On of LIFE.
NOW I Stand UP , whether I Can See into the FUTURE, whether my Legs shake or Not, with my Scars shining forth but I STAND- YES MY FRIENDS- I DO STAND!😛 AND IT WILL BE RIGHT, IT WILL BE EXCELLENT. and I FEEL FULFILLED NOW!

[Frustr8 7,886]

And like the Gospel song I once sang
WOULDN'T TAKE NOTHING FOR MY JOURNEY NOW
GONNA MAKE IT TO HEAVEN SOMEHOW .
EVEN IF THE DEVIL GRABS A-HOLD
AND TRIES TO TURN ME AROUND.Been A Child of the KING and will stay on Team Jesus, give him the Glory, be grateful for his INSTRAMENT- my surgeon- for His Portion-but until my Last Breath , whenever it BE- I TEUST AND ABIDE!
Happy Sunday Morning, Happy Life and Happy FUTURE To ALL!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well all my buddies and such- in 15 days I visit my Bariatric Clinic. I will be 11 months and 10,days out and I am told THIS shall suffice as my 1 Year Check- up. Since nobody is busting their Buns to see me, although I feel there are glaring insufficiencies here and there in MY recovery, nobody really sees. MY importance in the Grand Scheme, didn't really plan to see my Surgeon again, figured he and his partner were a One And Done, now that I have had my one chance at Stardom in the Operating Theatre, pfft I am NO LONGER OF ANY THRILL to those 2, okay if that's THE WAY the GAME IS PLAYED. But a little Air will be Cleared up or I will not be back even if it will be in September 2020. I woke up again this morning, in pain, feeling sick and nauseous, I know my stomach is empty, but Dayum I feel like I have ulcer pain, I am not dreaming This- I am NOT WISHING to feel sick so Don't Tell my sad ME it's all psychosomatic, I am not a HEAD Case, don't shunt me off to my County Mental Health, I live in a Small County, not the Megalopolis of my State Capital, my County has many who validly NEED THEM and unless YOU Drive me there with a Pointed Stick, I Ain't GOING.
So I am looking for proper phraseology among my Journal and Motivation apps- like the REBA McENTIRE song says I AIN'T GOING OUT LIKE THAT, it is my appointment, me and insurance are paying for it, since it is close to One Year, I'm sure it is TIME for co-pays instead of Total Coverage so Yours Truly the Person they have so Richly Ignored is going All Out, Guns Blazing Verbally. What is the Worst They Can Do? IGNORE ME? Been doing a bang- up Job of THAT for months after months and then a week ago I was informed I HAVE BEEN " Grandfathered" into a GOOD HEALTH STATUS? HMMN- I DON'T THINK SO! I may make the NATIONAL NEWS for THIS TANTRUM- move over Donald Trump and all the Democratic Canidates to Supplant HIM--- IT'S FRUSTR8- TIME and my 15 minutes of GLORY is OVERDUE!

[jackieecho 4]

On 7/28/2019 at 8:47 AM, Frustr8 said:

Maybe I will NEVER REACH that fine point of Life Prolong'ment, that GOOD LEVEL of Weight Loss Management but I am trusting in THIS JOURNEY, achieving ALL that I CAN. and I still believe Frustr8 will find her PERSONAL SET POINT. If I trust MYSELF to COMPLETE IT, I cannot be a FAILURE. Saw a message among my apps this AM
No One guaranteed there would be NO PAIN
No One said it would be EFFORTLESS and QUICK
Not ONE PERSON may even notice MY STRUGGLE
But NOTHING can be WORSE than being trapped in OBESITY where I never was CREATED to be or where I NEVER BELONGED. I FINALLY Found ME and MY DESTINY among yesterday's Ashes and the Passing On of LIFE.
NOW I Stand UP , whether I Can See into the FUTURE, whether my Legs shake or Not, with my Scars shining forth but I STAND- YES MY FRIENDS- I DO STAND!😛 AND IT WILL BE RIGHT, IT WILL BE EXCELLENT. and I FEEL FULFILLED NOW!

Beautiful reflection.

[Lynda486 783]

On 7/17/2018 at 3:11 PM, Frustr8 said:

After thinking I might make May-June-July-or August for my surgery, it turns out I will be singing a SEPTEMBER song. Do I have a surgery twin, someone who will be going through this wonderous transformation with me?

