Struggling..

[Heather Alexandra 18]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and was told that this was a great place to find encouragement and motivation. I am struggling with losing the last 10 lbs for my surgeon to send my file to my insurance company for approval. Those that are close to me tell me what I need to do but none of them really support me. I am an emotional eater so I struggle not to turn to food when I feel lost and that no one supports my decision to lose the weight. My boyfriend gets upset when I refuse to eat out and he often eats in front of me. He continuous eats and it makes it hard for me to buy food for myself. The Protein Drinks I buy for myself he drinks at night and in the mornings.

Advice anyone.....

[bookworm1983 28]

I am also an emotional eater too. For me, the best thing was to talk to a therapist. I was able to express my feelings without judgement and get support in my decision to lose weight. As for the boyfriend, his actions show a lack of respect for you and your choices. Your boyfriend should be the first to support you and encourage you on your journey. He should be helping you to make good food decisions, not flaunting bad food in front of you. You may want to keep your shakes somewhere he doesn't normally go and then just pour them over ice in the morning and evening; that way they are cold for you but not easily accessible for him. Good luck and you can do this!

[Matt Z 4,138]

I was an emotional eater as well. And a stress eater. And a bored/tired/anxious eater.
Use the pre-op and immediate post-op time to work on changing your relationship with food, it's not easy, but with the right amount of effort it's totally possible to overcome.

As far as the boyfriend. I think you 2 need a serious sit down. The lack of respect and support is a major red flag. Not that he's a bad guy necessarily, it's possible he's afraid of losing you, either to surgery or to someone else once you drop your weight. Maybe he's insecure about his own weight and your process is shining a light on that. Either way, I think it would do you both good to sit down, drop all pretenses and lay all the cards out on the table. He's either going to step up and be honest with you... or he won't. But either way, you need his help and support and you should demand his respect. I'm not going to tell you what you *should* do, but, personally, if my significant other was that rude and subversive, I'd be looking for the door.

My wife was on-board for the lap band. She wasn't fully sold on the revision to bypass, but she knew it's what I wanted, trusted that I chose what was best for all of us and she accepted that fact even against her own thoughts on the matter. Now, she's looking and feeling better herself as well because of my surgery. My whole family eats better, gets more exercise and overall, everyone is happier, all because of the changes I made for myself. Hopefully everything works out for you, one way or another.

Stay Strong, this process if for yourself and yourself alone.
You got this!

[xx_Momo_xx 19]

I agree with @Matt Z my husband was 100000% supportive before , during and after surgery, together we now set little weight loss goals for ourselves , we work out together and eat healthier. With regards to the Protein Shakes ; I actually share with him ( I order large quantities of the premier online ) after a good workout everyone needs Protein. Coming from a woman I understand your frustration , your boyfriend is acting quite childish and maybe it is because he’s scared. Sit down talk to him and tell him you need his positivity in your corner right now ! Good luck honey this surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I would recommend anyone who needs it to get it.

p.S.

when I was on a full liquid diet for my pre op and the 2 weeks post op I was losing about 10lbs every 4-5 Days

talk to your doctor about doing a supervised diet as such and maybe those extra 10lbs will come off

[apositivelife4me 189]

9 hours ago, Heather Alexandra said:

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and was told that this was a great place to find encouragement and motivation. I am struggling with losing the last 10 lbs for my surgeon to send my file to my insurance company for approval. Those that are close to me tell me what I need to do but none of them really support me. I am an emotional eater so I struggle not to turn to food when I feel lost and that no one supports my decision to lose the weight. My boyfriend gets upset when I refuse to eat out and he often eats in front of me. He continuous eats and it makes it hard for me to buy food for myself. The Protein Drinks I buy for myself he drinks at night and in the mornings.

Advice anyone.....

So dump the boyfriend.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

11 hours ago, Heather Alexandra said:

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and was told that this was a great place to find encouragement and motivation. I am struggling with losing the last 10 lbs for my surgeon to send my file to my insurance company for approval. Those that are close to me tell me what I need to do but none of them really support me. I am an emotional eater so I struggle not to turn to food when I feel lost and that no one supports my decision to lose the weight. My boyfriend gets upset when I refuse to eat out and he often eats in front of me. He continuous eats and it makes it hard for me to buy food for myself. The Protein drinks I buy for myself he drinks at night and in the mornings.

Advice anyone.....

Your boyfriend possibly associates going out to eat with quality time, especially if this is something you frequently did together prior to this journey. A couple things:

1. Find something to replace this time with that is equal to when you would go out to eat. For example, eating dinner was a special time for me and my husband (still is, but we eat at home now) because we were one-on-one, facing each other, no distractions. We got a lot of quality time waiting at a restaurant for table, food, check, ect. But we found that we needed to replace that time with something different. Therefore, we cook together now. Well actually, he sits on the bar stool while I cook and visits with me. We get the same quality time, but its different and healthier.

2. He may actually be struggling with fears of change in general. I had a few friendships struggle for a bit because they felt that I was "slipping away". They weren't outwardly mad, because who could be mad at someone who is bettering their lives? But they were distant and treated me differently. It came out months later that they were uncomfortable and felt I was becoming a different person. It turns out they like the new me better. But your boyfriend could be acting out in a way because of fear that you will change too much. Reassure him that the way you feel about him will not change.

2. Don't get frustrated with him drinking your drinks. He could be doing this out of spite OR he could be trying to be healthier too. My husband went through this little phase as well. I remember one morning, I made English muffins w/peanut butter for Breakfast. I had half of a muffin, and made him a full one, plus my other half. So he had 3 halves of an English muffin for breakfast. He snapped off on me and said "I can't eat that much!?". I was flabbergasted, and hurt because I make him breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. Not to mention, I make him 4 PB&J's most days, and he eats that just fine! So I say , "How about being grateful, and just don't eat it and SAY THANK YOU". Turns out, weeks and weeks later, he made the comment that he feels bad when he eats so much compared to me. My point is, don't read into everything. Not everything is something.

Good luck hun, I hope it gets better for you.

[Heather Alexandra 18]

Thank you for all the kind responses. They helped alot and we did sit down and have a long talk about things. He does have the fear that I will leave and find someone else so he was sabotaging my diet he says. He concluded that he will work on things. Fingers crossed.

[bookworm1983 28]

Good for you for addressing the situation and not just letting it fester! I hope things get better for both of you and he can support you through this big life change! This experience can also bring you closer; Best if luck to you both!

[Frustr8 7,886]

This may be an growing experience for him as it is a weight loss experience for you! Hugs to you and you can share one with him if he's been treating you good!😛💓😲