To tell or not to tell

[redhead_che 824]

I told my best coworker/friend, my parents, boyfriend, and my mother accidentally told one aunt

I've lost about 52lbs and only 2-3 people I work with have commented on my weight loss either with a "you look amazing, or what are you doing?"

Since I didn't tell anyone really before surgery, then left for 3 weeks, and came back and sometimes appear tired (lack of calories still)...I very much wonder if some of them think I'm sick or something. I was told a lot of people probably won't say anything for fear it's because of something negative. Or just because it's none of their beeswax

[Losebig 508]

I did have someone ask if I was ok, so it definitely could be that people think you could be sick and so don't comment - especially if they know our were out of work for a few weeks

[sideeye 1,440]

I kind of don't care either way, to be honest. I've told my immediate family, because they're healthcare proxies and because I need someone to vent to. I've told two or three close friends. Due to a really unfortunate confluence of events I had to make it perfectly clear to people at work that I would seriously not be reachable even for a quick meeting and this PTO was not moveable because I would literally be unconscious in surgery, and they are not stupid people, so they will be connecting some dots over the next few months. But at the same time, I never actually intended NOT to tell people... Just didn't think of making an announcement.

But overall? Whatever. Between PCOS, a weird neurological issue and hypermobility in all of my joints, this single surgery at a relatively young age was the best and least invasive solve for a plethora of problems down the road. There is no way anyone judging me can make me feel guilty or weird about it. I'm completely comfortable about how I chose to do this, I am crystal-clear that it was the best logical option, and if anyone tries to ding me for making a choice based on vanity they're going to get an earful of health stats in return.

[Gagsy 62]

It's everyone's personal choice, whatever you discuss make sure it's right for you.

I'm very open about my surgery. Most people I find are very curious about the surgery and I never tire answering questions about it. If they are secretly judging that is their problem, not mine.

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[Miss Topaz 300]

It's definitely a personal choice. I've kept the circle very small - due to negativity and also, because my medical choices are really no one's business. My coworkers know i had surgery, but we don't discuss what type. I started working with a dietician during my pre-surgery requirements, so just said that she and I were resetting my habits in the new year, post surgery. There are a couple concerned that I'm not eating enough, but they know I'm under medical care and feeling great, so they're not overly worried.

[istytehcrawk 256]

Like @Gagsy, I'm being very open about my surgery. I figure that's the best way I can do my part to help reduce the stigma that surrounds WLS. So far, nearly everyone has been very supportive, with only one person saying (when I was just starting the process) that I would regret it. Several people in my small town have gotten some form of WLS in the last few years -- at least six acquaintances I can think of, just off the top of my head, plus I know there are others.

Besides, my goal is to lose at least 200 pounds, so it's (ideally!) going to be very noticeable, especially to people I see often, and I don't want to have to come up with a lie and then make sure I am consistent with it. Too much mental effort when I have other things that need my focus.

[Mattymatt 491]

On 3/9/2018 at 11:53 PM, beccaconaty87 said:

I'm going to be sleeved in September and I've kind of questioned whether or not I want to tell people or not. My wife knows but that is it. I feel like I don't want to tell people. What has everyone else done, did you tell or did you not tell?

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I am not ashamed to admit that I am a member of the 90% of people who were unsuccessful with long term weight management through diet and exercise alone. Yes, that's the statistic. To the people that would tell me that I took the easy way out I say I took the smart way. I am giving myself the best possible chances at long term weight management. The research shows that 65% of people with a BMI >= 35 that use surgery as a tool have long term success at weight management. Another way of looking at this is over 2/3rds of the people that undergo surgery have success.

I would argue that surgery is harder than traditional diet and exercise. We have both mental and physical challenges to overcome with bariatric surgery. Bariatric surgery essentially forces a lifestyle change upon us. Ironically, I had a much easier time with medically-supervised diet and exercise. I just failed in maintenance.

[MrsGamgee 756]

12 hours ago, istytehcrawk said:

Like @Gagsy, I'm being very open about my surgery. I figure that's the best way I can do my part to help reduce the stigma that surrounds WLS. So far, nearly everyone has been very supportive, with only one person saying (when I was just starting the process) that I would regret it. Several people in my small town have gotten some form of WLS in the last few years -- at least six acquaintances I can think of, just off the top of my head, plus I know there are others.