Me! Sept. 16th!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well tomorrow night Tomkitten and I have our Apnea Retitration, on the 14th I have my Bariatric Clinic visit, haven't seen them since April, I'm told although I am 11 months TODAY this counts as my Yearly Evaluation. Since they have ignored any pleas for help, found me rather unimportant, not of real interest, either I will leave there feeling better or Ka- Ka will be hitting the Fan! Ah --!WE SHALL see Which it may BE, But time now to get out of bed, start on my myriad of V8tamins, Minerals and Medications and let the chips Fall where They May. I am arthritic, wake up in pain, so am not too hopeful as I start my DAY but tell myself THIS STILL BEATS DEATH ALL HOLLOW, and it will Be as It Be--- I am down to 188.8 from 365+, my arms , legs and mind still work, don't see very clearel

[Frustr8 7,886]

Oops clearly but next and final cataract removal in less than 2 months( Opthamologist THAT BOOKED!) So I will have renewed clarity there and I Plan to Keep living until GOD says it's Time To Leave This 🌎 Earth.
As the woman told the Judge when she was testifying
Judge- Have you lived in Ohio your entire Life?
Lady- No, Your Honor , not yet!
And like the Dude in" the Big Labowski" Tomkittens favorite movie-----I ABIDE.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well off to my Bariatric Clinic today for what passes as my 1 Year visit ---'even if I am 11 months 9 days only--Will see how things go- this one is with Maggie a Nurse Practitioner I have NEVER MET. Probably will never see Dr Needleman again unless I require more surgery- I seem to relegated to the "2 ships passing in the Night" status now. How nice I act today depends on their attitude more than mine; I tend to being sweet and compliant as long as Nobody Screws Me Over! Then instead of watching Karma working them over I become Karma myself, retaliate, and not to brag, but I CAN BE FEARSOME if necessary. Pray for me Today🙏and if they get my " Irish" up, for truly I have strawberry blonde verging on RED hair, Pray for Them, for they may just NEED it. ❤The Bumper Sticker that says "Kill all Your Enemies if necessary, it's up then to GOD to determine where they should be Filed"
And Chekhov in in Star Trek said it, at least I'll give him first credit for the line
FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU
FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.
Have a smooth, blessed Day one and all-- And I'll catch you one the Flip Side!😛✊😛

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well I went for my quasi- 1 year checkup on the 14th- why did I even bothered--- IDK? Got there promptly, well even a little ahead of time, have an abiding fear if getting caught in Big City Traffic, and in the waiting room I sat, a couple after surgeries like me, the rest "pre" and anticipating. Got weighed, a mini- ooh wow at my weight loss, they DID NOT EXPECT. me to be below 190. Then Tomkitten and I were shown to a room to wait for whoever deigned to see me. He attends99% of my appointments for 2 reasons 1) security for ME 2) he has the hearing of a hidden microphone- nothing gets by him. Finally ( my appointed time was 3:30, it was 5:15) in comes Shannon, one of my absolute unfavorite nurses, has sneer on her face often, complaining that 2 nurses are having to do the work of 3 since Valerie( the chief one- the one I wanted to see if I couldn't see my surgeon, him I will in all probability never seen again unless I have a bowel torsion or another surgical OMG) . Well whine whine NMF- not my fault, we all don't have sunshine and bluebird singing in the trees! I tried to verbalize a few of my concerns, paid more attention to her laptop keyboard than to ME. I'm sure a court stenographer or such would have billed less to my insurance. Basically told me I was fully healed whether I believed it or not, no more endoscopies or testings needed, then proceeded to make a liar of herself, only blood testing record on my chart was one my PCP had done closely after my Iron infusion in March to see if my Ferritin level had stayed LEVEL had stayed stable, I had had another DONE just after it was finally ordered on July 19th. Yeah it was done at my hospital here in Mount Vernon but they had each other's fax numbers, if they were concerned one side could have called the other, Not to insinuate I AM A LIAR! If it had been My Call " Hi this is Ohio State University Bariatric Clinic . We faxed you an order on July 19th for one of our patients to have blood tests run, if you are able to access it, if you are Not able to fax it in its entirety, the facets we are most interested in are ___,____, &____. Thank you very much, we will be hoping to hear from you soon." Neat, Sweet and Complete.
Then she said in essence, my pain levels will not lessen , I may remain nauseous for the foreseeable future if not the rest of my life, why not just come OUT and admit " We Made You a Gastrointestinal Cripple when we did your Surgery, Sorry but Not Sorry. Just the Way the Mop Flops, honey!"
I would just like to wake up one morning, not in pain, not nauseous, not to be told I am delusional, needing psychiatric help for what seems to be bodily symptoms. I would relish wakiing up to "Hurray a New Day" not "Is That all There Is?"
And also the reason I was treated So shabbily in May? She claims I told her I was depressed and suicidal . For this you tell someone to go away , stop bothering you and call your county overburdened mental health agencies? 1) I said nothing similar to that , only that I was vomitting for a prolonged period and scared and 2) If I were going to "off" MYSELF, this would push me over the edge to Complete it, because I would feel Nobody really cares for Me, Might as Well Die! If anyone wants to know further WHY I NEVER WOULD KILL MYSELF feel free to P.M. me, although I won't take up space in the Public Domain, there is a Story and I am not reluctant to Speak of It. Okay?
So I am not scheduled for another Appointment until August 2020, with this feeble excuse for a Caring Person, at the very Least I will call and request Somebody Different, I no longer want or trust this person, her advice, such as it is, I find flawed, not helpful to my future. I would not have difficulty finding another, you barely can turn in a circle without running into a nurse, indeed it is like they have an Industrial Conveyer Belt. somewhere in the building, as the 60s song said " All made of Ticky- Tacky and they all LOOK the Same".
So I remain your buddy, a few tears for what might have been, because intrinsically I do believe,things could have ended up better, maybe I will become resigned to lessening of expectations. But I wanted the GOLD RING, to find out it was cheapness metal and turned my finger Green breaks my❤. I believed I deserved the Very Best outcome and I'm not sure I Got It.
Your thinner(⬇188 pounds) Sadder maybe Wiser Bestest Bud---
FRUSTR8

