Husband does not support my dream to have this surgery

[Danny Paul 761]

On 6/5/2018 at 10:20 PM, Bobbie2017 said:

I don't want to gain this weight back when I reach the goal. I'm looking at all of the success I have had preparing for it and I'm going to have to fight harder I have danced around everything but the problem I don't smoke, drink hard alcohol, or sodas anymore but I still eat; like the stores will be gone tomorrow

Some of us have to face the realization that we are compulsive overeaters. I didn't realize this until I went on vacation and started eating pastries each day I was on vacation. This was six months after my WLS. In the past, it would not have bothered me as I rationalized that I deserved to eat the pastries since I did such a great job losing weight and that I was on vacation. Something clicked in me and I was bothered by my compulsive overeating. Upon my return home, I sought out a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders. She told me that I was a compulsive overeater and I would fail my WLS. The WLS surgery will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don't fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure. I have since joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and between my therapist and OA I clearly see what my problem is and I'm working on fixing it.

In a way this forum helped me as well because there were people here that advised others to see a therapist. I took that advice as well. There are many here that can control their eating and I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately for me, I can't eat like a normal person and I have to work twice as hard at weight loss success. I wish everyone success and if you feel that you need help, please seek it out. Whether that help is a therapist, OA or a support group, you owe it to yourself.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,046]

1 hour ago, Danny Paul said:

Some of us have to face the realization that we are compulsive overeaters. I didn't realize this until I went on vacation and started eating pastries each day I was on vacation. This was six months after my WLS. In the past, it would not have bothered me as I rationalized that I deserved to eat the pastries since I did such a great job losing weight and that I was on vacation. Something clicked in me and I was bothered by my compulsive overeating. Upon my return home, I sought out a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders. She told me that I was a compulsive overeater and I would fail my WLS. The WLS surgery will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don't fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure. I have since joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and between my therapist and OA I clearly see what my problem is and I'm working on fixing it.

In a way this forum helped me as well because there were people here that advised others to see a therapist. I took that advice as well. There are many here that can control their eating and I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately for me, I can't eat like a normal person and I have to work twice as hard at weight loss success. I wish everyone success and if you feel that you need help, please seek it out. Whether that help is a therapist, OA or a support group, you owe it to yourself.

Thank you for sharing. It's an important reminder that we all have different needs.

[IveGotThePower 395]

Hire a HUNKY nurse who dotes on you and enjoy being treated as you should. You may fail. It does happen. But you have a much much better chance of improving so many aspects of your life if you set yourself up for success. Make it your priority. The surgery will help you for about a year, give or take. Then your new habits and what you have learned are what will keep you from gaining. You have to work. But this will be one powerful tool in your toolbox to help you. You probably shouldn't attempt to do things like make dinner for your Husband, clean the house, bring home a paycheck, do laundry .... because you might fail at those too. Maybe he should do those things since I'm sure he would do a much better job...sorry....not sorry..

[Bobbie2017 13]

On 6/7/2018 at 3:16 PM, Danny Paul said:

Some of us have to face the realization that we are compulsive overeaters. I didn't realize this until I went on vacation and started eating pastries each day I was on vacation. This was six months after my WLS. In the past, it would not have bothered me as I rationalized that I deserved to eat the pastries since I did such a great job losing weight and that I was on vacation. Something clicked in me and I was bothered by my compulsive overeating. Upon my return home, I sought out a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders. She told me that I was a compulsive overeater and I would fail my WLS. The WLS surgery will help me lose weight no doubt, but if I don't fix the underlying problem I will be doomed to failure. I have since joined Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and between my therapist and OA I clearly see what my problem is and I'm working on fixing it.

In a way this forum helped me as well because there were people here that advised others to see a therapist. I took that advice as well. There are many here that can control their eating and I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately for me, I can't eat like a normal person and I have to work twice as hard at weight loss success. I wish everyone success and if you feel that you need help, please seek it out. Whether that help is a therapist, OA or a support group, you owe it to yourself.

Wow thank you Ill do it right away. OA? Never heard of it before

[sideeye 1,440]

Two things might be happening here: he might think he can influence you out of surgery, and he might think he's being funny. (There are other options that skew closer to "he's an evil jerk" but I'll leave those aside for now.)

