Husband threatens divorce if I have surgery

[Copper5 0]

Hello

im a nurse of 41 yrs and have been approved for gastric bypass for many reasons including metabolic syndrome, failed diets, painful osteoarthritis gastric ulcers from those meds, hypercholesteremia etc etc

ive been scheduled for my insurance approved procedure now twice first time I discussed with husband he threatened divorce and was going to start to pack his bags , I gave it a 6 month effort of strong exercise regime along with my nursing schedule have had to drop my arthritis meds due to non healing ulcers after 3 EGD's finally healed and rescheduled and although I've been exercising the very best I could have I've GAINED 4-5 pounds and my bones and body is in extreme pain...again he stated he's going to divorce me if I have the surgery

he's 14 yrs younger exercises regularly but can't and won't understand a postmenopausal series of events leading me to my present health crisis..I don't over eat in fact I eat very healthy but liver enzymes cholesteroland glucose keep going up..( both my sisters are obese have headaches and high cholesterol..)I can't get him to attend doctors meetings or classes he just gets garbled info from his work customers of their troubles having surgery and I on the other hand have waited and watched at least seven other nurses in my own hospital department have my doctor perform their surgery w/o complications and great results

i want a better quality of life of life and hopefully extend my life but I also love and want my husband to stay with me

i know if issues don't resolve we'll get divorced or I'll get heavy and have heart problems develope or develop more ulcers which could end cancerous( aunt died of gastric cancer she also was a stressed out nurse died at age 60) I'm presently turning 64

i don't know what to do I feel ugly look ugly in pain have no love life at present because of the way I feel and he keeps telling me to get off my fat @ss and just exercise more... Please someone help if you've had this occur what did you do ?

my surgery reschedule is May8th

thank you for listening

[blizair09 3,250]

I'd have the surgery and tell him that he needs to do whatever he needs to do. He doesn't sound like a great person, and once you get yourself where you want to be, you can likely do better.

Don't let him bully you. Do what is best for your health, your goals, and your happiness.

[Sunnyday25 172]

I am so sorry that you are not feeling cared for and understood. This decision is hard enough when the world aligns in your favor, let alone when you feel like it is crashing down on you. I don't want to pretend to have the answers but therapy can really help you find what it is you need most, and help you achieve it. If you don't mind I will add you to my prayers.

[sunshinetinks 258]

You are an educated woman.This is your body. You are the one who is carrying this weight. It's your decision not his. Your body, your decision. I think you are a smart woman and you already know what the answer is. Best of luck .

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[erinnmc 6]

I have not had the sleeve done yet but I will tell you that if he is against you being healthier and something that might help you not be in pain than he's not right for you. He should encourage you to do anything that might help you in the long run

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[Mino_IE 20]

I agree, I have a difficult husband very hard headed BUT he understands that I need this because nothing else has worked. If he is truly there for you and loves you he will support you and not discourage you from WLS, especially when you would be looking wayyyyyyy better, like hello? Maybe he’s insecure, thinks once you loose it, you will be the one leaving him!


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[FluffyChix 17,409]

Dang! ((hugs)) Saying prayers.

[Jade5 58]

27 minutes ago, Copper5 said:

Hello

im a nurse of 41 yrs and have been approved for gastric bypass for many reasons including metabolic syndrome, failed diets, painful osteoarthritis gastric ulcers from those meds, hypercholesteremia etc etc

ive been scheduled for my insurance approved procedure now twice first time I discussed with husband he threatened divorce and was going to start to pack his bags , I gave it a 6 month effort of strong exercise regime along with my nursing schedule have had to drop my arthritis meds due to non healing ulcers after 3 EGD's finally healed and rescheduled and although I've been exercising the very best I could have I've GAINED 4-5 pounds and my bones and body is in extreme pain...again he stated he's going to divorce me if I have the surgery

he's 14 yrs younger exercises regularly but can't and won't understand a postmenopausal series of events leading me to my present health crisis..I don't over eat in fact I eat very healthy but liver enzymes cholesteroland glucose keep going up..( both my sisters are obese have headaches and high cholesterol..)I can't get him to attend doctors meetings or classes he just gets garbled info from his work customers of their troubles having surgery and I on the other hand have waited and watched at least seven other nurses in my own hospital department have my doctor perform their surgery w/o complications and great results