[Deedee12 1,859]

Well I went for my quasi- 1 year checkup on the 14th- why did I even bothered--- IDK? Got there promptly, well even a little ahead of time, have an abiding fear if getting caught in Big City Traffic, and in the waiting room I sat, a couple after surgeries like me, the rest "pre" and anticipating. Got weighed, a mini- ooh wow at my weight loss, they DID NOT EXPECT. me to be below 190. Then Tomkitten and I were shown to a room to wait for whoever deigned to see me. He attends99% of my appointments for 2 reasons 1) security for ME 2) he has the hearing of a hidden microphone- nothing gets by him. Finally ( my appointed time was 3:30, it was 5:15) in comes Shannon, one of my absolute unfavorite nurses, has sneer on her face often, complaining that 2 nurses are having to do the work of 3 since Valerie( the chief one- the one I wanted to see if I couldn't see my surgeon, him I will in all probability never seen again unless I have a bowel torsion or another surgical OMG) . Well whine whine NMF- not my fault, we all don't have sunshine and bluebird singing in the trees! I tried to verbalize a few of my concerns, paid more attention to her laptop keyboard than to ME. I'm sure a court stenographer or such would have billed less to my insurance. Basically told me I was fully healed whether I believed it or not, no more endoscopies or testings needed, then proceeded to make a liar of herself, only blood testing record on my chart was one my PCP had done closely after my Iron infusion in March to see if my Ferritin level had stayed LEVEL had stayed stable, I had had another DONE just after it was finally ordered on July 19th. Yeah it was done at my hospital here in Mount Vernon but they had each other's fax numbers, if they were concerned one side could have called the other, Not to insinuate I AM A LIAR! If it had been My Call " Hi this is Ohio State University Bariatric Clinic . We faxed you an order on July 19th for one of our patients to have blood tests run, if you are able to access it, if you are Not able to fax it in its entirety, the facets we are most interested in are ___,____, &____. Thank you very much, we will be hoping to hear from you soon." Neat, Sweet and Complete.
Then she said in essence, my pain levels will not lessen , I may remain nauseous for the foreseeable future if not the rest of my life, why not just come OUT and admit " We Made You a Gastrointestinal Cripple when we did your Surgery, Sorry but Not Sorry. Just the Way the Mop Flops, honey!"
I would just like to wake up one morning, not in pain, not nauseous, not to be told I am delusional, needing psychiatric help for what seems to be bodily symptoms. I would relish wakiing up to "Hurray a New Day" not "Is That all There Is?"
And also the reason I was treated So shabbily in May? She claims I told her I was depressed and suicidal . For this you tell someone to go away , stop bothering you and call your county overburdened mental health agencies? 1) I said nothing similar to that , only that I was vomitting for a prolonged period and scared and 2) If I were going to "off" MYSELF, this would push me over the edge to Complete it, because I would feel Nobody really cares for Me, Might as Well Die! If anyone wants to know further WHY I NEVER WOULD KILL MYSELF feel free to P.M. me, although I won't take up space in the Public Domain, there is a Story and I am not reluctant to Speak of It. Okay?
So I am not scheduled for another Appointment until August 2020, with this feeble excuse for a Caring Person, at the very Least I will call and request Somebody Different, I no longer want or trust this person, her advice, such as it is, I find flawed, not helpful to my future. I would not have difficulty finding another, you barely can turn in a circle without running into a nurse, indeed it is like they have an Industrial Conveyer Belt. somewhere in the building, as the 60s song said " All made of Ticky- Tacky and they all LOOK the Same".
So I remain your buddy, a few tears for what might have been, because intrinsically I do believe,things could have ended up better, maybe I will become resigned to lessening of expectations. But I wanted the GOLD RING, to find out it was cheapness metal and turned my finger Green breaks my[emoji173]. I believed I deserved the Very Best outcome and I'm not sure I Got It.
Your thinner([emoji652]188 pounds) Sadder maybe Wiser Bestest Bud---
FRUSTR8