Besides, my goal is to lose at least 200 pounds, so it's (ideally!) going to be very noticeable, especially to people I see often, and I don't want to have to come up with a lie and then make sure I am consistent with it. Too much mental effort when I have other things that need my focus.

Here's my perspective... it works for me. It may not be your thing and that's cool.

I'm another who has chosen to be open about my choice to pursue WLS. I talk about it with friends and family, on social media, and I've even been known to talk to a stranger or two about it (when health issues are part of the conversation). I also think it's time for the stigma around WLS to die, and I think we need to be the ones to make that happen.

Nine years ago I went through 2 miscarriages and 2 chemical pregnancies (when you miscarry a month or less into pregnancy). No one in my connection, to my knowledge at that point, had ever dealt with recurrent pregnancy loss. It was only when I talked about it openly that others, some who I had known for years, some who were in my family, felt like it was okay to talk about their similar experiences. Instead of struggling alone, we were able to provide support to one another. Does it mean I've had an impact on my little corner of the world? Yes and no. There are still members of my family that are uncomfortable with the fact that our kids know the names we gave our lost babies. Do I care? Not in the least.

When someone has cancer, or lupus, or MS there is no stigma about talking about their treatments. I look at WLS, obesity, and my co-morbidities the same way. If I'm honest about my experiences on this journey, then perhaps I might change one person's perspective on WLS or encourage one person to seek out more info for themselves. We live in a time and culture where it is acceptable to mock, denigrate, judge, and belittle people who are overweight and obese, and yet it isn't socially acceptable for us to seek medical intervention to remedy that particular 'moral failing'. I call BS on that and choose to talk about it.

[FluffyChix 17,409]

I took a leaf from someone's book here. It really resonated. They said, they did this surgery for their health--for them. They didn't do this surgery to become the poster child for WLS or WLS advocacy or acceptance. And I was like, FU*K yeah! Am I yelling? LOL. I am NOT anyone's poster child for doodey!

So I tell everyone outside my very tight inner circle (inside the vault) that I had a hernia repair. It's noneya! Noneya damn bidness, nosey!

But, I did tell my family and swore them to secrecy. Told them, this is not up for debate. It is NO one's story but my own to tell. So keep your big mouths shut or suffer the wrath of Khan. Nobody wants to suffer the wrath of Khan.

Edited March 11, 2018 by FluffyChix

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I'm going to be sleeved in September and I've kind of questioned whether or not I want to tell people or not. My wife knows but that is it. I feel like I don't want to tell people. What has everyone else done, did you tell or did you not tell?
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7 months post. I am not the type to go round spreading my business about anything. So this is no different. My mum and a best friend knows.

I'm not hiding it. I just don't go round telling people I see people regretting telling and saying people are always looking at them or asking if they are still losing or how much they lost every time they see them.

I'm happy.

Do what's best for you.

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[Changing4me1 83]

Only my immediate family knows. Since I was a lower BMI and revision well I remember all the comments ten years ago. So for me I am not telling and in my case since it’s not going to be terribly noticeable I am comfortable know one will guess either lol. I said I had a hernia repaired and that’s true my darn band did serious damage including herniated esophagus.

Lapband 9/11/07 227 pounds

Vsg 2/13/18

Pre op diet 188

Sd. 180

Cw 167.4 Dr. scale says says one pound less

First goal 169 2/26/18

Second goal and doctors GW 150

Goal weight 138

[raeancin 6]

I've told tons of people. I am a hairstylists. I talk to my clients about it. They want to know more. Some have also had it done. Plus when a person in great physical health tells you they would not have the strength or willpower for a 2 week liquid pre op diet, it helps to sink in that this truely isn't the easy way out.
I've always been one to heal by talking it out, I feel it's healing to let it out.

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[frust8 962]

I do too, that's why I hang out or lurk, whatever you call it, on Bariatric Pal, a lot of times when I share advice it reaffirmed the truths in my own mind. I do know better nut I am imperfect at times.

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[Schwarz64 7]

On 10/03/2018 at 3:53 PM, beccaconaty87 said:

I'm going to be sleeved in September and I've kind of questioned whether or not I want to tell people or not. My wife knows but that is it. I feel like I don't want to tell people. What has everyone else done, did you tell or did you not tell?

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Keep it tight

[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

Only my husband knows. I don't share my medical issues with people anyway whether it is dental surgery , tubal ligation or weight loss surgery.