Step one might be telling him that you're doing this, that it's a set decision, and that you could use his support but if he's not ready to do that then you're not open to hearing any anti-WLS comments from him, because it's happening. Tell him it would be like him saying he wants to get a promotion, and you constantly telling him he's not worth it, he can't do the job, his bosses will laugh at him for asking... Not helpful, right? So either support or agree to not talk about this anymore.

If he thinks he's being funny, then tell him he's not. Jokes about you regaining or about you failing aren't funny, not even a little, they're just mean. They're not casual observations, they're not motivating reminders, they're just mean little asides that do absolutely nothing but make you feel crappy. Ask him why he makes the comments. Is it because he thinks they're funny? They're not. Does he think he's just making observations? Well, there are consequences. And does he care that he's making you feel horrible multiple times a day? If the answer to that is that he's purposely saying something to make you feel awful, then there's a much larger conversation to be had.

But there is a chance that all of this is him trying any route he can to stop you from getting the surgery because he's scared of a "non-necessary surgery". He's being passive-aggressive about it, but if the root is that he's scared he'll lose you, at least that's a positive in that it's a twisted way of caring. And at that point you at least have an avenue to talk about morbidity rates, quality of life after surgery, etc. And that's less emotionally fraught than all of the personal stuff.

Dig a bit if you can. Hopefully he's not just a jerk at heart.

[Frustr8 7,886]

OA is Overeaters Anonymous, better them than Obesity Helps I've heard those folks can be snide, nasty and hurtful.😟

[Gundy 139]

His statement speaks volumes of his insecurity, not anything about you or your ability to succeed. This is also a statement that reveals a person who does not have your back. You may lose a full grown male and a great deal of weight once you succeed with this surgery!

The funny thing about his statement is that many of us have failed so many time with diets, food plans, etc. that the only tool available for a healthy self is weight loss surgery.

[Gundy 139]

There are husbands or significant others who don’t initially support the surgery because they are worried about their spouse having major surgery and love them no matter what size. He doesn’t seem to be one of those husbands.

[Jolexis 203]

You can do this! You are stronger than you realize! Hubby will come around l, and if not, that’s an extra 175lb you will be shedding in addition.

[churchgirl 48]

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

[Orchids&Dragons 9,046]

43 minutes ago, churchgirl said:

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

Good for you! I'm glad you finally got your surgery and hope you have a speedy recovery!

[apositivelife4me 189]

Its spelled D I V O R C E

[Frustr8 7,886]

And maybe also R E L I E F !

[Bobbie2017 13]

On 6/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, IveGotThePower said:

Hire a HUNKY nurse who dotes on you and enjoy being treated as you should. You may fail. It does happen. But you have a much much better chance of improving so many aspects of your life if you set yourself up for success. Make it your priority. The surgery will help you for about a year, give or take. Then your new habits and what you have learned are what will keep you from gaining. You have to work. But this will be one powerful tool in your toolbox to help you. You probably shouldn't attempt to do things like make dinner for your Husband, clean the house, bring home a paycheck, do laundry .... because you might fail at those too. Maybe he should do those things since I'm sure he would do a much better job...sorry....not sorry..

Thats a wonderful idea !!! LMAO

[Bobbie2017 13]

15 hours ago, churchgirl said:

5 days post op and I went for info session 6 years ago! My husband was totally against surgery! So I waited. Now I'm 62, have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, can barely do more than two things in a day - like laundry and grocery shopping. Desk job made it even worse. Got turned down for long term care insurance and am taking care of my 90 year old parents! I finally said, enough! I would rather have this surgery - my very last resort- than have toes amputated. My Dad had open heart surgery in April 2017 and I spent a lot of time in the hospital. I saw it all and knew I didn't want to end up with major problems! I didn't want to be the person that it took 5 people to get me into an ambulance ! I didn't want to keep asking for seat belt extenders on a plane. I wanted to play with my grandkids. I couldn't do anything for anyone else until I took care of me!! You have to do this!! No matter what!

I just started crying when i read this . Thyank you so much.