Hello Frustr8, I'd been looking out for your update! Thanks for sharing, I'm sincerely sorry you didn't get the answers to your concerns, that truly sucks!!

I few things to consider:
Are you having a few better days compared to when this issue started?

If that surgical team admits that they made you a GI cripple, would that give you some relief or closure to move forward and not focus on their help any longer as it seems their behavior is communicating that!

What does your therapist/psychiatrist (if you have one) suggest for you to do.

You have come a freaking long ways! You are inspiring others and sounds like there's a pep to your steps with this enormous weight you have lost. Stay positive as there's truly a school of thought that believes that gut/emotion connections, afterall that's the basics of holistic medicine. So if you are able to focus more on the positives of how this surgery has changed your life, your gut may get the memo and start feeling much better.

Stay well dear friend [emoji169][emoji169][emoji169][emoji169][emoji169][emoji169][emoji169]



Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yeah I do value honesty, even if it is not happy news, be straight with me, don't make me feel it is not all my fault- GOD in Heaven knows I have tried- I wanted to become a Model Patient- somebody that people could point out and say " She's such a success, I feel inspired to now carry on MYSELF!" and perhaps there is someone somewhere that feels THAT WAY , I'm not aware of any. And one of the definitions of model is "An imitation of the real thing". Oh I will Survive. this, I have vanquished many other things in my lifetime. Today I have hunger/ pain, I eat something, never very much because if I try to increase my portion size it hurts until Precious Pouch reflexes up emesis. So i take in a Small amount, never enough to feel good, maybe I will never have such a feeling again, and then 1-1.5 hours the hunger type pain has returned, I give it Protein Shake or Greek yogurt, if other fluids fail to satisfy, really don't desire mentally anything, nothing sounds good, few things taste good, restraint I expected but revulsion? Nope never booked that in! And those who do comment say "My oh My You look good! " Makes a body wonder - was I THAT disgusting before? And my neck , face and upper chest look so bony and thin- I fear I Am suffering from "Failure To Thrive" and nobody cares enough to notice. Maybe I truly merely look thin never been there before so no standard of comparison. And the people who were blind to me before are too deaf to really listen. to what I am trying to say.
I would stop taking my meds, Vitamins and minerals, but they May Just be keeping me going, let alone prolonging my life. If that Shannon thought I was depressed in May 2019, she should seen me the spring before, when Surgeon# 1 kicked me to the curb, told his staff to tell me I was mentally and emotionally deficient and totally unworthy of surgery, now THAT WAS DEPRESSION time for ME, but even then , I was not actively plotting suicide, what would have been the use? I was believing I was such a screw-up I couldn't even get THAT right. I just wanted to die passively, would not lift a hand to do ANYTHING. And it took so so much to even attempt to continue seeking my surgery, I was very fortunate to find Ohio State and Dr Needleman and that they not only gave me a chance, they seemed to believe in Me so I once again could believe in Me. That may be why this indifference and ignoring of Me hurts me so much. I. thought They always were There for Me.
But I will surmount what I cannot CHANGE, internally my body will not function as it once did, BMs every day, being able to swallow and have food stay DOWN. Yeah, I did have a high calorie count, Might have even binged but I could eat, taste and know I was ALIVE, now the Brand- New ME was worth the pain , poor inefficent healing and sorrows, did I PAY TOO MUCH just to be thin? I gained the World only to lose a lot of my Me-ness , although in theory , a bypass can be reversed, I won't seek it. 1) I do not want to regain back again. and more importantly I still would feel flawed internally. I gotta go forward because backward isn't an option EITHER. And yes, having put this all down has given me some shred of peace- so I will continue on and my end will be victorious SOMEHOW. PROMISE!!!!

[jackieecho 4]

frustra8 you write and express yourself so deeply. You communicate incredibly with a unique style. I just had to comment on that. You WILL succeed. Take just one day at a time. I will pray for you.