Telling family about surgery?

[b_co 30]

Hey all! I've been thinking a lot about how to tell my parents about wanting to get weight loss surgery. I'm not too sure why I feel so nervous, but I think a lot of it has to do with being afraid of judgement. I've been obese for my entire life. My parents are pretty healthy for the most part - my mom is a gym and health nut and my dad loses weight in the snap of a finger when he needs to. My aunts, uncles, and grandparents are all on varying levels of obesity on my dad's side, and unfortunately I believe I inherited those genes.

It also doesn't help that I am still on their insurance plan since I'm still in college -- our out-of-pocket max is pretty high unfortunately. I feel like they will see this as a huge financial burden, even though I plan on paying for everything myself.

Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate the want for weight loss surgery to parents or family members who don't necessarily understand it? This is something I've wanted to do for nearly two years now and I want to take the steps toward a healthier and better me, while not feeling discouraged by family. Any tips or stories about how you went about telling your family is greatly appreciated

Edited April 8, 2018 by b_co

[Southern Buns 21]

I just had my gastric sleeve done a few days ago. The only people that know are my husband and mama. My mama was the first I discussed the issue with.

Her thoughts and feelings were very much aligned with mine. I have a successful marriage, the degrees, the job, the house, the life. I have everything because I worked hard for it. However, my weight has been the bane of my existence. The constant reminder of my one lifelong failure. No matter how hard I tried to lose weight, nothing worked.

If your struggle is anything like mine then your mama knows. Nobody knows you and loves you more and has your best interest at heart and wants nothing but happiness for you than mama. Am I right?

So talk to your mother about it. You don’t have to fake it with her. Be honest. See if she can be supportive. Either way, she is your biggest advocate.

[sportsmommy74 12]

My mom is so supportive. My adult son is too. My husband doesn’t agree with my decision but he knows why I’m doing it.

[AASosa 56]

I have been open to everyone in my family, at my work, my friends and all the louder you say it the sooner it will be a reality! I hid my lapband surgery from just about everyone and it was difficult having to get up from a restaurant multiple times on one sitting to throw up food I wasn’t suppose to be eating due to embarrassment....

be be proud that you are willing to fight for your life, don’t let judgement affect your outcome! Your family will support you and you will feel great knowing that you are finally on your way to the weight loss you’ve always dreamed about!

The change needs to come from you, start eating smarter now and be commited to the new life you are choosing, will make the investment worth it!

Good luck

[b_co 30]

Thanks, all! I think after I go to my first appointment I'll have more confidence to tell my mom about my desires. Just have to work up the courage!

[frust8 962]

Tell,your mom" Hey I've noticed all the healthy things you've done and I want to make this change in my life. Will you help me because I'd like really to have your support while I do this". I'm a Mom and grandma myself, if my son, my daughter, or my 2 almost grown grandaughters came to me with this request I'd walk through fire, crawl across broken glass and do everything in my power to help. Bet she will too, has to be an nice lady because she made You!![emoji173] Smiles now[emoji12] honey!

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[Zoftig_Girl 66]

My mom is so supportive. My adult son is too. My husband doesn’t agree with my decision but he knows why I’m doing it.

I’m almost the same as you, don’t have a mom but told my oldest daughter she’s supportive and excited for me, hubby is not happy though. But this is my body and I need this.

[Southern Buns 21]

LOL! Why are the husbands NEVER supportive of their wives getting WLS? I have my own theories.

[elforman 234]

On 4/7/2018 at 10:50 PM, b_co said:

Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate the want for weight loss surgery to parents or family members who don't necessarily understand it?

The bottom line is that they don't have to understand, you just need them accept it. You're a grown woman who can make her own decisions. You can also assure them that the surgeons and insurance companies both have multiple safeguards in place, most notably the psychiatric exam requirement, that are designed to ensure that you are a good candidate for the surgery and that you understand what the surgery entails and how it will change your life.

I've got two college age kids and on more than a few occasions I've not understood their thinking on some of their decision. So I'll voice my concerns, then tell them that I trust them to consider my advice and that I trust them to make the proper decision for themselves even if I disagree with them. As a parent, the way I know that I'm getting through to them and they're realizing they're in the wrong is that they get emotional. When they stay calm I know they've thought it through.

So my advice is that if you find yourself in a disagreement or faced with a lack of support, stay calm and resolute. Go in prepared with all of your facts and research, but also listen to what they have to say and if what they say doesn't sound fact-based, ask them for proof of their claim.

Edited April 17, 2018 by elforman

[Ylime 453]

My mom had gastric bypass many years ago and due to an inept surgeon she nearly died and spent weeks in ICU. To make matters worse, my mom didn't tell her mom which of course ended badly since she had serious complications.

So imagine how nervous I was to tell my parents I was going to put myself through a similar surgery. Not telling her wasn't an option because I learned from her experience. I went in armed with all the reasons my surgery (sleeve) was less invasive than hers, how technology had advanced since hers, and how much research I've done on the surgery and the surgeons I was considering. To my surprise both my parents were incredibly supportive. They are obviously concerned as they would be with any surgery, but recognize the benefits I'll get from this procedure.

I would recommend just pulling off the band-aid and telling them to get it over with. They will probably need time to get comfortable with it so providing time prior to your surgery means they would be better prepared to support you afterwards.

[ancirasd 44]

I’m just like you. I didn’t know how to bring it up to my parents because I’m still on their insurance plan and I was so young I thought I might regret the surgery. When I sat my parents down they had a lot of questions and why I thought that was the best option for me. I was on the verge of having esophagus disease and I was highly infertile. I had my sleeve done in November and my mom had her surgery over 12 years ago. We used the same surgeon so he already knew us which made it easier and we got a plan set up. My dad and boyfriend ended up losing weight with me and I’m down 97 pounds so far. Don’t be discouraged by what your family says it took my other loved ones especially my aunts months to understand why I wanted to get this surgery. Sometimes people don’t understand what is best for you. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me! And goodluck with your journey! I’m rooting for you

[FancyChristine15 810]

Just tell them the reasons that you're wanting the surgery. That'll go a long way. My mom didn't love the idea at first, but she got used to it in time; I'm sure your mom will too.