i want a better quality of life of life and hopefully extend my life but I also love and want my husband to stay with me

i know if issues don't resolve we'll get divorced or I'll get heavy and have heart problems develope or develop more ulcers which could end cancerous( aunt died of gastric cancer she also was a stressed out nurse died at age 60) I'm presently turning 64

i don't know what to do I feel ugly look ugly in pain have no love life at present because of the way I feel and he keeps telling me to get off my fat @ss and just exercise more... Please someone help if you've had this occur what did you do ?

my surgery reschedule is May8th

thank you for listening

What a JERK. Not standing by his wife. He's just jealous that you might end of looking better than he does. You do what makes YOU happy!!! Do what makes YOU healthy!!! And if he doesn't like it...That's his problem. And about him calling you Fat Ass, that's horrible, what a CHILD. You should tell him that you are going to live a HAPPY and HEALTHY LIFE, with or without him....and ask him how he loves that!!!

[MsTipps 314]

Im so sorry your other half is not supporting you. He should never verbally abuse you. Truth is, he's scared. He's worried he's going to lose you on the operating theater r after when you lose the weight so he figures by packing up now he'll lessen the blow later. Biggest problem is that to give him the reassurance he needs, he has to educate himself by coming to the classes. It's an impossible situation. If I were you, I'd explain that's you understand he's worried but remind him that he promised to stand by you for better or worse. Xx

Edited January 31, 2018 by MsTipps

[kakatlady612 1,053]

My late husband the Somewhat Lamented was cut from much the same cloth. I sublimated my will, played roulette,with my health and 5 1/2 years after his death I've finally,booked for surgery. I am 72, had 2 knee replacements after having arthritis since 25. Was even told I did that for attention, wouldn't let me walk with the cane which would have helped my mobility. Please go forward with your plans, like others have said it is your body and,you shouldn't have. to face your mortality any sooner than necessary. If you want to talk more I'm always here and more than many others I do understand. I'm 72 and facing RnY surgery, I'm more afraid of not having this surgery, getting slower, more broken down and finally expiring. I will use this tool and use it for my health. Hope you'll still join me on this journey.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[sunshinetinks 258]

My late husband the Somewhat Lamented was cut from much the same cloth. I sublimated my will, played roulette,with my health and 5 1/2 years after his death I've finally,booked for surgery. I am 72, had 2 knee replacements after having arthritis since 25. Was even told I did that for attention, wouldn't let me walk with the cane which would have helped my mobility. Please go forward with your plans, like others have said it is your body and,you shouldn't have. to face your mortality any sooner than necessary. If you want to talk more I'm always here and more than many others I do understand. I'm 72 and facing RnY surgery, I'm more afraid of not having this surgery, getting slower, more broken down and finally expiring. I will use this tool and use it for my health. Hope you'll still join me on this journey.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Your words were so kind and raw. It's so nice to see women supporting other women. Stay strong, your a badass.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using BariatricPal mobile app

[dathvick 150]

You only have 1 life and you need to live it to the best of your ability. I realized this at the age of 50 and from that day on I didn't care what people thought or how my decisions made them feel, this is the only life I have and I am going to live it for me. I am not going to live it for others any more. Life is too short, be happy and healthy.

[SleevieInNewJersey 53]

Screw him.

Get the surgery.

Lose the weight.

Divorce him.

Marry a male underwear model.

[naturallyzee 292]

Im very sorry you are in this situation. He should understand this is for your life. This is not cosmetic. Try and explain to him that this is to improve and prolong your life. If he still doesn't understand you may have to do some serious thinking.

HW 330
SW 292
CW 185
GW below 200

[BigViffer 3,544]

Call his bluff. Make him seriously think about what it would mean if he divorced you for medical reasons. I am pretty sure you would take him to the cleaners financially. Don't appeal to his emotions, show him how it will cost half of his possessions, retirement, and a good chunk of his income.

Texas is a "Fair & Just" divorce state. That doesn't necessarily mean a 50/50 split. He may want to think before he opens his mouth again.